Chapter 15.
When Harvey woke up and walked out into the kitchen the next morning, Mike was sitting by the kitchen island. He was already dressed and was looking at something on his phone.
"You are up early." He remarked.
"Or you are up late." Mike responded without looking up.
"Did you have breakfast already?" Harvey asked. Mike just shrugged.
The younger man refused to have anything to eat but accepted a cup of coffee. He barely spoke and kept looking at his phone. It annoyed Harvey a little. They left for work as soon as he was done, and Mike walked quietly behind him to the car and then sat next to him in silence. Harvey glanced over to him once in a while. The kid looked a bit haggard, and he hadn't shaved like he used to. Harvey chose not to say anything about it.
"Do you want to work in my office again?" Harvey asked when they were in the elevator.
Mike hesitated a little. He should say no, that was the right thing to do now if he was going to get things back to normal. Getting back to normal was the plan now. But the truth was that he didn't really want to sit at his cubicle.
"Nah. I'm fine at my desk." He said quickly. Normal.
"Okay then. Come by and get some files when you are done with what I gave you yesterday." Harvey said as the elevator doors opened. Harvey headed over towards his office and Mike found himself slowing his steps as he got closer to the associate area. They would all be there. He had avoided this place for a while now, he knew that there would be some comments.
His prediction came true as soon as he stepped foot into the room.
"Hey Ross! Have you decided to come back? Where were you?" Someone called. Mike ignored him and walked over to his desk and sat down.
It actually felt pretty okay. Familiar.
He jerked when a voice sounded right next to him.
"Word is that something happened to you." It was an associate named Carl that was pretty annoying and always tried to impress on the associates of the other gender.
Mike decided to ignore him and turned his back a little towards the guy. But he didn't get the hint.
"Harold saw you working in Harvey's office yesterday." He continued. "Did you need a babysitter? Did you have some sort of melt down or something?"
"I'm trying to work here Carl. You should do the same." Mike said. He glanced over towards Harold, but he had his head bent down.
"I've been working. A lot harder than you. Where were you the last two weeks?"
Mike felt like hitting him a bit. He clenched his teeth together.
"It's none of your business." He got out. He knew that all of the other associates were listening to them. Damn it, he should have just gone with Harvey. He stared at his computer screen trying to ignore the man in front of him. But Carl didn't stop, again he asked where Mike had been and when he was ignored, he started coming up with his own suggestions.
"The most popular theory around here, is that you had some kind of mental breakdown. You know, that you couldn't handle the pressure." He laughed and a few others joined in.
Mike felt himself almost shaking with rage. He really wanted to hit this guy in the face, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore him.
"Leave me alone." He said.
"Or what, Ross?" He said it so mockingly.
"Or I'll beat the shit out of you."
"I'd like to see you try." He laughed again, but to Mike's relief he left and walked over to his own desk. It took Mike several minutes before he had calmed down enough to be able to concentrate on any work. The worst thing of all though, was that his eyes burned.
He had a hard time concentrating. He couldn't get what Carl had said out of his head. Mental breakdown. The hard part about it was that it kind of felt like it could be true. Not that he had had a mental breakdown, but like he was close. His emotions kept shifting all the time in a way that they hadn't done before.
When he put his headphones in his ear it got a bit easier to concentrate. All he needed to do was just to ignore all of them and focus on his work. He could do that.
It got easier and he managed to go through all the files that Harvey had left him in just a few hours. He had seen the other associates cast him glances once in a while. Harold had smiled at him when Mike had met his eyes, and he had smiled back then. Not all of them were assholes, some were pretty nice.
He was finished and decided to head over to Harvey's office. He got up and walked around his desk.
"Oh… Are you heading home now? It got too much for you?" Carl's jeering voice caught him, and it was like something burst in him.
"Shut up!" He yelled and turned around to face the other man. What the hell was his problem?
Carl was smiling at him and was standing next to a desk belonging to a woman that Mike knew for a fact that Carl was interested in. Was he flirting instead of working?
"I hit a nerve?" He said now, still smiling.
Mike couldn't control himself, he just couldn't. He took three steps forward and hit Carl right in the face. The other man flew back into the desk of the woman. Mike went to follow him, he wanted to hit again. It had felt good, and he wanted that smile to never appear again. It had finally felt like he had some control again.
"What the hell is going on here?" A voice yelled and the next second he felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him backwards, without thinking about it he violently shrugged it off him.
It was Louis.
"He just hit me!" Carl yelled and held his hand over half his face.
"What? Mike, you hit him?" Louis turned towards him, but Carl continued before Mike could answer.
"Yes, he did! Without any reason."
"I had a reason! He is a fucking asshole!" Mike yelled.
Louis eyes narrowed.
"Just because you got kidnapped, Mike, doesn't give you the right to behave however you want. I know Harvey has been going easy on you, but I am not going to tolerate you hitting people!"
Mike felt as he had been hit over the head as well, and he stiffened. A murmur from several people could be heard in the room and Mike heard the word kidnapped being repeated. He couldn't believe this. Louis had just told everyone!
He felt how his face started to blush and it was like he couldn't draw in breathes. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Now his eyes started to burn again. Everyone knew! Louis had just humiliated him in front of everyone! He didn't want them to know. This couldn't be happening! He just stood there, staring at Louis.
"You are coming with me." Louis was saying and was stepping closer to him. Mike reflexively backed away. He couldn't look at anyone, but he could feel how they were all staring at him. Some of them had gotten up from their chairs, probably to see better. He didn't know what to do.
"Mike!" Louis angry voice penetrated his thoughts. "Follow me. Right now."
Mike walked after him like in a daze. He was sweating now, and his hand ached a bit. Carl had a hard cheek. Louis marched right over to Harvey's office and Mike followed him. He noticed how Donna got up when they passed her, but she didn't follow them inside. He kind of wished she had.
He heard how Louis talked to Harvey and how his boss answered. Louis voice was so loud. He stood there and just stared at the floor. He had actually hit someone; he had a hard time grasping it. What would happen now? It couldn't be something good.
They were talking to him now. Harvey was asking him something, but he couldn't look up. What if Harvey got angry at him too? He didn't want that. He wanted Harvey to be on his side. His eyes burned even more.
Suddenly Louis left and only Harvey was there. He was telling him to sit down so Mike did.
-SUITS-
When Harvey arrived at his office Donna immediately asked him where Mike was.
"He wanted to work at his own desk today." Harvey told her.
"Is that such a good idea?" Donna raised an eyebrow.
Harvey shrugged a bit. "It's what he wanted."
He had a meeting with the other partners at the morning and called two of his clients. He arranged to meet one of them later that afternoon. He just hung up the phone when he saw Louis walking towards his office with Mike in a tow. The kid had his head bent down and didn't even look up when Donna said his name. What was going on now?
He had considered walking over to the cubicles just to check up on Mike, but he thought that maybe that would annoy Mike, so he had stayed. He intended to offer him lunch though. People needed to eat.
But now Louis was here, he just stormed inside, Mike following him and stopping just beside the couch. He was staring at the ground. Something was wrong.
"You need to control your associate Harvey!" Louis roared. "He just beat up another associate!"
Harvey raised his eyebrows. "He did what?"
"I saw it myself. He just stormed over and hit him straight in the face. I know he's been through…stuff, but that's unacceptable behavior!"
Harvey got up and got closer to Mike. What the hell was this about then? The kid was beating up people now.
"Mike, is that true? You hit someone?"
Mike didn't answer. It was like he hadn't heard him. His eyes looked shiny. Damn it.
"Something is wrong with him." Louis snarled. "Control him!"
"Louis that's enough. Leave." Harvey said quietly. He looked at Louis and then at Mike again. "I'll deal with it." He knew that his tone did what he intended.
"Fine. But if it happens again..."
"Leave." Harvey interrupted him before he said anything else. Louis looked at Mike and then he nodded and left.
Mike was still just standing there like he hadn't heard a word. He was shaking a bit and his breathing sounded off. He was apparently very upset.
"Mike, let's sit down and talk." He said. Luckily the kid did what he asked.
"Do you want to tell me what happened? Why you beat someone?" He sat down next to Mike.
He didn't get a response and his worry increased a bit. He looked out towards Donna and saw that she had all her attention at them. He met her eyes for a bit and shook his head slightly. He would try to deal with it himself first. Louis was right on one thing; it was unacceptable to hit people.
But Mike had tears in his eyes. Harvey felt how guilt added to the worry. He should have insisted that Mike worked in his office again.
"Mike. Come on, talk to me. How are you feeling?"
Mike jerked a little and looked up at him then. When he blinked his eyes flooded over. He quickly wiped his eyes and looked away.
"Everyone knows." He said. "Louis told them."
"Told them what?"
"That I was… that I was kidnapped. He just told them. I didn't want them to know."
"Oh." Harvey was quiet for a while. "I'm sorry Mike."
Mike nodded a little and wished that he had a tissue. He hated himself when he felt the tears threatening to well over again.
"What happened?" Harvey asked gently. "Who did you hit?"
"One of those assholes." Mike said. "He kept…asking stuff. He wouldn't leave me alone. So, I hit him."
"I think you need to elaborate a bit."
"He implied that I've been away for so long because I had a mental breakdown. He wouldn't shut up!"
"So, in other words, he deserved it." Harvey said.
Mike let out a laugh then and dragged a hand over his face. "Yes, he did." He said.
"What do you say I have Donna get your stuff, and you can work from here for the rest of the day?"
"Okay." Mike agreed. "I might just hit someone else if I go back there."
"Yeah, and some of them actually get some work done once in a while, I have heard. We can't have you put all of them out of commission."
"I didn't hit that hard." Mike said and smirked.
"I know." Harvey said. "I don't think you can knock someone out even if you wanted to."
"I could knock you out."
"In your dreams. Get back to work now. We are having lunch in thirty minutes."
Luckily the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Harvey was grateful for that. Must of his behavior had been an act. Truth was that he was worried as hell now. Mike had actually hit someone. He hadn't thought Mike was capable of hitting people even if they provoked him. Mike was a guy that used his words, at least that was what Harvey had thought.
He had been wrong to send the kid over there. He knew how the rivalry between associates could be. He had been there too.
If the circumstances were different, he would have roamed Mike out hard, Louis was right. Mike couldn't go around hitting people no matter how bad he felt. He could let it slip once but not again.
As soon as Mike got the files from Donna he started to work again, and Harvey did the same. After thirty minutes they went out to eat, went back and worked a bit more. They left early and headed home.
Mike seemed to be in a better mood, and after dinner, they watched a movie on the couch and talked some. Mike even joked about the incident at the office, but soon the conversation shifted.
"They all know now, what happened to me."
Harvey studied him for a moment. "And how do you feel about that?" He wanted to know.
"Mostly embarrassed." Mike said but smiled a little. "I shouldn't have hit him." He added a moment later.
"No, you shouldn't Mike." Harvey hoped that he put just enough force behind his words. He got his message through because Mike nodded.
"It won't happen again." He mumbled and looked away.
"No, because if they give you shit again, I'll be the one who kicks their asses."
Mike laughed at that.
"What, you think you will do a better job than me?"
"Did he even fall down when you hit him?"
"He would have if that desk hadn't been there."
"So, no then."
"Shut up." But Mike was smiling still, and Harvey didn't want to shut up. Mike was laughing again he seemed to be happy and Harvey didn't want that to stop. It was over a week now since he last saw the kid smile and it did something to him as well. He felt a bit lighter. He had worried so much about Mike. The younger man had been acting so different, not like himself at all. Not like this, now.
It was hard to know what to do to help. It seemed like Mike didn't want to talk about what had happened and Harvey didn't want to push him then. Mike still jumped at loud noises, he sometimes looked like he was somewhere else as his eyes got distant. Harvey didn't know if he had nightmares still. But this was good. They kept joking around for a bit, throwing insults at each other. But then something changed again, Mike got quiet and Harvey wasn't sure why. Soon after Mike announced that he was tired. He got up from the couch and went to the bathroom. Soon the shower was turned on. Harvey thought back.
Mike had joked about something regarding his suits.
"Oh, get out of here. You know, you are giving me grey hairs like this." Harvey had responded.
"What, do you want to get rid of me now or what?"
"Yeah, it would be nice to have my couch back again." He had said and lightly boxed Mike on the arm. Mike's smile had stiffened a bit then. It must be it. Did he take it seriously?
Harvey tried to talk to him when he got out of the bathroom, but Mike seemed to avoid looking at him. He just said that he was fine, only tired. So, Harvey went to bed as well.
Mike watched him go and slowly laid down on the couch. The good mood he had been in earlier had vanished. He knew that they just had been joking around, but Harvey's comment had really stuck in him. He hoped Harvey hadn't notice anything.
They had only been joking, but what if there was some truth to what Harvey had said. Get out, he had said, and said that he wanted his couch back. What if Harvey was sick of him staying here?
He had been here for several days now. It wouldn't be strange if Harvey was starting to think that he should head home. And maybe it was time for that now. It wasn't like he was sick or hurt anymore. He didn't need help with the bandages, he had stopped wearing them already.
The thing was that he didn't feel like going home yet. But that wasn't up to him, and Harvey had implied that he shouldn't stay any longer. He should just leave tomorrow. This was the last night at Harvey's place. It was time he went back to his own place. It was time.
He laid awake for hours that night. He fought against his thoughts and feelings. Mostly it felt like it was a losing battle. He tried to imagine being in his own bed instead. It was more comfortable than the couch, but he didn't wish for it. He didn't allow his thoughts to go deeper than that. He couldn't think about going back home, didn't want to.
It had just been a joke, but now it was nothing but. At least to him. He couldn't let go of the thought that Harvey wanted to get rid of him. Harvey had let him stay this long and that was great, but now that was over. Maybe Harvey felt bad for him, so he had let him stay, but now he wanted Mike gone and hadn't know how to tell him. Or he didn't want to tell him straight out. He wished that the older man would do that though, so that he didn't have to make this decision on his own.
The right thing to do was to move out. He knew that, and he was going to. If he just could feel better first. Truth be told he didn't feel ready yet. Not really, but he didn't like to admit that to himself. He pushed it down, he could deal. He would get used to it, the unease he felt would disappear with time.
He fell asleep from exhaustion eventually.
-SUITS-
The next morning when Harvey walked out into the living room, he saw that Mike had removed the sheets and cover from the couch and placed it in a neat pile on a chair. His bag was packed as well.
Okay, the kid had taken his joke from yesterday to heart. Shit.
"God morning." He said.
Mike was sitting at the kitchen island and he jerked a little and looked up.
"Hey."
"Did you get any sleep?" Harvey wanted to know.
"A little." Mike shrugged.
"Are you moving out?"
He could see how Mike swallowed. He stared down into the table.
"Yeah, I thought it was time."
"Mike, I was only joking yesterday."
"No, it's fine." Mike smiled stiffly. "It's time I moved back to my place, right? It's been days now. Thanks for letting me stay though."
"Yeah. But Mike, are you sure about this?"
"Yes, I'm fine." Mike said.
Harvey studied him. He didn't look that fine. He debated with himself for a moment if he would take this further or not.
"Are we leaving or what?" Mike said then and got up from the chair.
"What? I just got up. What's with you?" Harvey muttered and walked over to the fridge. "You need to calm down."
Mike clenched his teeth together and didn't answer. He had been awake for over two hours now. He had slept restlessly with several nightmares and woke up with a headache. The lack of sleep affected his mood and he couldn't help but take it out on Harvey as soon as he saw him. He had waited for so long for the older man to wake up. And he hadn't been able to let Harvey's words from yesterday go. They repeated themselves over and over in his head and mixed with images of the kidnappers. Of them telling him that Harvey wouldn't pay the ransom. He felt all messed up now. He almost wanted to cry. He almost wanted to beg Harvey to let him stay.
He didn't do any of those things, instead he snapped at Harvey and then went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long time. Harvey was almost finished when he got out. He didn't say anything about the fact that Mike had just spent twenty minutes in the bathroom and Mike felt angry at him for that too.
"Look Mike." Harvey started to say when Mike went to get his bag. "You don't look that well. What do you say about staying at home today? You can get some rest and then we can talk."
"I'm not staying here! I'm not sick Harvey. You can't keep me here!"
"I'm not keeping you anywhere, I'm just saying that if you are not up for…"
"Are we leaving or what?" Mike interrupted, ignoring him. Harvey clenched his teeth and stepped forward. Mike backed away, but Harvey followed him and took the bag from his hands.
"I'll take that. Come on then."
If this was how Mike wanted it, he might as well go home. He had tried to be nice and this was what he got? He turned and walked towards the door without another glance at Mike. The car ride to the office was quiet. Mike was stubbornly staring out of the window. When the kid went to get his bag, Harvey told him to leave it in the car.
"I'll drop you off tonight." He said.
"Fine." Mike muttered.
When they stepped out of the elevator on the right floor, Harvey turned to Mike again. He wasn't even looking at him and Harvey couldn't help but feel annoyed.
"Look, can you handle working at your desk without hitting anyone?"
"Yes, I can." Mike glared at him and then left without another word. Harvey looked after him. He didn't understand why Mike was so pissed all of a sudden. He had tried to be nice, but Mike just shut him down.
Mike could feel himself starting to sweat as he walked towards his cubicle. He had thought that he was going to work in Harvey's office today, but apparently that wasn't going to happen.
He quickly went over to his desk and sat down without looking at anyone. He could see in the corner of his eyes how they stared at him though. Two of them whispered something to each other, but no one said anything to him. Carl was sitting at his desk with his head bent down. Mike didn't know what he felt about seeing a faint bruise on his cheek. He turned on his computer and started to work.
The day passed quickly. Donna came by and asked if he wanted to come with her and get lunch, but he politely declined. He wasn't hungry anyway. After he came back from a bathroom break and hour later there was a sandwich laying on his desk. He felt close to tears then. However, he couldn't bring himself to eat it.
Later that afternoon Harold approached his desk.
"Hi Mike." He said. Mike nodded a little at him.
"I just… ehm… I just wanted to ask if it's true that you really were kidnapped." Harold blushed and Mike noticed that a few people had stopped typing and was listening.
"Yeah." He said then. "But I don't want to talk about it, Harold."
"Ehm… okay. I mean, that's terrible. I'm so sorry Mike."
"Thanks, Harold." Mike forced himself to smile, before turning back to the file in front of him. He didn't look up again until Harold was back at his own desk. He wanted them all to leave him alone. He didn't want questions about the kidnapping. He just felt embarrassed. He hated that they all knew. They had probably been talking about it behind his back, probably laughed among themselves about it.
Suddenly he had a clear image of the kidnappers all standing in front of him in a circle. They wanted to know about Harvey's cases. One of them stepped forward to hit him again. He jerked and almost felt the pain on his cheek. Shit!
He rushed up and almost ran to the bathroom. He needed to be alone. He sat down on the toilet chair in one of the booths. He tried to keep it together, to breath normally. But it didn't work, and he felt how his eyes flooded over. What the hell was wrong with him?
He was sitting in the bathroom at work, crying his eyes out. Or he wasn't really crying, but he couldn't stop tears from appearing. He violently tried to wipe them all away. He felt so damn alone.
Harvey came to get him that evening. They hadn't seen each other during the whole day, and now it felt a bit strained between them.
"Are you ready to go?" Harvey asked.
"Yeah, sure." Mike said and stood up.
"Did it go okay today?" Harvey asked.
"Yeah."
"No one messed with you?"
"No."
"Okay. That's good."
They got down and out on the street. The car was waiting for them. As they got in Mike hoped that Harvey had forgotten about the fact that he had said that he wanted to go home. If that happened Mike was going to pretend that he had forgotten too. But the car took the route towards his part of town and Mike felt his chest tightened. He looked out the window and tried to keep it together, he felt so weird. In a bad way. He didn't recognize these feelings.
"Okay. Here we are." Harvey said as the car came to a halt outside Mike's apartment building. Mike sat there as frozen and stared towards his front door.
"Mike?" Harvey carefully said. The kid jerked a little and then opened the door. He reached of his bag but paused a little and looked over at Harvey.
"Ehm…Thanks for the lift and… and you know, for letting me stay with you."
"You are welcome." Harvey smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow Mike."
"Yeah. See you tomorrow." Mike whispered and stepped out. He hesitantly closed the door and took a few steps back. Harvey waived a little at him as the car started again.
When Harvey looked back Mike was still standing on the sidewalk looking after him. When he saw him standing there something ached a bit inside of Harvey and he thought of turning back around and pick the kid up again. But this was what Mike had wanted he reminded himself. They would see each other tomorrow again.
-SUITS-