More conflicted feelings, better resolutions …?
By the way, is it just me, or I happen to keep updating on a snow day? Lol. My classes were canceled thanks to the snow storm tomorrow—so be safe.
Disclaimer in first chapter.
Chapter 32:
The door to the infirmary opened and Ayanami silently walked in. Mikage averted his eyes as he sat on the bed, buttoning the last button of his wrinkled white uniform shirt.
"Show me your injuries." The silverette ordered as he stood over the teen.
"They're nothing serious."
"Should I check for myself then?" The elder pushed the teen on to his back and passively began undoing his buttons.
"W-wait Ayanami-san—" The blond sounded more anxious then he would have intended to be. Ayanami noticed the same but didn't stop unbuttoning until his lover's upper half was fully exposed under the shirt.
"Why do you look so miserable?" Ayanami referred to the way Mikage covered his face with a wrist. He automatically removed the younger's wrist to reveal watery eyes. This caught him off guard. 'Was he that repulsed with me forcing him like this?' The thought was seconds away from causing the elder to snap. "Look at me." He solemnly stated. Mikage slowly deviated his glistening eyes in the direction of the other's. The chief's heart tightened to the point it suffocated to have it in there— when he saw the sad listless expression that the blond wore.
"Why…?" Ayanami was desperate to know now. "Why are you like this?" He rested his forehead on the other's chest. Mikage winced once in pain but that was hardly the first thing on his mind. He simply stared at the ceiling and felt at a loss of words.
"Aya-tan is nothing like he was in the past. He really might just die if you aren't there."
'Blurry?' The blond noted. 'Are my eyes watering? Why…? Is it because I feel ashamed for losing the match before? Or am I feeling upset that I can't seem to make it work between us? Or is it that I can't find an answer for Ayanami-san? …I don't know where to start...' The blond felt ruptures of emotions burst in him, stimulating his tears even more. 'I don't know what to do~' The teen ultimately couldn't stop himself from sobbing erratically. His sudden outburst immediately inspired Ayanami off his chest, and gazed at him distressfully.
"Mikage-kun? Does it hurt?" The elder instantly mouthed, cupping the younger's face with concern. The teen continued to brawl like a kid, fat tears streaming down his hot cheeks. When was the last time he vented out so innocently like this?
"It hurts…it hurts so badly. Ayanami-san…" Mikage confessed a different kind of pain.
"Where—Where is it painful, Mikage-kun? Say the word and I'll have the doctor here this minute." At that, the blond shook his head.
"I don't—sob—know, why I'm… like this—I can't seem to do anything right—sob." The teen continued to discharge his inner emotions.
This was unlike anything Ayanami anticipated—who could only resort to stroking the younger's hair and pulling him gently on to his lap. 'He's never showed such an unconventionally vulnerable side to him before.' The chief knew how mature and reasonable Mikage always acted and barely ever saw him pouring his insecurities out like this without reason. "Is this about what I said earlier? I'll take that back—there is nothing wrong with you, love." He embraced his lover closer to his body. "…I love you Mikage-kun. I love you to death. You're fully aware I would do anything for you." Mikage sniffed in a sob against the elder's chest as he heard the coaxing words. "So, tell me what's on your mind. Tell me everything." The elder picked his words cautiously as he was attempted to vanquish the wall shielding Mikage's mind. The blond remained quiet for a while longer as he cried, as if he was still contemplating whether it was worth revealing his struggles. "I won't be angered by anything you have to say." Ayanami gave the final reassurance as he pecked the younger's blond head.
"I…I've always …tried to hold on…I want to believe in you…I do believe in you Aya-Ayanami-san, but…it's so hard. Hic. I -I love you too, but I don't know what to do with us—how do I fix things between us—no matter how hard I try—"
"Fix?" The elder impulsively cut off.
Mikage sniffed once more. "Why can't we be like normal couples? Is it because of the age difference? Tho-Though I doubt that, because…sometimes we feel…so right…"
"Mikage-kun, what do you mean when you say, 'fix us'?"
"…" The teen pursed his lips for a moment to formulate the right response with the correct words. He buried himself deeper into the silverette's body before answering that. "Ayanami-san…has temper issues sometimes. You …don't realize it but won't hesitate to harm your lover. Sometimes I'm scared what lengths you might go to… it's really fearful thi—thinking of what you're capable of. Y-ou said before you killed your parents and part of your family. Though, even before that I …thought you would readily kill someone if they angered you enough…And…if the reason was because of me or was me…" The teen broke into tears again, sad regretful ones this time. "I don't know what I would do. But-but that wasn't the issue because I tried to never make you furious. I never wanted to give you a reason to snap—that was mostly for myself though. It really tears your heart apart when the one you love hurts you emotionally and physically. …You've done that more times I can count and… I wanted to 'fix' that." Mikage rubbed a tear from his lower lid. "I want us to understand and trust one another. I want you to believe in me more."
'Well he said all that and was still alive, should he consider himself lucky?' The blond inwardly mused. He oh-so-badly wanted to look at the elder's reaction but couldn't dare leave his secure spot in the other's chest.
"…Have you always felt this way?" The question came out after an extremely long pause. Mikage shifting closer answered that. Ayanami exuded a long heavy sigh. 'They had literally been strolling on different wavelengths. He never meant to 'hurt' the teen –other than the intended physical pain— the only reason he ever carried those acts out was to disciple the blond. He was a clueless innocent kid after all—' The silverette's introspections halted right there when Mikage's former words ran past him again:
"Is it because of the age difference? Is that why we can't be like normal couples—like equals?"
'Was it his wrong thinking then? As if he would agree to that? Everything he did, he did it for them.' Ayanami refused to agree that his way of thinking was incorrect. 'But the younger was in agony the entire time—it was no wonder he had become fearful during the past few days after Ayanami deliberated more of his dark past.' The silverette's heart clenched again, sending an unsettling pulse to the rest of his body. It felt as if his soul was drowning and his hands could never reach the surface regardless of how far they stretched out. That feeling where all that one had worked hard for resulted in nothing but ultimate downfall. "Is this what you've been feeling…?" The chief mumbled his next thoughts out loud.
"A-ayanami-san…?" There was an underlying tone of apprehension plus hesitation in the teen's voice as he called for a response. He was growing worried that his lover was only sitting there stone-still. Eventually, the silverette wordlessly gripped the younger's shoulders and pulled him back from his chest. There was a minute worth of panic that crossed Mikage's face as he failed to read the other's expression and as he noticed Ayanami's eyes were under his silver locks.
"Mikage-kun." The blond shut his eyes upon reflex. "I will always love you. I have always loved you." The blond was surprised he didn't get slapped and snapped his eyes open at those beautiful words. "All those times, I behaved a certain way… I did it to reinforce the fact that you belong to me. That I wanted you to be no where else but beside me." The teen also noticed that—for a change—Ayanami was actually looking somewhere else while speaking to him. His violet eyes appeared more sincere and humble and weren't piercing him dead on like they normally did. "I will admit that I have forever had a—different—way of thinking, and that has been the death of many people… but I never imagined you would suffer like that from my intuition. And that you had been fighting this on your own." There was a pause. A pause that was long enough for the second's hand on the clock to tick to the other side of the globe. "I am sorry for the pain I've caused you, Mikage-kun. But do believe me, when I say I desire you and want nothing but you."
The blond was touched. In fact, he was moved to the point he didn't realize when rivers were flowing from his eyes again. Ayanami finally met eyes with him and appeared troubled.
"Why are you crying again? Have you not heard a word I uttered?"
The younger instantaneously shook his head. "I think…I'm just relieved. No, I'm-I'm really glad Ayanami-san understands-hic." He rubbed his eyes. 'To think simply talking it out was the ultimate solution to all this—he suddenly felt like an idiot for trying so hard in the past.' Even though he was crying, he wanted to assure himself by asking: "Ayanami-san ...are you really going to change the way you act from now on?" He posed innocently.
Ayanami covered up his hesitation with a smile and replied. "Anything you say." Apparently, he was beginning to learn the definition of restraint, given the last few days. According to him, if this was the least to keep Mikage laughing and happy with him forever, he would simply have to deal with it.
"Thank you, Ayanami-san," The blond carefully wrapped his arms around the other's neck. The silverette couldn't express the amount of recurring exhilaration he felt when the younger willingly carried out that sweet gesture. It magically wiped off every kind of load from his shoulders and blinded him into feeling he couldn't possibly ask for anything more in life. Suddenly all those arduous missions held no value anymore either. Ayanami embraced him back with a tender squeeze but that caused the other to twitch and jerk back in response instead.
"Ow... sorry…" Mikage clutched his chest.
"Is it the injuries? Are you sure you're alright?"
"Mhn, it's just my broken ribs."
'I knew it was a risk.' "I'll call the chauffeur to take you home." The chief declared at first but regretted it afterwards. 'What if the other would disappear or leave the moment he took his eyes off him?' In any event, he would have to instruct the chauffeur to lead the teen all the way inside and lock the door from the outside.
"I want us to understand and trust one another. I want you to believe in me more."
'He did...didn't he? However, he just couldn't let his guard down again.'
"No, it's alright—I feel bad for taking a day off. I'll just sit and do more office work today." The teen resolved. Ayanami rubbed the area over the younger's ears, protectively brushing his hair too.
"In that case, you must notify me immediately if you feel exhausted."
"I will." He nodded with his usual charming smile. The silverette went ahead and kissed his lips. And of course, one kiss wasn't nearly enough so he tilted his head and demanded another—Mikage responding to them all. The elder locked his fingers behind the other's waist with the younger still on his lap and began to gnaw at his upper lip, ultimately sucking on it. It didn't take him much effort to slip his tongue in as well. All he had to do was lick the younger's lips and he instinctively parted them. Passion took over Ayanami as he realized how much he missed this. He instantly dropped the teen from his lap to the bed and licked his insides all the way, his palate, jaws and around and under his tongue was no exception either.
Mikage's tongue danced behind the lead of the other's. His lips were smeared with saliva as he panted hard for breath while the chief licked the corner of his own lips before he could start over again. Ayanami noticed that the blond's shirt was already open revealing his smooth peachy skin. While he kissed again, he guided one of his lover's leg to his other side, so he was now straddling him. The silverette pulled off his gloves and directly grazed his fingers under the shirt over his stomach in both directions until his hands were firmly on the other's waist. The blond immediately shuddered at the cool touch, despite the fact that the elder had been wearing gloves.
Keeping his hands there, Ayanami pecked and buried himself into the Mikage's neck, soon moving down slowly to his collarbone, shoulders and kissing his sternum over his bandages. He practically sucked every place his lips grazed, almost feeling as if he hadn't touched his lover in over a year. Unfortunately for him though, as the elder applied even the smallest amount of pressure, it seemingly evoked a painful groan and twitch from Mikage.
"Sorry...it…" Mikage apologized once more.
'Broken ribs...' Ayanami retreated a few inches. For the first time he wanted to punch himself. If he hadn't sent Mikage in there, they wouldn't have to interrupt this moment as of now. But then again, if he hadn't sent Mikage there, they probably wouldn't even be here. "It's fine. Just focus on recovering." He kissed the outer canthus of the blond's eye.
*_*_*_*…*_*_*_*
"Aya-tan~" A familiar soul bombarded Ayanami's office with a map of some sort. "I have the map of all the districts you requested—oh Mika-chan's here too."
"Hello Hyuuga-san." Mikage sheepishly smiled as he sat on his desk with a couple of applications to organize and sort.
"How was your squabble with the prisoner? Did ya show the freshmen any good moves?" The brunette skipped over to the teen instead, completly dejecting the reason he stepped into the office in the first place.
"Er, it didn't go that …well…" Mikage lowered his gaze.
"Hey, hey no worries! You'll have plenty of chances to prove yourself~. Though I would want to stand guard soon 'cause who knows when the chairman might vote against you if you keep that up." The elder whispered the last part playfully.
"Are you for real?" The blond leaned across the table towards the other, anxiously.
Four-eyes laughed. "Take it easy, it's a good thing the chairman's always so bus—ack!" His head displaced forward as a thick book hit against the back of his head.
"Is this the reason you are here? If so, please stop disturbing others' work and kindly leave." Ayanami stated apathetically.
"Aya-tan~" The brunette expressed a huge pout as he walked to the other table. "Don't be so stingy, I just wanna chat with Mika-chan too, ya know. Ya can't just keep him all to yourself." He whined and placed the map in his boss's hands.
"Mikage is mine." Ayanami clarified. "Be mindful of your limits." And at the same time, warned.
Meanwhile the younger was beginning to feel awkward and sheepish on the other side of the room. He really didn't want to see them arguing for no reason, even if that reason was him.
To be Continued…
Communication really is key in any relationship building—I guess even I know that. Yes, its harder at times than others but hey, you can never be blamed for being honest and open—right? (…Who knows how this world runs these days-_-) Besides that, it looks like these two are making some improvements! Go Mika-chan! I do want a happy ending too. This chapter was so freakin touching, I loved all of Mika's confession (as did I when it came to Aya's in the last chapter. I also enjoyed writing them—they were more heart-felt than other stuff I right lol, like I became the character).
By the way, a new arc is about to kick in heh. This, as you shall find out will be consisting of Mikage's family, hence: (Mikage's) Family Arc. Thank you as always for waiting patiently and staying up with this story. Please review though! Believe it or not, I am missing you guys. I'm convinced you guys probably left or something—whether it's the plot or the updates, I have no clue! So indulge me~