Dallas, Texas

Observing her husband, Sue Ellen began to wonder exactly what was going on in his mind; JR Ewing was usually so articulate and strong, but right now, he seemed quiet and confused and she wondered what had caused him to behave that way. Endeared by his vulnerable side, she found herself softening toward him and changing her approach to the situation; she wanted to help him help himself because if she could get him to open up and really talk to her, then perhaps they had a chance of fixing their issues. It was obvious to her now that there was a lot more to his actions than just doing something because he could. JR Ewing was a man of complex thoughts and feelings, but he had never learned how to express his emotions in a healthy way; she wanted and needed to hear those things though and she was prepared to make a little effort of her own to find those things out, even if JR did make it difficult. "Let me rephrase the question, or I suppose, really just explain what I'm asking", she paused for a moment to look at him and then spoke again, "I was a cheerleader, I was Miss Texas, I was a model, and then I became Mrs JR Ewing. I never lacked attention, from both men and women, and I could have had any man if I wanted to, lord knows I've had more than enough offers and opportunities…" She knew that her plan could backfire and have a negative effect on her, because JR did have a jealous side, however, she was prepared to try anything to get him to talk openly. "I think you already know this, but I have always been faithful to you; during the time we were dating and during our marriage, I have never willingly succumbed to the advances of another man, and as for unwillingly, you personally dealt with any man who came near me, whether it was with completely platonic intentions or not". She vaguely referenced the fact that she knew of his tendency to investigate the people she interacted with, though she didn't elaborate because that really wasn't the point of their conversation. JR looked at his wife as she spoke, unsure of where she was heading with her thoughts and whether she was intentionally trying to annoy him by reminding him of all the men that could have had her, though most importantly, hadn't had her. "My point is, you know for a fact that I have been faithful to you, not just because you made sure that I was, but because I wanted to be. I want you to understand exactly why I'm upset and confused by your actions. I was always there for you and you knew that; you also knew that if I had wanted to or been any less of a lady, then I could have easily not been there for you, both physically and emotionally. But I was, and do you know why?" she paused for a moment for emphasis before speaking again, "because I love you JR. For me, there is no other man that could take your place or that I would want to take your place. So I ask you this, why didn't you love me enough to want to be faithful to me? What did I do wrong? Because I know you say that it was all you and nothing to do with me, but that doesn't make sense, because just because there are other women there for you to have, doesn't mean that you automatically want them or have to act on your desires. I don't understand why you felt that it was necessary to be with other women when you had me. It must have something to do with me, because it simply doesn't make sense otherwise", she felt herself tearing up at the thought of not being enough for her husband, because to her, he really was enough and it felt awful to think that they were on totally different levels of affection and understanding.

Feeling trapped in the conversation, JR was unsure of how to respond; she was right, indirectly it was about her, though it was more to do with her being his wife and a true lady than her as a person. He could honestly say that he loved her and enjoyed being with her, physically and emotionally, so it had nothing to do with her personally, it was really all about the way his own personal belief system worked and how difficult it was for him to see things in any way other than his established perspective. He didn't really know how to tell her that though; he didn't want to hurt her any more than he already had and to be honest, he wasn't sure whether he could even change the way he thought about the whole situation, so he saw no real purpose in explaining everything to her. On top of his beliefs, there was the more obvious explanation, the one that he had already told her but she didn't seem to understand. Simply stated, he had less self-control than she did and it didn't come naturally to him to just be friends or acquaintances with a woman without some kind of attraction or need to conquer; he was a natural philanderer and sometimes his instincts got the better of him. He found himself speechless, neither of his explanations sounded good and he knew it, so it was difficult for him to be questioned about his motives and expected to give a convincing answer, because he didn't really have one. "Darlin', I love you and I know it may not make sense to you, but it's because of the love and respect I have for you that I did what I did", he gave her a vague explanation and immediately regretted it. From the look of devastation on her face and the tears running down her cheeks, he was sure that although his comment was well intentioned and was made without malice, she found no comfort, only anguish in his words. Stuttering through her tears, Sue Ellen spoke, "you're right JR; that makes no sense to me and I don't understand it at all. You cheated and lied because you love and respect me? How does that even begin to justify or explain your actions? Husbands who love their wives don't intentionally do things that will cause their wives pain, they just don't".

She continued to cry before she regained her composure and decided to ask him directly, "give me an example, a real example of a situation where you did what you did because you loved me, not because you're a selfish bastard". She was just about done with giving him a chance to voice his feelings and explain, because with every word he said, his explanations got more confusing and ridiculous; nothing he said made sense and she began to wonder whether he was deceptively hiding something from her or whether he genuinely didn't know how to explain. First he said that he cheated because he could, but it had nothing to do with her, then he said that he did it because he loved her and now she was just confused, because the two things were very different motivations. JR looked at his wife as if she were crazy for asking him for an example; personally, he would never want to hear the details of her and another man, so for her to want to hear about him and another woman seemed ludicrous. Self-consciously, he was also aware that his mother was sitting just a few feet from him, silently observing their conversation but not saying anything; he had never even imagined having to sit down and explain his indiscretions to his wife, let alone having to do it with his mother present as well, and the reality of the situation was embarrassing. "JR?" Sue Ellen watched him as a panicked look crossed his face and she grew impatient as he stayed silent, "I'll make it easier for you; name one thing that you get from other women that you don't get from me? Because I am at a loss as to how your actions aren't impacted by my shortfalls or only happen because you love me. One example, that's all I ask", she knew she was probably setting herself up to be hurt, because she tried to be the best wife she could be and it would be devastating to be told that her efforts weren't good enough for him, but she needed to know. Gulping, JR felt guilty and dirty as he mentally imagined all of the things that other women did that his wife would never do; he couldn't tell her that he liked things like that though, she was a true lady and her ladylike temperament was the exact reason why he kept those things a secret. His secrets were supposed to be just that and he hated that one little drunken mistake had ruined his whole life. "That's what you don't understand darlin', my actions have nothing to do with your shortfalls and everything to do with my shortfalls. As you said earlier, husbands who love their wives don't intentionally do things that will hurt their wives; you're my wife and I respect you too much to ask you to do the things that other women do for me because those things aren't ladylike, proper or delicate like you are. Does that explain anything?" he hoped that his vague, but also somewhat specific explanation was enough to satisfy her because it was just about as far as he was willing to discuss it.

To be continued…