Author's Note: I apologise for the wait between the last chapter and this one, but this one is longer and so I hope that that makes up for it a little :) Happy reading!
John was unable to take his eyes off of Anna while listening to her sing from the table that he'd found at the Dog and Duck. He was unsure of whether or not it was appropriate of him to be thinking such a thing about a woman he'd just met, but she looked so radiant as she stood just feet from him in a pink knee-length dress. Her hair hung over her shoulders in soft waves and he was able to see the light reflecting off of the stone on her wedding ring while she sang with her hands clasped in front of her. She was the definition of perfection.
'Keep the love-light glowing in your eyes so true…' He saw her cast her gaze over the silent room before she smiled when her gaze met his and she looked him dead in the eye. 'Let me call you "sweetheart", I'm in love with you.' He, along with the other punters, applauded her once she had finished her third song of the night before she brushed her hair out of her face and started to saunter over to his table. 'Well?' She pulled out the chair opposite him before sitting down and looking at him with a sparkle in her eyes. 'What did you think?'
He looked at her over the rim of his glass while sipping at his beer before setting the glass down and leaning back in his chair. 'Since you ask, I think that your performance was amazing and you have…one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard,' He watched her bring a hand to her face and slip a fair curl back behind her ear with a smile. 'And, if you don't find me too impertinent for saying so, I think you have an appearance to match.' She dropped his gaze at that and stared at her lap and he couldn't help but smile as he saw her blush.
'Goodness me, Mr. Bates,' She looked into his eyes again. 'You do know how to make a woman blush.'
He chuckled. 'Can I get you a drink before you have to go back up there?'
'That's kind of you,' She said to him. 'Could I have a glass of lemonade, please? I don't really drink alcohol.'
'Of course,' He nodded. 'I'll be back in a moment.'
She watched him leave their table and head over to the bar before leaning back in her chair with a deep sigh. She was having a nice evening and it was fun getting to know John better, but at the same time she couldn't wait to finish work for the night and go home. She despised leaving her children when one of them was ill. Grace had climbed into bed with her in the dark hours of that morning, complaining of stomach pains and a headache, and she had hoped that she'd recover as the day had worn on but, of course, that hadn't happened.
Her little girl had spent all afternoon slipping in and out of slumber in her arms and all she'd done at supper was push her peaches and cream around the bowl. Having to stop snuggling with her and come to work had broken her heart and she wasn't ashamed to admit that she had cried after leaving the house, but she needed the income. It was the thought of going home and being able to care for her daughter that was helping her to get through the evening. 'Here we are,' She looked up at the sound of John's voice. 'I apologise for the wait.'
'Not at all.' She shook her head before he sat down at the table again and she gave him a smile.
'You've got that look on your face again.' He sighed.
She frowned in confusion. 'What look?'
'The look that tells me that deep down you don't want to be here,' He told her. 'I noticed it when I came in.'
Soft tears burned her eyes as she sat in silence for a minute before whispering: 'I'm just so tired. I'm tired of being unable to get the children the things they want, I'm tired of having to do all of this alone and I'm tired of being tired. Grace is turning eight in two days and right now she's on the sofa at home with a stomach ache and a headache and I can't be with her. I can't even get her a stupid doll because I'm terrified I won't be able to afford to feed her and Jack for the next couple of days. I just wish that things were like they were before.'
John felt his heart sink when a tear fell down her cheek and she looked at her lemonade before wiping it off.
'I'm sorry…' She whispered.
After hesitating for a moment, he laid his hand over hers on the table before giving her a tender smile when she looked at him again. 'You need to stop apologising and feeling bad for having times like this,' He sighed while brushing his thumb against the back of her palm. 'Your life changed when your husband died and you now have to work and bring up three children alone, Anna, which I can imagine is hard for you sometimes.'
She forbade her bottom lip to tremble as she nodded. 'It's one of the hardest things in the world.'
'Then ask for help.' He told her.
She scoffed. 'Who am I meant to ask? I have no-one, Mr. Bates, aside from Mrs. Robins who helps enough.'
'What about your parents? Or your siblings if you have them.' He suggested.
She sniffed. 'I could write to mum, but dad would never give her permission to respond or come and see me. He couldn't stand Edward, for a reason I'm still unsure of, and when Edward proposed to me he said that he would disown me if I accepted. He said that I would no longer be welcome at home and that he wouldn't let Ben, Alice or mum speak to me again. I loved Edward, though, and I couldn't lose him so I married him at a registry office. Just days later, dad wrote to me for the last time and I haven't heard a thing from him since.'
John sighed.
'The children are all I have left,' She whispered. 'Jack helps me, the darling, but there isn't much he can do.'
John watched her lift her glass of lemonade to her lips and take a sip before clearing his throat when she put it back down. 'Is there anything that…that I can do to make things simpler for you? Because I'd like to help.'
She gave him a smile of gratitude. 'You could come here and watch me sing when you have a spare evening. I don't have a lot of friends. People I can talk to and feel comfortable doing so when I'm finding things hard or when I just need a break. I know that we haven't known each other long, but I like talking to you and I…I feel as though I can tell you about the problems I'm having without having to worry about you judging me.'
'I would never judge you.' He reassured her.
She sighed gently. 'So, if you truly want to help me, you can do that through just being here to listen to me.'
'I can do that,' He said. 'This is usually my half-day, so we could meet here every other week from now on.'
'I'd like that,' She admitted. 'Now, I should think about starting again.'
Even as she said that he was able to tell that that was the last thing she wanted to do.
'Anna, if you want to go home and be with Grace then you can do that,' He told her. 'No-one can stop you.'
She ran her thumb around the rim of her glass. 'If I had the choice, I would, but I need to do the second half of the performance if I want to be paid the usual amount. I'm going to earn half of that if I leave earlier than usual and I need as much as I can get.' She watched him look over at the bar for a second before he squeezed her hand and got up from his chair. 'What are you doing?' She asked him when he started to leave the table.
'Wait here, I'll be back in a minute. Trust me.' He smiled before heading over to the bar.
She then watched him speak with the bartender for a time before he turned around and walked back to their table. 'That's you free for the rest of the night. Finish your lemonade and then get your coat on and I'll walk you home.' He told her after sitting down in his chair again before she looked at him in silence for a minute.
'I don't understand,' She shook her head. 'What did you do?'
He smiled. 'Reginald, over there, is an old friend of mine. I told him that you were scheduled to do a second performance tonight, but your daughter's ill and you need to get home to her. I also asked him – and I didn't go into detail – if he would be willing to pay you the usual amount because you're in need of it. He said that he will on the condition that you work a little over-time next week.' He saw her eyes light up as she smiled.
'Thank you,' Her voice trembled with emotion. 'You don't know how much this means to me.'
'You're welcome,' He replied. 'Now, get that drank and then we can get going.'
'You don't have to walk me home, you know, it's in the complete opposite direction to Downton.' She said.
'I will, all the same. It's late and I want to make sure you get back safely.' He admitted.
She nodded before lifting her glass of lemonade to her lips and looking at him as she took a long sip from it.
He was one of the nicest men she had ever met.
She was unsure of what she had done to deserve to have a friend like him, but she knew that she would do it again in a trice if she had to. At last, after several horrid months, she had someone that she could confide in.
She had someone that she didn't have to pretend to be strong in front of all the time.
She no longer felt so alone.
She couldn't help but laugh when she turned to face John and noticed that he was soaked as the two of them stood outside her cottage. 'I told you that you shouldn't have let me use your jacket,' She smirked while still holding his jacket over her head and watching him shiver as the rain hammered down around them. 'You're going to end up with the flu if you walk back to Downton like that in this weather. Come inside for a cup of tea and wait for the rain to die down a bit.' She released his jacket with one hand before unlatching the gate.
'I don't want to impose. Not if Grace isn't well.' He shook his head.
'Mr. Bates, it's not imposing if I've invited you in and Grace's bedtime was hours ago which means that she should be asleep,' She told him while holding the gate open. 'It's freezing and standing out here talking isn't going to do either of us the slightest bit of good, so come along and I'll find a towel so you can get dried off,' The grateful smile that he gave her told her that she had won the argument and she let him enter the garden ahead of her before closing the gate. 'You'll have to forgive me while I speak with Mrs. Robins for a second.'
He nodded while following her to the front door. 'Of course. Take as long as you need.'
When the two of them reached the doorstep she went into her pocket for the spare key before unlocking the door. She then allowed him to step inside the cottage before doing the same and closing the door after them. 'Come through,' She said softly before stepping past him and leading him down the hall to her sitting room. The second the two of them entered the room, Mrs. Robins looked up from her knitting and smiled at them. 'Thank you for minding the children for me again tonight, Mrs. Robins, this is Mr. Bates. A friend of mine.'
'It's nice to meet you, Mr. Bates.' Mrs. Robins rose from the rocking chair.
'Likewise, Mrs. Robins.' He replied.
The elder woman returned her knitting things to her handbag before closing it and walking over to him and Anna. 'I'm afraid little Gracie hasn't perked up,' She sighed. 'She laid on the sofa until it was time for her to head up to bed and then she was sleeping before I'd even had the chance to leave the room after settling her.'
'Has she been down since?' Anna asked.
'No,' Mrs. Robins shook her head. 'I went to check in on her about ten minutes ago and she was still asleep.'
'That's good,' Anna smiled before going into her coat pocket and finding ten pounds. 'Before I forget, here's what I owe you for taking care of the children for me for the last fortnight. I…I'm sorry that I wasn't able to give it to you before now, but it's just that I…' She stopped talking when Mrs. Robins took her hand in hers.
The elder woman ran her thumb across her knuckles while looking into her eyes and giving her a soft smile. 'Anna Miller, I have known you since you were Grace's age and used to run through town with your hair in pigtails,' She reminded her which caused her to giggle. 'I understand that things are difficult at the moment, love, so don't you fret one bit about being a little behind on payment. You'll have the money when you have the money.' She lifted her other hand to the young woman's face before stroking her cheek with her fingers.
'Thank you.' Anna whispered before allowing her to take the ten pounds.
'I should let you get on with your evening,' Mrs. Robins said to her just seconds later. 'I can see myself out.'
Anna nodded. 'Goodnight, Mrs. Robins.'
'Goodnight,' She replied. 'Goodnight, Mr. Bates.'
'Goodnight, Mrs. Robins.' John replied before she walked out of the sitting room.
Once the two of them were alone together, Anna turned to face him before offering his soaked jacket to him and letting him take it. 'Take that chair from the table and move it in front of the fire. Then hang the jacket over the back of it so that it dries. You don't mind if I pop upstairs for a second just to get changed, do you?'
'Of course I don't.' He reassured her.
'When I come back down I'll make us that cup of tea,' She said before smiling at him and turning around to leave the sitting room. She then walked down the hall and up the stairs before entering her room and letting out a sigh when she saw Grace sleeping in her bed. Silently, she walked over to her daughter before pushing her dark hair out of her face and leaning down to kiss her temple. 'Mummy's home now, darling, I promise.' She whispered before covering her further with the quilt and going over to her drawers to find a nightgown.
It didn't take long for her to change out of her soaked dress and into her nightgown, and after pulling on her cardigan she turned to go back downstairs before a delighted coo stopped her in her tracks. Turning in place, she felt her heart race at the sight of Lily standing up in her cot with the happiest of expressions on her face. Her little girl was always so thrilled to see her and she loved that. 'Do you have the first idea of what time it is, young lady?' She smirked while approaching her. 'Even your big brother and sister are fast asleep in bed!'
All her daughter did was beam at her and grasp her nightgown in her hands when she came to stand in front of her cot. She pressed a kiss to the top of her head before lifting her onto hip and she felt a surge of love for her course through her veins when she laid her head on her shoulder. 'The best part of going out each night,' She whispered while leaning her forehead against hers. 'Is coming home to you and your brother and sister.' The feeling of Lily playing with her damp hair made her smile before she feathered a kiss against her cheek.
'I feel as though I have zero chance of getting you back off, so I guess you're just going to have to come back downstairs with me,' She said after a couple of minutes before giving her daughter a squeeze and exiting the bedroom with her in her arms. She then walked back downstairs before pausing in the sitting room entrance at the sight of John looking at a photograph. The frame that the photograph was kept in let her know which one. It was the photograph of her and Edward at their wedding. One of the most precious things she owned.
'The fourth of March 1906,' She announced her presence before readjusting Lily on her hip and walking into the room with her when he turned around. 'The wedding was small and we were unable to afford to go on a honeymoon trip, but I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt happier. Edward cried when he saw me in the dress I'd spent weeks sewing and when I reached him he said that I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen,' She and John shared a smile when she reached him. 'He was such a charmer, but I loved him terribly.'
John glanced at the photograph again before looking back at her. 'How old were you when you got married?'
'I'd just turned twenty,' She admitted while resting her cheek against the crown of her little girl's head. 'Just a couple of months later I learned that I was pregnant and then Jack came along in late December that year.'
'A lot changed for you in the space of that one year, didn't it?' He asked her.
'Yes, it did,' She nodded as she looked into his eyes. 'But I don't regret a single decision that I made because I had all I'd ever dreamed of,' The two of them looked at one another for a time before she remembered that she had offered to make him a cup of tea. 'Come through to the kitchen with me and I'll make us that cup of tea before you have to start walking back to Downton. You wouldn't mind holding Lily for me, would you?'
He shook his head before smiling when the little girl lifted her head off of her mother's shoulder and looked at him. 'Hello.' He kept his voice soft while reaching out to stroke her cheek with the back of his forefinger. The action caused Lily to smile before Anna giggled and turned her head to brush a kiss against her hairline.
'You little smiler,' She ran a hand over her silken curls before smiling at her and turning to John once again. 'Come on,' She then waited for him to return her wedding photograph to the shelf before leading him out of the sitting room and down the hall to the kitchen. Once the two of them had reached the kitchen she waited for him to pull out a chair at the dining table and sit down before giving her little girl to him. 'I might warm one of her bottles up, too.' She said while approaching the refrigerator once he had perched Lily on his knee.
She bustled around the small kitchen in silence for the next couple of minutes, searching for a saucepan and filling it with water so that she could warm up her daughter's bottle before she started to make a start on the tea. Something told John that this was how she spent most of her spare time. Doing jobs, heating up bottles, making meals and just making sure that her children were cared for. He doubted that she gave herself much time to just sit down. 'Do you take sugar in your tea?' She inquired while glancing over her shoulder at him.
'Just one, please.' He replied before looking at the infant on his knee and smiling when she snuggled into his chest. She was the exact double of her mother. From her fair hair down to her complexion, everything about her just screamed Anna and it fascinated him that it was possible for a child to resemble one of their parents so much. The sound of Anna laughing made him look up from Lily after a while and he felt his heart race in his chest at the smile on her lips. He thought she had a beautiful smile. One that made her eyes just light up.
'She must like you,' She said to him in a quiet voice. 'She never settles for anyone but me and Mrs. Robins.'
He chuckled in response before watching her take her daughter's bottle out of the saucepan and test the milk on her wrist. Once she was positive that the milk was at the right temperature, she carried the bottle over to the table and put it down before going back to the kitchen counter to fetch the cups of tea that she had made. 'Here we are,' She set his cup of tea down in front of him before setting hers down in front of the chair next to him and reaching for her little girl. 'Come here, darling, you need your bottle before you go back to sleep.'
Once she had her little girl in her arms she sat down next to John at the table, cradled her close and began to feed her. 'Did you ever imagine that you would have three children?' He asked her after a couple of seconds.
'Never,' She laughed. 'I thought that one was enough for me because I was so exhausted in the months after Jack's birth, but then he got older and he started to do things for himself and I…I missed being depended on. Before I could even speak to Edward and ask him what he thought about the idea of having another, though, I received a letter from the doctor which told me that I was pregnant again. Jack was about four at the time.'
John smiled. 'Did he understand?'
'Kind of,' She nodded. 'He understood that Grace was there and that she could hear him whenever he talked to her, but I don't think he realised that I wouldn't be pregnant forever. He kept asking me where Grace had come from for the first couple of days and he kept his distance, but he did start to warm up to her over time. The two of them fight like cat and dog and drive each other mental these days, but she loves him and he's so protective of her,' She gazed down at Lily and felt her heart race. 'I can't wait for Lily to grow up with them.'
'If I'm not speaking out of turn,' John cleared his throat. 'I think Edward would be so proud of you.'
She took her eyes off of her little girl and lifted her head to look at him. 'You do?'
'Yes,' He replied. 'You do so much for the children and you work so hard, Anna, and I know he'd be proud.'
She felt tears of happiness burn in her eyes before she smiled at him. 'I tell Jack and Grace that all the time.'
'You don't have someone to tell you that though, do you?' He sighed.
'I didn't before,' She shook her head. 'But I do now and I'm so grateful to you.'
The sound of footsteps out in the hall reached her ears a short while later and her heart broke when her little girl entered the kitchen. 'Mum,' Grace's voice was quiet and the discomfort she was in was clear in her eyes as she looked at her. 'Can I have some more medicine, please? I think my headache might be getting worse.'
'When did you last have some, princess?' Anna asked with a raise of her brow.
'I haven't had some since you went to work,' Grace told her. 'Mrs. Robins sent me to bed with Lily tonight.'
Anna hummed. 'Go and lie down on the sofa and I'll bring your medicine through once I've fed your sister.'
'All right,' Grace nodded before looking at John for a moment and giving him a smile. 'Hello.'
'Hello, Grace.' He returned her smile.
'How do you know my name?' She cocked her head to one side.
He chuckled. 'Your mummy told me. She also told me that you're turning eight in two days. Is she correct?'
'Yes,' She said. 'There's a doll I like in the toy shop window and I'm hoping the birthday fairy will bring it.'
John glanced at Anna and sighed as she looked down at Lily to keep her hurt expression from her daughter.
'I'm sure you're going to have more wonderful presents too.' He told her.
'I will,' She beamed. 'Mummy always gets the best presents.'
Anna forced herself to smile at her little girl before she reached out to run her hand over her thick dark hair. 'You're a darling,' She looked into her eyes for a second. 'Now go and have a lie down on the sofa, all right?'
She felt a surge of love for her Grace course through her when she kissed her on the cheek before turning on her heel and leaving the kitchen. Once she was alone with John once again, she sighed to herself and felt her heart sink. 'She won't stop harping on about that doll and it just makes me more nervous for her to open her presents,' She whispered to him just in case her daughter could hear her. 'She has four presents from me and three of those presents are dresses I've made for her. All I've managed to afford to get her is a lousy tea-set.'
'Four presents are better than none at all,' He soothed her. 'And I'm sure she's going to adore what she gets.'
She nodded. 'It's…it's just that she hasn't mithered me about what presents she wants over the last couple of weeks because she knows I've been struggling. That doll is the one thing she's asked me for and I know that she would take care of it and love it, but I just can't afford it and I hate knowing that I can't give her a treat.'
'She'll get past it, Anna, I promise,' He said. 'Soon enough, she'll forget that she even wanted the doll at all.'
She looked at him for a moment. 'But what will I do when she asks for the next one? Or the one after that?'
'If you can afford to treat her, you treat her, but if you can't afford it then you tell her.' He explained.
She swallowed the tears that were climbing up her throat. 'But I…I just…'
'You hate letting her down,' He finished for her. 'I understand that, but you need that money to live, Anna.'
'I know,' She told him. 'It's just hard sometimes.'
He looked at her while taking a sip of his cool tea before saying, 'I know it is, but you aren't alone anymore.'
The softest smile curled her lips. 'Your support means so much to me.'
'You'll have my support for as long as you require it,' There was nothing but truth in his eyes. 'I mean that.'
She was just about to open her mouth to respond when her little girl stopped drinking her bottle and tried to sit up in her lap. 'I take it you've had enough of that, darling,' She crooned before sitting her up after setting her bottle down on the table and watching her rub at her eye with her fist. 'I think someone's a little sleepy.'
'I should leave so that you can give Grace her medicine and put her and Lily back to bed,' John told her once he had finished his cup of tea and pushed back his chair to rise from the table. 'Thank you for having me in.'
'It was the least I could do,' She stood up and perched her daughter on her hip before the two of them shared a smile and left the kitchen to go back to the sitting room. After entering the room, she watched him get his jacket from the back of the chair that he had hung it on before he put it on and she looked at Grace. 'Are you going to say goodnight to Mr. Bates, Gracie?' She asked while swaying in place with Lily settled against her.
Grace sat up on the sofa with a smile before brushing her black hair out of her face and looking over at John. 'Goodnight, Mr. Bates,' She said before thinking for a moment. 'Mr. Bates, please can I ask you something?'
'Of course.' He nodded after fastening the buttons on the front of his jacket.
'What happened to make you need a walking stick?' She asked.
Anna frowned at her daughter. 'Grace Miller, that's rather an impertinent question.'
'It's all right,' John shook his head when Grace's cheeks turned a deep shade of red. 'You see, Grace, I…I got injured when there was an explosion during a war called the Boer War. It left me with quite an awful knee.'
The little girl nodded. 'My daddy went to war but…but he didn't make it back.'
'I know,' He sighed before looking over at Anna who was leaving a kiss to Lily's temple. 'And I'm so sorry.'
'He was brave though, wasn't he, mum?' Grace turned to her mother.
Anna nodded. 'He was, darling. Like all men who go off to war, he was incredibly brave.'
The two of them smiled at each other before she turned her head in John's direction when he started to walk over to her. 'I should go before it rains again,' He said. 'I'll see you at the Dog and Duck next week, though.'
'I look forward to it,' She told him. 'Shall I walk you to the door?'
'It's all right,' He shook his head. 'I can see myself out, but thank you.'
'Goodnight, Mr. Bates.' She nodded.
'Goodnight, Anna,' He replied before saying the same to Lily and looking over at Grace. 'Goodnight, Grace.'
'Goodnight, Mr. Bates.' Grace beamed.
Once John had walked out of the sitting room, Anna walked over to the sofa before running a hand over her little girl's hair and sighing as she looked up at her. 'How about we give you some medicine and go and have a cuddle in bed? I might even make us both a nice cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows to take upstairs.'
'That sounds amazing!' Grace's eyes lit up. 'I'm so glad you're home, mum.'
'Me too, sweetness,' Anna's heart swelled. 'Me too…'
Anna covered her little girl further with the quilt as she laid beside her in silence sometime later and a smile curled her lips when she started to comb her fingers through her hair. Grace had nodded off in her arms just a couple of minutes ago after drinking her hot chocolate and was now snuggled into her, her head cushioned on her shoulder as she had one arm slung over her stomach and was snoring gently into the side of her neck.
She still couldn't believe that she was going to be eight in less than two days.
She could still remember holding her for the first time after being in labour with her for thirteen long hours. Grace had stopped screaming the second she had been placed in her arms and when she had opened her eyes she had stolen her heart. For the first nine months of her life, she had had the loveliest blue eyes but then her eye colour had changed into a hazel brown. Everything about her from then on had just screamed her father.
Time was passing far too fast.
Before she knew it, she imagined, Lily would be the one growing out of her cot and starting to walk and talk.
The mere thought of that time made her heart sink.
She knew, however, that even when Lily did leave her cot and she did start walking and talking she was still going to need her. Jack and Grace were the proof of that. The two of them were years older than her and yet both of them still came to her for cuddles when they were sad or ill and Grace still loved to fall asleep beside her. Both of them were still her babies and she believed that, regardless of their age, that would never change.
Her eyes began to sting a short time later and she took that as a sign that she needed to get some sleep if she was going to lead Jack and Grace in their studies the next morning. She pressed a kiss onto Grace's forehead before turning her head and smiling at seeing that Lily was sleeping well in her cot. Once she had blown out the candle on her nightstand she settled down beside Grace and allowed her little girl to cuddle closer to her.
She hoped that both her headache and her stomach ache were gone in the morning.
To her, there was nothing worse than seeing one of her children under the weather.
She pulled the quilt further over herself and her daughter before closing her eyes and pressing her lips to her temple. 'Mummy…' Grace whined in her sleep while she stirred in her arms for a moment at the movement.
'Shh,' She hushed. 'It's all right, Gracie, go back to sleep.'
Grace tightened the arm that was slung over her stomach and sighed as she settled again. 'Love you.'
'I love you too.' Anna reassured her.
It took minutes for Grace to drift back off and once she was sure that she was asleep, Anna sighed to herself and ran a hand along her back through her nightgown before closing her eyes once again. She let herself rest then and, soon enough, she gave in to the pull of slumber and let the quiet sound of her daughters' breathing send her off to sleep.
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this chapter, it really does mean a lot to me that you like what I write! If you have the time I would be so grateful if you would leave a review to let me know what you thought of this. I'll see you all soon!