Dallas, Texas

Increasingly cautious about how he approached his wife now, JR found himself completely torn between satisfying his sexual desire for her and wanting to respect her emotional wellbeing; he didn't understand her sometimes, especially when she sent him mixed signals like she was tonight. As part of the effort he was making to be a better husband and man, it had become part of their routine to spend time together as a couple, simply dating each other and being together because they liked doing it, not because they were socially expected to; this weekend was no different. They had driven out to the pond with John Ross and gone for a long walk around the ranch before dropping him back at the house for his nap and then heading over to Fort Worth for lunch. It was nice to walk around in an area where no one really knew or cared who they were and it was nice to get to share an experience together, even if it was just lunch and then a little window-shopping and coffee in the afternoon. Returning to Southfork in time for family cocktails and dinner, they had continued their evening as parents, enjoying a little time with John Ross in his nursery before laying him down for another nap and then retiring to their bedroom together. It was then that things started to get really heated; no longer simple romance, their actions had turned passionate and although they both knew it was still too soon for them to take things all the way, it appeared that they both wanted more than just a kiss. Whether Sue Ellen was in a place to allow him to love her like that was a different issue though, because even if her body wanted it, she still had thoughts and feelings that left her feeling conflicted.

Having almost forgotten Doctor Williams' words during their day activities, Sue Ellen now had them running through her mind at a million miles a minute. During their second appointment, Doctor Williams had gone a completely different route to the one he'd taken in their first appointment; first questioning her about her body image issues and then challenging her to at least try to be a little more open to intimacy with JR. He'd explained that every reason she was giving him as an excuse as to why she was afraid to share herself with JR came down to fear of the unknown and no amount of talking and discussing the possible outcomes could replace an honest attempt to change. Her fear of JR leaving or cheating on her because he was displeased with her body was countered and questioned by Doctor Williams as he repeated her own words back to her, reminding her of how JR had acted during her pregnancy and how he was still acting. JR's words and actions indicated his desire for her and at no point did it appear that he wished she would change for him or was dissatisfied with the way she looked; if Doctor Williams was to be believed, the only one that seemed genuinely afraid of JR being disappointed was Sue Ellen.

Swallowing her fear in an attempt to be bold and not allow her mind and actions to be controlled by the negativity, Sue Ellen opened her mouth a little more and began to unbutton his shirt, hinting to him that she was ok with the way things were heading right now. She wanted to be a good wife and she knew that he was probably frustrated and wound-up now, so even if she couldn't bring herself to allow him to fully appreciate her body, she was committed to at least offering him a condolence prize. Surprised, but thrilled by her actions, JR wasted no time in getting them horizontal and impassioned, though when her hand clasped his as he tried to slide her nightgown up, he knew he'd probably moved a little too quickly. "JR", speaking breathlessly, Sue Ellen looked him in the eye from her position beneath him, "please… I'm not saying no, I'm just saying slow…" leaning up and resuming their kiss, she hoped that he understood; she was enjoying the way things were, but she didn't want him to get so into their actions that he forgot about the emotional aspect of it, especially her emotional vulnerability.

'Slow, not no', with the words repeating in his mind, JR resumed his actions, this time in a more gentle and loving way; he wanted her, but he wanted her to be comfortable too. Ridding him of his shirt and working on his pants, Sue Ellen panicked for a moment as he equally participated in undressing her; he hadn't gained and attempted to lose thirty pounds over the past few months like she had and he still probably didn't quite comprehend exactly what that meant for the state of her body. As she felt her nightgown come up over her stomach and she heard no loud gasp or revolted sigh, only feeling her husband's hands and lips paying loving attention to her body, she began to relax; if he wasn't disgusted by the untoned mess that her stomach was now, then they were past the worst of her fears. Sliding her nightgown up even further, eventually allowing it to gather around her neck before she lifted her head to allow him to toss it onto the floor, Sue Ellen covered her face with her hands as she felt his eyes taking in her appearance. Kicking his remaining clothes off, JR then moved her hands away from her face, "stop darlin'"; he now understood why she was so self-conscious, she was still carrying a little extra weight from the pregnancy, however, the reality of her appearance wasn't nearly as bad as the mental images she had built up in both of their minds. She was easily the same weight she had been in her early months of pregnancy and only in comparison to her slender, toned pre-pregnancy body was she in any way 'fat', though fat really wasn't the word he would have used if asked to describe her physical appearance. The truth of the matter was that her body image issues were mostly mental and emotional, not physical and despite the fact that she truly believed he would be disgusted by her, he wasn't.

Allowing herself to relax and actually enjoy the attention he was giving her, Sue Ellen was almost disappointed when she remembered that even if she was feeling good, they had to stop at third base. She didn't want to risk physically hurting herself by doing something her doctor hadn't approved her to do just yet and as much as she loved John Ross, she didn't want to get pregnant again anytime soon. She and JR had never used any barrier method of contraception, so she doubted he could find anything of that sort in their bedroom and she wasn't on the pill yet, so a second pregnancy was a real risk if they did break the rules right now, and that was a risk she wasn't prepared to take. Of course, not being allowed to complete their actions in the most obvious was wasn't directly connected to anything else and with the amount of enjoyment they both appeared to be getting out of their current actions, she wasn't too worried about it.

To be continued…