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21 years ago
"Are you sure we have to do this?"
Jane leaned against the door of the study, arms slightly crossed. Maura let out a light laugh as she looked over her shoulder, finding the small pout on Jane's face, equal parts playful and wary. She turned back to the stack of records in front of her and pulled one free.
"Yes, Jane. Every wedding has a first dance."
"Yeah, but-" she took a couple of steps forward despite the protests within her head, "-our wedding isn't really a normal wedding, so maybe we could just skip…"
Jane trailed off as music filled the room, slow but light, arms still across her chest. Not yet recognizing how her reluctance was disappearing with every note.
"Come on. It won't be that bad."
"But I can't dance, Maura."
"Everyone can dance."
"Not like the way you want us to." Maura narrowed her eyes, head tilting slightly in confusion, and Jane elaborated. "You know, like slowly."
"I'll teach you," Maura assured, voice like honey, soothing away any insecurities Jane held onto. "Trust me."
She held out her hand for only a moment before Jane took it, instantly relaxing into her. The steadiness and warmth of her touch easing everything like it always did. With an encouraging smile they began to move. Slow and shaky. The music quickly faded away, Jane's sole focus on her feet. Her eyes glued to the floor. Every ounce of energy channeled into ensuring she didn't step on Maura.
Their dancing resembled stumbling more than anything else, jerky and hesitant, which only got worse after Jane accidentally stepped on Maura's toes.
"Sorry," she said quickly, pulling her head up only to trip even harder a step later. "Ah, sorry Maura. See, I'm not sure I can do this."
"Yes you can," she said, firmly keeping hold of Jane's arm as she tried to back away. "You beat out half the boys in your grade to make the flag football team. You can do this. Let's try again."
Jane simply nodded back and they began to dance again. This time they started slower, eventually moving with beath of the music. They fell into an easiness. Jane no longer tried to count steps. Maura no longer had to push and pull them across the room. The two of them gliding in perfect harmony like they did in everything else.
"See, not so bad," Maura said as the record played its last few notes. But even in the quiet, they remained in their hold. "Maybe one day we'll be so good that you can dip me."
"Dip?"
"Yeah, it's kind of a move where one person leans over and the other bends backwards and they just… dip."
Jane tried to picture it in her head as they swayed back and forth. Playing out how she would have to lean, how much strength she would need to hold Maura up, how flexible Maura would need to be to bend backwards. And as each little piece ran through her mind, she nodded to herself, confirming that even with their very limited dance experience, they could do it.
"Why don't we try now?"
"Now? Because we don't…" she trailed off, the excitement and confidence in Jane's eyes removing her hesitation. "Okay, but you better not drop me. I'm serious, Jane."
"I won't. I won't."
She restarted the record, both of them somehow knowing exactly when the perfect time for the dip was within the song. The anticipation grew with each beat. Their smiles uncontrollable. Sparks under their fingers.
Maura adjusted their hold as they got closer and when the moment came, a quick nod between them was all that was needed before Jane leaned and Maura bended and together they dipped. They floated for a moment, both of them marveling at how well they were doing, until they both felt the quick slip. Jane's hand moved. Maura's weight shifted.
"Jane!"
Jane's eyes widened, expressing a silent 'sorry', before they both tumbled to the ground. They both stayed still on the floor for a beat, each it a little shock, before giggles turned into side-splitting laughter. Laughs that soon drowned out the music and made their own melody. Eventually they fell quiet, lying side by side, both of them just staring up at the ceiling, lost in their own thoughts.
"Hey, Maura."
"Yeah?"
"One day we are going to be good at dancing and I am going to dip you."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Present
Jane wrung her hands together in an attempt to stop the fidgeting of her fingers. She knew it sounded crazy, but ever since she found those vows and touched that paper, they hadn't felt the same. Frankie had joked with her that the pencil she used back then was probably made of actual lead and so she was having some toxic reaction, but she knew it was something else. Something more. And she wasn't sure she actually wanted it to go away. Because even though keeping those feelings around meant playing with fire, a fire bigger than she wanted to admit, they also made her feel a way she hadn't in so long.
With a steadying, nerve-settling breath she reached out and pushed the doorbell. It's chime took her back to the last time she had stood in that exact spot, the flooding kitchen and the hint of something between her and Maura. She couldn't deny a part of her wished something like that would happen during this visit. Fires that could come from it be damned.
The door jerked open and just like at her Pop's house days before, the man that stood before her felt like a time capsule, bringing forth a wave of memories at just the sight of him. And though she recognized him immediately, he was the first to speak. His voice hinted with hesitant hope.
"Jane?"
"Vince!" she exclaimed, launching into him without missing a beat, just like she had as a kid, the only difference being she could actually wrap her arms around him.
"It's good to see you, kid," he said over her shoulder.
She let out a hearty laugh as they pulled away. "Good to see you too. Not much of a kid anymore though."
"I suppose not." He gave a little shrug. "But, eh, you'll always be a kid to me."
"Sounds good to me."
He let out a soft laugh, the kind he always had, with a subtle croak and gentle wheeze. "Come in, come in. Is Maura expecting you?"
"No, she's not. I was in the area and though I'd drop by and return this-" she reached for the towel that hung over her shoulder, one she had walked off with after the sink disaster. It felt soft under her fingers, as soft of an excuse to see Maura it was proving to be. She thought she saw a small smirk on his face, but it was gone with a blink.
"Well, I'm sure she will love to see you. She's in the dining room. Think you can find your way after all these years?"
"I think I'll manage," she replied with a glowing grin. She set a hand on his shoulder and gave a squeeze. "It really was great seeing you again, Vince."
"You too, Miss Rizzoli."
Again, a wave of nostalgia swept over her, filling her with the same joy she had felt back then, recalling how much she loved being called 'Miss Rizzoli' by him. How it made her feel so much older. How now it made her feel so much younger. He watched her walk down the hall and out of view. A sight that looked so natural, he could only hope one day it would be permanent. And last the lifetime he knew it would if only they would finally realize it.
The music found her before anything else, it's steady beat and growing swells pulling her to the entry of the dining room. She slowed as a voice she didn't recognize overpowered the music, giving praise- 'good', and sharp instruction- 'elbow up, keep your elbow up'. And as she leaned to peek around the corner she heard it. The feather light shuffle of feet across the floor.
Her eyes smiled and chest fluttered as she watched Maura float, moving to the precise choreography with unmatched grace. She swirled and flowed. Her arms up as if holding onto an invisible partner. A burning prickled at the back of Jane's throat as it hit her that Maura's fiancé had most likely forgotten, or simply hadn't cared enough to show up. But she swallowed it back as the music faded and Maura gave the instructor a triumphant half-grin, a flush to her cheeks and slightly out of breath.
"Good, Maura. That was very good," the older woman praised. "But this really would be more beneficial with your partner. After all, it will be the two of you dancing at the reception."
She nodded, glancing to the clock, her eyes filling with guilt as she realized the time. "I know, I'm so sorry. Garrett should have been here by now. If you give me a minute, I can call him…"
Jane jerked forward like a marionette on a string, with purpose but almost out of control. "I can be your partner."
Maura swiveled around, so quickly it could have been a step in the dance. Her eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.
"Jane?" she forced out, voice cracking ever so slightly.
Jane moved across the room in a few steady strides, stopping in font of Maura with a glint in her eye and the trace of a challenge hidden in her smile. The mischievous glimmer enough to wipe away Maura's shock and replace it with a giddiness only Jane could evoke. A hurried shuffle came up from beside them, a slight fluster to the woman that Jane had forgotten was even in the room.
"Excuse me, excuse me," she pulled Jane's attention away. "But do you have any prior dance experience? It's not as trivial as it may look."
She turned back to Maura, focus falling completely to her, inching even closer.
"I had a pretty good instructor back in the day. I think I can manage." She extended her hand. "What do you say?"
"I'd love to," Maura replied without hesitation, letting her hand fall into Jane's. Each of them relishing the hum that lingered where they touched. Where it grew as Maura set her other hand on Jane's shoulder and where Jane placed hers lightly against the small of Maura's back. Each of them sinking into the other. Coming home to a place each were still too unwilling to admit they craved.
The music started before the buzz could burn beyond their fingertips, causing Maura to startle and Jane to instinctively pull them closer. Maura smiled a silent 'Are you ready?'. Jane winked back a quick 'Of course'. And they began to twirl across the room. Swift and light. A surprise to two out of three of them. Jane let out a soft laugh as she noticed Maura's and the older woman's expressions.
"You can't take all the credit," Jane said as she spun Maura away.
She spun back with a soft furrow to her eyes. "Credit?"
"For these graceful moves."
"Oh I can't. Why's that?" Maura's question teased as they fell back into their hold.
"Because Lydia made her entire wedding party take ballroom lessons for her and Tommy's wedding."
"Well they seem to have paid off."
"Eh," Jane said with a shrug. "It was all review."
Their eyes locked, an easy swirl within to match their movements. And suddenly Maura felt dizzy and off-balance, only steadying herself as she stepped on Jane's foot.
"Oh, Jane. I'm sorry. Are you alright?"
Jane laughed, full and warm. "It's due time you stepped on my toes. I think we both lost count the number of times I stepped on yours way back then." The music went a few more beats before Jane continued. "You know I remember that day. You teaching me how to dance."
"I do too."
They moved a few more steps, memories dancing alongside them, music swelling as if it knew what was building. All of it coming together into a moment mentioned so long ago. A moment forgotten but always promised. And Jane couldn't imagine a better opportunity to see it through. She pulled Maura a little tighter, an intensity pluming like billows of smoke behind her eyes.
"Trust me for a second."
"Of course."
As if on cue the music swelled and dropped, Jane following its lead, spinning them before dropping Maura into a dip. The move both quick and sensually slow. Jane let her eyes trail up Maura's neck as she fell back. Maura's breath caught as Jane's arms flexed underneath her. Both of their hearts pounded hard. The hum they each felt at the beginning back again, moving across their entire bodies.
They hung frozen together for a half-second longer before Jane pulled them back up. Closer than they were before. Locked within the other's tight arms. Eyes darting up and down to lips only inches away. Their breaths tickling over cheeks and chins.
"There's that dip I promised you," Jane whispered, thick and raspier than Maura had ever heard her voice before.
"Yeah," she managed.
A sharp clap from behind them snapped them out of their bubble.
"Good. Very good," the woman praised, walking quickly over to them. Jane's cheeks blushed as she took a step back, having once again completely forgotten the other woman was still in the room. She shook her head and pushed Jane and Maura back together. "You're not done yet. Remember to keep this up-" nudging Jane's elbow, "-now, let's try something a little slower."
Gentle music filled the room and they fell back into each other's arms, swaying back and forth. It was easy, like Maura had come to expect when they were together. Just like it had been when they were kids. And though she tried to fight it, that ease also brought with it a discomfort she had been trying to ignore. The discomfort that came with the unknown. That came with questions she herself couldn't find answers for. Because if it had always been this easy and good, why had they gone decades absent from the other's life?
Jane noticed the unease that settled in the shallow wrinkles that framed Maura's eyes. It was different from her tell as a kid, but still enough for her to recognize the weight of whatever had come to mind.
"What?"
Maura stared back for a second, still amazed Jane could understand her so well.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"I'm not even sure you'll have an answer, which would be okay, but-"
"Maura," Jane gently cut her off, eyes pouring a gaze that instantly made her settle.
"What happened to us?" Jane frowned in confusion, prompting Maura to continue. "As kids, what happened? We were inseparable and then we became strangers and… and I can't figure it out. Because being with you now is like we were never apart."
Jane stiffened a little under her touch. Mind going blank under the thick haze of uncertainty that suddenly blanketed it. But slowly the answer pierced through. An answer she was familiar with because she too had wondered about similar things. How did they drift? Why had life gotten away from her? What was she going to do about it?
"Um, well… I think life just got in the way," she started, her voice heavier than normal. A sad smile tried to ease away the pain of time lost. "You went off to boarding school in Europe and then my Ma got sick and passed away. And I shut everyone out for a long time. And by the time you came back we had grown up and… and I don't know, we just drifted, even if we were never truly meant to."
Jane's smile shifted from somber to soft and tender. A silent hope settled between them that the last part of her answer was what Maura felt too. That given slightly different circumstances, they would have never missed one another.
Maura matched her smile with a warm grin, an ease washing over her shoulders, traveling down her spine and filling her chest. Because while she knew it was irrational, there had always been a small part of her that feared she had done something wrong to mess up the best relationship she had ever had. Relationship. The word released the one question she had been fighting so hard to keep locked away, finding freedom on the edge of her tongue before she could capture it again.
"And what's happening now?"
An understanding flashed in Jane's eyes. Instant. Quick and scorching. The question was the fire she knew she had been tempting when she walked through the door. The one she had been all too willing to play with but was now afraid might burn her if she answered the way she wanted. Might burn them both. Perhaps Maura the most, as thoughts of Constance and the foundation and the life so perfectly planned out before they had fallen back into one another engulfed her. It wasn't something she was willing to risk. Never Maura. And so she swallowed it back, wincing as if her throat filled with smoke.
"We're dancing," she joked instead, falling on the humor that always worked in the past.
"Jane-"
"I… I don't know what you want me to say, Maura. There's… we're friends. Best friends."
Jane tried to take a step back, give a little distance as if it would somehow convince Maura her words were true. But Maura kept her grip on her arm tight, not allowing her to slip away.
"Are you sure that's it?" she whispered. Her eyes were wide, a mix of questioning and pleading swirling within. The same mix Jane had coursing through her entire body.
For a split second, Maura thought she saw Jane's head shake no, but it was gone just as quick, her focus shifting to Jane's next words. Words that were desperate, as if begging herself to remember the unfortunate truth.
"You're getting married."
"What if I had a reason not to?"
"Do you?"
The question hung within the air between them. Their bodies still. Neither of them breathing. Or even blinking. All of their focus on the answer they each so desperately needed to hear.
Maura's mouth opened as she sucked in a shallow breath, poising herself for the moment she had been avoiding since that afternoon in her lawyer's office. Words stumbled in her mind, none of them willing to be the first. Where to start? What to say? The pause stretched on a little longer before someone else found words to fill it.
"Miss Isles?" They both turned quickly in surprise to find Vince standing in the doorway. He cleared his throat. "I apologize, but I thought you may want to know that Mr. Fairfield just arrived back and should be in any moment."
"Right," she breathed out, both disappointed by the interruption and grateful for the heads-up. "Thanks, Vince."
He nodded apologetically before disappearing into the hall, leaving them with another broken moment. One she wished above all else she could glue back together. But it shattered even further as the sound of footsteps and the unmistakable jingle of Garrett's keys moved closer.
She turned back around to find Jane's eyes upon her. The lightness that had been within them seconds before now faded. The hope replaced with uncertainty. The joy swept away by a visible hurt. Jane snapped her eyes down to the floor. She gave a soft shake of her head, as if scolding herself for letting those thoughts of 'what if' lead her this far into the fire. For letting her Pop's ideas and those vows written years ago settle in her mind.
She looked back up to find Maura's regretful stare.
"I should get going," she said, giving a weak smile before she walked to the door.
Maura stayed quiet, still lost within the 180-degree turn that happened within the last minute. Jane was in her own fog too, oblivious to everything, bumping into Garret as they both filled the doorway at the same time.
"Excuse me," she said quickly, sidestepping him in the blink it took for him to look up from his phone. The glimpse just enough to spark the smallest flint of recognition. He moved to where Maura stood, wheels and cogs turning in his mind.
"Why does that woman look familiar…?"
She missed his question, her focus still on the invisible outline of Jane walking away, only hearing him after he cleared his throat.
"Garrett, hi. You finally made it."
"Yeah." He nodded, mind still racing after not being answered. Until finally it connected. "Wait, wasn't she the woman that fixed the sink?"
"Yes, she was."
He eyebrows knit together, not recalling any maintenance that needed to be done. "Why was she here?"
"Wedding stuff," she stated, sharp and to the point. Her words walked a fine line. Technically the truth, Jane had helped with the wedding dance practice, but her visit had been so much more than just that.
"Wedding stuff?" The question drowned in growing skepticism.
She nodded back. "Mmhmm."
They stared at each other for a few seconds, both of them aware of an unsaid something lingering between them.
"Ah, Mr. Fairfield," the older woman interjected, coming up to stand between them. "Lovely for you to join us, but unfortunately the time for today's session has run out."
"I know, I'm so sorry. Work just couldn't wait. But I will be here for the next one. Promise."
She gave him a tense smile back. The kind that comes when people recognize they are being lied to but still need to be polite.
"And when would you like to schedule your next session?" she asked, turning to Maura.
"Oh, um, let me just find my planner." She looked over at the dining room table, finding it bare besides the decorative centerpiece. "It must be on the kitchen counter. Garrett, would you mind grabbing it for me? It's probably on the pile of papers by the blender."
"Sure," he replied, pressing a quick, almost performatory, kiss to the side of her head.
It didn't take much effort to find the small binder, it sat right where she said it would, seated on one of the many piles of paper in the kitchen, each of them holding endless amounts of wedding planning details. More details that he could ever care about. But as he grabbed the planner, a sheet of paper sticking out from its buried spot caught his eye. It's simple title in Maura's handwriting enough to draw his interest.
Vows.
He peered over his shoulder, and certain he wouldn't be caught, he began to read.
There has never been a time greater than now that I realize all I found in you.
Acceptance. Home. Love.
I smile as I write this, reflecting on it all because there is more than I could ever list, and so it simply means I've found everything. You are everything. And I want to be everything for you.
Ever since we met, you have accepted me for who I am. You welcome my random facts and understand I miss social cues, and when we joke, you always laugh with me, never at me. It means more than I'll ever be able to tell you, and my vow to you would be to ensure you felt the same. Because you and I are perfect as we are. Perfect together.
And with that acceptance, I've found a place that feels more like home than anywhere else I've ever been. Home is wrapped in your arms. It's belly laughs in the kitchen and the sound of your voice calling my name. I find it in our shared smiles, warm and safe. It's tucked within memories of our past and woven through thoughts of the future we could have. And given the chance, my promise is to create the same home for you. A home overflowing with love. A love only we share.
Because your love is unlike any I've felt before. Between all the moments I fought so hard to earn it from everyone else, your love was given unconditionally. Given in a measure greater than I can truly comprehend. My heart flutters just thinking about it. And it would be my greatest wish to show you how much I love you. To show you for the rest of our lives. Because I do. I love you more than when our friendship was new and when we first got engaged and even from yesterday. And I'm certain, if we let it, it would only grow with each passing moment.
Jane, you are my greatest love, my only love, and I vow no matter what, that will forever be true.
The smile on his face, smug and knowing, when he first began reading, fell harsh and quick. Promises he thought were his, ripped away within their final declaration. Jane. His confusion shifted into anger balled within his clenched fists. Those fists grabbed onto memories he didn't realize he had, pulling forward moments and details buried deep. Their talk with their lawyer. The name on the truck outside when the sink broke, Jane's Hardware and Repair. Whatever he had walked into in the dining room minutes before. All of it piecing together perfectly into an embarrassing truth.
That even given his social status and connections and money, Maura still loved someone else over him.
His eyes darted between the rest of the piles before they found the folder he had hardly given any thought to the past few weeks. He flipped it open to the page marked with bright red tabs to find what he suddenly suspected. Empty lines. For both Maura and Jane. Missing signatures they needed to get the divorce his impending marriage required.
"Garrett, did you find it?"
His head snapped up at the call from the other room, having completely forgotten about his original task.
"Yeah, coming," he shouted.
He quickly put everything away in its original spot, picking up the planner as he walked back to the dining room. And with each step a plan solidified in his mind. If Maura wasn't going to get Jane to sign those divorce papers, he would.