Dallas, Texas

Sue Ellen awoke on Thursday morning feeling anxious and full of dread, it was Thanksgiving and all of the excitement she had been feeling about the holiday season was now gone. Jock had successfully killed her spirit again last night and she was not looking forward to a whole weekend of 'family bonding' at Southfork, especially not with her mother and Kristin joining them. They had been having such a nice evening, Lucy's class play was cute and enjoyable in a childish sort of way, and even JR kept his complaining to a minimum. Afterward, they had returned to Southfork and had a special dinner to celebrate Lucy's accomplishment; everything was going well, until Jock mentioned the one thing she had come to hate talking about, his first grandson, the Ewing heir, John Ross Ewing III. It made her feel like a failure when it was suggested that it was very surprising that they hadn't had a child yet, because it certainly wasn't due to a lack of trying, it just hadn't happened, and there was nothing she could do about it. There were only so many times they could say, 'it'll happen when it happens', before people started to think that she was barren; and if she couldn't provide an heir, then what use was she? She sometimes got the impression that she really was just a means to an end; that she was given all the benefits of being a Ewing in return for use of her womb, but every day that she wasn't pregnant was just another day that the investment in marriage didn't pay off. It wasn't so much JR that made her feel that way, he was almost as disappointed as she was every time she had no news, although she sensed that he didn't really think about the whole thing until someone else brought it up in conversation; whereas she was constantly thinking about it, in almost everything that she did. It was mostly other people's comments that bothered her, they were usually harmless things, said by people who didn't know any better, or just expected it to happen; but it still hurt when she had to tell them that there was no news to tell. It was especially damaging to her self-esteem when people insisted that they saw a 'baby bump', she knew in her mind that she hadn't gained a pound since she married JR, that she looked almost exactly as she had in her glory days as Miss Texas, but to be told that she essentially looked fat wasn't pleasant, it hurt. Jock and Miss Ellie were the worst though, they didn't comment on her appearance, but another Ewing baby was a constant topic of conversation; it was probably just excitement on Miss Ellie's part, but Jock was all business, and that didn't make Sue Ellen feel very loved. Jock didn't seem to understand that it wasn't something a woman could control, evidently it seemed that they hadn't had much trouble conceiving any of their sons and he compared everything to his own experience. Any and every hint of illness was almost always attributed to a possible pregnancy, and when she recovered and was still not pregnant, it wasn't very pleasant to have to say the words; health seemed to be a relative concept, sometimes she felt like not being pregnant was almost an illness in itself.

She sighed as she looked at the clock, it was just before seven and they had to get up soon, she and JR were picking her mother and sister up at the airport at eight forty. She was not looking forward to a whole weekend at Southfork with her family and the Ewings, she loved all of them, but family focused holidays had a way of bringing certain questions to the forefront. She was sick of dealing with everyone's questions, because she didn't have any new answers, and it broke her heart every time she had to say it aloud. She had stupidly assumed that the hard questions were over when they got engaged, but that had really only provided a brief period of relief; as soon as they were married, the questions started again, not immediately, but fairly soon after they returned from their honeymoon. The baby questions were harder to answer than the marriage questions because it wasn't something they could control. Dr Danvers had told her not to worry and to relax about the situation, she and JR were both healthy adults and it was normal for it to not happen immediately; he told her that there was no real cause for concern right now and that they should try and let things take their natural course. It was all well and good for the doctor to tell her to relax, but it was hard to relax when she constantly feared disappointing everyone; it was exhausting. JR awoke as he always did, but he didn't immediately make any moves to get up, he didn't have to go to work, and Sue Ellen's family weren't landing for over an hour, he still had plenty of time before he had to be anywhere. He lay in bed and relaxed for a moment, though his mood changed when he heard Sue Ellen sigh; he didn't know how he knew, but he knew she was upset, and he was fairly sure why, she hadn't said anything the previous night, but it was obvious that his father's constant questioning upset her. He had told her before to just ignore his father's comments or at least not take them so personally, his father was just excited about having a grandson and didn't know when to not say anything; it didn't really help though, she still seemed to get upset every time he even went near that topic. JR somewhat understood where she was coming from, but he didn't understand why she got so upset every time it was mentioned; they would have a child when the time was right, it wasn't really in their control any longer, and it wasn't something to get upset about. She never verbally expressed how she really felt about it, that she questioned her worth if she couldn't provide a child; JR just assumed that it was a normal disappointment she was feeling, and he didn't question it any further. He had no doubts that they would have a baby one day, but it wasn't something to stress out about just yet; his father wasn't even close to retirement, they still had plenty of time before he really needed an heir, and in the meantime, it wasn't all doom and gloom, trying was half the fun. "Cheer up, it's Thanksgiving", he rolled over and kissed her shoulder before slowly moving up her neck toward her lips; Sue Ellen was surprised when he spoke and started to kiss her, she hadn't realised he was awake. She was even more surprised that he was initiating something in the morning, they hadn't done that in a while, not that she minded though, she could use a little early morning relaxation, especially before she had to go and meet her mother.

"Sue Ellen!" her mother seemed to be in a good mood as she greeted her at the airport and Sue Ellen was pleased, if her mother was in a good mood, it was one less thing for her to worry about. "JR, how nice to see you again", she greeted JR before the four of them made their way to the car; "Sue Ellen, you're glowing. Something I should know?" it only took one sentence and Sue Ellen's mood dropped; she was really dreading her mother and JR's parents conversation, all together they would have a multitude of questions; it just wasn't something she wanted to deal with anymore. "Thank you mama, I suppose I've just been exercising more since we last saw each other", she blushed as she realised her accidental double entendre, she may have been glowing, but it wasn't because she was pregnant; although it probably could be attributed to a form of exercise, though not the kind of exercise one would publicly mention. With any luck though, their morning activities had sparked the beginning of the journey that everyone was waiting for.

To be continued…