Dallas, Texas

"…I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel or even what I actually do feel, because I want to forgive him and I want to accept that the way he's been acting for the past nine months has been real and this whole situation was just a horrible reminder of the old JR, but I'm not sure anymore. Yes, he's been a wonderful husband lately and yes, I can see both his reasoning for why he hid this from me and why that woman sought him out and attempted to gain something from their one-off encounter last year, but I find myself questioning this situation as part of a bigger picture, our marriage, our life together. How do I just forgive and move on when I'm constantly reminded of the way things used to be? How do we move past this situation when it's happened once and there's no guarantee that it won't happen again? That isn't something JR can fix or guarantee, but it's also something that I don't want to have to continue dealing with and I resent having to deal with. This isn't a fair situation and it may be selfish or childish to say that I just don't want to deal with it, but really, I shouldn't have to; I've been a good wife, I shouldn't have to deal with these issues, they never should have been issues in the first place. I hate feeling this way about the future and I hate that this whole situation has brought all of my sleeping thoughts back into my mind. I don't want to question my husband's fidelity, because rationally, I don't believe that he would cheat on me again now; I do believe we moved past our main issues, however, the doubts and questions are back and I hate that they affect me so much. I love JR and I don't even want to think about my life without him; I want our son to grow up with two parents who openly love, trust and care for each other, but how can I be married to him when all of these other things keep popping up and chipping away at the trust in our relationship? How can I forgive him and move on from the hurt and humiliation of this situation when there's no guarantee that this whole thing won't just keep happening again and again?" sighing as she finished speaking, Sue Ellen looked at Doctor Williams despairingly and waited for him to respond. Over the past week, her life had gone from wonderful to terrible and she was having a hard time dealing with and understanding her emotions; she wanted and needed guidance and she was seeking it, because she wouldn't allow herself to fall back into the weak, depressed state she had found herself falling into in their early marriage.

Considering everything, Doctor Williams waited a moment before responding, voicing his original and most prevalent thought throughout Sue Ellen's speech, a thought that had been on his mind since the moment she entered his office months ago. "Sue Ellen, you have every right to feel the way you do and you have every right, as a wife and as a person, to question what happens from this point on and how things are really going to change for the better, because your thoughts are correct, it is difficult to rebuild trust after an event like this. It's not at all unexpected or wrong for you to feel this way or for you to want to fix it but not know how. What you need to understand though is that although you should be one hundred percent invested in creating and living a good relationship with your husband, you're only fifty percent of the relationship equation and if you're putting one hundred percent effort in, but JR isn't doing the same, it's going to be very difficult to feel satisfied and equal. I want you to reconsider marriage counselling. Now, I know we've discussed it before, briefly, and you mentioned that JR was happy enough for you to work through your feelings in therapy, so long as he didn't have to do anything, and up to a certain point, that was a satisfactory agreement, it wasn't completely supportive, but it was far from discouraging, however, you need more now. You and JR need to work through the issues you each have, as individuals and in your marriage, and you need to work through those issues together. From what you've told me of your marriage and the way you two have worked through issues in the past, he has a tendency to apologise and make promises and you have a tendency to want to believe and trust him, so you accept his apologies and promises more easily than perhaps you should. Now, I'm not saying that his apologies and promises aren't genuine or that you shouldn't ever forgive him, however, I do think that some more serious conversations need to be had; you need a safe space to air your grievances and together, as a team, you need to find common ground and come up with a plan for the future. You cannot do this alone and you cannot keep struggling through issues alone or almost alone like you have in the past. It probably won't be pleasant and it won't be simple, because your concerns about not having any guarantee that this won't happen again are perfectly valid, however, you also need to learn how to deal with those thoughts and not let them constantly nag and hurt you. Remember, you cannot control other people and you cannot change the past, but you can control how you react to situations and move forward in after those things happen. I really do think that in order to help you move forward in regard to your thoughts and concerns about this issue, both you and JR need to engage in some form of marriage counselling". Looking at her seriously, but empathetically, he waited for her to respond, unsure of how she would react, though from listening to her explain her current state of mind and reading her facial expression, he could tell that she was up for just about anything right now; she wanted clarity and answers and marriage counselling could help her find those.

"I'll talk to JR", feeling defeated, Sue Ellen sighed and agreed; Doctor Williams was right, her issues weren't solely her issues and without really communicating with JR, nothing would drastically change; it wasn't a fun reality to face, but she understood it and was prepared to do what it took to change things, even if it was uncomfortable. "Good", nodding, Doctor Williams gave her an encouraging smile and then changed the topic slightly; they could continue their one-on-one session more easily now that they'd come to an agreement.

To be continued…