Chapter Twelve
November, 2011
Launceston, Tasmania
Maura's house was huge. It wasn't exactly a mansion, but it was significantly bigger than her home in Boston. That was Jane's first impression as they pulled up. Behind a concrete wall as tall as her, tree's grew even higher, providing more privacy for the two story building. They entered through a wrought iron gate and walked along a short paved walkway to the enclosed front porch. When Maura opened the solid wooden door and led them inside Jane soaked in her surroundings. Hard wood floors branched in many directions. There was a door in front of them and sliding doors to the left. To her right there were stairs and a little further along the foyer narrowed into a hallway that lead to the other end of the house.
Maura motioned towards the stairs, "The spare room is this way."
Jane readjusted her back pack for a better grip before picking up her suitcase and following Maura up the stairs. There was a landing between the two floors where a stained glass window could be opened and a view of the street, and parts of the city could be had.
Upstairs Maura indicated the main bathroom, her bedroom and study before opening the door to the spare room. Stepping aside she said, "I'll let you get settled in and meet you downstairs."
"Yeah, thanks." Jane said, stifling a yawn. Jet lag was setting in and she really wanted to go to sleep, but knew better. It was only 8:30pm local time and she wanted to spend time with Maura to provide her with anything she needed emotionally.
Jane parked her suitcase next to a pine dresser and placed her backpack on top of the dresser. She pulled her phone from her pocket and sent a couple of quick texts, first to her mother to let her know she had arrived safely at Maura's and a similar message with an extra thank you to Kelly for her help in organising the trip. She knew it would be too early in Boston to hear back, which in some ways was a relief. She imagined her mother would have a million and one questions regarding Maura's situation.
She sat down on the edge of the bed and took a little time to take stock of the situation. Now that she had reached her destination the surreal nature of her journey was being peeled back for the reality. Her best friend, the woman she had recently grown to realise she was deeply in love with was waiting downstairs to be comforted because her girlfriend was in the hospital.
It was so tempting to just fall back into the comforts of the mattress beneath her and fall asleep. Maura would surely forgive her and it would delay the awkwardness of swallowing her feelings to be the supportive best friend; but she couldn't do that. Jane inhaled deeply and exhaled, willing her body to move as she stood up and sauntered down the stairs.
The sound of a kettle's whistle echoed down the hall and drew her attention. A few moments later Jane ducked her head into the kitchen and offered a half smile. "Hey," she offered softly.
Maura turned from where she was preparing a tray with tea and shortbread and asked, "Settled in?"
"Yeah," she thought she should have more to say, but this was a new situation for them to traverse. "Thanks."
"I hope tea is okay," Maura said before turning back to make sure the tray had all it needed. Mentally checking off the pot of hot water, teacups, teaspoons, sugar bowl, several assorted teabags, and some Tasmanian shortbread. She turned back to Jane when she hadn't heard a response. "Jane?"
Jane snapped out of her daze and smiled a little wider, having caught a glimpse of the short bread. She was feeling a little peckish. "Tea is fine."
It suddenly occurred to Maura that Jane had pretty much always had coffee when visiting back in Boston. She didn't actually know how Jane took her tea, "Milk?"
"No thank you." Jane replied, quietly studying the way that Maura turned away and busied herself as soon as she had her answer. If she didn't know better, Jane would have thought that Maura was nervous.
Jane watched patiently until Maura's movement stilled. She then stepped back expecting her friend to turn, tray in hand to lead the way. Moments passed without any further movement, which caused Jane to furrow her brow in concern. She took a step further into the room and said, "Maura?"
The busy work of being a good hostess had seemed like a simple barrier of protection against losing control of her emotions, but Maura had underestimated the depth of feeling that wanted to break the surface now that her shelter in a storm was there with her.
She swallowed thickly and tried to compose herself before attempting to grab the tray and turn, but her eyes had a different idea. Tears rolled down her face and she couldn't fight the sob that escaped. It was, she realised, all too overwhelming. She placed her hands against the granite bench top as the first sob turned into multiple shuddering sobs and her knees went weak suddenly unable or unwilling to support her weight.
Jane was across the room in an instant, wrapping her strong arms around her best friend. "I've got you," she said firmly, absolutely hating that Maura was in a position to feel so much hurt. "I've got you," she repeated softly.
Maura relished the familiar strength in the hold and allowed her body to melt into Jane's arms. The sobs that wracked her body slowly died down and she found it easier to regulate her breathing. Maura turned in the embrace and looked into searching chocolate eyes. Unable to hold the steady gaze Maura turned her head away and uttered, "I'm sorry."
"Hey," Jane said softly, ducking her head lower and off to the side in an attempt to make eye contact once again. "No need to apologise."
Maura refused to make eye contact, feeling embarrassed to have broken down as she had. Jane had barely been in her home for ten minutes and she had lost all sense of control. The worst of it was she didn't know what to say, as she felt warring emotions bubbling beneath the surface.
"Maur, look at me?" Jane urged gently, attempting to find her way through the walls she saw going up fast.
Maura shook her head in the negative and extended her arms in an attempt to push Jane away.
"Please," Jane implored even as she gave in and stepped back a little, dropping her arms to her side. "Talk to me?"
Maura quickly shook her head and her voice cracked as she said, "Not right now. I just can't." She quickly stepped past Jane and hurried out of the kitchen.
Jane's eyes closed and she exhaled deeply. She scratched the back of her head, resigned to the fact that things may have changed a lot more than she realised. Her stomach growled; a timely reminder that she was hungry. She set aside some of the shortbread before cleaning up the rest of the tea tray. She felt it the least she could do while she gave Maura the space she so clearly needed.
March, 1995
Prospect High School
Launceston, Tasmania
Melissa was no stranger to adversity given she had spent years coming to terms with the untimely death of her parents in a car accident when she was six, but several weeks into the school year she felt like she had met her match. The start of high school was meant to provide a fresh start and allow her to put the past behind her. At least that's what Mrs Taylor had said when she had dropped her at school the first day. Reality and expectation appeared to be so far apart that Melisa honestly didn't know how she would survive high school, yet alone put the past behind her.
The only bright spot to finally being in high school was that Monica was in the same year and Rachael a couple of years ahead. She had her best friends; her surrogate family and that helped a great deal, it just proved difficult that she didn't have Monica in all of her classes.
The classes she shared with Monica went relatively smoothly because they sat together and worked together on group projects when permitted and as such Melissa presented as a normal kid with friends. Those class mates never proved to be a problem; the ones in the classes where she didn't have the familiarity of Monica by her side proved to be a lot more problematic.
It didn't help that she had never really been very good at or interested in numbers either. As such when it came to math class Melissa would sit in the back corner and completely withdraw into herself. Class itself would have it's moments if the teacher stepped out or wasn't paying a great deal of attention, but for the most part it was when the bell rang signalling moving onto the next class that things would get hectic.
Students would line up outside the door waiting for their teacher to arrive, and for Melissa this time in line was the worst. The German language teacher was rarely ever on time and so for five minutes it was a free for all for the bullies. Sometimes it would be words, but sometimes there'd be physical provocation through pokes and prods and the odd shove.
Melissa tried to take the advice of her friends with regards to not paying any attention, but it was hard to be reminded that she was an orphan every other day. It was even harder to deal with the escalating violence, which on this particular day reached the point of hard shoves and a sharp kick to the back of her knee, causing her to cry out and stumble.
Tears had started to fall down her face when she turned back to the bully and raised a clenched fist ready to fight back, consequences be damned. "Shut up and back off," she growled.
"Or what?" the bully had taunted, fairly confident that Melissa was all bluster.
"I'll show you what!" Melissa had yelled back, pulling her fist back ready to strike. She struck out with all her might only to have the punch caught by an interloper. She swung around ready to wail on the intrusion but stopped in her tracks when she saw who it was.
Rachael had decided it was necessary to risk being late to her class the other end of the school to detour via this corridor. She was glad she had because regardless of provocation Melissa would have faced a suspension if she had connected with her target. "Don't." She slipped in between Melissa and the bully and gently nudged Melissa back a few steps.
"Oh that's it Orphan Annie, I'm telling the…"
Rachael swung around and glared, "Shut up Vanessa. Do you want me to report the entire course of events? Because Missy won't be the only one staying home for a week if I do!"
Vanessa didn't respond, instead choosing to quieten down and turn her attention to the people ahead of her in line. She knew better than to mess with a member of the student representative council; they had the respect and trust of faculty; Rachael in particular.
Satisfied there, Rachael turned back to face Melissa who was roughly wiping the tears from her face with the sleeve of her school rugby top. "Melissa, you should know better."
"I know. I'm sorry." Melissa said apologetically, finding a piece of lint on her sleeve incredibly fascinating.
"I am too," Rachael admitted, feeling guilty that she hadn't made an appearance earlier in the year. "I should have put an end to this sooner."
"It's okay," Melissa shrugged, "Your class is the other end of the building. You're going to be late."
"Yeah, well. I'll be late every time from now on if need be." Rachael said this a little louder than needed, before turning and looking at the 18 other students lined up for class. "Because nobody should think it's okay to be bullying anyone, got it?"
The general consensus from the murmuring of the seventh graders was that the message had been received loud and clear. Melissa Sanderson was off limits.
November, 2011
Launceston, Tasmania
"These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase…"
The heart wrenching ballad, My Immortal by Evanescence provided the musical backdrop for Melissa's descent into the bottle. She was weary from fighting the memories that inundated her relentlessly. The memories collided with her fears and self blame for Gabby's current condition. A condition she had no new information on. She just knew she had never received a call, and she was next of kin, although she fancied it wouldn't be long and that would change. Everything around her was changing and at the same time she felt like it remained the same. She was stuck in the past.
Self loathing grew in intensity each time she took a shot. Once she would have considered the burn on the way down satisfying, but she had just taken that whiskey and poured it straight down her throat; destroying three years of sobriety in the process. It didn't feel good at all but then she figured the answer to that was to drink more and turn the music up louder.
Melissa's gut began churning relatively quickly, she just wasn't used to the affect it had on her anymore. Her head was buzzing and she decided she'd had enough. She unsteadily climbed from the couch and sent the bottle flying in the process, the liquid soaking into the carpet. With little more than a shrug she stumbled down the hall into her bedroom, where she picked up an engraved wooden box from her dresser.
She carried the box across the room and crawled on top of her bed, choosing to sit cross legged as she sifted through the contents. It contained a few precious photos, a couple of letters and a silver chain with a crucifix on it.
The first of the photos went back to her high school days, it was a picture of her flanked by Monica and Rachael in their uniforms, outside the Taylor's childhood home. Melissa studied the image closely and she noticed that Monica had a goofy smile, while her own was clearly filled with nervous anticipation, and Rachael's couldn't have been prouder. Melissa swallowed thickly and swiped at her face, rubbing tears away with the back of her hand. That had been taken the first day of high school and despite an uncomfortable start, Rachael had protected her from the bullying and she had been able to grow into a more confident teenager.
She put that picture to the side and the next she found was one where she had been flanked by Rachael and Gabby on their graduation from the Tasmanian Police Academy. That had been the longest 32 weeks of her life waiting for their graduation and then to see where they would be assigned. By then she had fallen head over heels for Gabby and was distraught to say the least when told of the best friends' success in both being accepted to the same training class. The photo was more candid than it was posed, as it appeared it had been snapped when both freshly minted police officers were looking at her and upon closer inspection with the knowledge she had from their subsequent life experiences, it was clear that both women's eyes were filled with adoration.
Melissa put that picture aside and braced herself momentarily as a wave of unsteadiness overcame her. Once she felt certain she wasn't going to lose balance she picked up a third photograph and traced the facial features of the up close shot tenderly. Fresh tears tracked down her face and onto the photo. An agonising ache filled her chest and she couldn't stand to continue her trip down memory lane.
The melting pot of feelings surging through her caused her body to thrum with energy that needed a physical release and bereft of clarity and any other outlet Melissa started slamming her fists against the mattress with every ounce of strength she could muster. When that wasn't enough to quell the physical manifestations of her emotions she started tearing at her hair. She pulled hard enough to feel pain but still she ached uncontrollably. She released a guttural scream and threw her body into the wall next to her dresser several times until her body couldn't take it anymore and she slid to the ground. "I fucking hate you," she yelled into the emptiness around her; not entirely sure who she hated more, Rachael, Gabby or herself.
Melissa sat slumped against the wall for several minutes waiting for her rage to subside. Once the rage abated it left her with nothing but despair and self loathing. She questioned every single decision she had made that she felt led her to the point she was at. Had she made the wrong decision choosing Gabby the way she had? Rachael had always been her protector and there had been no denying the intensity of everything she felt when Rachael had made her move. Had she just been too scared to hurt Gabby, who had in her own way also protected her for years? What if it really was all her fault, and not just something her messed up mind used to torture her?
The combination of the whiskey that had been churning in her gut and the last realisation left her heaving up the contents of her stomach. When she had nothing left but bile to cough up she pulled her body up using the dresser for support and stumbled back out to the living room to find her phone.
As Melissa pressed the call button she knew one thing for sure, she had never been more certain that everyone she knew would have been better off without her. Rachael would be alive, Monica wouldn't have lost a sibling and Gabby would be safe at home. The world would have been a much better place than it was now.
A/N: Well, hello. Hasn't it been like a super long time? Ridiculously long time. I'm sorry about that, but I have had an uncooperating muse, amongst other life stuff some great some awful keeping me busy or unmotivated. I'm about to start writing the next chapter as we speak, should be a really good one too... as I get back into the gist of things. I haven't written much in a year, so this chapter may seem a bit rusty, for which I am sorry. I'm going to try not disappear for as insanely long this time. I want to finish this one, I very much enjoy writing this one when things are working in my head. Thanks to those guests that keep telling me they want more of this one, and to that one guest from today, here's that update you asked for ha ha