Hillsboro, Texas

Sue Ellen Ewing sat alone in a small diner drinking a cup of coffee and watching the cars and pedestrians pass by the front window; her spontaneous decision to do something different had quickly turned her into an even more confused mess. So far, her pursuit of a meaningful activity to occupy her afternoon had been a bust; she'd driven from Southfork, through downtown Dallas and then straight out of town, only stopping when she saw a sign indicating that she was nearing Waco. Texas was a big state, if she kept on driving, she'd end up somewhere interesting, or she'd end up miles away from home, in the middle of nowhere; Hillsboro was a smallish town, it didn't quite qualify as the middle of nowhere, but it was close. On top of the fact that she'd not ended up anywhere interesting, she'd neared Waco, a city half way to Austin, and Austin was somewhere she didn't want to be anywhere near right now. Waco was also a two-hour drive from Southfork, she wasn't there yet, but if she wanted to be home in time for dinner and her happy wife charade, then she needed to head back now, especially since she'd be driving through rush-hour traffic by the time she got into Dallas again. Finishing her coffee and leaving some money on the table, she walked into the bathroom to freshen up before walking back out to her car, sighing to herself as she reversed and headed back toward the highway. She wasn't sure exactly what she'd hoped to gain from this trip, but whatever it was, she hadn't succeeded; she was still as lost and lonely as she had been earlier in the day.

Dallas, Texas

A mere three hours later, Sue Ellen stood in the bedroom she shared with JR at Southfork, doing the same thing she did every day at this time, primping herself for cocktails and dinner with the family. Brushing her hair, she looked at herself in the mirror, the reflection looking back at her seemed different, though she wasn't sure how, she hadn't changed anything about her appearance. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew what it was, her eyes were reflecting her thoughts and feelings, when she smiled, it never seemed completely genuine anymore, it was more like she was playing the role of a happy woman rather than actually being a happy woman, though her conscious mind didn't connect the dots. What her conscious mind did tell her was that she wasn't happy at this particular moment and for some reason, she was dreading going downstairs again tonight. She felt guilty for having those thoughts though, the Ewing's were nothing but kind to her and she didn't want to appear ungrateful; the family may possibly interpret her demeanour as an insult if she appeared anything less than happy, especially during family time. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy spending time with the Ewing family, in fact, it was probably the most exciting part of her day; however, it wasn't exactly fulfilling or uplifting to listen to everyone else speak about the happenings of their day, all while silently questioning her own purpose and place in the world. She wanted more in her life, the problem was, she wasn't exactly sure what it was that she specifically wanted or how she could go about attaining that further happiness. Thinking about it a little more, she made the decision to really sit down and think about her life and her priorities tomorrow, though right now her only concerns were about dinner and the image she was displaying to the family.

Checking her appearance one final time, she turned her attention to her husband, sighing as she watched JR rushing around the room, oblivious to anything other than his own thoughts and actions. It was obvious that he'd had a busy day at work and had things on his mind and she hated that he never willingly shared his thoughts with her anymore and when she did ask, he only ever gave her brief responses. His silence was confusing and hurtful, it made her feel like she had done something wrong or she wasn't enough, as if anything she did say wasn't helpful to him or just made the situation worse, so he avoided telling her anything at all. She didn't know how to change their relationship back to its former state, one where they actually communicated with each other, even if it was only her giving him encouragement and him feigning interest in her activities, at least they'd talked about something. Her mother had only taught her how to be a supportive wife, and that meant listening, offering comments where appropriate and doing as her husband told her to, but nothing more; anything more wasn't the responsibility of a wife, she was there to support her husband as he required her, not to cause more problems by demanding attention. She didn't know what to do in the present situation, her presence didn't seem to be required very often in private circumstances and in public, JR acted as if they were the same happy couple they'd always been. It was possible that he didn't really see the problem and really believed that everything was fine, though she wished he'd at least voice that opinion so that she had the opportunity to counter that thought and open the topic for discussion. What Sue Ellen didn't know was that JR's attitude was combination of a number of different circumstances, both personal and business related; he didn't want to burden her with unnecessary worries, and he was relieving his stress through other outlets, making her offers of help seem unnecessary, however thoughtful they may be. However, what JR didn't realise was that his indifference was more harmful than helpful; she needed him more than he needed her, but he neglected to think about the situation from her perspective to see that. "You ready darlin'?" JR finished tying his tie and turned toward his wife, properly noticing her for the first time all evening. He'd known she was there and they'd had a brief conversation, but he hadn't paid much attention to her after that, it just never occurred to him to devote a little more time and energy to his wife, he had a lot of other things on his mind and she didn't need to concern herself with those issues. "Yes", Sue Ellen nodded and smiled, adjusting her facial expression to reflect the happy woman she pretended to be; she had learned to do at a young age how to hide the outward signs of the sadness within her. Taking her hand, JR led them out of the room and downstairs for another evening of cocktails and dinner with the family, oblivious to the deeper mental and emotional issues his wife was dealing with.

To be continued…