Author's Note: Yeah, it's sad, and it's gonna get sadder. Appreciate your reviews (no flaming please). Only my second fanfic ever, so….

**Note: I've read other fics that seemed to literally have Danny get a phone call from the police and then say "okay, thanks for your call" and I just needed – for me – a fic that would be a more realistic story of what happens when they find out Pam was killed by a drunk driver.

Chapter 4 - Processing

Danny squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he'd imagined the little voice calling his name. He slowly turned on the stair and found himself looking up at a little face surrounded by a halo of blond curls. Stephanie stood at the top of the stairs, in her pink pajamas, clutching Mr. Bear in one hand and rubbing her eyes with the other. "Daddy is something wrong?" she asked him innocently. He walked back up the stairs until he was eye level with her.

"Honey, why do you think anything is wrong?" He was struggling to keep his voice under control. He knew he looked (and probably smelled) awful. He wasn't even doing his "be overly happy and corny to gloss over what's happening" bit. Stephanie studied him carefully before answering, raising an eyebrow and stepping back a little.

"Daddy? Are you okay?" She'd never seen her father this disheveled and her mother was usually the one to get up with Michelle in the middle of the night. Danny sighed. He'd hoped to go back downstairs and gather his thoughts before D.J. and Stephanie woke up. He couldn't quite meet her eyes and decided to try something else: distraction.

"Honey, you don't have to be up for a couple more hours. Why don't you go back to bed?" he suggested.

She sighed, frustrated. "Dad, I've heard the front door opening and closing, and noises downstairs, and car lights outside, and I even thought I heard Grandpa Nick! And I know I wasn't dreaming!" She yawned and rubbed at her eyes again. "Is it the Gibblers, Dad? Are they doing some sort of weird Gibbler ritual?"

He smiled a little at that. "No, honey, it's not the Gibblers." He walked back up to the landing where she was. "Come on, get back to bed. I'll explain everything in the morning." He managed to get her turned around and headed down the hall back to her room. As he went to open her door, she asked him sleepily, "Can I just go lay down with Mommy?"

Danny froze and his heart stopped. He was glad she couldn't see his face because she would never believe everything was alright if she had.

"No, sweetheart," he managed to get out. "Come on," he whispered as he opened the bedroom door. "Go back to sleep. We'll talk when you wake up." The cracked door offered just enough light for Stephanie to crawl back into bed. Danny decided to briefly check in on D.J. across the hall, and he was relieved to hear D.J.'s steady, slow breathing. He gently shut the door and sagged against the wall in the hallway, shutting his eyes. The pounding in the back of his skull had spread to the backs of his eyes. He glanced down the hall to his bedroom door. Nope, he thought decisively. Not going in there. Too many memories awaited him in there, and he wasn't ready to face their bedroom alone. He decided to go downstairs and see if Nick had come back yet.

Nick had just walked in the door, in fact, with two full bags of groceries and a pack of diapers under his arm. Danny found him in the kitchen talking to Irene. Danny folded his arms and leaned against the counter while his in-laws put the groceries away. Nick turned to Danny.

"I hope it's okay, I bought a big can of formula. And more diapers, because I wasn't sure what you had, and…" he trailed off, his hand waving mindlessly in the air, lost in thought. "Just some other basic things."

Danny shrugged. "Sure, Nick, it's fine, I appreciate it. I'm glad someone thought of it because…." Now it was Danny's turn to trail off. He felt the knot in his chest tighten but no tears this time. His wife would never feed their baby girl again. It made him sadder, but he was just feeling numb at this point. He was still leaning against the counter as Nick glanced at his wife before continuing.

"I stopped by our house and left a note for Jesse to come here when he gets home. He should be back from Vegas early this morning." Nick shared a look with Irene. "He loves his sister…I don't really know how he's gonna take this…." Irene reached out and rubbed her husband's arm. "How are any of us taking it, Nick?" she asked dryly.

Irene turned her attention to her son-in-law. "Danny, how was Michelle? Did she eat ok?"

"Yeah, she did, and went back to sleep," he said softly. He lifted his head and looked Irene in the eyes. "But Stephanie woke up as I was coming back downstairs."

Nick looked up sharply at this remark, and Irene gasped a little. "Did you say anything?" she asked him. Danny shook his head.
"She knows something's wrong, but I got her to go back to sleep…said I'd talk to her when she woke up. She…" Here, the numbness started to give way once again. "Irene, she asked if she could go lay down with her mom in our bed!" He covered his face with his hands, again starting to bend under the weight of grief and tears. Nick and Irene hurried around to the other side of the island, and both grabbed him roughly into a group hug. Nick was wiping tears off his face as they released him, and Irene was shaking.

"Danny, I called your mom. She said she's on the next flight she can get. I told her to call when she knows what time she'll be arriving." Irene folded her arms around herself as if warming herself.

"Thank you…" Danny managed to choke out. He glanced at the wall clock; it was approaching 6:00am. The girls' alarm would be going off soon, and he berated himself for not turning off their alarm while they were still sleeping. If he went up now, they'd probably wake up as he opened their door. He was getting antsy now, ready to have the dreaded conversation over and done with. And then he'd have to repeat it with his brother-in-law, Jesse, and with his mother, and his sister, and…

Irene seemed to be able to read his mind. "Any time now, huh?" she asked. He nodded his affirmation. "Okay, Dan, why don't you go sit down and try to rest for a few minutes, hmm?" she said as she shooed him back into the living room. She rolled up her sleeves and thought she'd make pancakes in case anyone happened to be hungry, as Nick started making a pot of coffee.

Danny did indeed go sit on the sofa and lean his head back, shutting his eyes for a few silent minutes. He couldn't sleep. All he could see was Pam. Pam, alive and vibrant at their prom, and at their wedding when they'd eloped. Pam, dead and ghastly pale on a cold metal table in a cold metal room. He squeezed his eyes shut even more but snapped them open when he heard the girls' bedroom doors open within a few seconds of each other and the bathroom door shut three seconds later. His heart started to pound. Any minute now. He wagered that the one in the bathroom was D.J., and discovered he was correct when Stephanie came bounding down the stairs a few seconds later, still in pink pajamas and unkempt hair.

Stephanie was worried. She'd managed to go back to sleep but had woken up with immediate anxiety filling her. Her dad had looked terrible, even for someone awake in the middle of the night, and what had all those strange noises been? And she hadn't remembered hearing her mom at all in the night and had gone to her parents' bedroom just now only to find it empty. So, she was relieved to see her father on the couch at first, but noticed he was still in his clothes from the day before, and he was unshaven, and he looked even worse than when she'd seen him on the stairs. He had deep circles under puffy eyes, and there wasn't an ounce of joy on his face. He looked pale and…sad. She walked into the living room but stopped a few feet short of the couch. Her father was looking at her dazedly. He seemed…. nervous.

"Daddy?" she asked cautiously. He seemed to focus on her then. "Oh, hi, Steph."

"Daddy, are you alright?"

"Umm…come sit with me, Steph. Is D.J. in the bathroom?"

Stephanie nodded, blond curls bouncing, and she went and sat close to Danny on the couch. Worry was etched on her face. "Daddy, what is going ON?" she demanded. Nick had heard her and came walking in from the kitchen just then. Stephanie gasped and hopped up from the couch, running over to hug her grandfather.

"Grandpa Nick!" she squealed as she hugged him tightly around his waist. "Wait, what are you doing here so early?" she asked innocently, looking up at him curiously.

"Well…" Nick began, but was cut off by D.J. exclaiming, "Grandpa Nick!" as she ran down the stairs and went to hug him along with her sister. She was still in her nightgown, but her hair and teeth were freshly brushed. But she stepped back after a minute, saying, "wait, yeah what are you doing here so early?" Her brow furrowed, and she noticed her weary-looking and unshaven father on the couch. "Dad…?" she began, but this time Nick was able to cut her off.

"Hey, kids! Grandma Irene is in the kitchen, why don't you go say hi?" he said, with as much fake happiness as he could muster. The girls still looked worriedly at their father but ran in to the kitchen to greet their grandmother. Nick blew out a heavy breath. Danny was lacing and unlacing his fingers together, fidgeting. He looked up at his father-in-law, pleadingly. He almost felt like he would lose his nerve, but he was able to draw strength from some inner place. It needed to be done, and soon, before the girls tried to get ready for school or Kimmy Gibbler came busting through the door looking for D.J. Before Jesse or his mother arrived. Danny wanted – needed – the girls' full attention.

Danny was about to ask Nick to call the girls back in when Irene came into the living room from the kitchen, each hand holding one of the girls'. "Girls," Irene said. "Come sit down with your father. He – we – need to talk to you." And she led them to the couch. Stephanie climbed into Danny's lap and D.J. sat beside him, worry once again etched on her face.

Danny took a deep, shaking breath. He looked into each girl's face, and said, "D.J., Stephanie…I need to tell you something. It's going to be very hard to hear but I need you to listen to me, now." He closed his eyes for a second, drawing strength. The tension from the girls was palpable. "Girls…last night, after you went to bed, your mom went out to the grocery store. She was on her way home when…when…" Another deep, shuddering breath. That knot in his chest had never really gone away. "She was in a car accident. A drunk driver hit her side of the car, going way too fast, and she…" here he had to stop again. Irene sat down next to D.J. on the couch in preparation for what was coming next.

"Girls…your mother was killed in that accident last night." He went silent and looked at his daughters, one after the other. Stephanie didn't seem to understand. D.J. was in shock.

"What do you mean, Daddy?" Stephanie asked, her voice quavering.

"He's telling us Mom is DEAD, Steph!" D.J. cried. She turned to her father. "I don't believe you!" she yelled, balling her fists in frustration and disbelief. "I don't! Mom's not dead!"

"D.J….D.J., honey, I'm so sorry, but it's true. I wish it wasn't. More than anything in this world, I wish it wasn't true. But sweetheart, I'm just…I'm so sorry. Your mom is gone." He shifted Stephanie in his lap, and she turned to bury her face in his shoulder and wrap her arms around his neck. She was beginning to weep softly. D.J.'s eyes were welling up, and hot tears started falling down her cheeks. Stephanie was sad, D.J. was angry, and they were both in shock. Irene was rubbing D.J.'s back as D.J. started to cry harder. Irene was about to grab D.J. when she heard Michelle begin to cry in the baby monitor.

"Ohhhh," Danny moaned, squeezing his eyes shut. The sound of all three girls crying was too much. He'd been trying to hold it together while comforting Stephanie, but it hit him all over again right then and there. He made as if he was going to get up and get Michelle when Irene stopped him.

"Shhh, no Danny, I'll go get her." Irene said softly as she hurried upstairs. Overwhelmed, Danny gathered D.J. into his arms so both of his older girls were crying against him and with him. Nick, also overwhelmed, had sank onto the couch next to Danny, his chin in his hand and he used the other to rub D.J.'s back.

Irene had started her way downstairs with the now calm and pleased baby, Michelle, when the front door opened.

Jesse, in his customary fashion, was still in his leather riding gear, motorcycle helmet in hand, and had come boisterously through the door.

"Look alive! Uncle Jesse's here!"

Better end it here, otherwise I'll have a novel-length chapter! Please R&R