Dallas, Texas

"Wh…what are you doing here JR?" Sue Ellen's voice was shaky and confused as she awoke from her nap; the first thing she had expected to see was either an empty room or her mother-in-law, not her estranged husband. "How did you get in?" she asked JR and then turned toward Miss Ellie, shooting her a questioning look as if to ask whether she was the victim of some elaborate plan, one where Miss Ellie really wasn't on her side at all. JR knew his wife, she wasn't just confused, there was something more, she was scared, "I'm sorry if I scared you darlin'. I came to apologise and to explain", he paused for a moment before he continued to speak, "mama didn't know I was coming and I didn't know she was here, she just let me in when I knocked". He felt the need to explain that his mother wasn't involved, he needed his wife to have someone she could trust, because he knew what it was like to not have that. Coming out of her sleepy state and processing his words, Sue Ellen sat up and nodded at her husband, "ok", she whispered as she got up and walked over to pour herself a glass of water. She didn't really know how to respond to his words because of course she wanted to hear an apology and explanation, but at the same time, she wasn't entirely sure how much more he could say and whether it would actually make her feel any better. She'd already heard his apologies, explanations and and empty promises to be a better husband and even though they were the things she wanted to hear, they hadn't made her feel any better. She couldn't really explain what she wanted from him, because she knew that for him to prove that he was being honest and she could trust him, then she really had to forgive him and give him a second chance, but she wasn't really sure that she was ready for that.

She was able to think rationally enough to know that keeping her distance from him wasn't a permanent solution though, especially not for much longer, not now that she was pregnant and their child was due in just a few short months. The reality of their situation was that even if she decided that she couldn't forgive him and couldn't be married to him anymore, they were tied to each other for life and she knew that it wasn't practical or fair to their child to be hostile or indifferent toward each other because their child deserved so much more than that. They had spoken extensively during the time they were dating, their early marriage and even in her early pregnancy, about the kind of life they wanted for their child and the kind of parents they wanted to be as well as the kind of parents they didn't want to be. Their child deserved everything its parents hadn't had during their own childhoods and for both JR and Sue Ellen, that really meant having two parents who unconditionally loved their child, but for Sue Ellen especially, it also meant having two parents who loved each other and made it known that they loved each other. She had only a few memories of her own father and many of those were tarnished by her mother's commentary after he had left them, commentary that was less than complimentary; she had made herself a promise a long time ago that she would never speak of her child's father the way that her mother spoke of her father. JR had had a different life to her, he'd had both of his parents present in his life and they were happily married, however she knew that although Jock and Miss Ellie loved each other, they had failed to adequately show their eldest son that they loved him and their actions had had a very strong, damaging effect on JR. She and JR had discussed it before, neither of them wanted to end up like their parents and if she was honest, right now, she was heading straight toward becoming her mother, a woman who relied on her husband financially and only financially and never let anyone forget it. Sipping her glass of water, she looked at Miss Ellie and then at JR, she was ready to listen and she was ready to try to work things out. Even if it was going to be uncomfortable and unpleasant in the short-term, it was what was best for their baby and what was best for their future as both individuals, a married couple and as a family unit, and she was willing to try for the sake of those things.

Miss Ellie hung back and removed herself from the situation, standing on the opposite side of the room as she made the decision to let JR and Sue Ellen to attempt a rational, adult discussion without her assistance; however, she was still present in case things started to get out of line. Sitting opposite each other in the small living room area of the hotel suite, Sue Ellen waited for JR to speak. She had a few things she wanted to say to him, but for some reason, she found herself silenced by her insane need to be socially polite, to speak only when spoken to and to remain cordial until the time arose where he changed the tone of their conversation. Observing his wife, JR noted to himself that she appeared to be nervous, though it didn't surprise him, he was rather nervous himself; this really was his final chance for forgiveness and to save their marriage. He knew that if their conversation today ended with him leaving without her and their relationship still not in a good place, then they would never get another chance, because his father would alienate her forever when he fulfilled his promise to bring her back to Southfork upon JR's failure to do so. Clearing his throat, he decided to just say what he was feeling, it couldn't make the situation any worse, "I know you don't believe me when I say it, and I don't blame you for feeling that way, but I wanted to say it again and I hope that you'll believe me when I say that I am sorry". He paused for a moment to regather his thoughts, in his mind, it had sounded a lot better and more convincing, but aloud, he understood why she was cautious about his apologies, they were so hollow and impersonal, though he never meant for them to be that way. Sighing frustratedly to himself, he found himself willing her to speak, even if it was something he didn't want to hear, he needed something to base his words on because his own mind was failing him right now.

Sue Ellen sighed to herself too, she felt silly for expecting anything more from JR than what she'd already received; the way that he was and the way that she wanted him to be were two completely different things and she felt as if she had set herself up for failure when she hoped for more. From across the room, Miss Ellie stood observing the situation; things between the couple really were more strained and difficult than she had imagined and she was beginning to wonder whether they were even capable of fixing their problems on their own. The way it appeared to her was that JR wasn't very good at articulately apologising and Sue Ellen needed and wanted more from him than she was getting, but neither of them was very good at clearly communicating their thoughts, wants or needs. Deciding that her intervention was required, she cleared her throat and walked toward the couple, picking up a chair from the small dining set, she set it down so that she was able to sit an equal distance between JR and Sue Ellen, because the last thing the situation needed was for her to appear to be taking sides. "Sue Ellen", she looked toward her daughter-in-law and spoke in a soft, calm voice, "why don't you start by telling JR what you told me, starting with how you felt this week, then, if you're prepared to, we can move back further". She thought that allowing Sue Ellen to voice her most recent feelings would be a good start, because the way she saw it, JR definitely remembered the past week and would be more capable of explaining some of his thoughts and actions in that time period. If they started with hard questions about the past, a past where there was a lot going on in the wider context of their lives, then it would be more difficult to pinpoint his thoughts and motivations and she feared that the conversation would end up going nowhere. Looking at Miss Ellie, Sue Ellen silently thanked her, it may have been an uncomfortable topic, but Miss Ellie's presence alone made it easier to talk about.

"…so you cheated because you could? That still doesn't really explain anything", an hour later, Sue Ellen was satisfied with JR's explanation that he had really been trying to give her her space this past week and that he hadn't forgotten about her or moved on. She also believed that he hadn't cheated on her since their separation, though that really wasn't something to brag about, it was what she expected a good husband to do. Moving on from the past week's events, she had begun to question his wider motives, the ones that were responsible for his intermittent infidelity throughout their marriage; it was difficult to answer the question of why he had cheated on her recently before getting a real explanation as to why he had cheated on her in the first place. The way she saw the situation, something had to have happened to make him want to cheat on her, because she could honestly say, she had never had the urge to cheat on him and she simply didn't understand his reasoning; just because he could do something wasn't enough reason to actually do it. She somewhat understood why he cheated while they were dating, she didn't like it, but she understood it, but they were married now and she didn't understand why he would need or want to seek physical affection from other women when he had her, unless she was the problem, though that's really not what she wanted to hear.

JR sat frozen as she questioned his motives, he didn't really know what to say in response to her questions; he had cheated because he could, but he had also cheated for reasons that he didn't want to have to explain to her, reasons that were more about his own thoughts and insecurities than they were about her. In his mind, he saw himself as somewhat sexually deviant, but he'd married a lovely, pure lady, one he didn't want to tarnish with his impurity. The kind of things a man did with his wife were completely different to the things he did with his mistress and it made sense to him that he would separate the two sides of himself. He'd even taken the necessary precautions to make sure that she was never negatively affected by his actions, however, he had completely underestimated her emotional awareness and how his actions could hurt her, even when she didn't know about them. To tell her that he had cheated simply because he could was a lot easier than explaining the complex thoughts that ran through his mind, because there honestly was no one reason for his actions. Part of it was purely about temptation and power, but the deeper side of it was absolutely about his personal opinions regarding marriage and the roles of a husband and wife. "I…" he looked Sue Ellen in the eye as he tried to voice his thoughts, but instead, he found himself silent, he simply didn't know how to tell her, because he couldn't imagine her ever really understanding his point of view. Sue Ellen watched her husband as he stuttered, she knew that there was something more was going on in his mind and she was determined to find out what that was, because they had actually made a little progress this afternoon and she wasn't ready to give up just yet.

To be continued…