Feel Something

45. Rise and Fall

Ty Lee received no answer from Azula. She does not know if they will ever get married, but they sleep side by side. Ty Lee upon occasion wakes up before Azula and watches her chest bones fall and rise like a million times on the million mornings she wakes to the light pouring into Azula's bedroom.

The sun will rise and Azula will rise with it.

Ty Lee will help her get ready, a servant masquerading as a girlfriend, or maybe the other way around. When Ty Lee kisses Azula, Azula kisses her back, but that does not mean they will be together forever.

Their relationship rises and falls.

.

46. Missing Loving You

"I miss loving you," Ty Lee says quietly, kneading the blankets beneath her hands.

"You do not love me anymore?" Azula demands, clearly angry. Ty Lee shakes her head.

"No. I love you. I miss being able to show it to you without you trying to push me away," Ty Lee says, crawling forward and caressing Azula's cheek. When the princess moves away from the gesture, Ty Lee whispers, "See? Why won't you let me love you?"

"I need to…" Azula hesitates. She does not know if she needs a good lie or to think for a moment about her own truth. "I need to start over. I need the brand new. And you pity me. I'm tired of your pity."

"I don't pity you. I love you," Ty Lee says. "Please, let's start this brand new together."

"You want to get married, don't you?" Azula asks. "Why does it matter? It isn't as if I will ever be real royalty. I never saw a point in marriage beyond continuing bloodlines. I am already knocked up, and we can't exactly make our own, so that will never be our goal. What is the point?"

"When you find the perfect person, the most perfect person in the world, you commit to them. You promise them that they will be your one and only. It means something," Ty Lee says, returning to her nervous habit of opening and closing her fists around the blankets. "It bonds people for real."

Azula kisses Ty Lee.

"I am bound to you already."

That means 'no,' and it hurts to hear.

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47. A Difficult Path

Ty Lee sits with Mai. She knows her closest friend does not approve of her relationship with Azula, but Ty Lee will not let that happen.

"I just…" Ty Lee squints and thinks while Mai waits. "I just know that the path I'm going on with her is really hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done—being with Azula…"

"Does the baby bother you?" asks Mai.

"Yes," Ty Lee admits. "I wouldn't know where to begin with it. I always wanted babies with her for some reason. That's how I always imagined them. But I'm scared of the baby inside of her. I'm scared that…" Ty Lee tries not to cry but fails. "I'm scared that she won't let me be the other mother."

She begins to sob, clutching the stone table tightly.

"It isn't your…" Mai has no advice. She never does. She hates giving it and hates receiving it.

"I feel like the light in my life just fades away a little every day," Ty Lee says. "And I don't know if she causes it or if she's the only good thing that I need to cling to. I was happy on Kyoshi Island but I just… didn't fit there. I didn't fit anywhere, even though I was always happy. She makes me miserable all the time but I love her so much that it's worth the suffering."

"You're poetic today," Mai remarks, but she knows she should say something more meaningful.

"I want to go through this at her side. I want to take care of her baby and be with her forever and ever. I want her to marry me, but she never will. I lost her and it was my fault. I broke her so I should put her back together." Ty Lee's sobs become so uncontrolled that she no longer can speak.

Mai says, "You don't owe her anything. It wasn't your fault."

"I broke her," Ty Lee ekes out between sobs. "And I can make it right as her wife."

"You can make it right as her friend too. You're the only one she has," Mai says. "Maybe she won't marry you because she doesn't want to change things."

Ty Lee keeps crying and Mai does not know what to do about it.

.

48. Summer

Ty Lee used to love the heat but now she feels the hot despair of summertime. Azula looks so vibrant on the hot night with the glowing full moon above. She takes off her shoes and spins, then takes Ty Lee by the wrist and pulls her into the dance.

"Am I dreaming?" Ty Lee asks, wondering if she could ask that in a dream.

"No, but I would prefer it if you did not tell anyone about this," Azula says, they spin and then she feels sick so she sits down. Ty Lee lowers herself and falls to the dirt with her princess.

Ty Lee gently touches Azula's stomach. At first, it makes the princess recoil, but then Azula remembers Ty Lee's plea about missing loving her.

Suddenly, the baby moves and Ty Lee gasps.

"It… moved… my baby moved…" whispers Azula.

"She wants to come out and play," says Ty Lee, kissing Azula despite the summer sweat sticking to her skin.

"She?" asks Azula, smirking.

"I have a feeling that it's a girl," Ty Lee says, lifting her hand.

"I think it's a boy," Azula says and Ty Lee grins.

"So, you do think about it."

"It is hard to ignore, given that it is inside of me at all times," says Azula, looking up at the stars in the summer sky.

"Can I raise her with you?" Ty Lee whispers.

Azula turns to her. She thinks for a long while, a long while that pains Ty Lee.

Finally, Azula says, "Yes."

They are going to be mothers, married or not.

Silent tears of happiness stream from Ty Lee's eyes.