Dallas, Texas

"…yes, common ground is very important in a relationship and it's especially important in situations that require an empathetic response. I'm pleased to hear both of you explaining and agreeing about your own and each other's personal situations". Smiling as he responded, Doctor Williams was pleased at the level of empathy and understanding JR and Sue Ellen had with each other on the topic of their childhoods. Each of them spoke about dealing with a parent who always expected the highest level of success and didn't stand for anything less, but when that success was realised, the praise was short-lived and soon forgotten as the pursuit of bigger and better things became the focus. As painful as each of their experiences had been, it was heart-warming to see the deep connection they held with each other on that subject and it gave him hope to see that they did have such love and empathy for each other. The two Ewings had a lot of problems to work through before their marriage was in a healthy state, and the sore subject of lying and infidelity was sure to cause a lot of tears and heartache when they did start to analyse and discuss it, but he hoped that somehow, their love for each other would help them through.

Watching as Doctor Williams noted a few things down, JR considered the conversation that had just occurred; he and Sue Ellen had always been very open with each other about the pressure they felt when it came to their parents and he felt lucky and blessed to have her in his life, it was nice to have someone who understood. As he thought about their shared experience, he then thought about a question the doctor had posed to him earlier in the session and had allowed him time to think and consider before requiring him to answer. Why was it that both he and Sue Ellen could put Patricia in her place when they felt that she was being demanding or disrespectful, but to do the same to his own father seemed unimaginable? Of course, no one really expected Sue Ellen to be the one to make the first move, not in the formal, gendered hierarchy of the Ewing family, but for JR, why was it so inconceivable to imagine him really telling his father how he felt? The first answers that came to mind were respect and admiration; Sue Ellen wanted to please her mother to ease the pain of disappointment and the lectures and mistreatment that came with not doing and being the best; but for him, it was so much more. Sue Ellen didn't want to be her mother or follow her path, she just wanted to please her mother by being and doing what she wanted, she was essentially just a living doll, manipulated to play a part in an imaginary life until eventually she met and married someone who was able to make that imaginary image a reality. Sue Ellen hadn't had it easy, she'd basically been raised knowing that she was just the ticket to a good life for Patricia, but at least Patricia was somewhat honest about her shallow, questionable motives, those qualities had made it easy for JR to bribe her into submissiveness until Sue Ellen was strong enough to stand up for herself. It wasn't ideal, but once she'd started to really believe that she was allowed to live for herself and have fun and goals that were independent of her husband, mother or son, she'd found strength within herself to make a change, but for JR and his relationship with his father, things were much more complicated.

There had been a clear life path for the life John Ross 'J.R.' Ewing, Jr. would live since the moment his parents found out that they were expecting a child. Naturally, his father, John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr., had assumed the unborn child was a male and with this belief had begun planning exactly what kind of life he wanted his son to live and what legacy he wanted to leave when he did retire and eventually pass on. In hindsight, it was clear to Jock's wife, Eleanor 'Miss Ellie' Ewing, that the plans they'd discussed and the parenting techniques they'd used, on all of their sons, were not necessarily the smartest or most successful things to do and had caused deep issues within the family, though explaining such a thing to her husband proved to be difficult. To Jock Ewing, there was nothing wrong with a son wanting and doing everything to please his father, especially when that was exactly what he was expected to do; JR was his eldest son, he would one day take his place in the family and he needed to be prepared for that in every way. JR had always known his place and he'd always strived to prove that he was worthy of that place, but because of the expectations put upon him by his father, his accomplishments were somehow less noteworthy than Bobby's, a fact that had damaged him from a very young age. Bobby was his father's favourite son for reasons unknown to JR, because despite doing better and more than Bobby, he never won, not really. Yes, he held a better position than Bobby within Ewing Oil, but sometimes he felt that it was only because tradition dictated that he, as his father's namesake and protégé, was entitled to the position of vice president, not because his father saw him as truly deserving of the job. He'd been learning from his father since he was a child and he really was the better oilman of the three Ewing brothers, but he'd always had a feeling that if Bobby's intellect and business skills had been in any way comparable to his own, he would have really had to fight for his rightful position within Ewing Oil.

He'd been particularly concerned about the hierarchy at Ewing Oil after Bobby graduated college, because being Jock's favourite son, Bobby had been given more opportunities and responsibilities than JR was comfortable with, so when he realised that Bobby's true talent lay in people pleasing, he'd worked hard to create a place for Bobby, one that didn't interfere in his business. He'd managed to manipulate things and create a plan that worked to everyone's advantage and then just months later, in an odd twist of events, brought on by his own bad behaviour, he'd managed to truly secure his position and future ownership of Ewing Oil; unfortunately, it had a condition attached to it that he was less than proud of. He hadn't told Sue Ellen about the morality clause in his contract and honestly, after really talking to her and thinking about what he'd done to hurt her, his motivation to be a good husband and man in general was almost entirely because he wanted to, not because he was obligated to. In business, he was in a great place, but in his personal life, he wasn't; he may have been making a lot of money for Ewing Oil, but when his wife no longer slept in the same bedroom as him and their marriage was clearly far from perfect and loving, he questioned everything. Thinking about his life, he knew that there were a lot of uncomfortable things he would eventually have to deal with, including his father's inherent unfairness and his wife's inevitable anger and upset if or when she did find out about his deal with his father, even if the contract had nothing to do with his actions now. Doctor Williams was pushing him for thoughts and answers and he knew that he couldn't just sit back and act as if certain things didn't bother him or were completely out of his control. It wasn't something he'd wanted to do, but in a way, therapy really was eye-opening and he couldn't say it was completely useless, because he was thinking about things in a different way than he had before.

"JR?" Doctor Williams' voice speaking his name brought him out of his thoughts, "have you thought of any further answers to the question yet?" circling back to their original conversation, Doctor Williams posed the question to JR and waited, observing him as he thought about it. Staying silent for a moment, JR considered how to put his thoughts into words. Why was it that both he and Sue Ellen could put Patricia in her place when they felt that she was being demanding or disrespectful, but to do the same to his own father seemed unimaginable? "Respect, fear, social position, everything really. Who am I if not John Ross Ewing Jr., son of Jock Ewing, heir to the Ewing business and fortune? My identity depends on making my father happy, it always has and it probably always will. So where Sue Ellen was pleasing Patricia for reasons of Patricia's selfishness and greed, I'm doing it for so much more, I'm doing it for my entire identity and life". Seeing no harm in explaining a little more about his life to get a second opinion, especially since they'd long broken the awkward intrusiveness barrier and had started to have conversations that were a little more open, JR began to speak, and as he did, he actually felt a little better. It wasn't fun to admit, but it was nice to be able to say it aloud without horrifying or offending someone; perhaps Sue Ellen was right when she said that therapy was liberating.

To be continued…