Author's Note: Since the first chapter received such an incredible response (thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your lovely reviews, all of them meant the world to me) I've decided to post the second chapter. I might post one chapter a week from this point on so that I can work on other fanfictions in the space between updating this one if that's what people would like :) I understand that me having a lot of fanfictions going at once have irritated some people and I do apologise for that because that wasn't my intention whatsoever. You might have realised that I've stopped writing "Secret Love" and that's because I lost all motivation for that which I apologise for, but the rest of the fics I have on here won't be abandoned. Anywho, I apologise for rambling. I hope that you all enjoy this chapter :)
If there was one thing that Anna despised the most about life without Edward it was waking up alone each morning.
She missed waking up with him curled around her.
She missed rolling over in his arms just to have him tighten his hold of her and kiss her good morning.
The thing that she missed most of all, however, was just having him there. The bed felt so much larger without him.
She could still remember the elation she had felt whenever she had woken up to him snoring into her neck when he'd been home on leave. Before the war, his loud snoring had kept her up for most of the night and it had irritated her to no end. It hadn't bothered her at all whenever he had been at home on leave though. In fact, she had loved the sound and had laid in his arms for hours one morning just combing her fingers through his hair and listening to him snore.
The sound had reassured him that she hadn't been dreaming and that he had been there. He had been safe and warm.
If it meant that she and her children were able to have him back, then she'd never again complain about such a thing.
The sound of a blanket rustling behind her brought her out of her thoughts sometime later and she couldn't help but sigh with happiness as she rolled over to face her little girl. She laid in silence for a couple of minutes and watched as Lily roused before giving her a smile when her blue eyes fluttered open. 'Good morning, Miss Miller…' She crooned while reaching through the bars on her daughter's cot so that she could run the backs of her fingers down her cheek.
The smile that Lily blessed her with as she continued to stroke her cheek helped lift her spirits and she felt her heart swell with love for her when she sat herself up in her cot. Lily then rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hands for a moment before reaching for the rail of her cot and getting to her feet. 'I have such a clever little girl,' Anna beamed when a surge of pride coursed through her veins before she sat up and took her little girl out of her cot. 'My darling.'
She leaned her forehead against hers once she had brought her close and sighed when she felt her place her hands on her cheeks. 'Your daddy would have adored you, you know.' She whispered as she looked into her eyes before kissing the tip of her nose. Edward, unfortunately, had never met their youngest daughter or cradled her in his arms. She had sent him a photograph of her and their eldest children after her birth, but she wished that he'd been able to meet her.
She wished that he had been able to have just one precious moment with her.
Afraid that she would burst into tears if she thought about her husband's demise for a moment longer, she shook her head to rid her mind of such thoughts before smiling at her little girl and running a hand over her beautiful fair hair. 'Shall we go and wake up Jack and Grace so that we can have breakfast and get dressed to head into town, precious?' She asked before giggling when Lily squealed with glee at the mention of her siblings' names and clapped her hands.
'Come on then.' After pressing a final kiss onto her forehead she pulled back the covers and climbed out of bed before settling her on her hip and leaving the bedroom. She then walked down the landing before opening Grace's bedroom door and entering the room, her heart swelling with love for her little girl when she saw that she was still fast asleep on her stomach with her arm hanging over the edge of her bed. She always looked like such an angel when she slept.
She walked over to Grace's bed after watching her sleep in silence for a minute and sat down on the edge of it before bringing Lily into her lap. She then reached out with one hand to brush her little girl's raven hair out of her face and back behind her ear. 'Gracie…' She ran the backs of her fingers down her cheek and smiled when she began to rouse. 'It's time to get up.' Grace sighed and shifted onto her back before looking up at her through half-lidded brown eyes.
'You're home,' Her voice was hoarse with sleep. 'Did you have fun singing last night?'
'I did, thank you, sweetheart,' Anna nodded while Lily babbled gently in her lap. 'I also heard that you and Jack were as good as gold for Mrs. Robins last night. She told me that the two of you tidied up the toys in the sitting room and helped to make Lily some dinner before she had to go up to bed.' Grace nodded with a smile of pride while sitting up.
'There were some peas left from dinner, so Jack mashed them all up and let me feed her!' She said. 'Then we gave her some mashed banana for pudding because she ate all of it.' She reached out to caress her little sister's cheek.
Lily flailed her arms in excitement before reaching for her sister and Anna laughed while handing her over to Grace.
For the next couple of minutes, she watched her girls cuddle together and felt the love that she had for them deepen.
The two of them were perfection personified.
'Because Jack and I were good, mum, does that mean we can go into town?' Grace asked her while holding Lily near.
'I suppose so,' Anna teased. 'I think I might even treat both of you to some lunch in that little café you love so much.'
'Rosie's!' Grace gasped. 'Miss Rosie's so nice to us, mum, she always gives us lemon drops!'
Anna ran a hand over her dark hair. 'We had better get dressed then. The morning's almost gone,' She accepted Lily back from her little girl before rising from the bed with her. 'I'm going to go and wake your brother. You can choose your own dress if you like, but make sure it's something warm because it's been a little chilly the last couple of days.'
The thought of choosing her own outfit made Grace's eyes light up and the sight made Anna smile before she turned on her heel and carried Lily out of the bedroom. After she had shut her daughter's bedroom door she went across the hall to her son's bedroom and knocked on his door before opening it. Jack was awake and sat up in bed with his book when she entered the bedroom and the two of them shared a warm smile when he stopped reading and looked at her.
'Do you ever put that book down?' She smirked while walking over to his bed.
'It's the best book in the world, mum,' He laughed. 'I can't wait to find out what happens to Sir Percival.'
She ruffled his tussled hair before sitting on the edge of his bed and letting her little girl take hold of her nightgown. 'Because I had such a good report from Mrs. Robins last night, I've decided that we will pop into town this morning. I need to run a couple of errands first, but I've told your sister that I'm going to take both of you to Rosie's for lunch because you helped Mrs. Robins far more than I expected to. The two of you were so responsible last night, darling.'
'I'm the man of the house now that dad's not here,' He reminded her. 'I have to be responsible and start growing up.'
She looked at him in silence for a moment before reaching out and smoothing the backs of her fingers over his cheek. 'Your job isn't to take care of me and your sisters,' She told him. 'That job is mine. Your job is to do your school-work, spend time with your friends and make the most of the rest of your childhood. Trust me, sweetheart, it might not seem like it but your childhood passes by in the blink of an eye. I don't want you to spend the rest of it worrying about things.'
'But…but things have been hard since dad passed,' He pointed out. 'You're still heartbroken and I just want to help.'
She sighed. 'I'll never stop feeling heartbroken when I think about your father, Jack because he was the first man I'd ever loved and he made me the happiest woman living. I think about him all the time and I miss him more than I can explain, but I can't let that stop me from being a mother to you and your sisters. Just like I can't let you stop being a child just because I'm finding things difficult at the minute,' She gave him a smile. 'I'm going to be just fine, darling.'
'Promise?' He pressed.
She leaned forward to press her lips against his hairline before looking him in the eye. 'I promise.' She reassured him.
The smile that he gave her warmed her heart and she ruffled his hair once more which caused him to chuckle gently.
'I think it's time for us to get dressed,' She said. 'I want you to wear a jumper or something, all right? It's quite cold.'
'Yes, mum,' He replied before she rose from the bed and began to walk over to his door. 'Mum?'
She turned in place and readjusted Lily on her hip while raising her brow at him.
'I love you.' He told her.
'I love you too,' She smiled. 'So much.'
She then turned around and walked out of his bedroom before closing the door and giving her little girl a gentle kiss on the nose. 'Now then, beautiful,' She bounced Lily in her arms. 'Let's go and find you something to wear, shall we?' Her daughter grasped her face in both hands before giving her one of her precious baby kisses and after giggling, she tightened her hold of her, nuzzled her nose against her own and carried her back down the landing to their bedroom.
The thought of spending the morning in town with her children thrilled her more than she could put into words.
It was rare that she could treat them these days – what she earned from singing was enough to put food on the table, that much was true, but there was never much spare – so whenever she was able to take them to a sweet-shop or out for dinner she did so. The three of them were her world and more and she was never going to stop telling them that.
Not ever.
'Oh, mum, look at her!' Grace exclaimed while tugging at the sleeve of her mother's coat after stopping and pointing at the porcelain doll that was in the toy-shop window later that morning. 'Isn't she just the most beautiful doll ever?'
Anna stopped pushing Lily's pram to look at the doll that had caught her little girl's attention before running a hand over her hair. Grace was right about the doll being beautiful. It had big, deep blue eyes, long brown hair which hung down its back and it was wearing a green dress and headband. 'She is, Gracie, she's very beautiful.' She smiled at her.
'Do you think I have enough pennies to get her?' Grace asked when she turned and looked up at her.
Even though she already knew the answer, Anna glanced at the price-tag that was around the doll's arm and winced. Ten pounds. With a sigh, she looked at her daughter and ran the back of her hand down her cheek. 'No, princess, I'm afraid not.' She shook her head before she felt her heart sink at the disheartened expression that crossed Grace's face.
'Do…do you think I might have her for my birthday?' Grace tried once again. 'I'd love her so much, mum, I mean it.'
If her little girl wasn't turning eight at the end of the week, then maybe Anna would have been in a place to consider saving up for the doll. The fact of the matter was, though, that Grace was going to be turning eight at the end of the week and there wasn't a chance of her being able to purchase the doll in that time. 'I'm sure you would, darling, but I just can't afford it. There might be another doll or something in the shop that you like, though, shall we go and see?'
'No, thank you…' Grace shook her head before offering her mother a small smile. 'Please, can we go to Rosie's now?'
Anna slid a dark curl back behind her ear before nodding. 'How about you and Jack run ahead and get us all a table?'
Her little girl nodded then before stepping past her, taking her brother's hand and all but pulling him down the road to Rosie's café. When she was alone, a single tear fell down her cheek while she reached into Lily's pram and covered her sleeping baby further with her blanket. She knew that it was stupid to get upset about a doll, but Grace had been so good over the past couple of months and hadn't asked for anything for her birthday. That doll was all she wanted.
It wasn't as though she didn't have presents to open on the morning, because she did. She had some new dresses and a little tea-set, but Anna wanted nothing more than to surprise her with the doll and see her face when she opened it. She couldn't do it though. She was unable to justify spending ten pounds on a doll when that amount of money could feed her and her children for another fortnight. 'Come on, Lils,' She sighed gently. 'Let's go and find Jack and Grace.'
She then began to push her little girl's pram down the road in the direction of Rosie's café, but stopped after taking a couple of steps and smiled at seeing Mr. Bates strolling towards her. 'Good morning, Anna.' He tipped his hat to her.
'Good morning, Mr. Bates.' She replied.
He must have sensed that she was down because his brow creased when he reached her. 'Is…is everything all right?'
'It will be,' She reassured him. 'I…I'm just having one of those days.'
He nodded in understanding.
'So, what brings you into town this morning?' She changed the subject.
'Oh, just an errand for His Lordship,' He said. 'What about you?'
She started to rock Lily in her pram to soothe her when she heard her whimper in her sleep. 'I told the children that I would bring them into town this morning if the two of them behaved for Mrs. Robins last night,' She admitted. 'The two of them have just gone to get us a table at Rosie's. I thought I'd treat them to lunch before taking them shopping.'
John chuckled. 'This is Lily; I assume?'
'It is,' She smiled down at her little girl before running a hand over her soft blonde curls. 'Like butter wouldn't melt.'
'She's your double.' He pointed out.
'Everyone says that,' She giggled before looking up at him. 'Are you still coming to the Dog and Duck tomorrow?'
He nodded. 'Of course. I'll be there at ten-to-seven.'
'It'll be nice to have a proper talk,' She told him. 'It'll be nice to get to know you a little better.'
'It will,' He agreed with a smile. 'I should let you go and find your children. I'll see you tomorrow night.'
She nodded. 'Goodbye, Mr. Bates.'
'Goodbye, Anna.' He replied.
She then pushed her daughter's pram past him and began to walk down the road with her, a smile gracing her lips as she did so. It was strange to think that she had been on the verge of tears just a couple of minutes ago. For some odd reason, the short chat that she had just had with Mr. Bates had managed to dispel the dark clouds and lift her spirits.
She was even more excited to spend some time with him at the Dog and Duck the following evening.
Perhaps, just for that one night, she would be able to leave her worries behind.
Perhaps…perhaps, for once, she could be carefree.
She leaned back in the chair at the table in the sitting room and sighed after wrapping up the last of Grace's presents late that night. Four presents. Three dresses and one tea-set. That was all her daughter would be opening on Friday morning. She knew that four presents were better than none and that Grace would never complain, but it pained her to remember that there had once been a time when she had been able to surprise her little girl with a pile of presents.
Her children deserved so much more.
Jack and Grace had been so brave and well-behaved since finding out about their father's death and she was so proud of them. It was the two of them, along with Lily, that gave her something to live for. She doubted that she'd have the strength to get out of bed in the morning if she didn't have them. If she was honest, she doubted that she would have even survived the news of Edward's death if that were the case. Her children were what was helping her to battle on.
'Mum?' Jack's soft voice made her look up from the present that was sat in front of her.
'You should have been asleep ages ago,' She frowned as he entered the sitting room. 'It's almost one in the morning.'
'I…I know, but I…' He stammered.
She sighed and rose from the chair before walking over to him and smoothing her hand over his mussed blonde hair, nothing but love for him in her eyes when he looked at her. 'You've been worrying again, haven't you?' She inquired.
'I didn't mean to,' His voice trembled. 'But I can tell that you're hurt because you can't get Grace the doll she wants.'
She slid her hand into his before leading him over to the sofa and sitting down with him. She smiled when he laid his head on her chest and draped an arm over her middle, and after sliding an arm around his waist she buried a soft kiss in his hair. 'It's just a doll,' She said to herself as well as him. 'I wish I could get it for her, of course, but I can't spend ten pounds on something like that when, for the same amount, I can afford to feed you both for the next week-or-so.'
Jack nodded against her chest before tilting his head back to look at her. 'I…I was thinking of ways to help you.'
'Go on…' She ran her hand along his side through his nightshirt.
'I could start doing paper-rounds before school-work and on weekends,' He smiled. 'Then you can have the money I make.'
She felt her heart swell. 'You're a darling, but I couldn't ask that of you.'
'You haven't,' He reminded her. 'I made the decision, mum, and I want to do it. I want to help make things better for you. I still have the bike that dad made for me when I was nine and I'd only be out for an hour-or-so every morning.'
Realising that she wasn't going to change her son's mind, Anna sighed. 'You're certain that you want to do this?'
'I am,' He nodded. 'I don't like knowing that you're struggling and I want to help you. I want you to be happy again.'
She was certain that her heart was fit to burst with love for him. 'I'm happy whenever I look at you and your sisters.'
'Good,' He snuggled into her. 'Because we love you so much.'
'I love you too,' She whispered. 'More than you could ever imagine.'
For a little while after that, the two of them sat in comfortable silence and Anna swept her fingers through his hair before smiling to herself when she heard him begin to snore. She would have to wake him again soon so that the two of them could go to bed, she knew that, but for now, she was content to just sit next to him and hold him in her arms.
It reminded her of the times when he used to come to her and her husband when he couldn't sleep as a toddler.
He would lie down between the two of them on the sofa with his comfort blanket and pacifier, his head in her lap and his feet in Edward's and she would run her fingers through his hair until he nodded off. It had been one of the things she had loved the most about being his mother and, sometimes, she found herself wishing that he was still that little.
The thing was, however, he wasn't.
That two-year-old had grown up and blossomed into this independent, polite, loving young man and even though he was plagued with grief at the moment he was still the same Jack. He still had a heart of sheer gold and was so gentle with his sisters. The night before, just before she had left for Downton, she'd told him that Edward would have been so proud of him if he were still with them and she had meant that. He'd been her rock over the last couple of months.
She was so blessed to have a son like him and she would never, no matter what occurred, allow herself to forget that.
Never.
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading chapter two of this fanfic and I hope that you liked it. If you have the time, please review and let me know what you thought of it :) x