Dallas, Texas

1.37am, Sue Ellen squinted at the clock as she awoke to the sound of water running and a light under the bathroom door. Was JR just getting home now? That just wasn't right; Jock was the president of Ewing Oil, surely he had some responsibility in running the company and could have stayed behind to help JR with his work instead of leaving him to do everything himself and come home exhausted. Arriving home after midnight was not good for JR's wellbeing or their marriage. The bathroom door was closed, so she thought it best not to intrude, but she lay awake listening as he brushed his teeth, waiting for him to finally come to bed. It was only a Tuesday night, well technically Wednesday morning, he still had three more days of work before the weekend and he needed to sleep now or else he'd be exhausted for the rest of the day. JR looked at his reflection as he finished brushing his teeth, in some ways he was a very happy man, he'd needed a woman's attention after the stressful week he'd had and he'd gotten it; but in other ways he was a guilty man and he had no right to feel happy right now. In the next room was his wife, the woman he should have come home to as soon as he was finished work, she put so much effort into pleasing him and would never say no to anything he requested of her, but instead of doing that, he'd settled for a woman he didn't love and who really was second best. Despite knowing her game from the beginning and telling himself that it wasn't fair to Sue Ellen, he had still allowed himself to fall into Julie's trap, and for that, he did feel a little bad. He'd made a mental commitment to himself a long time ago about other women, sometimes they were necessary, but if he absolutely had to then it really should be someone he had no personal or emotional connection to, it had to be just sex, nothing more. With Julie though, it was more, even when he tried to convince himself and her that it wasn't; they had a history and a mutual understanding of each other, Julie was the one woman he'd really trained to please him in every way, without holding back his innermost desires. He could trust her to do whatever he asked, or didn't ask, and he didn't have to censor his requests or be gentle with her because of her delicate, ladylike disposition; she was everything that Sue Ellen wasn't in the most intimate sense, but that didn't mean that he wanted anything more with her. It was a complicated issue, he loved Sue Ellen and he would never want anyone else for his wife, but sometimes he needed things that she couldn't give him and that Julie was very capable of and freely willing to give. The problem was, he also had a personal, caring relationship with Julie; they had an understanding of the way the other was and she helped him in ways that Sue Ellen didn't or couldn't. Julie had her uses, but it really wasn't fair to Sue Ellen to have anything more than a business relationship with her. It didn't help the situation that Julie was already a sore spot for Sue Ellen; she'd had to come to terms with the intimacy of their relationship once before and he didn't want her to have to deal with that again. When he and Sue Ellen were dating, she'd found out just how close the president's secretary and the vice president really were, but he'd sworn that they were over after she found out about them and for a long while he'd meant it; it would devastate her to find out that they'd resumed that relationship once again. As much as he needed other women, he didn't want to deliberately hurt his wife and he needed to decide what to do next; the way he'd felt earlier in the evening was wonderful, but the way he felt right now was not.

He looked at himself in the mirror once more and sighed to himself before turning and switching the light off, walking back into the bedroom and slipping into bed next to his wife. "You're home. How was work?" Sue Ellen mumbled sleepily as she felt him finally getting into bed; JR's stomach flipped as he heard her speak, he hadn't realised that she was awake and he felt even worse now; she'd probably been waiting up for him, worrying about him all evening, all while he was at the office with Julie, not working at all. "Busy, but it's nothing for you to worry about. I'm sorry I woke you, go back to sleep darlin'", he couldn't discuss his work with her, it wasn't good for her mental health, and he certainly didn't want to discuss the rest of his night with her, he was already having guilty thoughts. In the past, it hadn't really bothered him to have her and occasionally have other women too, but things were different now, she worried so much about him and it would ruin her to have more things to worry about, more things to think about and compare herself to. He knew that if she found out what he'd done that she'd blame herself and ask what was wrong with her; she'd take it as a personal failure when the simple truth was that it wasn't her fault at all, he just wasn't cut out for monogamy and sometimes he needed more than what she could provide him. "Ok, I love you", she mumbled as she drifted in and out of sleep and JR's stomach felt worse now than it did earlier, she was so devoted to him and he just couldn't give her the same attention. The way he felt was wrong, he couldn't do this to her, at least not with Julie, "I love you too Sue Ellen", he whispered, though he was sure that she was already asleep again. Silently, he made a new vow to himself, he would try harder to be the husband everyone expected him to be, and if the need did arise for other women, then it would be completely meaningless sex and nothing more; Julie was off-limits from now on.

To be continued…