It's always nice to see the feedback I get. Hopefully everyone is still enjoying this story as much as I am. =) Onwards to the next installment!

Chapter Eight

A Time for Thanks…and Memories

All was right in the world.

"What did you do to her?!"

Or not.

If looks could kill, Souji figured he just might be dead from Isa's irate stare during lunch that day. Holding his hands up, he defended, "Nothing. I'm entirely innocent." This time. He really hadn't done anything that he could think of, either, to make Chizuru avoid him the way she was. Oh, she'd been subtle about it and he'd grown…complacent about her. So when she started begging off their lunches every so often, he was disappointed but unworried. But she begged off more and more…and now he hadn't actually seen her for a week. Hajime had cautioned him to have patience, so he'd tried.

Her absence was making him a little annoyed though.

Halloween started it. She'd had that brief but odd frozen moment in his arms when Fujiwara had dragged her into the dancing circle; it'd passed quickly and she'd seemed to have fun, dancing with him and the other guys who did actually manage to steal her away from him from time to time. It was the best moment Souji could remember since awakening; the closest he'd managed to get to her in a long time. So what the fuck happened?

Apparently, it wasn't only him getting ignored. Isa's mood clearly indicated that she, too, was being avoided at least a little bit too.

"He really didn't." Even Heisuke seemed a little droopy over Chizuru's presence - or lack thereof. "Souji's been pretty well-mannered, for him, when dealing with her."

Souji shot him a dirty look and kicked at his leg - hard. "What do you mean 'well-mannered for him'?"

Heisuke only narrowly missed it. "You didn't make her cry that I know of like all the other girls."

"Yet." The quiet words fell out of his mouth before Souji even realized he said them, his eyes staring at his own desk in thought as he remembered memories that he'd have rather not.

"Maybe you should find a guy with a kinder heart. He might make you happy." He'd seriously meant it, though he knew if she did it'd break something in him. But the thought of leaving her alone hurt much worse - and he would, eventually. Not because he wanted to, but because death would take him from her in the all too soon future.

"What…?" Her shock, surprise, and maybe a tiny bit of hurt was clear in her eyes.

"I think I'm just going to end up being a lot of trouble for you." His grip on her shoulders tightened just slightly, and with her so close it made it really hard for him to think. "…But I still can't bring myself to let you go." Because he was selfish, in his heart of hearts, and he couldn't be the one who stepped away. He couldn't do it. "I think I'm going to end up making you sad, whether I want to or not. Even if I can give you a future, I don't think it'll last very long, and I don't know what's waiting for you after that." The people he'd have trusted her with were all gone now. Saitou or Heisuke would've looked out for her. He'd have trusted they could protect her in this world once death took him. But Saitou was probably going to die fighting at Hijikata's side because he was just that loyal and Heisuke was probably not going to live all that much longer than Souji himself was. His voice actually wavered as he admitted both his deepest wish and greatest shame.

"But I still want to stay with you."

As it always did, it ate at him when he wondered what did become of her after he'd died. They'd gotten two and a half wonderful years together; they'd married and for a little while, he'd gotten to call her Okita Chizuru - his wife. He'd grown complacent and they'd even tried having children…not that he ever expected to see them, though he'd hoped. But in his mind, so she might at least have someone to live for when he was gone…

Maybe she did have children in the end. They hadn't managed to, but perhaps she'd found a second husband? Despite being a Rasetsu, she'd been in good health to start with. She may very well have lived a long time - long enough to have that family she'd deserved.

Would've been nice to ask her. There were a lot of things he'd always thought he'd want to ask her if she did have her memories. Did you have that family? Did you find someone who was good to you?

Souji was so engrossed in his thoughts, he didn't even take notice of when Heisuke got up and left with a determined look on his face.

Something's wrong.

It was obvious and Heisuke wasn't the kind of person who could leave this alone - especially when both parties involved were so miserably upset. Souji was an ass more times than not, but he was honest and direct. He came off as cruel, but he made it clear where you stood with him and gave no false hopes or promises. Inevitably, this led to a lot of crying girls and irate boys who saw him as arrogant, but Heisuke had always envied Souji's ability to be so up front about his own opinions, regardless of what others thought of him.

And Chizuru…well…she'd always had a special place with him.

They'd all loved her. Some loved her in a platonic fashion, like Shin and Sanan. Others had been in the vein of friendship, like Yamazaki. Some of the guys' feelings could've gone either way if she'd have given them any hint of interest, like Hijikata, Hajime, or Sano. Heisuke, however, had always known the way in which he'd loved Chizuru.

He'd loved her with his whole heart.

Give him a katana and ronin to kill - that was easy. Women in Shimabara were easy to understand too; they burned brightly like fireflies in the night, but lost their luster quickly. Respectable women were a whole different story. Heisuke had never had anything to do with them, let alone one his age. Chizuru was pretty too, so it was hardly anything surprising to realize he'd liked her. That she'd understood what the Shinsengumi was fighting for added to her appeal.

How could he not love her?

Even if she never saw me that way. Heisuke wasn't bitter about it. He flirted with her now to tweak Souji's tail all the time; to be honest, he'd probably flirt with her until the day he died - again - because she was beautiful and he still loved her the way he did despite knowing it would always be one-sided. But there were some things he wouldn't do.

He wouldn't - couldn't-hurt his brother-in-arms like that.

It actually didn't take long to find her sitting under one of the trees out in front of the school, her usual homemade lunch in her lap. Chizuru was mostly staring at it though, obviously too lost in thought to eat.

"Chizuru-chan!"

Her head snapped up, her eyes wide in surprise, and then she did the weirdest thing.

She burst into tears.

Automatically, he rushed over and wrapped his arms around her; he held her close as she hugged him tight and wept into his shoulder, though he fought helplessly with his mind as he tried to figure out just what in the hell he was supposed to do.

His solution, admittedly, was to do what he always did when he needed to escape and get away.

"Heisuke!" Sano was the one who opened the door to their apartment, eyes moving from him to Chizuru who was still crying and mostly leaning on him, and immediately ushered them inside, shouting over his shoulder, "Oi, Shinpachi! Get out here!"

Shin was all grins like usual until he stepped out of his room and saw the sorry state in which Chizuru was in. "Oi, oi…" He knelt down on one knee beside her, looking finally at Heisuke in confusion. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know!" Heisuke's nerves were, to put it mildly, frazzled. He had no clue what to do. She wouldn't talk to him whenever he asked and just kept crying; even when she was relatively calm, she was still doing so. He wanted to punch something for whoever or whatever put her into this state, but Heisuke was well and truly out of his depths and looked rather desperately at his friends. "She got better when I got her out of the school grounds and I couldn't think of where to bring her. She won't say anything."

"Can't say we have any better of an idea, but we can try to get through to her." Sano sat on her other side, leaning down so he could try and look her in the eyes. "Chizuru-chan?"

She didn't even seem to hear them, and her eyes were vacant as her head turned to stare in Sano's general direction. "…Harada-san?"

"Ah. You're safe here in our apartment." Shin settled one of his big hands on her head, his expression troubled. "Heisuke brought you here. Do you remember?"

"Nagakura…san?" Even her voice was distantly vacant, as if she could hear them speak but wasn't really hearing their words.

"I don't think she's hearing us." Sano scratched his head, clearly concerned. "Did something happen at school?"

He shook his head. "No. She's been avoiding us a bit, and I got tired of watching Souji alternately pout and scowl, so I decided to go look for her. She was lost in thought when I called out her name; she looked up, saw me, and BAM!" If he weren't so worried, Heisuke would probably be hurt that she'd burst into tears upon seeing him.

Both older men shared a look, Sano's eyebrow arching slightly. "You think?"

"Hijikata would probably know better," Shin pointed out. "He was first, after all, but it might fit."

Heisuke scowled as he looked between them. He hated being the only one left out of the loop. "Oi, oi! What might fit? Tell me what's going on!"

Sano left to presumably call their former commander, but Shin took a seat on Chizuru's other side and leaned back in clear exhaustion. "Can't say I know for sure, but I remember you going through something similar, Heisuke. We were hanging out, but you were real quiet and staring off into space a lot. We didn't think much of it until we noticed you started crying."

"Eh?" For the life of him, Heisuke couldn't remember this incident at all. "What are you talking about, Shin? I don't remember anything like that going down at all!"

"You wouldn't." His gaze met his over Chizuru's head, his expression carefully guarded. "It was when you 'awakened'."

"When I…" His own eyes widened as he registered what he was implying. "Are you telling me you think…?"

"Yeah." Shin smiled down at Chizuru's bowed head sadly, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder. "I think our Chizuru-chan is 'awakening'."

He's hiding something.

Heisuke had always been a very easy kid to read. Lying was not something natural to his very nature, which is why Souji supposed he'd always liked him despite his endless energy that could be tiring to be around. So when he started avoiding him - quite the feat considering they sat next to each other in class - Souji knew something bad had to have happened. Add into the fact that he'd been hanging around Chizuru lately, who seemed to be clinging to him like a lifeline as of late, and Souji's patience was at an end.

Thanksgiving was another western holiday that Kin liked for the sheer fact that it gave her an excuse to cook for a lot of people and have their friends gather together. Everyone would be converging on his house today - Heisuke and Chizuru included - so Souji was bound and determined to corner them and get some answers.

In and around being Kin's 'assistant', of course.

"Don't forget those cranberries, Sou-chan."

"Hai, hai." Considering neither he nor Mitsu could cook worth a damn, he supposed it was a good thing all the talent seemed to have gone to Kin who reveled in it. She'd been up since six this morning, prepping and dicing and cooking what was going to be a huge feast. The only new addition woud be Chizuru, since Yukimura Kodo had apparently decided to pick up shifts to cover for other people. Since Souji needed to corner her at some point, this suited him just fine.

"Smells so good!" There was Heisuke, his voice easily discernable over the television currently playing in the living room to occupy Sano and Shinpachi who'd come over an hour ago. It was unfortunate, Souji thought impatiently, that he was still busy, else he'd go grab him now. What the hell has he been up to? Briefly, he entertained thoughts of hogtying the younger boy, but perhaps that might be a little overkill.

Maybe.

His thoughts did get derailed when Chizuru arrived shortly after, her slight frame appearing in the corner of his eye. Despite really wanting to look at her, Souji was vexed enough that he forced himself not to even turn his head at her arrival, eyes trained on cutting the vegetables in front of him.

"Can I help with anything, Kin-san?"

"Oh no, we're almost done. Why don't you join everyone else in the living room? I think they were going to get a game of some sort setup."

She nodded and moved to leave, but he noticed her hesitate, lingering. What's that about? "Err...can I talk with you whenever you free up, Souji-san?"

Something in her tone made him look up, earnestly baffled by the nervous and almost fearful edge to it. Afraid of what? "Ah." His expression softened, reminded all too much of her in the days when she'd first come to the Shinsengumi. Her voice had held that same tense edge to it then, too. "I'll come find you once I finish here."

She smiled at him then, seemingly relieved, and Souji's chest twitched as he watched her disappear towards the living room where he could already hear the laughter starting. He wasn't entirely sure why, but his stomach had dropped somewhere in the vicinity of his toes and he had the uncomfortable feeling that something big was coming. He'd felt this only three times in his life.

Once in the week before Kin had died, swallowed by consumption with a speed that had been shocking.

Once in the days before Mitsu had brought him to Shieikan, meaning to leave him only temporarily but knowing it was likely far more permanent.

And the most recent was among the last memories he had of the past; it was the morning he'd woken up and known - deep down in his soul - that it was the day he would die.

Maybe I should corner Heisuke first. Souji was no coward, but somehow he just knew the boy would have some of the pieces to this puzzle that were missing in his mind. He found him in the living room among everyone else, cheerfully cursing because Shinpachi was cheating (again) and had knocked over the chess board when he saw he'd lose. In a few strides, he stood behind his prey easily, hands clamping down on his shoulders firmly as he said easily, "I need to talk to you." Heisuke had a 'deer in headlights' look on his face as he looked up at him, but Souji squeezed down a bit on his shoulders to make a point.

Talking to him was not optional.

He more or less dragged him from the room, ignoring his sputtered protests until they got to his room, shut the door, and Souji could round on him like a storm of vengeance.

"Heisuke." His tone was that of the Shinsengumi's Division 1 captain, voice low and vaguely menacing. "What's going on?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" He might've believed that, if Heisuke would've been able to look him in the eye. "Nothing's wrong."

"Hnnn..." Souji took a step forward, sharp eyes never leaving his prey as he more or less stalked him, the younger boy backpedaling as quickly as he could.

"I swear!" Vague tinge of panic there, but his eyes did finally swing up to meet his fiercely. The boy who'd been Captain of the 8th division stared back at him squarely. "Chizuru-chan's just been...having a hard time with stuff. You should talk to her."

"Seems like she's been talking to you just fine." He didn't mean it to come out bitter and jealous, but it did. She hadn't felt, for some reason, like she could come talk to him about whatever was going on and had instead turned to Heisuke, who Souji did actually like. He just didn't like that she'd trusted Heisuke over him.

"Yeah, but I'm not the one she really needs to talk to right now." The admission seemed to hurt for him to say, his eyes actually narrowing into a glare. "Have you forgotten, Souji?" Quietly, with no small amount of sadness and jealousy, he muttered, "She chose you then. She's choosing you now. I can only…be whatever she wants me to be. Friend. Confidant. I could flirt with her until the day I die in this life and she'd still never look at me with even a fraction of the emotion she does when she looks at you." Heisuke looked angry as he finished admitting that, looking away with his jaw clenched before turning a frustrated glare on him.

Souji had no retort for that, though he matched his glare with one of his own. Anything he could think of sounded petty even in his own mind, though it just reinforced what he'd always known – Heisuke loved her as fiercely as he did, only he was a far better man than him in many ways. A far better choice, certainly.

"Ano…" Both of their heads snapped to the side, startled as the girl in question stood in the doorway to his room with a slightly consternated look. "Am I interrupting something?"

Heisuke was slightly quicker to recover, his usual grin quickly slipping onto his face. "Iya, iya! I was just about to head back." He slipped past Chizuru easily, though Souji noticed him pause to pat her shoulder once in a buoying gesture. Over her head, he shot one finally look at him before he disappeared, leaving them alone to talk.

Anxiety seemed to be clinging to them both, however, as he watched her fuss with the hem of her blouse nervously. Souji was no better, his stomach somewhere in the vicinity of his ankles.

"The little brother I know faces the things that terrify him and tells them to 'Fuck Off' until they bend to his will." Kin's words from a few weeks ago echoed in his mind in the uncomfortable silence that fell upon the room as they stared at each other and yet couldn't find the words to say anything. Souji closed his eyes briefly, calling on that spirit in him that had always let him forge ahead, threat of death be damned.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" He shifted so he could lean back against his dresser, trying to relax, his grin devoid of its usual edges. His little talk with Heisuke had kind of dulled them somewhat.

Chizuru opened her mouth before looking down and shaking her head. "This was so much easier in my head…"

Souji's eyes softened. "You don't have to…"

"Yes I do!" Her outburst startled him, eyes widening slightly at the force of her declaration and the sudden fire in her gaze. "It's just so confusing…this should be simple, but it's not…" Flustered, he could see her mind working a thousand miles an hour. Whatever she needed to say was clearly important.

It took very few steps to bring himself to stand before her, towering over her small frame at his full height. He bent over enough so he could look her in the eyes, hands on her shoulders to somehow steady her as if he could help her by sheer force of will. Softly, in a tone he'd only ever spoken to her with, he said, "You can tell me anything, you know."

With his face so close, she should've been blushing to the roots of her hair. If he'd been thinking, Souji would've paid more attention to this and the fact that as he instinctually leaned towards her, she wasn't leaning back. Instead, she was almost leaning into him, her eyes never leaving his own as she nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"You won't laugh?"

"Probably not." No sense in lying about that. She always did say funny things.

She giggled a little as if she'd heard his own thoughts. "No wise-cracking comments?"

His smile turned rueful. "Well, that kind of depends on what you need to tell me."

It wasn't often Souji found himself surprised, but Chizuru had always had that knack of always being fascinating in that she was never boring. She never did what he thought she would. So when she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his in lieu of finding words…he actually didn't respond at all for a heartbeat. His body caught up far faster than his mind though, finally responding to the feeling of her lips on his own by pulling her as close as he could without hurting her.

The kiss was not one that belonged to a girl who'd never kissed a man before.

The emotions behind it were not ones belonging to a shy high school girl.

There was history and knowledge in the kiss.

She knows.

There were no words to describe the feeling in his chest the minute his brain realized it – the pain that wasn't actually pain because he was so overwhelmingly filled with joy. Souji poured his entire being into his kiss – a final test of sorts – and when Chizuru responded in kind he pressed her back against the wall and leaned into her, pulling his lips away just enough so they could breath.

"I'm going to kill those asses." His voice was raspy as he leaned his forehead onto the top of her head. She's here. She's my Chizuru. She remembers.

"Souji." Just his name, whispered in that intimate way so softly, hit him with the force of a sledgehammer. Her arms wrapped around him tightly. "Souji…are you…crying?" Slight worry in her tone which made Souji give a broken laugh despite himself.

Always the worrier.

"No." He couldn't keep the slight break out of his voice though, exposing that statement for the lie it was. "We can talk in a minute, just…let me hold you."

Chizuru snuggled closer in response; he could feel her smile against his chest and feel the telltale wetness of her own tears. "Tadaima, Souji."

"…Okaeri nasai, Chizuru."

Figuring out a fitting way for Chizuru to tell Souji proved surprisingly…difficult. Ultimately, I think Souji understands actions more than words the quickest. I probably could've stretched her memory loss out a little more, but at the same time memory-less Chizuru was proving a little frustrating for me.

So it's time for the men (and woman) of the Shinsengumi to finally start finding those happy endings now that the group is whole again.

Next Chapter: The gang is all here, as they say, and the Shinsengumi-tachi spend some quality time up in the mountains for the holidays...with copious amounts of alcohol.