By virtue of a wickedly difficult obstacle course for someone who doesn't have Captain America biceps, Elle missed the entire Melkotian debacle. She didn't even realize that they were in orbit around Melkot until she went to dinner and saw the planet in the window. "Wait, where are we?" she asked Lt. Frederickson, the security officer in charge of her training that day.

"In orbit around Melkot for diplomatic overtures," Frederickson replied.

Elle choked on her electrolyte drink. "Melkot? With the Old West illusion? I missed it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Frederickson said.

"That's okay." Elle smiled at the planet. "The Melkots. That's so cool."

They spent a couple days there, enough for the diplomatic parties to agree to a cultural exchange and then they were ordered away.

"So how did they make their illusions anyway?" Elle asked Spock. "Was it some sort of holographic technology?"

"No it was not. They have apparently harnessed something they call ionic energy, a form of non-permanent energy that they use to create illusions. It is similar to synthehol however, if you have a strong enough mind you can overcome the effects."

"Fascinating," Elle intoned.

Spock raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Indeed."

Elle continued drawing compound molecules. "Wait, hold up," she said, "isn't that from a Doctor Who episode?" she asked.

"I do no know," he said.

"No, I'm sure it was," Elle replied, scratching her head with the stylus. "Do you think whoever wrote that episode encountered one of these aliens?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps. Perhaps that is why they refused to have contact with humans until they had matured."

Elle filed that under 'another good reason never to resort to violence'.

-/\-

"And now, a knife," Elle declared, giving a mad-scientist cackle.

"No," said Lt. Riley immediately, from the other room where he was running diagnostics.

"But Kevin," Elle pleaded.

He came over to her classroom. "What in the Great Bird are you doing that you need a knife?" he demanded.

Elle gestured to the disassembled cleaning robot. "I need to give it to Commander Stabby."

"What."

"It's a meme. I'm going to give him a rudimentary AI and a voice box and arm him with a wind chime and a knife. Not a real one though. Just a prop knife."

"...why?"

"Because Scotty told me to take him apart and reassemble him for a project grade."

"I don't think he said anything about giving it upgrades, though," Riley said doubtfully.

"Him," Elle stressed. "And Scotty said I could. I don't think he thinks I can do it though. But I pass either way."

Riley sighed. "Fine."

Elle grinnned. "Nice."

She finished painting the outer body, changing it from the standard Fleet gray to a Maintenance orange-jumpsuit, and carefully painted Commander stripes in gold on one corner of its circular body. "You have a hot rod bod," she told it, and giggled to herself. Okay, maybe the paint fumes were getting to her a bit.

Putting all the mechanics back together took her another two class-periods, and adding the vocoder and the learning AI-integration to the computer unit took some, ahem, Scotty-like Macgyvering to make it fit.

She held up the bot, face to 'face' with its two cameras. "You're not going to turn into an evil AI and take over the ship, are you?" she asked it.

It beeped. "Negative," it replied.

"Good Commander Stabby," she told it, and set it down. "All right, let me just add your wheels." She flipped him upside down and added the wheels, as well as the tiny wind-chimes she'd made with Sulu in Art (nee Botany). She flipped him once more and set him on the ground. "Go ahead, Commander Stabby."

It wheeled forward, the windchimes tinkling merrily as it vacuumed and sonicked the carpeting.

"Systems readout?" Elle asked hopefully.

"Systems optimal," it replied.

"Excellent." Elle kneeled down and stopped it with a hand on its frame. She attached the prop knife housing and tested it. The molded rubber blade jumped in and out satisfactorily. "This way, you're not gonna catch anybody in the Achilles," she said, patting Commander Stabby's casing. "You look awesome though."

"Affirmative," Commander Stabby replied.

Elle laughed. "Nice." She opened the door. "You may go, Commander Stabby."

It wheeled away to join its fellow bot brethren.

She doubted she'd see it again. There were over a hundred of those little suckers methodically sweeping the Enterprise decks at any one time depending on traffic patterns. Though he did stand out... "Hope nobody minds having a robot as a superior officer," she mused. "Ah, well."

-/\-

'Is this your bot? Orange bot with commander stripes seen roaming the decks. Whoever modified this bot please claim responsibility because we can't catch the little sucker and he's refusing to come in for maintenance.'

Elle stared at the chat room announcements, cheeks turning red in mortification. "Whoops," she said. She glanced at Cmdr. Samir. "Hey, commander?"

"Yes, Elle?"

"I have to go down to Maintenance for a second."

"That's fine. Did you finish your reading?"

"Yeah."

"Go on then."

Elle headed for the Ops offices and entered the main Maintenance bay. "Uh, Lt. Comander Dahl?"

"Elle, to what do we owe the pleasure?"

She bit her lip. "The cleaning bot. Is mine. Ish."

Lt. Commander Dahl snorted. "You modified him?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I thought it would be cool."

Dahl started laughing. "How do you get him to come in for maintenance?" she asked.

"I didn't alter any of its programmming," Elle protested. "I don't know why he's not."

"Well he certainly didn't come when I called his squadron back," Dahl said. "Maybe you can try. They're somewhere on Deck 15." Dahl handed her the control tablet. "Happy hunting."

Elle took the tablet and set off to Deck 15. She found the cleaning bots swarming happily through the Engineering bays, vacuuming up all the dust. "Units 40-49, return for charging," she said aloud, pushing the button.

Sure enough, Commander Stabby paused, turned, and followed her obediently out of Engineering.

Elle went back up to Maintenance with the ten bots. "He's working fine," she told Dahl. "I don't know what's up."

Dahl squinted suspiciously at the colorful bot. "Unit 42, begin power cycle," she ordered.

Commander Stabby did not go onto its charging dock.

"Are you serious?" Dahl asked the bot.

Commander Stabby circled Elle and Dahl's feet, humming quietly.

"Wait a second, is that a knife?" Dahl asked.

"It's fake," Elle assured her hastily.

"And why is it chiming?"

"He has a windchime next to his wheels."

"Why does he have- never mind."

Elle forced back a giggle. "Commander Stabby, please begin power cycle," she said.

The bot zipped into its dock.

"How come it only listens to you?" Dahl demanded.

Elle shrugged. "Commander Stabby, explain reason for not obeying Lt. Commander Dahl."

"I outrank Lt. Commander Dahl," Commander Stabby replied.

Dahl shrieked in surprise. "It speaks!"

"He understands rank," Elle said, after a second. "Wait, then why do you listen to me?"

"You are my supreme authority," Commander Stabby said.

Elle gulped. Was the start of an episode where technology went Horribly Wrong? "Actually I think Captain Kirk is your supreme authority," she said.

"You are my creator," he said.

"Okay, you have a point. But I'm gonna need you to follow Star Fleet protocol," Elle told it hopefully.

"I am not aware of protocol," Commander Stabby said. "Please provide."

A quick download later, he agreed to comply with cleaner bot regulations and protocols and listen to the head of maintenance. He went on standby mode to finish charging.

"How much AI did you put in its module?" Dahl asked.

Elle waved her hands. "I don't know, like, the basics? I used the Rec Deck's personality subroutines as my base and just added a dash of R2D2."

"Elle, are we about to have a swearing robot on our ship?" Dahl asked solemnly.

"Um, no?"

Dahl smirked. "Aw, that would've been hilarious."

"If he's a Star Fleet officer he can't swear anyways," Elle pointed out. "If that's all, Commmander?"

"That's all. We should color more of them. He's a cheerful little bot."

Elle grinned. "That'd be neat," she agreed, and skedaddled before she could be volunteered into repainting bots all day. Not that she wouldn't gladly take painting bots over five-dimensional math, but Chekov was going to be sad if she skipped class on him.