Chapter 17.
The next day transpired as in a daze for Mike. He really felt like crap today. The lack of sleep made things to him. He felt almost sick and constantly on edge and to his horror, constantly close to tears.
Harvey came to his desk the first thing he did that morning and asked if Mike wanted to work at his office. He had some stuff that he wanted to go through with Mike, he said. So, Mike nodded and followed him. His knees almost didn't lock when he stood up and he stumbled a little. He remembered then that he hadn't had any breakfast today, or any dinner last night. He regretted this now when he walked behind Harvey towards the man's office.
Harvey walked slowly in front of Mike. Something wasn't right. Mike looked awful and had stumbled like he was drunk, just now. But it was a little after eight in the morning, he couldn't be intoxicated.
The kid wouldn't look him in the eyes either. He was just sitting there slumped down in a chair in front of Harvey's desk, staring out the window, blinking slowly.
"Mike, are you alright?" He asked, but it was like the man didn't hear him. He glanced towards Donna. She raised an eyebrow and he nodded. He could use her help now. He watched as she walked into his office and straight over to Mike. She crouched down to be in his eye level.
"Mike, honey. How are you doing?" She lightly touched his arm. He slowly turned his head towards her then.
"What?" He asked hoarsely.
"How are you feeling?"
Mike stared at her for a moment and Harvey felt himself stiffen a bit when Mike's eyes got a bit shiny.
"I…I didn't have breakfast." He said. "I'm just a bit hungry. That's all." He said and looked out the window again. He pulled his arm away from Donna's touch.
"I'll get you something then. How about a sandwich?" She asked.
Mike quickly turned towards her again and shook his head. "No, no sandwich." He said and his voice broke a bit. Oh god, what's wrong with him? Harvey found himself thinking. But Donna just smiled and nodded.
"No sandwich then." She disappeared and left Harvey alone with Mike. He almost wished that he would have offered to go and get the kid food. Mike was still looking out the window and Harvey didn't know what to say. A minute or two passed.
"How are the files going?" Harvey asked then. Mike glanced a bit at his direction.
"They are on my desk. I can get them if you want." He said but did no attempt of getting up.
"How about I just get them." Harvey got up before Mike responded.
Harvey knew he was a coward right now, but this was hard. He just needed to collect his thoughts then he would know how to deal with this. He found the files he had in mind on Mike's desk and brought them with him back. Mike was in the same position.
"You look tired." He said when he sat down again in front of the kid. "Are you getting any sleep?"
"Not so much." Mike answered. "I've been having…" He paused. "Trouble sleeping."
"Okay."
Donna arrived five awkward minutes later, during which Harvey had asked Mike how he was doing, really. Just to have Mike ignore him.
She had a banana, some yoghurt and coffee with her for Mike. He smiled and thanked her and ate everything at once there at Harvey's desk. Donna left them after that, and Harvey hesitated a moment.
"Is it something that you want to talk about Mike?" Harvey asked. "Anything."
Mike hesitated as well. "Like the kidnapping, you mean?" He said then.
Harvey nodded.
"What? Here? Now? With you?" Mike asked.
"If you want."
"No." Mike said after a moment of hesitation. "You said you have work for me?"
The moment was gone, for a moment Harvey had thought that the kid would open up to him, but he hadn't. Instead Mike wanted to work. So, Harvey let him.
They worked at the case together for a couple of hours. Discussed the case, Harvey went to a meeting with a client.
"What? I'm not coming with you?" Mike asked.
"No, at the moment I think you are doing better work here." Harvey said.
"What? Why?"
"Do you really have to ask?" Harvey contoured.
"Screw you." Mike said quietly and turned around. Harvey left before he said something else. He didn't know what it was with him, he was letting Mike getting away with talking to him like that. He didn't know what Mike wanted him to do. He was trying here, but he couldn't bring Mike with him to the meeting. Not when he looked like that, like he would either fall asleep or have a breakdown.
When he came back from the meeting Mike was still working at the table in his office. Harvey didn't say anything, he just sat down in front of Mike and started working as well. Mike nodded a little at him and Harvey nodded back. They were okay again.
Mike felt a bit embarrassed when Harvey stepped into the room again after being gone for a few hours. He was relieved when Harvey didn't say anything about his earlier behavior. After Harvey had left Donna had convinced him to take a nap on Harvey's couch. She promised to wake him up in an hour, and Mike was too tired to argue. The nap did him well and he felt better after it.
"Can I give you a ride home, kid?" Harvey asked him when it was getting late. Mike felt how he stiffened. A part of him wanted to accept the offer. Harvey sounded so kind when he said it like that. He liked when Harvey called him kid, even if it sometimes annoyed him as well. Since it happened it hadn't annoyed him though. But the thought of heading to his apartment was too much for him so he shook his head. He knew that he should just do it, he knew that, but he couldn't deal with that. He wouldn't be able to relax there, or to sleep. And he needed sleep.
"Are you sure? We could grab a drink first." Harvey offered now and Mike found that he couldn't look at his boss.
"I'm not…I'm not finished yet." He said.
"So, finish it tomorrow. Let's go!" Harvey sounded somewhat excited and Mike wanted to say yes. But he couldn't grab a drink, he couldn't be in that environment, with lots of other people, loud music and the pressure of acting like he enjoyed himself. He wouldn't be able to enjoy it, he knew that, even though he wished for it so much right now. Harvey hardly never asked him about doing things like that.
"I'm just too tired Harvey." He said truthfully. "Another time."
"Alright. Another time then, Mike." Harvey said. He then patted Mike's shoulder a little and left. Mike looked after him for a moment before collecting his things and walking after him. Donna was still at her desk and she smiled at him when he walked past her.
"You are heading home soon though, right Mike?" She said.
"Yeah." He forced himself to smile at her and then hurried back to his desk. A few associates were still there. They looked at him, but didn't meet his eyes, and Mike hid behind his screens.
-SUITS-
Donna looked after Mike as he quickly walked away from her. His smile hadn't reached his eyes at all. She had watched Harvey's attempts to reach over to Mike, but also seen the way Mike refused them. Something was deeply wrong, and they needed to figure out what it was. She had talked to Harvey about it, but the man seemed to be at a loss in how to deal with Mike. Mike looked like he was sick, he almost looked worse now then he had when he had been in the hospital. That wasn't a good sign. She was also convinced that he was wearing the same suit as he had been in yesterday.
"Did he sleep in the office?" She had asked Harvey, but he had said no, that wasn't possible.
"Why would he do that?" He had asked.
Harvey had had his chance to do something now. It was her turn, and she wouldn't let Mike win. The younger man needed help, there was no denying it. She would figure out what was going on with him today, at least try and see if there was anything that she could do to help him.
She suspected that Mike had been sleeping at the office yesterday. Harvey had said that the kid worked late a lot now. So, her plan was to stay behind until the other associates left and then she would confront him. She went by the cubicles once in a while, Mike was oblivious to it and just sat there with his head bent down over something.
It took a while before the last person left, but finally they did, and Mike was sitting alone in the room. She approached him then, Mike didn't notice her at all.
"Mike?" Donna watched as the younger man flinched violently in his chair and quickly turn to look at her. He met her eyes for just a moment before he looked down. But it was enough for her to see what was hidden inside him. She had seen terror there. For a moment the younger man had looked absolutely terrified. Her heart ached for him.
Mike's heart ached as well but for another reason. Donna had caught him off guard and she had seen it. Seen how he flinched and how he had looked at her in panic. She had seen and he knew that she wouldn't let this go.
He leaned forward on his desk and put his face in his hands. He could hear how she walked around the cubicles and then how she sat down on his desk. He didn't move and just waited. He wasn't feeling well at all right now, and had trouble pretending. If he just remained like this, maybe she would get it and then just leave him be.
However, that wasn't who Donna was. She knew that the younger man was struggling much more than he let on. He shouldn't be at work this early after what had happened. She didn't know what Harvey had been thinking letting the kid go home and then show up for work. He had been back for three full days now and Donna thought that he looked worse by the day.
"Mike, you shouldn't be here." She quietly told him.
Mike realized then what he had known all along. She wouldn't let this go. He sat back up but didn't look at her. "I'm not going home." He said.
"Mike, it's almost ten a clock at night and you look exhausted. You should get home and get some rest."
"I said that I'm not going home!" He said, louder this time. Donna didn't miss the emphasis he put on the word home. Damn. She thought for a while about how to proceed with this. She decided to push just a little bit further.
"You are wearing the same suit as yesterday Mike. Did you go home at all?"
Mike slumped down a little more in his chair. He let out a shuddering breath before almost unnoticeable, unless your name was Donna, and shook his head.
Mike just waited in the same position. He didn't know what to do now. She was sitting so that she was blocking his escape route, so just walking away wouldn't work. And besides, she would see his face then.
"Are you avoiding going home, Mike?" She said quietly, almost whispering.
He could feel tears burning in his eyes now, and he closed them, to stop the tears from escaping. Yet again he nodded just a tiny bit. He didn't see any point in denying it to Donna. She would know anyway if he lied.
He flinched when she suddenly touched his shoulder. But she let her hand lay on his back. He turned his face more away from her. He didn't want her to see that he was crying. He didn't want her to think that he was pathetic. He couldn't handle that.
Donna felt how her eyes burned as she slowly started to stroke her hand in small circles along Mike's stiff back. She felt how he was trembling. She decided to wait for him. She could hear his shuttering breathing, but she just waited.
"They…they took me there." He then said with an unsteady voice. "They know where I live. I can't go back there." He whispered the last part. "I just can't. I tried, but I can't."
Donna swallowed hard, her heart breaking for the younger man sitting there, his face turned away from her.
"Honey, where have you been staying then?" She asked. "You moved out from Harvey's place several days ago."
"I went home for the first night. I tried to…to pretend that I was fine there. But I couldn't sleep. I stayed on the couch, to hear if they were coming… I tried to sleep but I had nightmares. So, I just left, and I came here. I brought a spare suit."
He was speaking quickly now, as if he wished that she wouldn't hear all his words.
"So, you have been sleeping here for three days?" She asked him. She was still stroking his back.
He nodded and swallowed hard. He felt scared now. Scared that she was going to laugh at him and force him to go home. He wouldn't though, he wouldn't if she so went over there with him. He would leave as soon as he could. She couldn't force him! She wouldn't, right?
He slowly and shakily moved around to look at her. He was a bit surprised when he met her eyes and saw that she had tears in them as well.
"Come here." She said then and smiled a little at him. She held her arms out towards him. He hesitated for just a moment before falling into her open arms. He clung to her as he cried, trying not to make any noises, so that she would hear it. She held him close to her and rested her head against his. She stroked his back slowly up and down with one hand, the other wrapped tightly around him.
For the first time in days he finally felt slightly less alone. He felt some kind of comfort and the constant panic eased up just a little bit. He continued to cry against her, wishing intently that she wouldn't let him go. He wished that he could stay like this now. He would break totally apart if she let go now and pushed him away. He found himself holding on harder to her.
"Please Donna, please…" He found himself whispering to her the next moment.
She held on to him tighter. "I'm right here Mike."
Donna held on to Mike as he continued to cry. She didn't know that he had that much sadness and fear inside him. Her heart broke for him when he pleaded with her. She wasn't sure what he meant, but hoped her reassurance was enough.
Eventually he was starting to calm down a bit. He started to pull away from her. She had waited until he took that step himself. He wouldn't look her in the eyes.
"Mike, what do you say we head home?" She asked quietly.
"NO!" he yelled so sudden that Donna jerked. Mike flew up on his feet and stumbled away from her. "I am not going home. You can't force me! You can't!"
Donna stood up as well with a shocked expression on her face. "Mike, I would never force you. Calm down, honey. Calm down. I meant that we are going to go home to my place. You are going to stay with me."
She saw how he visibly relaxed, his shoulders slumped down and he let out a few deep breathes as he looked at her with wide, red eyes. At first, she was afraid that he was going to refuse, but then he nodded.
"Yeah… okay." He breathed out. "Thank you. Sorry." He looked down on the floor and didn't move. He was so unlike himself, so fragile. He looked so vulnerable, like a young boy.
"You could have come to me. You could have come to Harvey." She just had to say it but regretted it as she saw how he shrank into himself even more.
"And say what? That I'm too afraid to go home?"
"Yes, honey."
"Right. Harvey would have laughed at me. Joked about it. I didn't want that." His voice shook again, and his breathing was speeding up. Shit, what was she doing to him now?
"No, he wouldn't have. He would have listened to you Mike. You should have seen him on the days you were missing. You wouldn't have recognized him. I barely did."
Mike looked up at her then. He bit his trembling lip.
"Was he worried?" He whispered.
"Of course, he was. We all were. You are family Mike."
Mike let out a sob before he could stop himself. "Thank you, Donna." He said and wiped his eyes a bit. "But he told me to go home."
Donna felt how she tensed a bit. Damn it Harvey, what did you do?
"I made some stupid joke about him wanting to get rid of me, and he said yes, it would be nice to get my couch back. So, I knew I overstayed my welcome. I couldn't go back to him after that."
Tears trailed down his cheek, but he stood unmoving, staring at the floor. No doubt trapped in a memory.
"Mike…" She said quietly and watched how he jerked a little. He swallowed hard.
"He didn't even try to stop me from leaving. But I wanted him to ask me if I was sure, if I really was ready, but he didn't. I just wished he had. He drove me home and dropped me off outside." Mike brought a hand up to cover his eyes. "He left before I even got inside. I wish he would have at least checked. It was there they took me! I told him that!"
Donna realized that this was another ache that Mike was caring within him. He must have felt so abandoned, and Harvey hadn't realized a thing.
"Harvey can be pretty clueless sometimes." She said and walked closer to him. She placed a hand on his arm, but yet again he flinched away from her.
He looked at her with wide, shiny eyes. He shook his head a little and mumbled an apology.
"It's okay." She said and didn't approach him again.
"I'm sorry Donna. It's just…" He wiped his eyes again. "I'm a mess. I don't know why…" He didn't continue and just looked at her with a sort of desperation in his eyes.
"Mike, what happened to you, it was deeply traumatic. That's not something that's easy to just bounce back from."
"What else am I supposed to do?"
"Let it take its time sweetie."
"How?" Mike exclaimed. "How am I supposed to do that?"
"One step at the time. And right now, the next step is to come home with me."
She walked up to him and took his arm under hers. "Come on."
He just followed her.
-SUITS-