Chapter 3: Koushiro and Taichi

Koushiro had barely slept the night before. Tormented by what he had found out, he tried to distract himself with the computer. It worked for a while, but the discomfort still found a way to sneak into his mind. He thought that the best he could do was to try to sleep it off. Surely, it wouldn't feel like such a big issue by the morning.

However, the silence and darkness of his bedroom only made those unwanted thoughts more pervasive.

When the first rays of sunshine broke through the window, Koushiro dreaded the thought of his parents trying to make him talk about how he felt. How many times could he say that he was fine and still sound convincing? He couldn't even look in their eyes when he said that. All Koushiro wanted was to really be fine. He wished he could forget about his uncle rejecting him. He wished he could not feel anything at all for that man.

Koushiro decided to take a walk. People used to say that such a thing could clear one's mind, there should be no harm in trying it. He changed from his pajamas to black shorts and a white shirt. Koushiro was about to leave when he remembered that he should let his parents know that he had gone out. He wrote an excuse for his parents on a note and left the apartment without eating anything. Despite being a summer morning, the air outside felt cold.

He walked for a few minutes, but could not evade those thoughts. Frustrated, Koushiro sat on a bench of a nearby park and stayed there for a while.

He didn't want me, those thoughts wouldn't stop creeping on him. He didn't care. He abandoned me.

"Koushiro!"

Taichi's voice pulled him back to reality. The other waved to him, walking towards the bench, where he took a seat next to Koushiro.

"What are you doing up so early, Taichi-san?"

"It's going to sound silly..." Taichi hesitated, "I had a bad dream about Hikari and couldn't go back to sleep."

"I'm sorry about that," Koushiro told him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was about the time she had gone to the hospital," Taichi mumbled. "But in the dream, she didn't make it..."

He glanced down and said nothing else.

"I'm really sorry, Taichi-san. It was just a dream, don't worry about it."

"What about you, Koushiro? Why are you up this early?"

Koushiro looked away for a few seconds. Then, he forced a smirk and looked back at Taichi, replying:

"I'm trying to get something out of my mind as well. Not a nightmare, though."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really... I... I don't actually know." Koushiro's voice became lower. "I wish I could just stop thinking about it... or at least stop being upset about it..."

They remained in silence for a few seconds.

"Have you eaten breakfast?" Taichi asked. "You could come to my place if you want."

"No, thank you. I'm not really hungry."

"Koushiro... if you have a problem, you know you can tell me, right?" Taichi asked. "I'm your friend."

Koushiro took those words in without saying anything at first.

"You've always been there for me in the Digital World," Taichi told him. "And I don't mean that as just saving our lives with your plans time and time again. You supported me so much... and when Hikari got sick there... I don't think I can ever thank you enough for everything you did that day."

"I didn't really accomplish anything that day," Koushiro said, frowning. "We never gave Hikari-san the medicine. I almost got everybody killed..."

"Hey, you worked really hard! You did your best!" Taichi interjected. "You did a lot more than I could've done!"

"Everything I did that day was pointless."

"Don't say that!" Taichi raised his voice, giving Koushiro a disapproving look. "How many times did I almost get everybody killed because I was being irresponsible? But you don't say those things to me! And yet you're so harsh on yourself! Why?"

Koushiro lowered his head, diverting his gaze from the other.

"I'm sorry for blowing up," Taichi apologized.

"It's okay, don't worry about that. I'm fine."

"I hate it when you say that. You realize I know you're not fine, right?"

"Sorry..."

Taichi sighed, frustrated.

"You're always ready to help me, Koushiro. You've always been like that. Why can't you let me help you, even just once? Don't you... don't you think of me as your friend? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, Taichi-san!" Koushiro stated, lifting his head and looking into his eyes. "I wouldn't have supported you as our leader if I didn't trust you!"

"I didn't mean trust me as a leader! I meant trust me as a friend! You..." Taichi hesitated, "I feel like you never let me get close to you. Like... you're always guarding yourself from me, you know?"

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way..." Koushiro said. "To tell you the truth, I've always felt closer to you than to anyone else... then, I suppose I'm not close to anyone..."

Koushiro fought the urge to cry. He didn't want to be bothersome or to make Taichi worry. But the fact remained that the other boy was already worried. And the distance Koushiro kept was the thing bothering him. Koushiro didn't like that distance. Not being able to talk to anyone about his problems made him feel like he was drowning. Taichi wanted to listen, to help, why not be honest with him when Taichi had already been honest with Koushiro? To not do that felt selfish, ungrateful.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Taichi said, getting up. He was about to walk away when Koushiro suddenly said:

"I'm adopted."

"What?" Taichi asked, surprised.

"My biological parents died when I was a baby and my parents adopted me, but before that I had an uncle who didn't want to take me in, but I didn't know he existed until last night when my parents accidentally brought him up," Koushiro was speaking fast, as if afraid he'd lose the courage to reveal all that if he stopped to breathe, "I didn't want to feel upset about that guy, it's so frustrating that I can't stop feeling that way! I love my parents, and I was already in peace with being adopted after we talked and I didn't have to pretend I didn't know anymore! And I feel so stupid for not being able to stop thinking about that man! I don't want to think about him or wonder why he didn't want me! I was a baby, it wasn't my fault that he didn't care about me! Why do I still feel bad about it?!"

Koushiro gasped for air after he stopped talking. He closed his eyes and let a couple of tears roll down. His whole body trembled.

He noticed when Taichi sat again on the bench by his side, but Koushiro didn't open his eyes. Did he say too much? Was that a lot for Taichi?

"Koushiro, I'm so sorry... I had no idea..." Taichi said, in a concerned tone. "For how long have you known?"

"I found out when I was six..." Koushiro mumbled. "I only talked about it with my parents the day we went back to the Digital World... last night they were telling me about my other parents and ended up talking about my mother's brother..."

"For all these years you just kept that to yourself?" Taichi sounded distressed. "For all the time we knew each other... you were suffering in silence by my side all this time and I never noticed?"

"It wasn't your fault, Taichi-san!" Koushiro affirmed, opening his eyes to look at Taichi and noticing that his friend seemed to be on the verge of tears. "I was the one who hid that from everybody! I was the one making myself miserable! Please, don't feel bad for me!"

"I can't avoid feeling bad when I know you're in pain!" Taichi stated.

"I didn't want to make you worry! I shouldn't have told you anything!"

"No! I appreciate that you told me that." Taichi said in a softer tone. "Thank you for trusting me."

Koushiro smiled as he let tears wash his face. Taichi put one arm around his shoulders, which gave him a warm sensation inside his heart.

"For years I was afraid that my biological parents had abandoned me..." Koushiro muttered. "When my parents told me that they had died... that they hadn't left me by their choice... is it bad that I felt some relief?"

"It's not bad," Taichi assured him. "How could it be bad to know that your parents loved you and wanted you?"

"In the end, I was unwanted, after all... my uncle..."

"Hey, it was that guy's loss for not taking you in!" Taichi asserted. "I bet that if he could see you now, he would really regret not taking care of you! Like... he would feel like a dumbass, you know? For passing out the chance of raising the best nephew in the world! He would feel so bad that he'd want to invent a time machine to kick his past self's ass for being such a moron!"

Koushiro took a few seconds to let all that in. Then, he giggled.

"W-What's so funny?" Taichi asked, embarrassed.

"Sorry, it's just..." Koushiro started to say. "What you described is funny, actually! I just imagined him going through all that and... pftttt..."

Koushiro began to laugh and Taichi laughed along.

"My mother was a Physicist and my father was a Mathematician," Koushiro told him, after a while. "If they hadn't died, maybe they could've invented time travel or something else... maybe they could've helped a lot of people..."

"If they were like you, they probably tried to help as many people as possible," Taichi said, smiling at him. "They'd be really proud of you."

Koushiro blushed after hearing that.

"You're too kind, Taichi-san."

"Nah, I'm just telling you the truth!"

"Thank you."

Not long after that, Koushiro started to feel hungry. Taichi invited him to go to his apartment again, but the other boy said that he should go home.

Back at his apartment, Koushiro found Yoshie frying some eggs.

"You're home already!" She sounded surprised. "Did you have breakfast?"

"No. Would you mind if I-?"

"Of course not! Just wait a minute, the eggs are almost ready."

A couple of minutes later, they were eating together at the kitchen's table.

"Yesterday, when I said I was fine... that wasn't true," Koushiro let her know.

"I thought so," Yoshie said.

"I'm sorry for lying."

"It's alright," Yoshie tried to comfort him. "How are you now?"

"I'm still not fine," he replied. "But I'm better. If I keep getting better each day, soon I will be fine."

"That's good to hear," she muttered, smiling at her son. "Koushiro... your uncle..."

"I still don't want to hear about him," Koushiro said. "Please, let's no talk about him again."

"Okay, then..." Yoshie said back, resigned.

"Thank you."

"So... did you help Taichi-kun out?" Yoshie asked.

Koushiro smiled to her and replied:

"He was the one who helped me."