Dallas, Texas

Standing up and walking across the room in frustration, Sue Ellen didn't know what to say to him; he had obviously thought about it a lot, but from what she could tell, he had never once stopped to consider how she actually felt, not just how he assumed she felt. "Corpus Christi; the sixth day of our honeymoon; sometime during the first week back at Southfork after our honeymoon; almost every time that you came home from work angry or upset; the lake house for our wedding anniversary…" Turning around as he walked toward her, she began to throw random phrases at him and for a moment, he had no idea what she was talking about, though as he remembered some of the specific events, he began to catch on. "Did I seem upset or damaged by any of those events? You don't seem to understand; I love you and I want to make you happy", she sighed and continued to speak, "I'm not made of glass JR, I won't break if you are the tiniest bit rough with me. I'm also not always concerned about being proper; sometimes I just want to enjoy being with my husband, and to be honest, that doesn't always mean slow and gentle. I would have thought that from experience, you could tell that I didn't hate those things, not at all, because from the way I remember it, some of our best moments were also the most 'improper'. I know it might seem unbelievable to you because you have some strange idea that I couldn't possibly like or want things like that, but honestly, that is the furthest thing from the truth. Take a moment to think about all of the situations I just mentioned; I have never once been offended by the way you treated me in the bedroom, except on occasions where you made me feel dirty or and wrong for wanting to please you. You were always the one that felt and acted guilty about anything slightly out of the ordinary, but up until right now, I really didn't see how much it all affected you". She was mostly just upset about their huge miscommunication, because if he had honestly been going to other women for things that she was willing to do but he had made her feel guilty for wanting to do, then she didn't understand him.

"I'll tell you very clearly right now; I was pure when I married you, I entered into marriage as a naïve young lady, I had no expectations, I had no likes or dislikes, all I knew was that I loved you and I wanted to be with you, and I trusted that you understood that. I looked to you and wanted you to teach me how to be a good wife, how to please you…" she felt silly and vulnerable as she validated the things her husband considered dirty and improper. The biggest thing that made the actions dirty was the fact that he did them with any woman that crossed his path, not that he enjoyed them. "JR, look at me", she walked toward him and stood in front of him, suddenly feeling exposed, as if her words could make or break the situation, but she reasoned with herself that if she didn't make the effort to communicate with him, then he would never understand, because his opinion was pretty firm. "My whole life I was told that ladies acted in a certain way and liked certain things, and from the way you're speaking, you were raised with the same expectation of a gentleman. But you know what? That's silly. We're married, we can do whatever we want with each other, there are no rules that say we have to act a certain way when we're alone, especially if that's not how you or I like it. I don't condone you straying outside our marriage, but listen to me when I say this; I want to be with you and I want to please you. I love you and I hate that you think that I wouldn't accept that part of you, because I would and I do. I love you for you, all of you, not just the good parts. Please JR; please try to understand where I'm coming from and what I'm saying. For the sake of our child and our marriage, we cannot keep living the way that we have been, it's not healthy or right", she finished her speech and hoped that he at least somewhat understood what she was saying, because if he didn't, then she wasn't sure that they would ever get back on the right track.

Dumbfounded, JR stood and listened to his wife as she preached about her hidden preferences, though as he thought about it, he felt silly as he realised that those hidden preferences really weren't hidden at all. If he had paid the slightest bit of attention to her in the situations that she had mentioned, and not just thought about himself and his own guilt, then he would have seen that he was feeling guilty for no reason. She was right, she had never complained about the way he treated her in the bedroom and had never seemed unwilling or upset by his actions. It was all his doing, he was the one that had made everything seem dirty and wrong, not her; she had been the pure virgin when she met and married him and he had been so afraid of ruining her ladylike disposition that he had treated her as if she would break from the smallest show of passion. It wasn't that their sex life was bad, because it really wasn't, he could honestly say that when they were together, even if it was slow and gentle, he still enjoyed it and wanted to be with his wife in that way, but he felt stupid and annoyed at himself for being so closed off about other options. He had sought affection from other women for things that his wife would have been willing to do and wanted to do, but his stupid opinions and beliefs had gotten in the way of being able to see that. Deep down, he knew that even if they had been open with each other right from the beginning, he still would have had a hard time staying faithful to her, because he did have low levels of self-control when it came to women, however, with a more communicative relationship, they could have avoided a lot of the problems they had. "I'm sorry Sue Ellen. I've been so stupid", he paused for a moment as he looked down at her and studied her face; she was so young and beautiful and it seemed so wrong that she had tearstains on her cheeks; she shouldn't have had to shed tears because of the way he treated her, she deserved so much more than that. Gently brushing his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away any remaining wetness, he looked her in the eye and spoke, "I wish we could go back to the beginning and start all over again. I wish I could have known back then what I know now, because if I had, I never would have done some of the things I did. You're such a wonderful woman and you deserve so much more than me, but I'm selfish and I don't want anyone else to have you, I want all of you, I want to be the man in your life, the only man in your life. I want to be your husband, lover and your best friend, but I know that I don't deserve any of that right now", he sighed to himself as he spoke regretfully and reflectively; he wanted his wife back and he was willing to try anything to improve their marriage, but it wasn't entirely his decision to make. "I messed up so badly and for that I am so sorry, I never intended for any of this to happen and I never would have made the same decisions if I had the insight to realise the impact of my actions. I can't change the past though, I can only apologise for it and I do, I am so sorry, I hope that you can see that. If you'll let me, I would really like the opportunity to show you how sorry I am and what a good husband I can be, because I promise, I really will try to be a good husband. I love you and I can see now how my actions in the past were bad for our marriage; I will never act like that again if you give me another chance to be your husband, the right way this time", he paused and then finished speaking, "please darlin', one more chance. I promise you won't regret it".

Being so close to her husband and listening to him speak, Sue Ellen finally felt the emotion she had been looking for in his responses; it seemed as if he finally understood why she was so upset and he was finally prepared to make some changes in the way he lived his life. "No more women?" she looked up at him, wide-eyed and hopeful, she wanted to believe him, but she didn't want to trust him too easily and then be hurt again; "no more women", he spoke honestly and optimistically, he wanted her to know that he was interested in making things work. "No more secrets, no more lies and no more ridiculous double standards. I mean it JR", her second sentence was a statement rather than a question, she needed to hear him agree to her requests; "no more secrets or lies, I promise. But darlin', I cannot make any promises about double standards, simply because you're a woman and there are always going to be a few double standards. I can however promise that I will talk to you and openly communicate with you about things that I see as problematic and I will not just go ahead and do something myself that I would never accept from you. I know better than that now", he grinned at her as if he was making a joke and she found herself smiling, though she was annoyed at herself for doing so, she didn't want him to know how close she was to giving him the second chance he was looking for. "You promise?" in an instant, she changed from happy and playful to sad and vulnerable, she needed to know that he was being entirely truthful, because she wasn't sure she could deal with this kind of situation again, it had almost ruined her this time. "I promise. I love you Sue Ellen and I want to show you that I love you. Please, one more chance, that's all I ask", JR usually hated begging, but in this case, he found himself meaning every word he said; it would be difficult, but he wanted to try. "One more chance. I love you JR and I want our marriage to work", she looked up at him again before moving even closer to him than she already was. Her physical attraction to him hadn't diminished at all and now that they were in a better emotional place, she was ready to resume their physical relationship, well, at least a little bit, she wasn't entirely sure she was ready to go all the way again, but she was looking forward to the new chapter in their lives. "So do I darlin', so do I", leaning down, JR cupped her cheek and tilted her face up toward him before he kissed her with all the passion he had been suppressing since her departure. So consumed in their own actions, neither JR nor Sue Ellen even remembered that Miss Ellie was still in the room and they definitely didn't notice when she stood from her watchful position, walked toward the door and quietly slipped out into the hallway, leaving the couple to continue their reunion, alone.

To be continued…

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