Author's Note: I want to apologise for the wait for this chapter but I struggled a little with this one and so I took a break for a while! Inspiration finally came to me though, and this is the result so I hope that you all enjoy and happy reading!
Anna couldn't keep the smile from her face when she turned her head in John's direction and watched him sleep while nursing her daughter a couple of hours later, the love she had for him evident in her eyes as she listened to him snore and watched his chest rise and fall in time with his breaths. He was perfect. As he had promised, he had still been holding her when she had woken up and she had been certain that there was no feeling more incredible than being nestled in his arms. He had been holding her so close, his lips resting against her temple and his hand pressed into the small of her back, and had her little girl not been in need of a feed she wouldn't have moved. Alas, she had remembered that he needed to be up for work at five o'clock and Lily disturbing his sleep had been the last thing she'd wanted to happen. She had to admit that she was rather glad of the chance to see him like this, though.
With his hair all unkempt and a contented expression written across his face.
Her little girl's fingers brushed against her after a time and when she turned her attention back to her she felt her heart start to race in her chest. From where she was settled in the cradle of her arms while she took her feed, Lily was gazing up at her through half-lidded blue eyes and the sparkle in them made her heart melt. If she had to choose one thing that she had loved the most about being a mother to her children, then it had been nursing the three of them. She and Edward had shared a lot of the responsibilities that had come with being parents back when Jack and Grace had been babies, but with both of them she had been the one in charge when it had come to feeds. Finding the perfect spot and making herself comfortable with them settled in her arms had been her favourite thing to do, and the feeling of them trying to cuddle as close to her as possible while nursing had been absolute bliss.
She could remember turning to Edward one night, a couple of months into her pregnancy, and telling him that she couldn't wait to give birth so that she could start nursing again. There had been no doubt in her mind that – even though it had been seven years since she had last had a newborn at the time – she was going to love nursing their next baby as much as she had loved nursing Grace and, as she brought her little girl closer and leaned down to kiss her forehead, she smiled at knowing she had been right. 'I see someone's appetite has started to come back,' She traced the smooth curve of Lily's cheek with the back of her palm and smiled when she let out the gentlest coo in response. 'Let's hope that that's a sign that you're on the mend, my sweet one.'
A short while later, when she felt the quilt shift and a deep sigh come from John as he shifted beside her, she looked in his direction again and a surge of warmth ran through her veins when his eyes flickered open. She could tell that he found it rather difficult to make sense of where he was for a moment, but when he smiled to himself and lifted his gaze to her she just had to smile back. 'Hi…' She whispered while cradling the back of her little girl's head in her hand and brushing her thumb against her fair curls, her gaze locking with his as he sat up beside her before she let him press a tired kiss to her lips. He put an arm around her shoulders and brushed his thumb against the soft skin of her arm once he'd pulled back from her, and just moments after she had snuggled into his side she felt her cheeks heat up. He had never seen her in such a state of undress before. She was almost completely bared to him.
Even though she tried her hardest to hide her embarrassment and burning cheeks from him, when he sighed and kissed her cheek she could tell that he had noticed. He removed his arm from around her shoulders some time later and pulled back the quilt before sliding out of bed, and she was somewhat confused for a moment before she realised what he was doing and she felt a lump come to her throat. He was walking over to the armchair on the other side of the room to get the soft blanket that was folded over the back of it. He was going to cover her up so that she could regain a sense of modesty and wouldn't have to feel so exposed. 'Lean forward a little,' He told her once he had returned to the bed with the blanket and she did as he'd asked, hushing Lily faintly when she whimpered at the disturbance before he draped one end of the blanket over her shoulder. 'All right, you can lean back again now.'
It took no time at all for him to adjust the blanket so that it was covering both her and her daughter after she had gotten comfortable again, and as soon as he was done he laid his hand on her cheek and made her look at him. 'You are so beautiful…' He shook his head while brushing his thumb against her skin. 'I never want you to feel embarrassed to nurse in front of me, darling, because it's natural and I understand that it's something that you have to do. When she needs feeding, she needs feeding, and there are bound to be times in the future when we're together and she needs you to give her a feed too. It's just a part of life and it's a part that I respect.' He could see tears in her eyes as he cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand, the two of them sharing a smile before he slid his hand around to the back of her head and brushed his fingers against her hair while leaning in to capture her in the softest kiss.
He slid back beneath the quilt and put his arm around her shoulders again once their kiss had broken, and when she leaned against his chest he nuzzled his nose against the hairs at the side of her head and smiled as he watched her continue to feed her little girl. Intense love lived in her eyes as she pulled Lily closer to her chest and patted the small of her back through her nightgown, and it was more than obvious to him that she just loved being a mother. For as long as he had known her, whenever she had spoken about her children her eyes had lit up and the most beautiful smile had graced her features. The three of them were her world, he didn't doubt that for a moment, and he was certain that he would come to love them almost as much as she did as time passed. He already had quite a bond with little Grace and he wasn't too worried about bonding with Lily, but he knew it would be harder with Jack.
Jack was much older than his sisters and Anna had told him countless times that he and his father had been inseparable.
The two of them had been more like close friends than father and son before Edward's passing and he knew that it would be hard for him to accept him.
'Stop,' He heard Anna tut before she tilted her head back on his shoulder and looked at him. 'Stop with all this brooding.'
He chuckled. 'How did you know I was brooding?'
'I told you that Edward worried about me all the time,' She reminded him. 'He was constantly brooding, so you could say I have a sixth sense for it now.'
He tightened his hold of her and sighed. 'I want Jack to like me. He doesn't have to think of me as a father like Grace does, but I'd like us to be friends.'
'You will be, I promise, it's just going to take some time,' She reassured him. 'You have to remember that all of this is a bit harder for him than for Grace, sweetheart, because he was eight when Edward left to fight and she was three. She remembers little bits about Edward and there are a couple of things that I've told her about him, but she didn't have as much time to bond with him as Jack had and that's part of the reason why she accepted the idea of us being together easier than he did. He thought that his dad and I would be together until the end of time, and so it's hard for him to accept that I've fallen in love again and want to move on. You'll find common ground at one point, though, I just know it. You just have to have a little patience with him, John.'
He lifted his hand to her face before smiling as he swept her hair tenderly back behind her ear. 'I'll be patient with him for as long as he needs me to be.'
'Thank you,' She whispered, her eyes falling closed when he placed a kiss on her forehead. 'I still can't believe that this is happening.'
'Believe, Anna,' He encouraged. 'You've had to muddle through on your own for far longer than you should have, but you don't have to do that anymore.'
She smiled. 'I don't, do I?'
'No,' He shook his head. 'You never have to do anything alone again.'
Rather than answering him with words, she settled for pressing her face into the side of his neck and kissing him there before she inhaled his scent and looked down at her little girl again. Knowing that Lily would always have a father figure in her life made her feel happier than she could put into words. Yes, John wasn't her biological father and it wasn't his name on her birth documents, but he would be her father where it counted. He would protect her from the world and the evil in it, and she was positive that he would never let her doubt how much she meant to him. A thought that warmed her heart. She left her thoughts when she realised that her daughter's sucks had become rather irregular after a couple of minutes, and she couldn't help but smile at seeing that she had fallen asleep on her chest. 'I have a feeling she might be finished.' She laughed softly when she looked up at John and met his gaze.
The two of them shared a smile before she eased her little girl back from her chest and pulled her slip's strap back up her arm, her hand coming to rest on the back of her head as she left John's embrace and shuffled closer to the cot so that she could lie her down. She then eased a little curl out of her face before placing her blankie down next to her and taking a moment to watch her rest. She was perfection personified. When she moved back from the cot she decided to rid herself of the blouse and skirt she had fallen asleep in so that all she had on was her slip, and when John put his arms around her and brought her to lie down beside him again she laid a hand on the side of his neck and brushed her nose against his. 'You should go back to sleep,' She told him as she looked into his eyes and felt him stroke the small of her back. 'You have to be up again in about four hours and you're going to be exhausted.'
'I will in a minute,' He chuckled. 'But there's something I wanted to speak to you about first.'
She nodded. 'Go on.'
'How would you feel about…about coming to work at Downton with me?' He asked while pulling her further into his warmth.
She stared at him in stunned silence for a moment, not quite believing what he had just proposed.
'I…I don't understand,' She stammered once she had managed to find her voice again. 'Me? Come to work at Downton?'
'Let me explain,' He said. 'His Lordship's eldest daughter is due to be married in just over a month and this morning I heard Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes talking about how she's planning to put out an advertisement for a lady's maid. You once told me that you had a position at Skelton Park before you and Edward were wed, and so I found Mrs. Hughes this afternoon and told her that I had someone in mind who might be suitable for the position. I said that I would speak to you about it and then get back to her so that she could talk to Lady Mary about arranging an interview. It was just an idea, sweetheart.'
The smile that spread across her lips caused a surge of relief to course through him as it reassured him that she didn't think he'd overstepped the mark.
'It's a nice thought,' She stroked the hairs at the side of his head with her fingers. 'But I was just a housemaid at Skelton Park, I doubt she'd consider me.'
'You were head housemaid,' He corrected her. 'If the Skelton's had had a daughter then it would have been down to you to get her dressed, wouldn't it?'
She hummed in response. 'I believe so.'
'Being head housemaid means that you have some experience, Anna, and the fact that you can make such beautiful dresses for Grace and shape her hair so well is another good sign. You would make the perfect maid, I'm certain of it, but there's no pressure. As I said, it was just a bit of an idea that I had.' He kept her close with the hand on her back while bringing his spare hand up to stroke her hair, nothing but love for her in his eyes as he looked at her.
Once she had looked at him in silence for a couple of seconds, she let her gaze fall to his chest and sighed as she began to think about all that he had just said. He had been right when he had said that she would have been responsible for the dressing of the daughter of the Skelton's should there have been one, and even though she didn't like to brag she had to admit that she was rather up-to-date with the latest fashions due to having a little girl who loved having hair like the women in magazines. Serving at Downton would also mean that she would no longer have to spend her nights singing in a room full of drunken men who, and she would never utter a word of this to John, would on occasion make unwanted advances. His plan hadn't a single downside. She couldn't be certain that she would be given the job if she went to the interview, but one thing that she was certain about was that she needed to try.
For her children's sakes if not for her own.
She looked up at John again after making the decision and she could tell that the look on her face had made it clear to him that she had made her choice. 'I'm sick to death of the children being worried about where their next meal is going to come from,' She admitted. 'I thought that things would be a little easier once Jack started his paper round, but even with two incomes I'm finding it harder and harder to feed them. If I take this job at Downton, then he won't have to stress about his paper round anymore and I'll be making more money in one week than I do in a month at the moment,' She stopped for a second and moved closer to him beneath the covers before resting a hand on his chest and kissing his lips. 'I'll also get to spend far more time with you.'
He chuckled. 'That's rather a nice thought.'
'It is, isn't it?' She settled in his embrace.
For a time after that, the two of them laid together in comfortable silence and listened to the ticking of the alarm clock on her nightstand while she ran her thumb across the skin at the side of his neck and revelled in the closeness she shared with him. It wasn't long before tiredness began to creep up on her again, though, and she let her hand leave his neck so that she could wrap an arm around his waist and cuddle closer to his chest to steal his warmth. 'Go back to sleep.' She heard John whisper while her fingertips roamed along the expanse of his lower back through the undershirt that he was wearing.
'I am…' She mumbled, eyes closed as her face was hidden in his chest and she could feel it rise and fall.
He tightened his hold of her while leaning over her to turn down the oil lamp on her nightstand, his chin finding the top of her head as he settled next to her once the room had been plunged into darkness. She was fast asleep again in less than ten minutes, her soft and relaxed breathing making him smile as he listened and stroked the curls that cascaded down her back. He would give anything to be able to spend every night for the rest of his life like this. There was just something about holding her in his arms while she slept that felt so wonderful, and he felt like the luckiest man on earth in that moment.
If he wasn't so exhausted himself then he would have stayed awake all night just to make the most of the time he had with her, but his eyes soon started to burn with fatigue and he realised that he had to get some more sleep if he wasn't going to get back to Downton looking half-dead in a couple of hours. He allowed himself a minute-or-two to reassure himself that she was both warm and comfortable enough before closing his eyes, a sigh of contentment escaping him as he buried his nose in his hair and kissed her crown just moments before he started to feel himself drifting back into a peaceful slumber.
John opened his eyes and frowned when he reached out to lace an arm around Anna's middle and all that his hand came into contact with was the quilt. For a while, as he looked at the clock on her nightstand and ran his hand through his tousled hair, he didn't have a clue about what her motive for being out of bed at half-past four in the morning could be. Lily was still fast asleep on her stomach in her cot, so it was clear that it had nothing to do with her.
That was when he smelled it.
Bacon.
She was in the kitchen, at this hour, cooking his breakfast.
'She must be mad,' He said to himself with a shake of his head before pulling back the quilt and getting out of bed, a sigh escaping him as he walked over to his cane and took hold of it so that he could leave the bedroom and head downstairs. It was freezing on the ground floor since there was no fire going in the sitting room and he couldn't believe that she was mad enough to stand down there just so she could make him breakfast. He tried his best to keep his footsteps quiet as he approached the kitchen, but the tap of his cane on the tiles made her look over her shoulder at him the moment he walked into the room and her smirk made him chuckle. 'You are mental. Has anyone ever told you that?' He asked when she turned back to the stove and he walked up behind her before leaning his cane against the kitchen side, his hands finding her waist as he kissed the back of her neck and sighed against her skin.
'What's mental about wanting to make the man I love breakfast before he has to go to work?' She leaned back against his chest and looked into his eyes, a smile spreading across her face as his arms started to slide around her middle and she let her eyes drift closed just as he brushed his lips against hers.
'No, there's nothing mental about that,' He agreed while resting his chin on her shoulder once their kiss had ended. 'What's mental is that you're making breakfast for me in a freezing cold kitchen at half-past four in the morning after getting about four hours of sleep last night. You have remembered that there are two little girls sleeping above us who are going to be demanding your attention from the moment they wake up, sweetheart, haven't you? You have remembered that you have to go back to work again tonight?' He tightened his hold of her when she turned to him with another one of her smirks.
'Mmm-hmm,' She reassured him. 'But knowing those things won't keep me from making sure that you leave this house with something in your stomach.'
He looked at her in silence for a time before pressing his lips to her cheek and mumbling: 'You mean the world to me, you know that?'
'Yes, I do, and you mean just as much to me,' She replied, rising onto her tiptoes to peck at his lips. 'Go and sit down and I'll bring this over in a moment.'
Ignoring her command, he buried his nose in the dip between her neck and shoulder before kissing her there. 'Do I have to? I'd much rather stand here.'
She tutted and turned down the flame on the stove before putting the spatula down on the kitchen side and turning in his arms, the two of them sharing a smile as she laid one hand on the side of his neck and directed him into a kiss. It was soft and languid when it started, no different to the ones they had shared in the past, but she began to feel rather bold after a time and so she swept her tongue across his bottom lip in a silent request to deepen the kiss. His breath hitched in the back of his throat, an indication that he hadn't been expecting her to make such a move, but when his hand came to rest on the back of her head and he parted his lips beneath hers she smiled against him. She had expected to be nervous the first time she shared such a passionate kiss with him, but as she leaned into him and felt him brush his fingers through her tousled hair she realised that she didn't feel nervous in the slightest.
He moved his hands to her waist and brought her closer as he responded to her kisses and she rose up onto her tiptoes so that she could wrap her arms around his neck, their lips moving over one another's with the ease of old lovers as she stroked her thumb against the back of his neck and smiled when he hummed. It had been so long since she had been held and kissed in such a manner and she was positive that she could have remained in his arms for the rest of time should she have had the chance, but the need to catch her breath arose much too soon and so she peeled back from him with a soft sigh. Once she had returned to her mediocre height and slid her arms around his middle to hold him close, she closed her eyes and let him press his forehead to hers while the two of them caught their breath. 'Do you think that might tide you over until I come and join you at the table?' She managed to inquire.
'I'm not sure,' He teased. 'Perhaps one more?'
'Table.' She laughed after taking her arms from around him and pointing to the breakfast table.
He gave her a mock salute and placed a kiss on her cheek before taking hold of his cane and heading for the table, a smile curling his lips as he sat down and watched her continue their breakfast. She moved around the little kitchen with ease, boiling the kettle so that she could make some tea and moving the bacon that she'd just fried from the pan to the two plates on the kitchen side. It seemed as though she didn't have to think about what she was doing – that it was natural to her at this point – and he adored that. She ran her house and raised her children so well and he couldn't have felt prouder of her. He turned his head and glanced down the hall when the stars creaked after some time had passed, and when Grace appeared at the bottom of them and headed for the kitchen he smiled. She seemed to still be half-asleep as she held the hand of the doll that he had gotten for her, and he felt his heart swell.
'Mr. Bates, please can I have a cuddle?' She asked once she had entered the room and come to stand beside him, her voice quiet from having just woken.
He reached out to settle his hand on the curve of her cheek before his love for her deepened when she nuzzled against his palm. 'Of course, sweetheart,' He nodded before pushing his chair back from the table and lifting her to sit in his lap, one of his arms circling her waist to hold her close while his hand moved to her hair and he ran his fingers through the dark strands as she cuddled up to him. She might not have resembled her mother quite as much as her little sister did, but there wasn't the slightest difference between them when it came down to their personalities. Anna had brought her up to be just as compassionate and kind as she was and he cherished that. 'That's nice, isn't it?' He turned his head in Anna's direction at the sound of her voice and a smile spread across his lips as he watched her bring their breakfasts to the table. 'You get a cuddle, but I don't get so much as a good morning from her!'
'I can't blame her,' He smirked when she sat down in the chair next to him and Grace, who had started to fall back into slumber. 'I give the best cuddles.'
She tutted while starting to spread some butter over a slice of toast. 'I don't think I'm in a position to disagree with that. I was so comfortable last night.'
'Me too. I can't remember the last time I had such a good night's sleep.' He admitted.
'I just wish that all nights could be like last night,' She sighed after eating some of her toast. 'I hate sleeping alone, it just makes me feel a little…unsafe…'
He frowned. 'Unsafe?'
'I haven't mentioned what happened to me not long after I married Edward, have I?' She leaned back in her chair with her teacup in hand.
'No, I don't believe so.' He shook his head.
She looked down at the tea in her teacup for a time as she realised that she was about to relive the horrid night that she had tried so hard to leave in the past for the past decade, a sigh escaping her at the sight of concern in John's eyes when she looked at him. 'Most people I knew were pleased for me and Edward when we married, but there was another man who had had his sights set on me since before Edward arrived at Skelton and he was furious that I had overlooked him and married someone else. His name was Alex Green and I never felt comfortable when he was around me because he was always drunk and…and making passes at me,' Her heart pounded in her chest and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself down a little. 'One night, I think it was about a month after we'd left Skelton, Edward came downstairs and asked me if I wanted to go to the pub with him and some friends for an hour.
"I hadn't been feeling well that night, though, so I told him that I didn't feel up to it but that he could go and I would be all right alone until he came back. He didn't like the thought of leaving me home alone, but I didn't want him to miss out and so I told him that I'd lock the front door and he could take the spare key so that I could go to bed and he could let himself back in. Once he'd gone out, I headed to bed like I'd planned and I don't think it took long for me to fall asleep,' She hadn't noticed that her hands were shaking until John covered the one on the table with one of his and brushed his thumb against the back of her palm. 'I woke up again a couple of hours later and something just didn't feel right at all, so I lit the candle on the nightstand and that was when I found Mr. Green standing at the end of the bed. I still can't make sense of how he broke in, but he was just standing there and staring right at me. I started to scream because the window was wide open and I thought someone might hear, but…but he climbed onto the bed and he told me to shut up.'
Soft tears were rolling down her cheeks as she looked at her lap at this point and, as he held her hand in his, John sighed. 'Anna, sweetheart, look at me.'
She lifted her head, her bottom lip trembling as she met his gaze and felt him slide his fingers through the gaps in hers.
'Did…did he hurt you?' He asked, his heart pounding in his chest as he realised that he was rather anxious about what her answer would be.
She looked at him in silence for a minute before squeezing his hand and shaking her head in response, his relieved sigh making the love that she had for him deepen. 'He told me that he didn't come to me with the intention of hurting me and that all I needed to do was listen to him and I would be all right, so that's what I did,' She sighed. 'He said that he loved me more than Edward ever could and that I had made a terrible mistake when I walked down the aisle. In his mind, I hadn't been thinking straight when I chose Edward over him and he told me that I was in for a life of nothing but trouble and strife if I remained with him. He was delusional and drunk. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He said that it was the perfect moment for me to sneak out of the house and be with him because it would be hours before Edward returned. I found it laughable and I would have laughed if I hadn't felt so terrified.'
John's deep sigh and the hurt that she could see in his eyes at the thought of her in a situation like that caused her to run her thumb across his knuckles, and she lifted his hand to her lips in order to press a tender kiss to the back of it before she continued. 'He, um…he kissed me then and I tried so hard to push him off, but I couldn't. What I didn't know at that point was that Edward had decided to come home earlier than planned because he felt bad about leaving me when I was sick, and when he noticed that the front door had been opened he came running up to the bedroom and that was when he found me. I remember him pulling him off me and giving him a right lashing before he made sure that I was all right and dragged him downstairs. For months, he blamed himself for that night and refused to leave me home alone in case something like that happened again. He couldn't have predicted it, though.'
'What happened to Mr. Green after that night? He didn't bother you again, did he?' John's anger was evident in the shaking of his voice.
'No, I think Edward threatened him because he never acknowledged me again,' She replied. 'I heard that he...he managed to fall in front of a bus in 1907.'
He reached out to run the back of his hand down her cheek when she looked down at her lap again, knowing full well where her thoughts were heading, and when she lifted her gaze back to his he offered her a tender smile and snugged Grace, who was thankfully now fast asleep, further into his embrace. 'This little one is going to grow up to be such a strong woman because she has you for her mummy,' He watched her lips curl into a smile as her gaze fell to her little girl and his heart swelled. 'I don't know anyone who's been through more than you, Anna, and even though thinking about all the things you had to go through before we met kills me, it also makes me love you all the more. You could have allowed the things that happened in the past to change you and harden your heart, but you didn't let that happen. It sometimes astounds me how loving you are after being made to endure all of that, darling.'
'I suppose it's because I want to give the children the childhood I never had,' She admitted before bringing her teacup to her lips and having a sip of tea. 'Dad was home far more than mum was because he had a bad back which meant that he couldn't work, so mum was out at the factory most of the week. Since she wasn't at home to cook and clean and all the rest of it, he made me do everything because I was the oldest and that meant that I never had any time to go out with my friends or do what I wanted. I never really minded doing it because he was never well enough to and mum was so shattered that she went straight to bed when she came home most nights, but I knew that I never wanted my children's childhoods to be spent like mine was. Jack and Grace do have their chores, of course, but I take care of most things because it's not their responsibility to run the house and they're fully aware of that.'
Several moments passed in silence before she looked him in the eye and giggled when he shook his head at her with the most lovesick smile on his face.
'What?' She raised her brow at him.
'I just love you so much.'
'I love you too,' She reached for his hand, giving it a tender squeeze. 'I love you too…'
Cradling her baby girl's head against her shoulder and brushing her thumb against the wisps of soft blonde hair that she found there, Anna sighed while watching John fasten the buttons that ran down the front of his overcoat. She hadn't expected time to pass as quickly as it had once they had eaten their breakfast and moved into the sitting room to snuggle on the settee for a bit, but it had and now it was time for him to leave and start the long walk back to Downton so that he would make it in time to dress Lord Grantham. It wasn't as though she wasn't going to be seeing him for a long time either, since he would be coming back that evening to walk her to work at The Dog and Duck, but the thought of being away from him for hours made her heart sink. 'What time shall I be here for later on?' John' voice pulled her out of her thoughts. 'Do you know what time you're expected to begin your performance?'
'Seven,' She told him. 'I know it only takes half-an-hour to get there, but you're welcome to come at six if you'd like to have a drink with me beforehand.'
He took a step closer to her and rested a hand on her hip, the two of them smiling as he pressed his forehead to hers. 'Six sounds perfect…'
There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he would have kissed her senseless should Lily not have been there – the sparkle in his eyes made that clear – yet she was and so he settled for catching her in a kiss that was both soft and tender and tucking a blonde curl back behind her ear once he had pulled back. 'I want to hear that you've been as good as gold for your mummy when I come back tonight, little miss, do you understand me?' He teased while tickling Lily underneath her chin with his forefinger seconds later, causing the little girl to squeal with delight and hide her face in the side of her mother's neck. 'Grace told me not to go just yet because she wants to give me something, but she's taking a while.' He chuckled after turning his attention back to Anna.
Humming in agreement, she turned to shout up the staircase but before she was able to get a word out she heard Grace's bedroom door open and close. She appeared at the top of the stairs in her nightgown in no time at all, and once she had hurried down them she smiled and held a drawing out to John. 'It's a picture of me and you and mummy! So you don't forget about us until you come back!' She explained once he had taken the drawing from her and looked at it, and she beamed when he looked at her again and the expression on his face told him that he liked the little picture she had created for him.
'I don't need any help remembering you and your mummy, darling, but thank you very much,' He ran a hand over her hair. 'You're quite the little artist.'
She giggled before wrapping her arms around his waist and nuzzling her face into his coat, a deep sigh escaping her when he ran his hand slowly along the length of her back. 'I hope you have a good day at work, Mr. Bates,' She told him while curling her fingers into his coat for just a moment. 'I love you.'
John's eyes instantly stung with tears at Grace's words and when he looked over at Anna he felt his heart race at the sight of tears brimming in her own. 'I love you too, Gracie,' He reassured her after blinking back the tears and bending down to leave the softest kiss to the crown of her head. 'So, so much.'
Once she had watched John and her little girl cuddle for a little while longer, Anna took a step closer to the two of them and rested a hand on the back of her daughter's head before giving her a smile when she lifted her head off of John's stomach and looked up at her. 'Could you do me a favour, sweet-pea, and head upstairs and wake your brother up for me? Tell him that it's almost time for him to take his medication and I'll be up to him in just a moment.'
'Okay, mummy.' Grace nodded before taking her arms from around John and running upstairs as her mother had requested.
'How is Jack?' John asked once they were alone.
Anna sighed. 'He's still in a lot of pain with his ribs, but he's too much like Edward which means he won't let me in because he thinks he's bothering me.'
'Have you spoken to the police about Vincent?'
'I wanted it to be Jack's decision. He doesn't want to get the police involved because he thinks he'll be blamed for what happened and…and to be honest, I think he has a point. One of the policemen is Vincent's uncle and he's just as bad as Vincent's dad. Neither of them think he can do any wrong and if we were to get the police involved I don't doubt for a moment that Vincent's uncle would twist things until Jack looked like the guilty one,' She shushed Lily when she nuzzled against her shoulder and whined. 'Vincent could have killed him should that have been what he had wanted to do. I love Jack so much and I mean no discredit to him when I say this, but he didn't stand a chance when he went out looking for Vincent because he truly can't defend himself. He doesn't fight and that's something I'm so proud of him for because most boys his age do, but at the same time it frightens me and this is exactly why.'
Reaching for her hand, John grasped it in his and ran his thumb lovingly across her knuckles with the hope that it would bring her the slightest comfort. 'How about, when he's feeling a little stronger and he isn't in so much pain, you sit down with him and you both come up with a plan about what he's to do if he's out in future and ends up crossing paths with Vincent and his friends? For instance, if he and Grace are at the park and Vincent and his friends end up there, he's to take her somewhere else because that means that they won't have to have any contact with him and things can't get out of control.'
'That's rather a good idea, actually…' She nodded before releasing his hand and resting her own on his chest to help keep her balance while she went up onto her tiptoes and kissed him, her fingers curling themselves into his coat as his hand moved around to the small of her back and he pulled her closer. The two of them allowed their kiss to linger for a moment-or-so before she pulled back a little and sighed. 'I don't want to think of you as a replacement for Edward because that isn't what this is and I don't want that to be how the children see our relationship, but…but I'm just so glad that it was you who came into my life because you accept my children and you love them as well as me. I hope you don't feel as though I'm putting any pressure on you, but I've been thinking about how nice it'll be for Lily to never have to worry about not having a father around. She's going to grow up having you in her life.'
'I promise that I'm going to try to be the best father figure for her as well as for Jack and Grace,' He grazed her nose with his own. 'I've been thinking and I've decided that I'm not going to do anything to get Jack to accept me. I want him to accept me of his own accord and I want him to come to me when he feels as though he's ready to, just like Grace did. I want you to understand, though, that I'm never going to get sick and tired of waiting and just abandon you and move on. You never have to be worried about something like that happening because I love you and I aim to spend the rest of my life with you.'
Tears blurred Anna's vision again as she ran her hand down the front of his chest and felt her cheeks heat up, and after going back to her original height she wiped the tear that rolled down her cheek off of her skin and sniffed as her heart fluttered. 'You mean…we'll be married somewhere down the line?'
'Is that something you would like to happen? It's something I've thought of because you and the children are my future as far as I'm concerned.' He said.
'I…I'd love to be married to you one day,' She stammered. 'I'm not ready for that to happen just yet, but I definitely want to be Mrs. Bates at some point.'
'Mmm…Mrs. Bates,' He tested the title on his tongue. 'I rather like the sound of that.'
She sucked on her bottom lip. 'Me too.'
John caught sight of the clock on the wall after a time and when he realised that ten minutes had passed and he only had fifteen minutes to make it back to Downton in time, he sighed and laid a hand on Anna's waist before leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. 'I need to head off, but I promise that I'll speak to Mrs. Hughes about the position the minute I get there and I'll also telephone you just before I set off tonight so you know when I'm on my way.'
'Have a good day and try not to miss us too much.' She teased after opening the door and allowing him to step out onto the doorstep.
'Fat chance of that,' He smirked before running the back of his hand down Lily's cheek and revelling in the smile she gave him. 'I love you both so much.'
'We love you too, but we also don't want you to get into trouble which means you need to stop talking and start walking.'
Chuckling, he leaned in to steal a quick kiss from her before turning on his heel and heading off down the garden path before she had the opportunity to say anything else to him. He did pause for a moment to wave at her once he had stepped through the gate and latched it securely behind him, however, and she couldn't help but shake her head at him while waving back before she watched him disappear behind the hedges and start walking to Downton. 'Perfect, isn't he, Lils?' She tutted after heading back inside with her little girl and pressing her back against the door after closing it. 'Absolutely perfect.'
Once she had succeeded in being connected to Downton and asked the footman who had answered if it would be possible for her to speak to John, Anna rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes for a moment as the all-too-familiar ache started up again. She couldn't believe how unwell she felt. She had been fine when she had been seeing John off to work that morning, but less than an hour after he had left the house she had begun to cough and sneeze and now she could barely talk which meant that she would be unable to perform that night. It also meant that she wasn't going to be seeing John and she hated that. Especially since all she wanted at that moment was to have him there so that she could lie in his arms on the sofa for hours and rest.
'Hello?'
The sound of his voice on the other end of the line startled her for a moment.
'John, it's me…' She croaked while brushing her hair away from her forehead. 'I…I don't feel well at all. I have an awful headache, I can't breathe through my nose, I've got a sore throat and it hurts so much to talk which means I'm not going to be able to perform tonight. I wouldn't have asked for time off if I felt as though I could do it, but I'll be putting more strain on my voice if I sing tonight and it'll only make me feel worse which is something I don't want since I have to look after the children. I wanted to see you so badly and I hate the thought of having to wait another fortnight, but…but I can't manage it.'
'You have no reason to explain yourself to me,' He sighed. 'Being ill isn't something that you're in control of and it's not something that you can help, my darling, it's just a part of life. I think you made the right decision when you asked for the night off because that's what I would have told you to do if you had telephoned me beforehand. Do…do you want some company tonight? We can't go out, I understand that, but I still have a couple of hours to kill this evening and I don't mind coming to spend some time with you if that's something you want. Being alone when you're ill is awful, I'm well aware of that.'
Her heart swelled with love for him. 'Please do, I would be so grateful and all I want at the moment is for you to be here so I can lie on the sofa with you.'
'Your wish is my command, sweetheart. Is six o'clock still okay? Will that give you enough time to get Lily fed and settled for the night?' He asked gently.
She nodded. 'Six o'clock should be fine as long as she behaves for me.'
'I'll see you then, then. Why not go and try and relax? Have a long soak in the bathtub and then go and get into bed and try and sleep for a couple of hours.'
'I think I might…' She hummed while pressing the heel of her palm against her temple. 'I love you.'
'And I love you,' He replied. 'I'll see you later on, all right?'
'All right,' She echoed. 'Bye.'
Once she had returned the receiver to its holder and run a hand through her hair she smiled to herself, despite the pounding in her head which seemed to be worsening by the minute, and turned to the stairs before starting to ascend them. In all truthfulness, she hadn't the first idea of what she had done to deserve such a lovely man. She had encountered hundreds of men over the course of her life, but she had never encountered someone quite like him. He was so patient and gentle and he adored her three children as deeply as he would his own which was one of the reasons she cherished him so much.
He was the definition of perfect and she would never allow herself to forget just how blessed she was to have him in her life.
Never.
Running the back of his hand down Anna's cheek while holding her in his arms on the sofa and watching her sleep, John sighed to himself and tightened the arm that was around her waist before drawing the blanket up to her chin and kissing her on the temple when she cuddled up to him with a mumble. It had almost been two hours since he had arrived and all she had done since the two of them had laid down on the sofa together was sleep, but he truly didn't care. It wasn't as though he had come to see her with the hope that they might be able to have something along the lines of an intimate date night. He had come to see her so that he could make sure that she was all right and because he had been able to sense that she had wanted him there with her. He had promised her that he would always be there for her and the children in their hour of need and all she needed to do if she needed him was phone.
He had to admit, though, that it pained him to see her so ill.
She was so uncomfortable and run down and to take it all away for her was all that he wanted.
'John?'
Her voice was what pulled him out of his thoughts after a time and he smiled as he looked her in the eye while bringing her closer to him. 'Yes, my love?'
'I…I don't mean to be a pain, but please could I have some aspirin and some more tea?' She asked.
'You're not being a pain in the slightest,' He soothed. 'I came here to help you and that's what I'm going to do.'
She smiled and allowed him to brush one last kiss against her forehead before she lifted her arm from over his stomach and let him leave the sofa, a soft sigh escaping her when she sat herself up and pulled a cushion behind her back so that she could lean against it. She then watched him head over to the little table on the opposite side of the room and fix her a fresh cup of chamomile tea before he picked up her medication and started to walk back to her. Once he had handed the teacup and saucer to her and sat back down on the sofa she allowed him to slide his arm around her shoulders, her head lolling back against his shoulder while she cuddled up to him and watched him take the cap off the bottle of aspirin before he shook two pills out into his palm. 'Get these down you and then we can lie back down.' He told her with a stroke of her arm before she took the pills and washed them down with her tea.
It didn't take her long to drain her teacup and the relieved sigh she let out once she had placed the cup back on the saucer told him that the warmth had helped soothe her throat to some extent. He took the teacup and saucer from her when she looked up at him again and once he'd put them both down on the table he laid himself back down, the two of them sharing a smile when he opened his arms to her and she laid down in the small space between him and the back of the sofa again. For the next couple of minutes after that, they laid in comfortable silence together while she caressed his chest with her fingers and he held her close with the hand on the small of her back, but she eventually tilted her head back on his chest and sighed as she gazed at him. 'You make me the happiest woman living and I hope that you know that,' She said to him. 'I thank my lucky stars every night that you came into my life.'
'Your happiness is one of the most important things in the world to me and I hope to make you happier and happier as time passes.' He stroked her face.
Moving her head to his chest and nuzzling her cheek against his shirt, she murmured: 'And I don't doubt for a moment that you will.'
He chuckled. 'Get some more sleep, sleepyhead.'
'You won't let go of me, will you?' She draped her arm across his stomach and anchored herself to him.
'Never, sweetheart,' He kissed her head. 'Absolutely never…'
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this chapter and I'd be so grateful if you would let me know what you thought of it with a review! I'll see you all next time x