Mikoto's eyes remained tightly shut as she waited for the cold blade to pierce her flesh, but the pain never came. Tentatively, she opened her eyes. Souji's sword had penetrated the wooden wall behind her, a hair's breadth away from running through her chest. He was right on top of her, close enough that she could feel the heat coming off of his body. His head was down, his hair ever so slightly tickling her wet face. The grip on his hilt was so tight his knuckles were white. After a moment, his trembling arm fell to his side. Mikoto could do nothing. She was frozen in place. Even if she wanted to move, Souji had her blocked in. The air was filled with a silence so tense, so heavy, it was palpable as it it's weight pressed down on her. His shoulders began to shake with a bitter laughter. Finally, he lifted his head up and looked down at her. His eyes still held the same level of danger, but they were now dull and lacking motivation.
"I'm pathetic, aren't I, Mikoto-chan?" He spat her name out as though it was a disgusting poison, burning away at his tongue. This sent a stabbing pain through her chest, but she knew she deserved it. He yanked his sword from the wall, the blade ringing before he slammed it back into its sheath. "I should have seen it, I guess it's my own damn fault." He roughly grabbed her face with one battle calloused hand, bringing his own face so close that their lips were one slight twitch away from touching. "Why can't I do it? What is it about you?" he asked softly, his breath mingling with hers. His fury was gone, instead he simply seemed defeated, which almost made Mikoto feel worse. He scanned her face before returning his gaze to her eyes. He then backed away and released his hold on her. "Well, you wanted to explain yourself. Do it," he demanded, folding his arms across his chest. She took a few shaky breaths. "Well?" he pushed.
"I…I don't steal for myself, I…" She sighed, knowing that starting with a weak excuse would do nothing for her, but that's all she had, weak excuses. Nothing she said could reasonably justify her lies and betrayal. All she could do was explain the truth of the situation, no matter how wrong. "For a few years now, I've done occasional supply runs for the women that used to take care of me when I was a maiko at Sumi. The owner was decreasing wages, and they couldn't accept having to lower their standards of living, so they turned to me because I was the youngest…" Souji cocked an eyebrow.
"You were a maiko?" Mikoto nodded. "You do realize, of course, that I'll no longer be allowing you to keep your past a secret. You'll be explaining everything to me at the headquarters." Her eyes widened at his words.
"What?"
"You don't honestly think I would just let you go back to roaming the streets, do you? You're a criminal, and one that has made fools of the men of the Shinsengumi, of Kondou. You lied and betrayed a trust that I don't give readily." His tone was cold, digging into her like blades of ice, nothing like the comforting, playful, lilting voice she had grown accustomed to. Without another word, he turned and began to walk away. He didn't need to say that he expected her to follow, that was a given, and they both knew that she wouldn't dare try to make a break for it. She followed in silence, head hung, tears still rolling down her face. "You killed that man," he stated flatly after a few moments had passed.
"I...I had to, I would have killed me…" she explained quietly, taking no pride in her actions.
"How many?" She blinked, taking a moment to register what it was he was asking. "How many have you killed?" he repeated, clarifying the question after reading her silence.
"More than I'd care to admit…"
"Did you rob them as well?" His words had little emotion to them, as though he were just asking out of curiosity, or to carry on a conversation.
"Not all of them." His questioning stopped there, and they fell back into an unpleasant silence. Souji would occasionally cast glances back at her. Not because he didn't believe she was still following him, but because he was still hoping that he would turn around and see someone else. He wanted to turn around and see a stranger. Someone he could freely resent and take pleasure in dispatching. Instead he continued to see her. The woman he had come to care for like no one else he had ever met. Every glance he stole of her, her black hair turned silvery in the moonlight, her pale face stained by tears, thrust him further and further into conflict with his own emotions. It wasn't much longer before they reached the gates of the Shinsengumi compound. Souji came to a stop, and Mikoto followed suit.
"You need to stay quiet. I don't want anybody else seeing you before the commander." She nodded in compliance, and he led her stealthily through the compound. They stopped in front of a room that had a soft glow emanating through the paper walls. A man's silhouette could be made out, kneeling at a desk. "Kondou-san, I need to speak with you, it's urgent," he called.
"Ah, Souji, come on in!" a welcoming voice replied. He slid the door pen and motioned for Mikoto to follow him in. He kneeled in front of Kondou and, after sliding the door closed behind her, she did the same. It was clear by the way he sat and looked at the man that Souji regarded him highly. "Who might this be?" the commander asked, his attention focusing on Mikoto. She looked over at Souji, who nodded for her to proceed.
"Hasegawa Mikoto, sir," she stated formally, giving a small bow. He responded with a warm smile. She couldn't believe that a man such as him was the leader of the feared Shinsengumi.
"I'm Kondou Isami, wonderful to meet you. Now Souji, what's your urgent matter?"
"Hasegawa here is our thief," he stated bluntly. Kondou looked at her, then back at Souji, somewhat stunned by the news that this woman was the one that had been causing them problems. His expression then became more serious, but still not unkind.
"What was the meaning in bringing her to me?" Souji remained silent for a moment, mulling over his next words. He wasn't quite sure of the answer himself. Perhaps he had hoped Kondou could clear up his confusion, but he realized now that it wasn't something he could do.
"She shows a lot of promise with a sword," he finally stated. Mikoto shot him a questioning look, not quite sure where he was going. "She was able to keep up with me. Her size gives her a great deal of speed, as well as some stealth. I thought she could be useful," he explained. Kondou seemed to consider his words for a moment.
"That is quite impressive," he conceded. "However, you know very well that the Shinsengumi is no place for a woman." Souji nodded.
"I understand."
"And taking in a criminal isn't exactly good practice. We do need to consider our reputation," he continued. Souji's expression became troubled, and Mikoto found herself staring at him. What was he thinking? Even she knew that wouldn't work. Less than an hour ago he was cursing not being able to kill her himself, now he was trying to make her one of them. It made no sense to her.
"Kondou-san, with all due respect, I believe turning her into the authorities would be a waste," Souji quickly pointed out. Kondou eyed him, then his brown eyes flicked over to Mikoto. Though he didn't seem threatening, she still shrunk under his scrutiny. The silence seemed to drag on forever as he considered her fate.
"If it's as you say, it may be worth my while to consider the option of keeping her here, as one of us," he finally said. "So long as you perform your share of the responsibilities. You will be held to our code just as any of our men would be. Any criminal act will be punished by honorable suicide." Her eyes grew wide as he spoke, unable to believe what she was hearing. With very little effort, Souji had managed to talk the commander of the Shinsengumi into allowing her, a woman and a murderer, to become a member of their organization. She realized that both men were looking at her expectantly, and she quickly dropped into a bow.
"Yes sir, thank you so much sir!" she blurted out. He erupted with lively laughter.
"You can sit up, my dear." She did just that. "For the time being, I think it would be best for you to pass yourself off as a man. For your sake, and ours." She nodded, feeling she was in no place to argue. "And I believe you will make a fine addition to our first unit." At his words, Souji choked. His intention was to get her sent to the spy unit under Susumu Yamazaki in the hopes that he would have little obligation to deal with her. He was about to protest, but decided it was best to bite his tongue.
"Of course, Kondou-san," he agreed through gritted teeth.
"Take her to your room for tonight. We'll find her somewhere to stay tomorrow. We certainly can't have her bunking with the rest of the men. We'll have a meeting in the morning over breakfast to inform the other captains." Again, Souji was none too pleased by Kondou's words, but still didn't argue. They were dismissed, but not without one last request from the commander. "Be sure to lend her a change of clothes as well!" Souji shot her a glare, as if she had personally made the request, before turning and leading her to his quarters. The walk there was silent, though Mikoto desperately wanted to ask Souji what was going through his head. Upon reaching his room, he found some old clothes of his and shoved them into her hands.
"Change," he ordered coldly. Mikoto opened her mouth, unsure if it was safe for her to protest, though that became unnecessary. Souji recognized his error, and averted his gaze. "I'll wait outside." She took some time to bind her chest before throwing on the kimono and hakama, both of which swallowed her up. She slid the door open to allow Souji back in. He gave her a once over, still entirely unreadable, then took a seat. "Sit." She did as she was told, wringing her hands nervously. "Well, now's as good a time as any for you to tell me the whole story. You're done hiding shit." She suppressed a sigh, knowing full well it was the least he deserved.
"When I was a child, my family was close. My father used to be a samurai, he's the reason I know how to wield a blade. My mother was beautiful and kind and so loving," she started, the memories bittersweet. "That changed when my mother died…My father was of course grief stricken. Everyone who knew her was. My father, however, didn't handle it well. He became an entirely different man. He was never sober anymore, and he spent all of his time and money either gambling or in Shimabara." She paused, looking to the ground, her eyes darkening. "He's the reason I have this scar." Her delicate fingers reached up to gently graze the scar on her face. "He came home one night, drunk as usual, and frustrated after losing money. I didn't have dinner ready fast enough and…" she chuckled bitterly. "When he finally bled himself dry of all of his money, he sold me to Sumi, where I was made a maiko." She looked back up at Souji, who had been listening intently. For the first time that night, his eyes seemed to soften, though they certainly warm. "That's where I met the women that cared for me. I was young, and terrified. They comforted me and helped me feel like I had a home again."
"Why would you leave a position as a maiko for that inn?" he questioned.
"I didn't really have a choice, I had run." Souji's brow furrowed. He didn't need to say a thing for her to realize that she would be expected to elaborate. "One night a man came in, already drunk. It wasn't unusual, but he continued to drink. The more he had the more aggressive he became with us." She became visibly tense as she recounted the memory. "He attacked me, and I did what anyone would have done and defended myself…That was the first life I ever took. I had to leave or I would have been killed myself. Even if it was in self defense, for a maiko to kill a patron, it was inexcusable." An exhausted sigh left her. "Shortly after I found a place at the inn, the women from Sumi found me and you know the rest from there…" Souji scowled as she finished.
"Even with a cut in pay, the women of Sumi were still much better off than you, why risk yourself for them?" he inquired, disgust etched into his features.
"I felt like I owed them…" He said nothing as he allowed her words to soak in. Rage still bubbled in the pit of his stomach, but after listening to her, it had become somewhat more subdued, slowly being replaced by pangs of sadness. Sadness for her, sadness for his inability to look at her as he had just earlier that day, as anger was not something he let go of so easily. In considering his options, he decided it was best to keep her at a distance, for both of them. He laid down, back facing her.
"You take the futon," he finally grumbled. "And Hasegawa, if you do anything to betray Kondou, I'll-" He cut himself off mid sentence, realizing he couldn't reasonably make that threat anymore. He hadn't been able to do it this time, he had no reason to believe he could ever kill her.