Dallas, Texas

"JR", shaking his hand and motioning for him to have a seat, Doctor Williams kept his mouth shut about his surprise at seeing JR outside of his and Sue Ellen's twice-weekly sessions, because the last thing he wanted to do was make JR second-guess his decision to make a one-on-one appointment. Feeling a little awkward now that he was actually there, alone, with a man who was sure to overanalyse his thoughts, JR sat silently for a few moments before clearing his throat and breaking the silence. "Before you get too excited and start patting yourself on the back for a job well done, I think you should know that you weren't exactly my first choice; I just needed someone to talk to and when I considered my options, you seemed the least risky. I can sue you if you spread information told to you in confidence; you'd do well to remember that", speaking in a slightly threatening tone, he then paused again, and noting Doctor Williams' unfazed expression at his threats, he found himself a little irritated by the man's lack of reaction; he didn't enjoy feeling like he wasn't being taken seriously. "I'm aware", nodding, Doctor Williams made a mental note to explore JR's trust issues and lack of friends, before motioning for him to continue speaking.

Sighing to himself, JR considered his current situation and then began to speak, "well, firstly, I'd like to make it clear that I'm aware that my past actions were wrong and hurtful to Sue Ellen and did absolutely nothing to help our marriage, so if you're considering lecturing me, save it, I'm well aware of my wrongdoings. Secondly, I'd also like to make it clear that although I was not exactly a faithful husband in the past, the incident with Miss Moore last December and just this past month were exceptions to the norm and my actions in those cases aren't representative of the general issue. I'd like to clarify that since that occasion last year, I have been a loving, faithful husband, despite what anyone else chooses to believe. In saying that, when I was a bad, unfaithful husband, it was because I wasn't mentally in the right place to make the right decisions, not because I purposely wanted to hurt Sue Ellen with my actions. I was a selfish, overly conservative man who was really only thinking of himself and an idealised image of what a lady should look like and do. I know that those thoughts and actions hurt our marriage and upon realising that it was an issue, Sue Ellen and I began to work through those personal issues, especially the ones that caused me to validate seeking other women. As a result of our newfound openness and my newfound understanding of what it meant to be a good father and husband, we managed to get our marriage back into a good place, until of course, my mistake with that naïve little gold-digger came back to bite me". Knowing that Doctor Williams had probably heard the majority of his and Sue Ellen's backstory from Sue Ellen's perspective, he decided to explain a little of his side of the story before launching into an explanation of his current predicament. He needed Doctor Williams to believe that he had good intentions now, otherwise, he was likely to see the situation in the same way that his father did and that's the last thing he needed right now.

"Noted, and as we're clarifying things, I'd like to remind you that I'm here to help you, not judge you, so please, don't feel as if you have to whitewash your feelings or motivations for my sake or for the sake of making yourself appear more or less than what reality truly is. As you've pointed out numerous times, our meetings are confidential; honesty is not something you have to fear here, this is a safe space", pausing to make sure JR was listening, Doctor Williams then continued to speak, "now, since we're back on the same page, would you like to enlighten me with your concerns? I'm a very good listener and you said you needed to talk", giving him an encouraging smile, Doctor Williams handed control of the conversation back to JR, waiting patiently for him to put his thoughts into words.

"I made a mistake. I accepted a deal that appeared to be a good idea at the time, but now, in hindsight, probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. I was a little apprehensive about tying my personal and business lives together so closely, because although they're connected, they're not really dependent on each other unless I make them and unfortunately, I did. As I recognize now that I probably signed up for a deal that isn't a good plan for the future, I tried to reverse it, but my efforts to do so have been unsuccessful so far. My lawyer told me to speak to my daddy, so I did, but that wasn't the easy fix that he made it out to be. My daddy says that he believes me when I explain my motivations for wanting change, but he doesn't necessarily trust me enough to actually reverse our deal; he says that there's too much at stake right now and until he's one hundred percent sure that it will work, he won't be signing anything that unties my previous promises and guarantees. He says that he needs me to be on my best behaviour at home and at work, and right now, with Sue Ellen and me living a somewhat separated marriage, he doesn't believe that he can trust me to do as I say I will without the threat of consequences and the promise of reward. What he doesn't understand is that to do what he wants me to do and what I want to do for myself, Sue Ellen and John Ross, I need a clean slate. For my own peace of mind and Sue Ellen's peace of mind if she ever does find out, I want my actions from now on to be entirely my own, not because of some stupid contractual obligation. Do you see my problem now? Everyone, including myself, wants me to be a better man and a better husband, but when it comes to me actually doing that, the unbreakable walls start to come up. How am I ever going to prove to my daddy, my wife, my son or myself that I can and am a faithful, loving husband without the freedom to actually prove that it's true? I honestly believe that I've been a good husband and father this year because I've wanted to and because I'm not the same man I was in the past, but how much is it going to take to get everyone else to believe that?" sighing loudly as he finished speaking, JR looked at Doctor Williams helplessly. Right now, he didn't particularly care that Doctor Williams was basically a random stranger whose opinion meant nothing to him in the grand scheme of things, all he wanted was a little reassurance that he wasn't a terrible person and his efforts did mean something.

To be continued…