Dallas, Texas

"Do you understand now why I tell you to push yourself?" raising an eyebrow and waiting for her to agree with him, Doctor Williams considered which issue they should tackle next. It wasn't as if her body image issues were completely fixed, not by a mile, but from what little she had told him of her intimate evening with her husband, he knew that there was hope; if she simply tried, instead of shying away from things that seemed uncomfortable or confronting, then she would get a lot further in life. A large part of her current issues were due to her relationship with her mother though and simply from listening to her life experiences that involved her mother, he knew that it was going to be a huge challenge for her to deal with some of those issues. Her mother seemed to have a very strong personality and he couldn't imagine her willingly coming in for a group session; perhaps if she were paid, but that set a precedent that he really didn't want to set. He wanted Sue Ellen and her mother to have a more honest, open and caring communication relationship, not one purely motivated by money or obligation like it was now. He wouldn't mind meeting with JR Ewing either, he seemed as if he had a number of issues both of his own and connected to Sue Ellen and would benefit greatly from professional help; he also wished to see for himself how he and Sue Ellen communicated, because from what Sue Ellen described, he was a complicated and confusing man. For now though, he wanted to help Sue Ellen become a stronger woman on her own before throwing her into a heated confrontation with her mother or husband.

"Yes, I suppose so", knowing that he was right, but still reluctant to completely admit it, Sue Ellen gave a short response. In pushing her to consider simply trying something without building up a huge fear of possible consequences, he had helped her tremendously. Knowing that in just two weeks she would be medically cleared to say yes to him, combined with her continued efforts to resume a physically active, healthy lifestyle, she no longer felt trapped by her fear of JR's rejection based on her physical appearance. Of course, her issues with her appearance hadn't simply disappeared and she wasn't sure they ever would, but she now understood that sometimes her worst fears weren't even close to reality and instead of sitting around worrying and thinking of the worst possible outcome of an event, she needed to just confront the issue head-on. The thought of confronting her mother about the way she'd treated her her entire life wasn't something she was sure she was ready for just yet though and after JR's little talk with her mother prior to John Ross' birth, things had actually calmed down between them, so unless her mother brought it up herself, she planned on staying silent.

"Good, good", giving her a friendly smile, he then posed another question to her, one she wasn't so confident or pleased about, "how about your scales? Did you move them and avoid seeking them out?" his challenge was meant to give her mind a break from stressing over the arbitrary numbers, but from the look on her face, he had a feeling that even if she hadn't weighed herself, it didn't mean she had stopped being caught up in the thoughts that went with those numbers. Blushing at her failure, Sue Ellen mumbled her answer, "well, not exactly. I had Teresa move them, but they aren't the only scales in the house…" She wasn't going to explain that the morning after having a nice, intimate evening with JR, still on a little high about the way he was so loving and accepting of her, she had wandered over to the guest room to see whether she had been imagining her weight as more than it was. It was embarrassing to admit her failure and curiosity and it was embarrassing to admit that in weighing herself again, she had confirmed that she was still about ten pounds over where she wanted to be. Despite the fact that she knew it wasn't a failure to be where she was and she wouldn't be that weight and look as 'big' she did forever, she still felt a little disappointed in seeing the numbers in front of her.

"Can you explain to me why you did that?" questioning her actions, Doctor Williams already had a fair idea of her answer, however, it was always preferable for the patient to have to consider their own thoughts behind their actions. Encouraging critical thought and analysis brought awareness and liability to actions instead of simply allowing them to brush past them and pretend that they were subconscious and therefore not their responsibility to change. "I had to know… I had to know whether JR was seeing something different to what I was and my issues were all in my mind or whether I had magically turned back into the woman he'd always known and that's why he was so pleased with me". Nodding, Doctor Williams pushed her to answer further, "and why did you need to know that? What difference would it make to you?" Thinking about his question, something inside her snapped, "I don't know! Why are you always asking me stupid questions that have no relevance to anything? What difference does it make why I wanted to know? It all leads back to the fact that I'm insecure about my body and don't believe that anyone could see me differently. Is that what you want to hear? I know all of that, so I'm not sure what good sitting here and discussing it is doing. I came to you to help me overcome my issues, not to constantly discuss and overanalyse things I already knew about myself", frustrated and almost a little angry that their appointment seemed to be going in circles, she found herself yelling the words at him and was once again surprised at how calm he kept himself. He had an amazing ability to not reciprocate her anger and instead just listen to what she was saying; annoyingly though, he also analysed her words, too much sometimes.

"It makes all the difference in the world. You have identified the reason and you understand that it is mostly about your own insecurity, not JR's criticism, however, you appear to use the knowledge of that insecurity as an excuse as to why you can't change things instead of seeing at as an opportunity to take control of your own life". Seeing the confusion on her face, he sighed as he realised that although she understood what he was saying in general, it still wasn't getting through to her that she really did have the ability to change her root feelings and she didn't have let them control her. "Your insecurity led you to believe that JR couldn't possibly be interested in you as you are, but rationally, you neglect to remember that your husband loved you at your heaviest while pregnant and that love for you only increased upon the birth of your son. You're doing a disservice to yourself by constantly putting yourself down and pushing the belief that to be loved, you must be 'perfect' when all evidence and logical thought points in the opposite direction. I want you to consider that and really try to remember it next time those thoughts come at you. You have some ability to control how you feel, as long as you make the effort to do so. You are not the number on the scale or the size on the clothing label and the sooner you allow yourself to believe that, the better". Feeling torn between vulnerability and annoyance, Sue Ellen looked at him directly, "and how do you suggest I do that? I've told you that the thoughts are overwhelming and uncontrollable; if I really had the ability to just switch them off, don't you think I would have done that already?" Deciding that her main feeling was annoyance, she found herself glaring at him; it was easy for him to sit in his office and tell her that she was in control of her life, but the fact that she was even there confirmed to her that she wasn't actually that powerful. Saying and doing were two completely different things and he didn't seem to understand that.

"Active thought", meeting her annoyed glare with a soft, friendly smile, he hoped that she would listen to what he was telling her, she was paying him for his help and she really would benefit from listening to him. "Instead of acknowledging your actions only when you are here in my office, I want you to acknowledge them as they happen. You've trained yourself to automatically think negatively, but it's not impossible to reverse those thoughts. What I want you to learn how to do is to stop the negative thoughts before they start, or at least before they begin to take over. If you can acknowledge that the worst possible scenario isn't the reality of the situation after the fact, then you can certainly doing it while it is happening. All you have to do is try. It won't be easy, I won't lie to you there, but it is possible; it's something you have to do for yourself though, no one else can control your thoughts. Your husband and family want you to feel better, but even with their positive encouragement, that change has to come from within you". Sighing loudly as he finished speaking, Sue Ellen knew that he was right; it wasn't enough for her to simply acknowledge her thoughts in their sessions, she needed to think that way all the time if she truly wanted to change. "I suppose you're right…" slightly embarrassed at her previous outburst, she looked down as she spoke, "do you have any helpful tips?" she was willing to listen and learn now, she really did want to feel better.

To be continued…