Dallas, Texas

Sue Ellen sighed as she dressed in pajama pants and a tank top, the comfortable and less revealing sleepwear that she wore once a month. Her sigh wasn't about being upset about the process itself, she was more sad about what it represented; she wasn't pregnant and she was afraid that she'd disappointed her husband. JR sat in bed wondering what was taking Sue Ellen so long, he only had to wash his face and brush his teeth before changing clothes and getting into bed, it didn't seem like women should have that much more to do, but somehow it took a lot longer. "Darlin', are you all right in there?" he stood and called through the bathroom door, he wasn't sure whether it was just Sue Ellen being a woman and taking her time, or whether she was upset about something. She'd seemed a little distant all day, she'd gotten up before him this morning and she'd only hugged him when he came home from work, it wasn't what he was used to; they'd been married for almost a month and it was never like this before. Slowly, Sue Ellen opened the door, "I'm fine. Come on, let's go to bed", she walked past him and pulled the sheets back, getting into bed and waiting for him to join her. JR was confused, she never wore pajama pants, always nightgowns, and she never just walked past him like that, usually she'd hug him or kiss him, something to show that she cared; he switched off the light and joined her. JR lay in bed, unsure about what to do, he didn't want to try approach her again only to be rejected, he'd already asked her what was wrong and she'd brushed him off, but he also didn't want to go to sleep with her upset or angry with him; this wasn't something he had a lot of experience with.

Sue Ellen heard him getting restless and realised that she was probably making him uncomfortable, something a wife should never do, he worked much too hard to worry about her problems. "I'm sorry, it's my problem, not yours", she whispered and turned over to face him, although it was dark and she couldn't really see him, it was nice to know that he was there. "There's no problem that I can't fix, it's obviously bothering you, so tell me and I'll make it better", he hoped that he was doing the right thing, no one had ever really taught him how to properly deal with emotions and he'd never encountered the kind of feelings he had with Sue Ellen. She began to tear up, not just for one reason, it was everything; he really could be so sweet when he wanted to, it was a shame that no one ever believed her, she felt so privileged to be loved by him; he was everything she ever wanted in a husband. That was why she was so afraid of disappointing him by not giving him what he wanted, by not making the family proud; he gave her everything, and she felt like she never gave him anything. "Don't cry" he pulled her closer to him, now more confused than ever, he didn't have a clue why she was so upset; his kindness only made her more emotional, she felt like she didn't deserve to be treated so well. "I'm sorry", she whispered, vaguely apologising for both her current state and the actual problem, though it didn't do much to settle JR's mind; JR sighed, "Sue Ellen, please, just tell me what's wrong", he wasn't sure how long he could comfort her without knowing the reason for her tears, he hated not being in the know. "I'm sorry, I feel like I failed you and the family, especially your daddy, I know how much you both wanted it", she mumbled incoherently, he didn't have a clue what she was talking about, "my daddy? Darlin', what does he have to do with all of this?" he still couldn't work out what was making her so upset. Sue Ellen stopped crying, realising that she was probably making no sense, he didn't seem to understand where she was coming from, "I…I'm not pregnant. I'm sorry JR", she looked at him as she spoke before lowering her head, she was ashamed, she'd assumed that with all of their activity since the wedding, she would have no problem giving him the ultimate gift, a son. But with the arrival of her monthly 'friend' this morning, she realised that she'd have to wait a little while longer, she had been feeling terrible all day, both physically and emotionally.

JR was almost relieved when she told him why she was so upset, at least it was something he could fix, they'd only been married for a month, there was plenty of time for them to get things right and have a child. It was too early for anyone to ask those questions anyway, even if she was pregnant, they wouldn't know it for a few months. "Shh, calm down darlin', it's all right, you're stressing for no reason. You didn't fail me; of course I want a son, but it will happen when it happens. There's no point in getting upset about it now. We've only been married for a little while, not even daddy expects it to happen that quickly. I promise, no one is upset with you, we all love you", he hugged her, hoping that his words were the right thing to say, he was a little out of his depth right now. Sue Ellen's heart leapt as she listened to his words, he had an amazing way of making everything seem fine; he was right, they had only been married a few weeks, no one was truly expecting the news just yet. Her thoughts were caused by the pressure that she felt from all sides, especially from Jock Ewing, the man was convinced that there would soon be another Ewing at Southfork and she had convinced herself that it would happen quickly. She honestly hadn't even thought about the possibility that she may not get pregnant soon after they were married. From what she understood, she was young, healthy and they weren't doing anything to prevent it, it was only a matter of time before it did happen. JR's words combined with her new, rational thoughts calmed her, she felt reassured that she was stressing unnecessarily, it would happen when the time was right and she shouldn't worry about it right now. "Thank you JR" she hugged him and lightly kissed his lips, relaxing in his arms, he was her husband and he loved her, he wasn't disappointed or upset with her, she realised that now.

JR felt her relax and he wondered whether it would be all right to resume their normal bedtime activities now that she wasn't upset anymore, he liked finishing the day with a smile on his face, and they hadn't even gotten close to that today, he was already missing the intimate attention that he'd become accustomed to. "Sue Ellen" he whispered as she snuggled into his side, she lifted her head at his words and he took the opportunity to kiss her, he would see how she responded before taking it any further, but he'd take what he could get right now. She was a little surprised when he kissed her, she assumed that he'd want to avoid too much intimate contact with her right now, they wouldn't be able to go all the way and she didn't think he'd want to get excited for no reason. She kissed him back anyway, it felt natural and good and she was happy to take whatever he was offering. His hands slowly moved to her tank top, sliding underneath and pushing it upwards with the intention of taking it off, Sue Ellen jumped a little as his hands touched her bare skin; he was taking things further than she'd anticipated. "JR" she gently pushed his hand off her, it was all very confusing, she'd assumed that men would want to avoid contact at times like these, but he seemed to be going forward as if he didn't care and she wasn't sure that she was entirely comfortable with it. Her mother was very traditional and she had always made her feel like it was another dirty, unmentionable part of life and that she should avoid doing anything delicate when she had her monthly visitor. JR was confused, she was hot and cold tonight, he didn't know what her problem was right now, they'd fixed the emotional problem, or he thought they had, and he assumed that that meant they could resume a normal relationship. "What's wrong?" he stopped his actions for a moment, "I don't think you should do that, we can't go any further", he looked at her in confusion as she spoke, "why not?" Sue Ellen blushed, she thought that their earlier conversation had explained that clearly, but he obviously didn't understand, "erm… women's problems", she lowered her face, blushing and hoping that he understood, she wasn't sure she could explain it any further, it wasn't something she ever really spoke about and certainly not with a man.

JR wanted to kick himself for not realising before, he'd stupidly assumed that a doctor had told her she wasn't pregnant, but he now realised that it was something much simpler than that, it all made sense now, even her new sleepwear, "I'm sorry, I didn't realise". He felt silly for not connecting the dots earlier, he'd never been in a situation like this before; a steady, committed relationship was a new thing for him; he assumed that in the past, women just avoided getting his attention when they were in that situation, because he couldn't recall ever being told no for that reason. Sue Ellen felt a little bad for him, he probably had no experience with that kind of thing and she hadn't been very clear in her words, "it's all right, you didn't know". She looked him in the eyes and moved her body closer to his again, she still wanted to be close to him, that hadn't changed. She was conflicted, she didn't really know what to do now; she could feel his semi-excited state and knew that he had to be disappointed right now, she felt like a tease for taking it to that point and then telling him no. The thought of helping him finish crossed her mind, but she didn't want him to react like he had in Corpus Christi, he seemed to think it wasn't ladylike for her to do that and she wasn't going to risk it again. JR felt her move closer to him and for a moment, he really hated the standards he had in his mind, physically he wanted her, but emotionally he didn't want her to even attempt to fix the physical need in another way, it wasn't right, but he hated himself for thinking that way. "Sue Ellen…" he whispered and she looked him in the eyes, for a moment, he was tempted to just ask her, but something stopped him, "good night" he lightly kissed her and closed his eyes. He didn't know how he was supposed to act right now; he was mad at himself for not comprehending her words and he was mad at himself for making a move toward her afterwards. He rolled over, facing away from her and tried to calm himself down; in the moment, he really hated that he thought so highly of her, because there was a much easier solution to his problem. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't bring himself to ask her to do that, it wasn't an action worthy of a classy lady like Sue Ellen and he wasn't going to lower her to that. Sue Ellen would have been hurt by his actions if she hadn't had prior experience with this side of him before; she knew that there was a massive internal struggle happening with JR right now, he was treating her this way because he loved her, not because he was trying to make her feel bad. She closed her eyes and went to sleep, hoping that things would be back to normal again soon.

To be continued…