Chapter 6 - The King of the Show

Thursday, October 15th, 2020

Jonah clutched his aching side as he backed up on all fours. "You're on the ground floor, with nowhere to run." Jonah's foe announced as the gloved hand of his assailant raised the weapon once more, and a jet engine ignited.

A few hours earlier...

The week had passed by without much incident, the students focusing on their schoolwork. Now that the 15th had arrived, Jonah was on his way to the Smash Bros. tournament. He happened to come across Oscar along the way, and walked together towards the Student Union building.

"So, what did you want to ask?" Oscar asked Jonah, who matched his pace.

"For one thing, why do you always have an airpod in? Do you have to listen to music while we walk? It's distracting, dude."

"Oh, nothing's playing right now." He retorted. "It's easier than taking it out all the time."

Jonah still wasn't satisfied, but he pressed on. "So, has your stand developed any more?"

Oscar formed his response for a moment while looking around carefully. "Let's just say I can get information from some locked computers now. It's not exactly hacking, but I'm working on it."

"Just using your mind?"

"Nah, I need a device to do it, but the stand uses the device's power to do so."

"Well that could come in handy." Jonah commented.

"I will admit I also use the airpods for recording audio information." Ignoring Jonah's 'gotcha stare', Oscar continued. "I have to go soon, but can you show me what your stand does? I'm curious."

Jonah just smirked and kept walking with him, even though he was approaching a light pole. Oscar was about to warn him of the obstacle, but Jonah just walked straight into it. Literally. Oscar's eyes widened as his friend began to clip through the light pole, his body twitching and extending rapidly as he did so, as if here were glitching in a Bethesda game. Coming out on the other side of the pole. The two stopped.

"Did that hurt at all?" Oscar asked, concerned.

"Nope. Not only can I clip through objects, but I can also tinker with tools and mechanical devices really well. I don't mean to brag, but I'm kinda a Macgyver in the making." Jonah picked up some broken glass from a bottle on the ground, grabbed some cardboard from the carton the bottle came in, and pulled out a few rubber bands from his bag. Odd tentacles that looked like they were made out of flashing binary text extended from his hands as he worked the materials. After only a few seconds, he handed Oscar a strange tubular object with glass on both ends.

"Put it up to your eye." Jonah demanded. Oscar did so, and found that he could clearly read the text on a building sign that was a long distance away.

"Nice binoculars."

"Actually, if you gave me a few more seconds, I could turn it into an attachable rifle scope. That's the power of my stand, 「Country Roads」.

"Sweet." Oscar praised as he readjusted the straps on his backpack and began to walk towards the bike rack. "See you later, and good luck with the new stand user." His farewell was met with Jonah giving a comedic salute, simultaneously falling backwards and glitching into the wall of the student union to avoid the front entrance altogether. Even though it was entirely unnecessary, Oscar just shook his head in laughter and resumed his walk. "He seems a bit full of himself sometimes, but I like him." He heard from the voice in his airpods.

1 hour later…

By this point, Jonah had already registered himself into the Smash tournament, and the preliminary matches were beginning. He sat down at a table with his opponent on the second floor of the Union Building. After the competitors greeted each other, Jonah selected his main, the character Luigi, and his opponent chose Isabelle. The match began to drag on after a few minutes, as the Isabelle main he faced was abusing the fishing pole attack a tad too much. However, Jonah did manage to win the match with 2 stocks left. He shook hands with his opponent and got up to wait for his next match. In the meantime, he watched a few of the other games going on to see if his target had appeared at the tourney. He passed by several setups of the game where other matches were taking place, until he came across one with a switch that looked scratched up on one side.

This could be a lead. Maybe when the user was shot with the arrow, he may have dropped the console he was carrying and scratched it. Then again, I'm probably overthinking. As the match there ended, he asked both the fighters if the switch was theirs, but both of them shook their heads. Moving onto the next game, he noticed two participants, one wearing a black and white fedora with glasses and the other wearing headphones around his neck and sporting an almost orange goatee. It was a peculiarly intense match on the screen, with the characters King Dedede and Ike flying about the screen, exchanging blows. The Ike player was running circles around Dedede and scoring some hits, but Ike tried to bait an air-dodge that Dedede used to hit him with a gordo projectile instead. Both characters were on one stock, and another lucky hammer blow from Dedede sent Ike flying into the skybox, ending the match.

"Hell yea!" The man with the goatee yelled, standing up in his chair. "Good match, bro!" He said as he violently shook the fedora guy's hand. The fedora guy was a bit creeped out and sulked away after that, and then the next matches were called. Jonah chuckled at the sight as he headed towards his next fight.

The tournament was going well for Jonah, and he actually managed to make it to the finals for the first time. He'd won 3 rounds with luigi so far, and wondered who his final opponent would be as he sat down. To no one's surprise, the orange goatee guy from earlier sat down next to him and immediately selected King Dedede on the character screen.

"My name's Caspo." he announced flamboyantly. He looked over to notice the blue Nintendo switch the two sat in front of. "Hey, we're playing on my switch! I should probably buff out those scratches though. Don't worry, it still runs fine!"

"No worries. I'm Jonah. Nice to meet you." As strange as this guy is, I hope he's the user. Jonah thought. I'd hate to be back at square one.

"Good luck Jonah, but I'll let you know that I've already won a tourney last semester. Don't get your hopes up too much." Caspo boasted.

Who even is this guy? Jonah thought, slightly annoyed. "Now, don't think I won't try."

The two began the match, and Caspo's Dedede landed the first blows. Luigi struggled to recover as he was edge-guarded by gordos flying at him. Luigi even hit one of the projectiles back at Dedede, only for it to be rebounded by his hammer and fly into his face again. One stock was lost as the green plumber flew offscreen. Jonah leaned forward in his chair, eyes focused only on the screen, while Caspo leaned back and smirked. The match continued, and at one point Luigi managed to bait a smash attack to take a stock of his own. The match still didn't seem even, though, as Caspo practiced much more often, and it showed. Luigi was launched by Dedede's hammer once again, and a quick combo took the stock.

Jonah wiped the sweat from his controller. Normally he wouldn't care about a tournament like this, but he wanted to serve his flamboyant opponent some karma. As such, he broke out his favorite attack, which he had saved until now. The power of his down B attack was unleashed as luigi became a spinning cyclone, catching the blue penguin off balance. Jonah used this opportunity to combo and juggle himself another stock. The two were neck and neck, and it was Caspo's turn to lean forward in his chair.

"Now this is getting interesting." Caspo stated calmly, a small vein appearing in his forehead. "I'll admit that I've not seen many people play luigi, so I forgot he had that attack. But don't go thinking that you can catch me off guard again."

A small crowd of attendees began to form as the match heated up. The two characters faced each other once again, waiting for one to make the first move. Dedede took the initiative as he Up B'd to launch high in the air. Anticipating the move, Jonah smirked as he positioned for a grab. To his surprise, however, Caspo canceled the attack in midair and fell behind luigi. Jonah instinctively shielded, but Dedede grabbed him anyway and slammed him into the ground. What followed was a series of gordo throws and hammer blows. Sure, Luigi got a few hits in, but things were not going his way. Sparing a glance at the bottom of the screen, Jonah gulped as he saw that luigi was at 120% damage while Dedede was only at 83%. Caspo still wasn't letting his guard down, scaring him even more.

Damn, I might as well try something stupid. Jonah reasoned as he jumped towards the king. Dedede charged a jet hammer attack and foresaw Luigi attempting to jump over him, so he turned around to face his anticipated backstab. Instead of attacking Dedede as soon as possible, however, Luigi propelled himself further away, out of range. He then launched a few fireballs for chip damage, bringing the king up to 97%. Dedede then threw a gordo to stop the flow of fireballs, and a short volleyball match between the two characters began as the spiked ball ricocheted. Luigi avoided the speeding projectile as it rocketed off into the distance, and began to charge up his Green Missile side B attack.

I'm gonna need a lot of luck for this to work. Jonah worried to himself. Caspo laughed as he charged a hammer to intercept Luigi's launch. However, fate seemed to be on the side of Jonah, as the attack had a 1 in 10 chance of misfiring to increase range and power. This misfire caused Luigi to rocket towards the king at incredible speed, and he was unable to counter in time. Caspo looked on in horror as his character took the lethal blow and careened offscreen.

"GAME!" The in-game announcer exclaimed as the results screen appeared. Luigi struck a pose in first place as the match came to a close.

"Oh shit." Jonah thought out loud. "Good game dude, that was close." He reached out his hand to shake with Caspo, but as he turned he realized the guy's face was almost the same color as his goatee.

"Lucky bastard." He grunted, still clenching the controller and with sweat adorning his forehead.

"You don't have to be sore about it." Jonah rolled his eyes.

"I can do better than that myself."

"What do you mean, yourself?" The winner asked as Caspo stood up and began to glow with a golden aura.

Oh fuck. I was right. Jonah thought, as he flung out of his chair and into a defensive stance.

"You should've never tangled with Caspo Dedespa!" Caspo yelled as he laughed maniacally. His stand appeared next to him, and to Jonah's surprise it was none other than King Dedede in the flesh, who was as tall as the crazy man he stood next to. The blue penguin twirled his hammer

"I hope you're ready to get clobbered, son!" Dedede heckled in a noticeable southern accent. Jonah quickly reacted by throwing a nearby table in front of him, which was instantly smashed by the penguin's hammer.

"Dude, chill the fuck out!" Jonah yelled as he backed away. This was met by the menacing duo of stand and user approaching even closer as the crowd around them began to scatter, confused. For almost all of them, they had just seen a table explode randomly, followed by another one as Jonah threw it to gain some time. However, both Caspo and Dedede spread out a few meters to trap the winner in a corner of the room.

"Do you know how much time I spent practicing for this tourney? I dropped a class because of it!" Caspo seethed, teeth clenched. "And now that I have this strange power, I can punch your lights out!"

"The grand prize was a Gamestop gift card! Was it worth it? I beat you fair and square, so put the hammer down!" Jonah pleaded, feeling the wall against his back.

"Fair? Bullshit! The only reason you won is because of RNGsus! It was luck! This hammer's going straight into your stupid face!" However, Caspo paused for a second to see people running away from the commotion and not staring at the penguin in front of them. "Although, since no one else can see him, then that means…" He thought aloud. Returning his malicious gaze to Jonah, he was taken aback to find the guy clipping through the wall as if he were a graphical bug. "Get him, Triple D!" Caspo pointed, causing the king to grunt and approach the wall. However, by the time he reached the corner, Jonah already escaped through it.

Looking around, Jonah noticed that he was in a game room of sorts, with a pool table, a foosball table and several arcade cabinets. Thankfully, no one was in the room to see him enter it, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"At least that tirade is over-" Jonah was interrupted by the wall next to him exploding in a shower of insulation and wood fibers. The hammer that destroyed it was powered by a miniature jet engine inside the weapon's face to give it more power. "Gimme a fucking break." He slumped as he backed away again.

"Heeeere's Triple D!" The king yelled bombastically as he stepped through the gaping hole, followed by Caspo. Jonah quickly scanned the room to find a flexible window curtain. Grabbing it, he snapped a few pool sticks in half and pulled out some spare rubber bands from his pocket, tendrils of code working the pieces while he grabbed a few billiard balls.

"What the hell are you doing?" Asked an annoyed Caspo. He could attack, but his curiosity got the best of him as he wanted to see the result of this power. Within only a few seconds, however, Jonah now pulled back the curtain-string of a makeshift crossbow, and loaded a billiard ball into it. Realizing what the weapon was, Caspo ordered the king to charge, only for the penguin to receive a blow to the stomach as the ball slammed into him at a surprising speed. Caspo also staggered back, clutching his own stomach. "Why you little- Ugh, Dedede, attack while he's reloading!" He ordered.

Despite Jonah's best efforts, he had only just finished reloading as a hammer slammed into his side, flinging Jonah across the room. Taking this opportunity, he clipped through the floor into the room below; a restroom. He used the precious few moments to mentally recover from the blow and repair his weapon which was damaged by the impact. He aimed it at the ceiling as he heard thumping from the tiles above.

Jonah clutched his aching side as he backed up on all fours. The penguin king fell through the now broken floor panels, with Caspo on his shoulders. Dismounting, Caspo noted the weapon once again pointing at the king. "I hope you realize that after you fire, we'll clobber the hell out of you. You're on the ground floor, with nowhere to run." He announced with a smirk. "Dedede's body fat can absorb projectile blows easily!" Although with this phrase, Caspo had to avoid a glare from the king. Either way, Dedede's gloved hand ignited the jet hammer and used it to begin spinning around to build power for his attack.

Jonah was desperately searching for a way out of this situation. The restroom's exit was behind Caspo, and even if he fired at the king, the ball would be deflected by the rapidly spinning hammer. However, he noticed that Caspo was standing exposed next to the king, grinning. He shifted his aim before releasing the makeshift trigger. The ball launched out of the weapon, which disintegrated into twigs after being damaged previously. Caspo recognized his idiocy too late, as a billiard ball whacked him straight in the forehead, knocking him out instantly. He fell to the floor with a crash as King Dedede faded away.