The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Monday it had started raining although it had started out as a light rain. Merlin had picked her up after work and asked if she and Mordred wanted to stay at his flat for the convenience. If they wanted to. She packed a duffle bag of outfits and what she would need, and then put a bag of Mordred's food in her work backpack. Merlin carried her duffle while she walked with Mordred in her arms.

At first, learning magic seemed like such a wonderful thing. Only he was insistent on her learning more technical and grounding spells. Lighting a fire with magic was easy and he kept telling her to do it over and over again. Her levitation wasn't bad, but he insisted that she try again and again. "It's not supposed to wobble that hard when you lift it". She didn't feel drained at all. She wanted to learn more spells, she knew she was powerful and capable of more. Mordred rubbed against her ankle. Merlin made her tea and they sat on the couch.

"You did really well tonight," he said.

"Didn't seem perfect at all by your judgement," Morgana hissed.

"Morgana, I want you to understand your powers and control them. Not have them control you. That's what I'm trying to teach you right now."

The tea really wasn't that bad.

"Now I feel a little ridiculous after hearing that," she said.

"You shouldn't!" Merlin responded.

She put her hand on his forearm. It was fine. They went to bed together and Mordred found himself comfortable on a pile of sweaters.

The next day Merlin drove her to the office. It was absolutely pouring. Morgana undid the pink toned Burberry umbrella as she stepped out of the car. Barely a meter to the door, still. Sefa walked in a little later, drenched. Morgana went to the office coffee pot and made the two of them a cup. Her assistant was pleasantly surprised. Morgana reached for her dragon pendant as she looked over new documents. Some she sent over to Sefa to get a faster synopsis of. And then more documents from Morgause about possible wedding plans. The wedding planner was CC'd. She huffed. She should be the one being copied not the other way around.

The office felt slow with the rain. It pittered against the windows of the building providing a soothing melody. Morgana contemplated on if she was taking her relationship with Merlin too fast. After all, they hadn't been together very long and she was staying at his place long term. Staying over at each others place wasn't unusual, it was the foundation. But a week wasn't very long, and it was to help her practice her magic. Lost in her thoughts she barely saw Sefa at her desk.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a sort of dreamy way.

"I was wondering if I might be able to be let out early today round two. My friend he's um, getting back in from Boston and I haven't seen him in a while," Sefa asked, trying to not stutter over her words.

"Oh? A boy?"

She put her chin on her palm as she looked up at the girl with glee.

"His name is Jeffries, and he's, well he'd been my best mate since primary and then he's been studying medicine in Boston..." Sefa rambled. "He's faced time me a while, frequently. And he's supposed to be landing about..."

"Go," Morgana said.

"But Morgana..."

"You clearly care about his wellbeing. Who am I to stop you? Besides, I don't fancy staying in here in the rain myself."

Sefa beamed and scurried off back to her desk.

Morgana looked at her computer again. No, she was content with her relationship with Merlin. And she wasn't sure what her past life of Lady Morgana had to do with him, but it did feel like playing catch up. But it never felt like she had to run kilos to do so.

Training was difficult. Merlin kept insisting she had to learn the proper pronunciation and that she had to enunciate her spells. She'd grown a habit of whispering, mumbling at all. In her head she could think of a spell and it would work just as well as if she had said the spell out loud. Still, she tried to comply with Merlin's teaching methods. Mordred had the habit of sitting on whatever nearby pile of books was around to glare at him. Perhaps he picked up that Morgana didn't need to use verbal spells either.

They ordered take away for dinner before resuming training again. He poured her a glass of wine once they finished for the day to him. She saw him linger over a small wooden chest.

"What's that?" she asked, standing next to him.

"It's something from Avalon," he said. "I don't know... I don't know when to show it to you. But, I think this might help you."

She watched as he muttered a spell and the box clicked open. Inside was a vial of clear blue water. He opened it's cap and instructed her to hold it. Then he grabbed a nearby knife, a small one, before taking her free hand and cutting her thumb. Forcefully he put it on the top of the vial. The blood sank in it before the water turned it's neat shade of blue once more.

"Drink it," he said. "Before we go to bed."

He passed her a bandage and she nodded in understanding.

She carried the vial with her carefully as she got ready for bed. Her hair was down and fell in soft cascaded waves over her chest. Mordred jumped onto the toilet seat. Morgana rolled her eyes with a smirk as she picked up the vial again. He mewed, painfully. She closed her eyes and drank it. Nothing. Then she walked back out to the bedroom. Merlin held onto her tight as they went to sleep together. It made her feel safe.

All of the visions she'd had flooded her. But they passed by chronologically it disturbed her. She saw herself look way as her father committed a person to being decapitated for using magic, and when she looked out again from her tower she saw Merlin. Merlin in this large crowd. And everything flew by. Then she saw Merlin run into the room with a small boy. He had dark floppy hair and bright blue eyes. Mordred. She tried to protect him. And then she was in a camp and Merlin told her they had to leave. And she saw Morgause. And Morgause who helped her with her nightmares with a bracelet. And then she saw herself become someone she didn't know. A person she didn't feel like she could ever be. And then she was in a dark tower with hanging foliage. Nightmare visions of the people she cared about appeared. Morgause always appeared, always reassuring her that she was only safe with her. And more schemes, more pain. The visions of trying to kill Merlin made more sense. And Mordred came back to her even after her atrocities. And she buried his body, swearing revenge. And then Merlin killed her.

She woke up to the sound of thunder. It was dark. Where was Merlin? She could feel herself trying to even her breathing. In her past life, Morgause had put her under a dark spell to go along with destroying the Pendragons, and she had essentially lost her soul and her mind in the process becoming the wicked thing her visions had been telling her. Morgana tried to go back to sleep, she did, but she could only feel herself stay awake with her eyes closed.

Merlin wanted to drive her to work before he went to the library.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked her.

"I just... you gave me my memories back," she said. "I'd like to think that I'm smart enough to know that I'm not entirely my past life. Similar, yes, but not the same."

"An intelligent observation."

"But Merlin... even if... how could you love me? How could you love this version of me when... when I was such a despicable thing in your eyes?"

She hadn't quite processed that he'd pulled over in the rain as she sobbed.

"And I hate you," she choked out. "You never bothered to think that something was wrong with me, that dark magic coursed through me against my will. But you knew when Gwen wasn't right. You knew right away. You were able to save her but you never saved me! I loved you! I did, I know that Lady Morgana loved you! And you... you never saved me, you never tried, and when... when it consumed me so wholly you thought it righteous to kill me! You thought it was justified to kill a woman you had once loved because you thought she was too far from loving!"

Her hands fell out of her hair. Her nose crinkled at the shedding.

"If you want to get out of the car, I won't stop you," he said not looking at her.

Morgana's face fell. She reached out for his forearm but he barely reacted.

"If you want to say that you were understanding your past life, I would understand. But I am still that same person. I am not reincarnated as you are. You should feel justified to hate me," he said.

"I am not Lady Morgana. I am not leaving you. Because I know that you still tried to do the right thing even if it ended in a Greek Tragedy," she retorted. "I love you, Merlin. I love you with my whole being."

"Don't say that."

Her other hand jerked him to look at her.

"This pendant? Will never come off," she said, holding the dragon on her neck. "Everything that we have done together does not change the fact that I love you. I know that mind, body and soul I am yours."

"That's saying a lot," he said. "I don't know if you want to mean it."

"Merlin! If the universe didn't want us together, why did it keep bringing us back together?"

She was sobbing into his shoulder now.

"I know that I am lost without you because I've felt found since you saved me," Morgana choked. "In the street. And I... I cannot loose you because it would be loosing myself."

He wrapped an arm around her.

"I'm sorry I gave you those memories, you'd deserved to know," Merlin said.

"Don't leave me," she cried. "Don't ever leave me."

"Never."

She reluctantly stepped out of the car once they approached the office. Sefa gave her the notice that Morgause wanted to see her in Morgauses' office. Morgana simply replied to send her any short notes and accompanying documents that came in during the day. Morgause wore a satin pink pantsuit that didn't seem at all like her. Her wedding planner, Jenna, was also sitting down. Morgana forced a smile as she sat down.

Morgana:
Still picking me up from work?

Merlin:
I'll be there!

She quickly turned away from her phone and tried to act engaged in the planning. It was an awful experience to constantly critique poor Jenna's ideas, and if she wasn't then Morgause was criticizing the both of them. She'd gone over the file that Morgause had sent on Jenna. A well accomplished wedding planner, had done a number of celebrity weddings, moved to the UK after graduating from school in Japan. The day couldn't go on any longer and she hadn't been able to message Merlin under Morgause's watchful narcissistic eye.

Merlin's car was patiently waiting for her in the rain. She leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"How was work?" he asked.

"Dreadful," she responded, he kissed her cheek.

Her phone beeped.

Arthur:
Rugby game on Sunday. Cheer me on with Gwen?

Arthur (2):
Merlin can come too I guess

Morgana rolled her eyes.

"What is it?" Merlin asked.

"Arthur's invited us to his rugby game at the end of the week. It's really just him and some mates from the naval academy that do it for fun every once in a while," Morgana explained.

"I am happy to go with you to Arthur's game."

She grinned and kissed him. Something to look forward to after Morgause's torture.

At the house, Morgana had tried to use her magic to do menial tasks. Small things. Sometimes she muttered spells but she found so long as she concentrated on what she wanted the spell to do, and had some sort of visual idea, then she didn't need to put so much control over a spell. Merlin had gone into his study, trying to find something about a spell or another. A grin formed on Morgana's face. She stretched her hand out and thought about the books around the kitchen levitating. Good. Then she brought forth the mop. The sink started flowing and the mop started to swish around the floors. Merlin would be delighted that she could maintain this many spells.

"Morgana!" he called from his study.

She left the spells to their devices before creeping into the room. He was standing in front of a map. It hadn't been there before.

"I think we should go to Avalon. It's very well hidden but I believe that it would provide a well equipped area for you to practice your magic and sword fighting," he said.

"Sword fighting?" Morgana scoffed. Fencing, perhaps, but Gwen had always been a tad better than her. The lightness threw her.

"You used to be very good at it. Well, your first past life. Took out most of the rogues that attacked my village."

"I thought we'd said that..."

"That you weren't entirely the Lady Morgana? No. No but a fragment of her is in you, and you deserve to know the skills you possess."

She looked at the map. It looked extremely dated and worn.

"When were you planning on this trip?" she asked.

"After Arthur left," Merlin said. "I didn't think it would be fair to plan it any sooner when you still had time with him."

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Considering me, and my family."

"Of course. Always."

Something itched at her heart. First life.

"I've been reincarnated before, haven't I?" she asked.

"You have."

"Did we always find each other?"

"Yes. The first few times you regained your memories faster, and you tried to kill me."

"Oh..."

"I always find you before I find anyone else."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Fate, destiny, whatever it is magic always wants us together. Maybe not together. But whatever it is, we are intertwined."

Her arms crossed over to hug herself.

"What was my last reincarnation like?" Morgana asked, her voice soft.

"You didn't remember your past at all, ever. And you were, you always looked caged but you were so caring when you could be. Reminded me, a lot of the early days with... Lady Morgana," Merlin reminisced. "I tried to kill myself after you, she, died."

"Why would you do that!"

She had stepped in front of Merlin, dropping her arms. Fury raged in her.

"I could show you later. With the Avalon water," he said, calmly.

Morgana felt her brows scrunch together. There were tears in his eyes. The sound of dripping water came about. Her eyes widened. They stepped outside and saw the lower floor mostly flooded. The books were hovering above the water while the other furniture waded in the water. Merlin stuck his hand out muttering a spell. The water receded, the books went back to sitting where they had; her mess was cleaned up.

"I thought I'd help out," Morgana murmured.

"Your magic definitely reacts to your emotions," Merlin said. "If you could hone in on them better, you'd have more control. It would explain how strong you are. It's your strength."

She felt her shoulders slump. Of course her spell had to have errors.

The rain stopped Saturday night leading to a very fog heavy Sunday morning. Morgana had packed snacks in her backpack and Mordred refused to leave his pile of sweaters. Once they stepped out of the flat, she felt a chill. Well, the fog leaving was nothing unusual. It felt like someone was following them, her. And she wanted to ask Merlin if he had a similar feeling, but she supposed it was typical female paranoia. A disturbing phenomena among women of the itch of being followed, because allowing ones woman self to not be on guard would have disastrous consequences.

"The other week, when I found you in the park... how?" she mused.

"Pardon?" Merlin asked.

"You were in a fight with the witch, and I'm guessing it was my magic now, but how did it know how to find you? How was I able to find you?"

"Your magic is tied to your emotions, I would suppose it would sense if I was in trouble."

A pause.

"As I was passing out, I thought of you. I might've reached out as well."

They arrived at the park and she saw the group huddled on the other side of the grass. The sun was starting to come up. Leon, Percival, Elyon, she noticed first. Merlin looked shell shocked.

"Oh you guys came," Gwen squealed, coming up and holding Morgana's hands. Arthur stood behind her.

"Wouldn't miss it," Morgana responded.

"Let's find a place to sit. I'm sure the others will be here shortly."

Arthur kissed Gwen's cheek before walking over to the guys. They sat on the edge of the field together and Gwen kindly pointed out the players and positions to Merlin. He nodded along politely although he didn't seem quite all there. The game started and Morgana felt proud watching her brother. A cold wind hit her back. She turned around, Merlin and Gwen too busy to notice the oddity. In the trees behind them she saw a dark cloaked hooded figure. Watching her. Her hand reached over for Merlin. When he turned around, the figure was gone.

"What was it Morgana?" he asked her.

"The witch," Morgana said, knowing the shadow.

He put his arm around her and they tried to resume watching the game.

"There's only two or three of them missing," Merlin said. "Amazing that Arthur's found most of his knights already."

"Your friend, Gwaine, he must be one. Right?" Morgana pestered.

"I'm sure."

"Are we ever going to wake them? The way you woke me up? I mean, surely they must be entitled to know of their, positions. After Arthur returns, perhaps?"

"Do you really think Arthur is prepared to become who he's meant to be just yet? Much less his friends?"

Morgana sank back into her seat. She was afraid for Arthur. He was coming into his own and actually starting to mature finally. Yet, him becoming King... She surely didn't want to take the crown if it was ever presented to her. But it seemed too much for him. Arthur was a golden retriever, capable but she was afraid that his good heart wouldn't be able to take it. The most she could hope was that by the time that he and Gwen came back that he would be more sure of himself so she wouldn't have to regret waking him.

And she thought of Merlin's friend Gwaine. She'd met him once in passing at the library and Merlin told her much about him anyway. Part of her was afraid of the time they'd have to wake the knights, wake him, because of her memories. Would he think of her as Lady Morgana when he woke, or would he think that because she was a new person that she wasn't entirely the Lady Morgana? The memories of Lady Morgana torturing him crushed her heart. She just wanted to be good and just and do the right thing.

Gwen nudged her arm. The game was over. She avoided being hugged by Leon, who absolutely loved trying to tackle anyone with his sweat that hated it. Merlin seemed to making friends with Arthur, albeit with Gwen's assistance. It almost reminded her of her visions. The sun was fully in the air again. Morgana looked over her shoulder back to the trees. Nothing.

Authors Notes: This was a little more slice of life than I wanted but, hey why not have Merlin teach Morgana LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE. Any comments or reviews are always appreciated.

To avoid having a drastic screen time report, I turn to my laptop. At least my phone can't log it.