Author's Note: Sorry this update took so long. My computer deleted my first draft! To make it up to you, this chapter is a little longer than previous ones. Make sure to read and review – and follow! Turns out I'm not even close to done yet.

The rest of the morning was a blur. Danny couldn't believe so much had happened in the twelve hours since Pam had left to go to the store. His brain refused to believe she was gone even after he had called a funeral home to pick up Pam's body and make the arrangements for the viewing, the service, and the burial. Danny couldn't stand the idea of cremating his wife, so he'd made an appointment to visit the funeral home, meet with the director, and pick out her casket. Even as he did those things, and he could hear his mother in law feeding the girls in the kitchen, and Nick and Jesse's voices as they spoke quietly in the nook, Danny didn't really think any of it was real. Somehow, this was all a fantasy, and Pam would call or cheerfully come through the front door, apologizing for taking so long at the store.

Danny hung up with the funeral home and just sat on the couch, staring ahead. Without any more immediate tasks to complete, the hollow feeling had returned, along with that knot in his chest. Nick and Jesse were still behind him in the nook. Jesse was very worried about his brother-in-law. Sure, Jesse had lost his big sister, whom he loved and admired, but Danny had lost his wife. His dad had told him Danny had wept when he'd called Nick and Irene, and when he'd come home from the morgue, but he soon seemed to drain of all emotion once he'd had to start making calls.

Jesse looked his father in the eyes for a moment, then approached Danny. Jesse crouched down in front of the sofa and gently touched Danny on the arm. As if in a daze, Danny blinked and looked down at Jesse, his face blank.

"Dan," Jesse began, rubbing Danny's arm gently. Danny blinked again, slowly, and to Jesse it seemed like Danny had aged twenty years in one night. Plus, he smelled.

"Danny," Jesse said again. "Come on, man. Let's get in the shower and into some clean clothes, okay?" Danny looked far off into space for another moment, then nodded once and slowly stood, his stiff joints protesting. Nick headed into the kitchen to help Irene while Jesse steered his brother-in-law up the stairs.

Jesse managed to get him all the way upstairs and even halfway down the hall before Danny stopped. He was shaking his head dazedly. "I can't go in there Jess." Jesse followed Danny's gaze and realized what he'd meant: Danny and Pam's bedroom. Jesse took a deep breath and placed his hand on Danny's arm again to guide him.

"I know it's hard, man, but come on, we've got to go in there. Your clothes are in there, your things... your shower..." Jesse pulled on Danny's arm gently and steered him in there, opening the door and pushing Danny ahead of him into the master bedroom. Danny managed to take a few steps in the door, his eyes intentionally avoiding their bed, their photos...he squeezed his eyes shut and was starting to breathe shallow breaths. Jesse grabbed Danny by both arms and guided him into the bathroom.

"Dan, go on, take a shower. I'll even pick some clothes out and lay them on your bed, okay?" Jesse heard a muffled "okay" from the bathroom as he heard Danny obediently start the water. He began opening drawers and found clean boxers ("Not how I thought this day would go," Jesse thought to himself) and went to the closet to get a fresh pair of pants and a shirt. He had trouble finding something he liked (why was his brother in law such a geeky dresser?) but finally settled on a blue button-down dress shirt and a pair of blue jeans as he avoided looking at any of his sister's things. Jesse even grabbed a pair of sneakers and socks and laid it all on the bed. He found his gaze wandering around all the pictures framed at the head of the bed...around the walls...on the dressers...and found that like Danny, he too needed to quickly shut his eyes and take some deep, deep breaths, but his eyes snapped open when he heard the water shut off.

Danny stood in front of the mirror, one towel around his waist as he used another one to dry his hair and face. He stopped for a minute, looking himself over. The shower and shave had helped, but he still barely recognized the pale, dark-haired man with dark circles under his eyes staring back at him. His brain tried to focus on the glint of his wedding ring, but he ignored it. None of this was real anyway. He sighed heavily and cracked open the bathroom door.

"Jess?" Danny saw his young brother in law still standing in the bedroom, and some clean clothes laid out on the bed. Jesse turned and awkwardly gestured at the clothes on the bed. "Yeah, I... ah...picked out some stuff for you. I'll head back downstairs... but make sure you come down when you're ready, okay?" Jesse did not want Danny to be alone for too long, especially in this room.

Danny nodded mechanically as Jesse turned and started to walk out of the room. As he approached the door, he heard a gruff, tired voice say, "Jess, could you do me a favor?" And Jesse nodded emphatically.

"Sure, Dan, anything you need. What's up?"

"Could you please call Joey for me, and tell him what's happened? I just don't know if I could get the words out."

Jesse paused. Joey was Danny's goofball best friend, and while Jesse didn't necessarily dislike Joey, per say, he wasn't exactly Jesse's favorite person. But this wasn't exactly an ordinary day either. He nodded again. "Yeah, Danny, sure I will."

"Thanks, Jess." Danny replied, still peering out from behind the bathroom door. Jesse turned and quietly shut the bedroom door behind him. He started to head downstairs. By now, the girls had finished breakfast. Nick was playing with Michelle while the other two helped Irene clean up. Jesse knew she was trying to keep them busy. He went to the phone in the living room, found Joey's number, and dialed. It rang three times before a sleepy voice answered. Jesse glanced at the clock: it was 8:45am. Not exactly the crack of dawn, but Jesse knew better than to get judgmental about the issue of what time a person gets out of bed.

"Joseph, it's Jesse. Jesse Katsopolis."

"Jess? Oh, hi." Joey sat up in his bed, Tom & Jerry pajamas and all. Why would Jesse, of all people, be calling him? "Umm...what's up?" Joey wasn't awake enough for goofiness just yet, but he looked down and saw his Yogi Bear slippers and smiled a little. He heard Jesse clear his throat, but he still wasn't saying anything. Joey prodded again.

"Jesse?" His breath caught in his throat. "Jesse, is something wrong?" Joey could hear a *bump* noise as Jesse shifted the phone in his hand.

"Joey...listen I'm over here at Danny and Pam's. There's uh...there's been an accident. Pam... uh..." Jesse found he was having trouble getting it all out. I know what Danny meant when he said he wasn't sure if he could get the words out, He thought. He took a deep breath and decided to just say it all.

"Joey, last night Pam was in a car accident, and she...ah...she didn't make it. She's...dead. She's dead, Joey." He heard Joey suck in a breath but didn't hear him exhale at all. "So uh, look, Dan's family are on their way here, and my parents and I are here, and Danny asked me to call you..." he trailed off, unsure of what should be said next.

Joey's heart was pounding in panic and shock. He gulped and managed to gasp out, "okay, Jess. I-I'll be there as soon as I can." He could hear Jesse's acknowledgement, and before Jesse could hang up Joey added, "and Jesse...I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Jesse was moved, and tears pricked his eyes. "Thanks, Joey," he managed to choke out. He hung up the phone and leaned back against the couch. A few tears escaped his closed eyelids and he realized how tired he was. He'd been awake since the previous morning and had ridden his motorcycle all night...and now the emotional turmoil and grief had exhausted him even more. He felt his consciousness sink further into blackness, and his breathing slowed as sleep overtook him.

Upstairs, Danny had slowly, mechanically, finished drying himself off and gotten dressed. It all felt hollow. Why shower and get dressed if Pam is dead? A part of his mind wondered. A different part of the brain thought, But she's not dead! He was awash in the kind of grief that makes a person unsure of what is real and what is not, and the brain decides both things are real at the same time. And that damn knot was still present, sitting right above his sternum. He finished putting on his shoes and just stayed seated on the bed, forcing himself not to look at the pictures on the windowsill, or his wife's jewelry box and knick-knacks and sunglasses and hairbrush on her dresser. He was completely exhausted but couldn't bring himself to lay down on his (their?) bed where he knew he would smell her scent still lingering on her pillow and on the bedclothes.

He belatedly, and guiltily, realized he had three children downstairs whom he had not seen in almost an hour. He knew they were being well cared for by their grandparents, but as tired as he was, he suddenly and desperately wanted to be with them.

The phone next to the sofa began to ring, startling Jesse out of his sleep. He blinked several times and blearily reached for the phone, but Nick beat him to it.

"Hello?" A pause. "Oh yes, hi, Claire." Jesse came fully into consciousness. It was Danny's mom on the phone. Jesse listened intently to his father's side of the conversation. "Yeah, uh-huh. 11:30? Okay sure, one of us will be there."

Danny had started to come down the stairs then and stopped a few steps from the bottom. Nick noticed him as Claire asked, "Nick, how is my son?"

Nick was looking at Danny when he said, "Honestly, Claire, not that great. But who can blame him?" He ran his free hand through his hair. "We'll see you at 11:30 okay? Okay, Claire. Bye-bye."

Danny walked the final few steps into the living room. Nick looked up at him. "Your mom and dad will be at the airport at 11:30, so I'll leave to go pick them up." Danny nodded absently.

"Where are the girls?"

Nick cocked his thumb over his shoulder. "In the kitchen with Grandma. I think she's teaching them how to make cannoli or some other Italian thing." He saw Danny staring at the kitchen door, as though he were afraid of going in. "Irene's been keeping them busy, Dan. To be honest, I think D.J. is the only one who really understands."

Danny sighed, exhaling heavily. "Nick, I'm not sure that I understand it." Nick gave him a small, sympathetic smile. "I know what you mean, Danny. I know what you mean."

Danny walked into the kitchen and couldn't help but smile. D.J. had Michelle on her hip as she watched Irene and Stephanie (both covered in flour) roll out a sizeable ball of dough on the floured countertop. All four of them looked up as he walked to the counter, forcing a smile as he asked, "and how are all my girls?"

Stephanie ran around and gave him a floury hug around his waist. Stephanie was barely five years old, and the concept of the finality of death escaped her. Grandpa Nick and Grandma Irene had explained that Mommy was gone and was now living with God and the angels, but why couldn't Mommy at least come visit? And they had talked about how sad Daddy would be, and them, and how of course Stephanie and D.J. were allowed to be sad, but Stephanie felt more confused than sad.

Danny gave her a half smile and glanced over at D.J., who was shifting Michelle on her hip. D.J. had been around her father long enough to recognize his forced "everything is fine" face (although he was barely managing at this point). He saw her staring at him and asked, "and you, Deej? How…" Danny stopped. It was a stupid question, but he didn't know what else to say. "How are you, honey?"

D.J. could only shrug as she shifted the baby's weight again. Danny reached his arms out to take her, and as D.J. handed Michelle over Danny planted a kiss on the top of D.J.'s head. "I know this is hard, Deej. Believe me, I know. But we have each other. We always have each other." His voice broke a little though, and it didn't escape her.

D.J. was nodding at this, but didn't say out loud her secret thought: but what if something happens to YOU, Dad?

Just then the doorbell rang. Danny turned and walked into the living room in time to see Joey bursting through the door, his blond curly hair a mess, his shirt wrinkled (although that could easily have been the norm for Joey). Joey walked in; arms open. "Danny, oh my God, Danny I'm so sorry…" Danny handed Michelle off to Nick's waiting hands and accepted his friend's comforting hug. "Thanks, Joey," Danny said, muffled against Joey's shoulder. They released one another, and Joey turned to Nick and Jesse. "Nick, Jess…I don't really have the words…" Nick clapped Joey on the shoulder in thanks. He remembered that Danny and Joey had known each other since elementary school, and they'd known Pam since 10th grade.

Joey met Nick's eyes for a minute, then looked over at Jesse, who gave Joey the same clap on the shoulder his father had. The four men looked at each other for a minute. Joey could see that Danny was about to be overcome with tears any second, and so grabbed his friend by the arm and led him to the sofa. Danny sat down heavily, and Joey sat beside him, looking frantically between Danny and Jesse.

"Danny, Jesse….so what happened? When? Were the girls there? Danny were you…?" But Danny was shaking his head as tears started to fall once more, and he turned his upper body and face away as he tried to regain control but failed. Danny was realizing that this was going to be his norm for a while: answering question after painful question, over and over again. Maybe for forever.

Nick opted to be the one to explain the situation to Joey, hoping to save Danny a modicum of grief. Joey stared at Nick slack-jawed, then at Jesse and Danny. Joey was rarely speechless but this was an exception, and he found himself descending into tears as well. Nick bounced the baby as he watched the scene helplessly, and Jesse similarly didn't really know what to say, but he was a man of action. He needed to do something. He turned to his father.

"Pop, what time do you need to leave for the airport?"

Nick shifted Michelle and looked at his watch. "Well, with traffic, I should leave in about an hour…" Jesse clapped his hands together and rubbed them. "Okay, what can we do in that hour? Danny, what time do you need to go to the funeral home?"

Danny rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Umm, I should go and be back before my mom and sister get here, I think...and if they're landing at 11:30, and will probably not be here until 12:30…."

Jesse nodded vigorously. "Okay, so we'll head there in a few minutes and get the ball rolling, okay? Now, who else do we need to call?" Jesse hoped he wasn't being callous, but he knew if he could get everyone doing something, it would take their minds off the loss, at least temporarily.

Danny was shaking his head, but Joey said, "well we have other family members and friends to call, right? I can take care of that if you give me the numbers…" Jesse nodded again. "Okay, great, thanks Joseph. Danny, I'll go with you to the funeral home, alright?" Danny managed a nod, although he was still facing away from everyone, staring vaguely in the direction of the fireplace. Nick headed towards the kitchen, saying, "I better let Irene know what the plan is." He handed Michelle back to Danny and went to talk to his wife.

Soon after, Michelle had been given a bottle and put down for her morning nap. Irene had helped the girls get dressed and had them making their beds and straightening up their rooms in an effort to keep the schedule as normal as possible. Joey had settled on the couch with the address/phone book and a cup of coffee, ready to make calls. Nick was getting ready to head home to shower and change clothes and then leave for the airport as Jesse and Danny headed out the door to go to the funeral home. Jesse was glad they had taken the effort to get Danny showered and in clean clothes, but realized that he could also use some fresh clothes…but it would have to wait.

He noticed Danny stop on the walkway towards the driveway, fiddling with his keys. Jesse turned and looked at him. "Danny, come on, what's wrong?"

Danny held up his key to Pam's car. "I… I grabbed this key out of habit…" Jesse sighed, and also made a mental note to call the police station and find out where Pam's car had been towed to so they could make the necessary arrangements for that as well. Danny stood there, rubbing the key with his fingers, and walked back to him and gently grabbed his elbow. "Come on, we can take the convertible…"

They ended up having to take Joey's car, and Jesse drove as Danny stared out the window and gave him directions. They pulled up in front of a neat brick building with impeccable landscaping. A tall man with equally impeccable hair and sharp black suit greeted them in the lobby.

"Good morning, sirs. May I help you?" He asked.

Danny took a deep breath. "I'm Danny Tanner, and this is my brother-in-law Jesse Katsopolis. I believe I spoke to you this morning about…the funeral for my wife, Pamela Tanner?"

The man gave a soft smile. "Yes, Mr. Tanner, I remember. My name is Robert Whitman; please follow me to my office."

They spent the next hour with Mr. Whitman, picking out a casket, deciding on a time and place for the service, finding a cemetery plot, and so on. Danny was grateful to have Jesse there, and even more grateful that he didn't have to see Pam's body again. Mr. Whitman had had the body picked up not long before Danny and Jesse arrived. There would be a viewing, as Whitman believed they could cosmetically fix her face and hair to be suitable for said viewing… but I don't have to look at her, Danny thought. They decided the wake would be tomorrow evening, and the service and burial the day after that, to give everyone enough time to prepare and come to San Francisco if need be. Danny was not convinced he would ever be fully prepared, but it was what it was.

Having completed everything they needed to for the time being, the men stood. Whitman shook Danny's hand, but as he reached for Jesse's, Jesse asked, "Can I see her?" Danny looked at him in shock as Whitman raised an eyebrow.

"She's my sister, and I know I'll see her at the viewing, but I wanted…I want to see her alone. In private. Without everyone looking at me…to have a private moment with her. Please." He said this haltingly, not sure if he was making sense. Whitman looked at Danny. "If it's alright with you, Mr. Tanner…?" Danny nodded his assent, and sat back down in the chair in front of Whitman's desk, as Whitman led Jesse downstairs. He opened the door for him, walked to the table holding Pam's body, patted him on the shoulder, and said, "Just come upstairs when you're done. I'll be in my office with Mr. Tanner."

Whitman shut the door, and Jesse started at the Pam-shaped lump under the sheet on the cold metal table. He tentatively grasped a corner of the sheet with his fingers and slowly pulled it back. He gasped out loud at the sight of her pallor, and the faded bruise on her left cheek and jaw. They'd shut her eyes, and evidently set her jaw. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he looked down at his beloved older sister. Up until this point, he had wept, and felt immense grief, but it hadn't been real until this exact moment. He took a shuddering breath, forcing himself to keep looking at her face, memorizing her features. He was grateful his parents hadn't insisted on coming; bad enough they would see her with make up on at the viewing.

He slowly reached out and touched her hair gently. "Oh, Pammy," he said, tears pricking his eyes as a lump formed in his throat. "Why did it have to be you? You should be here, alive, with your family….maybe I should have been there…" he shut his eyes; none of what he was saying made any sense but he had to let it out. "I don't know what we're going to do without you, Pam," he muttered as he stroked her blonde hair absently. He even allowed a few more tears to spill down his cheeks as he choked back a sob. He listened for a second, and when he didn't hear any voices or footsteps in the hallway he allowed himself to fully weep over her body; this need for emotional release had been bubbling in him for hours and he could finally allow himself to let it come forth. He didn't know how much time had passed when he finally heard his sobs subside.

Jesse took a deep, shuddering breath, and bent down to gently kiss his sister on the forehead.

"Don't worry, Pam. I'll take care of them."

Author's End Note: Next chapter is the funeral….