Chapter 3 – Things to Do

Danny heaved in a breath as the police officer – the same one from earlier – pulled into his driveway and parked the cruiser. The officer looked over at him sympathetically and said the only thing that seemed appropriate.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Tanner."

Danny looked at the officer, seeing him but not really comprehending. He nodded slowly and ran a hand through his hair and then over his face. By now it was just past 3am. He looked up at his house looming in the darkness. He noted with relief that the upstairs lights were all still off, and just the lamp was on in the living room. If the girls were awake, then every light upstairs would be on.

He released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Thank you, officer," he whispered, as he once again forced his leaden hand to unbuckle his seat belt. He shook the officer's hand briefly and unfurled himself out of the cruiser. He watched the police car slowly back down the driveway, thankfully keeping his headlight off until he pulled out onto Girard Way.

Danny turned and began to trudge up to the house. What would even say? How would he tell his girls their mother is dead? The closer he got to the front door, the harder his heart pounded. He tried the knob and found that the door was still unlocked. He blinked in the dim light of the living room. Nick was sitting on the couch, eyes red and looking as though he'd been awake the entire time Danny had been gone. Irene was asleep, laying in Nick's lap.

Nick blinked blearily at Danny. "Well?" he asked his son-in-law gruffly. Danny nodded grimly. "It's her. It's Pam." He sighed and sat down heavily in a chair. "Girls are still asleep?" he asked.

It was Nick's turn to nod, as he pointed to the quiet baby monitor on the side table. "Yes, thank God, they're still asleep." Irene began to stir, and she slowly woke and sat up. She looked at the two men, blinking, and began to cry again.

"Oh, Danny," she cried as she went to him. She leaned down and embraced him as he reached up for her. She cried into his dark hair, and he buried his face in her shoulder. He couldn't ignore the knot in his chest, but he just couldn't cry anymore. 'Maybe I've just cried all my tears already,' he thought as he clung tighter to his mother-in-law. Nick had tears rolling down his face again. Irene stood up suddenly, grabbing Danny by the shoulders and looking into his eyes.

"Danny, what happened?" she cried. He realized then that he'd only told them there had been an accident. He took a deep shuddering breath.

"She was driving home from the grocery store. She said she just wanted to do an errand by herself to get a few minutes of alone time. She…she was at a stoplight, it turned green, so she started to go and…she was hit." He had to draw in another deep breath. "A drunk driver ran the red light and hit her going around 70mph." The police officer had told Danny that the man had kept going after slamming into Pam's car but hadn't made it very far, and that he was in the hospital with minor injuries and would be brought to jail as soon as he was released by a doctor. He'd told Danny to call tomorrow about the court date….it was all a bit vague, like a fleeting memory.

Nick and Irene gasped. "Oh no, oh my Pammy…" Irene reached over and grabbed Nick's hand. Danny put his face in his hands.

"I have so much to do. I have to call a funeral home, figure out where her car was towed to, call people…I have to tell the girls…" THAT realization finally hit home and brought his tears anew. Irene knelt in front of him on the rug, again putting her hands on his shoulders, trying to comfort him.

"Danny, Danny, we can call everyone, alright? Have you called your parents yet?" Danny shook his head. "Okay," Irene said. "We'll call them. And we need to get a hold of Jesse…" she trailed off and glanced at Nick. "We think he's on his way back from Vegas."

Danny sat with his head down for another minute, then sat up suddenly when he heard Michelle beginning to wake up in the baby monitor. "Oh, God," he moaned. "Michelle! How am I going to feed Michelle…" he stood up suddenly – too fast – and went to make dash to the kitchen. Irene cut him off.

"Danny, relax, Pam told me she usually kept a few bags of breastmilk in the freezer," she said as she patted him on the shoulder and headed into the kitchen, glad to have something to do. Danny knew there was milk in the freezer too, but his mind was swimming. He stood in the middle of the living room, forlornly staring at the baby monitor that was starting to get noisier by the second.

Nick stood up and grabbed his keys off the side table. He turned to his son-in-law and said, "you said Pamela was coming back from the grocery store? What was she getting?"

Danny stared blankly at him for a minute. "Oh, er, umm….she said she was just going to grab the basics…" he trailed off, the memory of the last few sentences she'd said to him lingering in his memory. It hadn't even been twelve hours since she'd said that. How could so much have changed in such a short amount of time?

Nick cleared his throat, bringing Danny back to the present. He was anxious to get to the store and back before D.J. and Stephanie woke up. "Okay, well what did that usually involve, Dan?"

"Um, bread, eggs, milk, peanut butter, maybe some cereal and diapers…" He trailed off as Nick nodded and shrugged on his coat. "Okay, I'll get all that and some formula, too." Saying that left a pit in his stomach. His daughter was gone and therefore could no longer feed her baby herself, so he'd get a suitable replacement. But she should be here, with her children and husband…Nick sighed. "Okay, Dan?"

Danny nodded as he placed his hands on his hips. He looked like a man who just didn't know what to do. Irene walked back into the living room with the warmed bottle as Nick headed out the door. She was gently shaking the bottle as she asked, "where's he going?"

Danny took the bottle from her, eyes downcast. "Pam never made it back from the store so Nick…Nick went to get what she was supposed to bring home…." He was on the verge of tears again, but Michelle's snuffling noise were starting to change into full-blown cries, and Irene urged him up the stairs.

"Go feed the baby. It will be soothing, for both of you. I'll call your mom and dad, alright?" Danny didn't argue, and started to trudge upstairs to the baby's room. Irene sat heavily down on the couch and reached for the small book of phone numbers her daughter always kept in the drawer of the side table where the phone was. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the page it was already opened to: Mom and Dad, Irene and Nick Katsopolis in her daughter's need, distinctive handwriting. She flipped over a few pages to Danny's mother's phone number, listed under Granny Tanny. She smiled a little, and checked the time. It was 4am, but Claire needed to know sooner rather than later. Irene dialed the number, steeling herself.

It rang five times before Claire's sleep addled voice came over the line. "Hello?" she answered sleepily.

"Claire, it's Irene. Irene Katsopolis." Claire Tanner seemed to come completely awake then. "Irene? What time is it…Irene, what's wrong?" Irene took a deep breath, wondering if she'd be able to say it out loud.

"Claire…there's been an accident. Pamela…" The tears started. Irene knew they would. "Pam was struck by a drunk driver coming home from the store. She's…she's gone, Claire. My baby girl is gone!" The tears came in full force, then. She could hear Claire starting to cry as well.

"Oh no, oh Irene! What about Danny and the girls?"

Irene shook her head even though Claire couldn't see her. "They're fine, they were home. D.J. and Stephanie are still asleep, they don't know. I just sent Danny upstairs to feed Michelle. He….Claire, an officer came to the house and Danny had to go identify her body!" She wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve. "Can you come down to San Francisco?"

It was Claire's turn to nod. "Yes, yes of course. I'll be on the soonest flight I can get on. I'll call you when I know when I'm landing." She paused, trying to find words. "Irene, I'm so sorry. For you and Nick, for my son, for our granddaughters…it just doesn't seem possible."

Irene could barely speak now. "I know what you mean," she choked out. "Claire…we'll see you soon. Bye." And Irene began to sob again as soon as the phone was back in its cradle.

Danny sat in the rocker in the dim light of the baby's room, Michelle cradled in his arms, happily sucking her bottle. The knot in his chest was still present, but had eased slightly with the physical contact of his third born in his lap. The oxytocin lightened the load momentarily, but as Danny looked down at the baby, with her rosy cheeks and strawberry blond curls, he couldn't help but feel the knot rise up again, and the heaviness come back on him like a blanket. Tears began to course down his cheeks once again as the baby stared up at him, still eating and making little grunts as she did so. She was only six month old, would never get to know her mother at all except through pictures and home movies…And through me and her sisters… Danny thought. But it wouldn't be the same. His sorrow came in another fresh wave at this realization: D.J. and Stephanie would always have concrete memories of their mother, but Michelle wouldn't.

He hugged the baby to himself a little tighter as she finished her bottle. He switched her around so she was up at his shoulder. He began to pat her back to burp her as her little hand curled around his neck affectionately. He wanted to bring her back downstairs but he could tell she was falling asleep again, so he laid her back down in the crib. He stared down at her as she blinked drowsily at him and clutched her blanket, drifting back into a peaceful sleep. Danny looked at her enviously. He knew it would be a long time before he slept that peacefully again.

He stepped quietly into the hallway, and began to walk down towards his (their?) bedroom, and stopped. He wasn't ready to face that room, so he turned to head back down to the living room, and wait for the dreaded talk with his daughters. He was halfway down the stairs when he heard the absolutely last thing he wanted to hear right then.

"Dad?"

…..

Okay, Chapter 4 is coming soon….