Dallas, Texas

"No", responding to his wife's proposal with just one word, JR almost instantly felt bad as her face dropped; it was obvious that she was disappointed and sad, but even seeing her that way didn't really convince him to change his mind. Therapy was something he allowed her to do because she felt that she needed it and it did seem to help her, so naturally, only wanting the best for her, he supported that and wasn't going to deliberately stop her from going. However, his participation in her sessions was never something that they discussed or agreed upon, and from everything she had told him in the past and what she was describing to him now, marriage counselling wasn't something he was particularly interested in participating in and honestly, the idea of counselling in general was just completely out of his comfort zone. "But JR…" responding in a slightly whiny tone, but hearing herself speak and not wanting to portray herself as weak and immature like that, Sue Ellen then paused and recentred herself, "tell me why. Tell me why you won't come with me", surely there had to be some reason for his abrupt response.

Not having wanted to start a fight or upset her, JR sighed; how was he supposed to explain his feelings? Especially when he didn't even truly know or understand them himself. Apart from his conversations with Sue Ellen that centred around their life together, and his very brief conversations with his mother about marriage and Sue Ellen's overall wellbeing, he'd really never discussed his feelings with anyone, it just wasn't how he'd been raised or something he felt necessary to do. "I don't want to go to marriage counselling because I don't see any reason to. Why do we need some stranger to help us through this? Why can't you and I just sit down by ourselves and have a conversation? We're talking right now and as much as you think that nothing can change when it's just between us, I don't believe that's true; I'm willing to listen, apologise and show you that everything I've promised you is the truth, but to do that and to know what you really want from me, we need to have a real conversation. I just don't see why we have to involve a marriage counsellor in our business, especially when you're telling me that Doctor Williams will happily conduct the session for us. I'm sure that man thinks I'm the devil incarnate and honestly, I deal with enough people like that at work, so if I don't have to, then I'd really rather not enter a situation in my personal life where I'm automatically seen as the bad guy. I'm telling you, I want time alone with you to explain everything, but you're not listening and brushing over that offer in favour of one that just seems more complicated and frankly, puts us on uneven ground". Covering part of his cautiousness with a defensive argument, he wasn't entirely lying to her when he confessed his fears; he did think it was silly to have a third person interjecting their opinion into his and Sue Ellen's marriage, but more than silliness, he was a little afraid of being told what he already knew. Deep down, he knew that he'd done wrong in hiding things from her and he had a lot of making up to do for his past actions, and on top of those two things, there would always be the question of what the future held for them, especially in regard to other women and children coming out of the woodwork. He knew that she was upset about a lot of things and rightfully so, he had messed up and it was time for him to take responsibility for his actions and he was prepared to do just that; he just didn't understand why they needed to go to marriage counselling to come to an agreement and better their emotional position. He couldn't guarantee anything about the future, but he could try and promise to be the best man, husband and father he could be, and he wanted Sue Ellen to understand that, but from her discouraged expression, he could tell that they weren't exactly on the same page.

"Firstly, Doctor Williams is a very fair man, he wouldn't just make an uninformed judgement about our marriage and what we should do in order to fix some of our problems, he would listen to both of us and ask us questions so that we come to conclusions together; he's very good at that kind of thing, allowing me to find the answers myself rather than him just telling me. Secondly, he offered his services to us because I'm already his patient and I'm comfortable with him, but also probably because he's in business just like you are, he needs repeat customers. He never said that that was our only option though, he never said that he was our only option, so, if that's what you're worried about, then don't be, we can find another marriage counsellor, one who neither of us has any history with, therefore neither of us is in a better or worse position than the other. As for why I want us to see a marriage counsellor instead of just figuring things out on our own; all I want is a third, helpful opinion, someone to guide our conversations so that we can get through this instead of fighting or ignoring each other. I love you, even after all of this; what I don't love is the way all of this has made me feel though, and I don't love the thoughts and doubts that keep coming into my mind. I want clarity, apologies, solid plans and promises and I want to know that to the best of your ability, this will never happen again and if it does, it won't ruin us; I want all of those things, but I want them to be real and serious, not just something that you say to appease me. I honestly believe that marriage counselling can and will help us, because my sessions with Doctor Williams so far have been insightful and have really boosted my confidence; there's something about having a third party perspective that's enlightening, in a good way; for that reason, I really do think it would help. A therapist doesn't judge you or tell you how to do things, they mostly just guide you to help you to find the answers yourself, so essentially, we have the same goal, I just want us to have a little outside help to achieve that goal faster. I don't want you to feel like this is a punishment though, I want you to come because you honestly want to fix and improve our marriage and I want you to come because you want to come, not because I nagged you and you just gave in. Please JR, please just consider it", looking at him pleadingly, dropping her tougher attitude in favour for something more vulnerable, the way she actually felt, she stood in front of him and waited. It was a longshot, but if he loved her and truly wanted to fix things, then surely he would agree to do something she was asking; after all, she was only asking because she loved him and wanted to fix their marriage. They had the same goals, they just had slightly different perspectives on how to achieve those goals.

To be continued…