Richardson, Texas

Sitting in a small café, sipping her tea and listening to her friend speak, Paula sympathised with Sue Ellen, but also found herself wondering whether the drama in Sue Ellen's life would ever end and what it would take for her to finally snap and end things once and for all, or, alternatively, for JR to honestly and truly change. She and Roger liked JR when they double dated, but she wasn't naïve, she'd seen the highs and lows and was well aware that JR had a darker side and that things weren't always as perfect as they appeared to be, and although she wished only the best for them, it was probably unlikely that things would just run smoothly. She was in no way a supporter of unnecessary or hasty marital separations or divorces, especially not when there were children involved, but in Sue Ellen's situation, she completely understood and would totally support her decision if she did decide that marriage wasn't working out for her and JR anymore. If she had been Sue Ellen or in a situation similar to Sue Ellen's with JR, JR or whoever the man may be wouldn't still be her husband, not after everything he'd put her through, time after time. She wasn't Sue Ellen though and she didn't completely understand the way she felt or why she kept returning to JR, because she'd never been in a relationship where co-dependency was such a prevalent thing, she'd always been her own person, even in marriage. Just because she didn't completely understand Sue Ellen's feelings didn't mean she didn't sympathise with her though, because it was clear that Sue Ellen did love her husband and did want to make things work, she was just a highly confused woman. It was a little disappointing for Paula to see Sue Ellen this way again, because she had had a lot of personal growth over the past few months and years, so to see it reversing itself and her returning to second guessing her thoughts was both sad and frustrating. However, just because she had a certain opinion on the situation didn't mean she wasn't there to support Sue Ellen in any way she needed, because she was and she always would be, they were friends and that's what friends did for each other.

"…I don't know how I feel. On one hand, I still don't trust him and I still have so many doubts about the sincerity of his commitment to me, because he's made and broken so many promises in the past and if our recent history is anything to go by, he still somehow finds it very easy to justify lying and hiding things from me. On the other hand though, I can feel his sadness and regret at the state of our marriage and it pains me to see him so vulnerable when he opens up about his past, our past and the way he feels now. The love and empathy I have for him means that every time he expresses his inner feelings and shows repentance, all I want to do is comfort him; I truly do want to see him work past those things and I want to see him win, but I don't want it to happen at my expense. I know he's trying and I know he's hurting and I would never purposely antagonize that situation, because I want to see him heal and become a better, healthier and happier man, but I need to find a balance between helping him and enabling him, because I will not enable him any longer. I will not be his submissive wife that allows him to get away with everything as long as he apologises; I do not want to and will not stay married to someone I can't trust. Do you see my problem now? It's all so confusing and I don't know how to feel or what reaction is entirely appropriate". Sighing to herself as she finished speaking, Sue Ellen ran her finger around the edge of her teacup before picking it up and taking a drink; she really was confused, torn between wanting to love and forgive and being angry and wanting to end it all.

Nodding, Paula murmured a few words of agreement at understanding what Sue Ellen was saying, though before responding in any real fashion, she took a long pause; Sue Ellen was confused and hurt, so telling her that she didn't really understand why she kept giving JR chance after chance probably wasn't a helpful statement to make. "Do you remember a few weeks ago when you came to visit me? Just after you managed to get JR to agree to marriage counselling. Do you remember how you felt back then? You were unsure, but you were strong. I want you to find that part of yourself again, because I know it exists and I know that Sue Ellen would have answers to some of the concerns you've just voiced to me. It's ok to be empathetic and want to comfort JR, you love him and you want the best for him, but wanting the best for him and being a nice person doesn't automatically mean that you have to be a pushover. You can and should demand answers and change from him if he wants to remain married to you, it's not unreasonable to want or expect respect from your husband and it's not unreasonable to put your relationship on hold until a point where things do change. You're a person just like he is and your rights and feelings are no less important than his. I want you to remember that and I want you to follow your intuition instead of overanalysing things. If he's hurting, you're allowed to comfort him and not second-guess that action, but by the same set of rules, if you suspect that he's lying to you or you don't trust him, then you don't have to allow him all the way back into your life, that's also your right. You do not have to do anything that you're not comfortable with, you need to remember that. Now, JR is attending marriage counselling with you, that's a good start, it gives both of you a good opportunity to work through your thoughts and feelings before making any permanent decisions; so, if you're asking me what you should do, I think you should use this time for just that. There's nothing wrong with having feelings or opinions about a subject and just because your feelings may seem illogical doesn't mean they're wrong. Relax a little, you deserve it", hoping to sound encouraging, Paula smiled and then reached out and touched Sue Ellen's hand. "I know you're right, I just get caught up in my thoughts too much sometimes. Thank you", knowing that she was only human and did have a habit of putting herself under too much pressure to come up with a solid answer that pleased everyone, even if she really wasn't sure that that was what was right, Sue Ellen knew she had to allow herself to relax a little more. Stressing over finding a balance between empathy and toughness wasn't doing anyone any favours. Smiling at her friend, she actually felt a little better; it was ok to not have all the answers, sometimes she just needed reminding of that.

To be continued…