Dallas, Texas

"Darlin', Ewing women don't work, you know that…" JR sat down and looked at his wife confusedly; the DOA was a social organization as much as it was a charitable one, so he understood and supported her being a part of it, but this was different, this was an activity outside the DOA and it resembled a job more than Sue Ellen cared to admit. He couldn't pinpoint his feelings exactly, but he knew that he wasn't entirely comfortable with her taking the position that was being offered to her, even if it was unpaid and essentially just voluntary charity work. It was different to her wanting to find a hobby to fill her time; a book club, tennis lessons, horse riding etc., those things were all very clearly hobbies, things she did because she was the wife of a wealthy man and she needed something to occupy her time. The DOA was an expected and socially accepted form of work too, but he feared that if people found out that she was putting in hours at another organization, they might mistakenly believe that she was actually a paid member of staff and in his mind, that said something about his ability to support his wife. Realistically, no one would actually believe that JR Ewing, vice president of Ewing Oil, was unable to support his wife, but somewhere in his mind, JR wasn't thinking rationally and honestly believed that her decision to work would reflect badly on his reputation. On top of his feelings of inadequacy, he was also worried that in having another thing to focus her attention on, she would be less dedicated to him and their marriage and he didn't like that idea. They were finally in a good place and were working to establish a new routine in their marriage and he wanted to make the most of having her all to himself now, because in just a few months, her attention would be split between he and their baby. Having her attention split three ways didn't appeal to him at all and was something he didn't particularly want to seriously consider. As much as he had taken it for granted, he now realised that he liked being the most important person and thing in her life, he liked being the one she did things for and made decisions according to his preferences, and selfishly, he didn't want to give that up.

"I know that JR and I agree; I don't want to be a career woman, I like being a Ewing wife and I have no problem with you supporting me, but this is different. Do you remember when I used to ask you for approval about everything? You told me that although you appreciated that I wanted to please you, it was unnecessary and unhealthy for me to base my every decision around your wants and needs, because I needed to and was allowed to do things for my own happiness and satisfaction. For a long time, I didn't quite realise how true that was and it meant that I ended up in a bad emotional place, a place I don't want to return to. This isn't about me rebelling and trying to spite you and it's not about me trying to boost my ego, this is about me needing something more in my life than simply being your wife. I love being your wife, but during the day, when you're not here, I need something to focus my attention on. I've tried filling my time with different activities, but they all feel so empty and pointless when I finish for the day and realise that I achieved nothing of any significance; I usually return home feeling isolated and useless and I hate that. That's why I love being in the DOA, I get to meet people and our activities give me a purpose and a real sense of satisfaction; but we only meet twice a week and it's only for a few hours; the rest of the time, being Mrs JR Ewing means nothing to anyone. I cannot go back to living the way I used to live, I cannot just sit around Southfork doing nothing all day; I get lonely and bored when I have nothing to do and then it starts affecting our marriage negatively and I don't want that. I love you and I want to be the best wife I can be, but I know from experience that my best self is the woman who is involved in things and isn't sitting around waiting for her husband to come home, and I think that if you think about it rationally, you'd see that too. Do you remember when we were dating and I quit modelling because you asked me to? That was hard, really hard, because I gave up not only my work life, but my social life too; but I did it because it made you happy and I like making you happy. I admit, it was nice to have my own money and my own responsibilities and I never really realised how much that meant for me until you selfishly cut me off a few weeks ago. However, I've forgiven you for that and I trust that you won't do it again", she glared at him as she remembered how awful he had been to her just recently, and for a second, she wondered whether she was crazy for returning to Southfork as his wife. She pushed those thoughts out of her mind temporarily though, because they weren't adding anything helpful to their conversation."Look, I know my argument probably doesn't make a lot of sense to you, but please, just listen to me and try to understand where I'm coming from. I really want this and I want it for the right reasons; I feel like I can make a difference to other people and I feel like it would be good for me. We promised that we were going to communicate better and that's exactly what I'm trying to do", she paused and looked at him, "I want to do this and I would like you to support my decision". She was more annoyed than upset by his opposition to her request, she hadn't exactly been asking for permission to do it, she simply wanted to be courteous by informing him beforehand, and hopefully in response, hear a few words of encouragement from him; so when she didn't get that, she was confused and frustrated.

Sighing heavily to himself, JR didn't exactly know how to respond; she was right, she had given a lot up for him and she had never complained about the life that he gave her in return. He could also admit to himself that he knew she wasn't happy when she was lonely and bored and he did prefer a satisfied wife to one who was clingy and needy because she had nothing but him to focus her attention on. He was now also remembering the context of their conversation; he was trapped, even if he didn't want her to do it, he couldn't say no, because it would upset her and if his parents saw his upset wife, there would be hell to pay, and he couldn't have that, not after the conversations he'd had with his father recently. Sitting silently for a few moments as he tried to figure out how to respond rationally, he began to realise how silly his own arguments were. He was a millionaire and his wife was a former beauty queen and now society lady, she'd been doing charity work for years and there was absolutely no way anyone would be confused by her new position, in fact, she'd probably get more positive attention and validation than she did now, and that would reflect well on him. He also realised that she was right about their commitment to communicating better and his father was right to hold him to a higher standard than he had in the past, because a good husband would listen and consider his wife's wants and needs before making a decision, and he wanted to be a good husband.

"Ten hours a week; hours when I'm working", he nodded and spoke and it was almost as if he were speaking to himself and not his wife, trying to convince himself that it wasn't that bad after all. Waiting silently for another moment, he then spoke again, this time more softly than before, "tell me about your role…" He smiled at her weakly as he opened the topic for discussion again; he was embarrassed about his initial negative reaction, a reaction he now realised was an overreaction, and he felt silly that he was showing her two completely opposite sides of himself, it made him look wishy-washy and weak. He realised that he probably needed to be a better listener and communicator, but that didn't come naturally to him and it wasn't something he was entirely comfortable with. Even now, after all of their arguments, he still found himself tempted to play the controlling husband who had final say over his wife's decisions, no matter how ridiculous it was in reality. Smiling to herself, Sue Ellen launched into an excited speech about the organization itself and her future role there. She had been ready for a fight if he wanted one, but she was glad that it hadn't come to that, and now that he seemed somewhat agreeable, she found herself willing to accept the fact that he hadn't even said that he was sorry or acknowledged that he was wrong. In the back of her mind, she hated that she was so dependent on him and required his opinion and approval of her actions to make her feel better. She hated that she was such a pushover and that she often forgave him more easily than she should, but she also reasoned that she loved him and in their marriage, they'd already wasted too much time fighting. It simply wasn't worth arguing about, not now that she had what she wanted and not knowing how JR was; a fight would get them nowhere and she would much rather just move on.

To be continued…