Dallas, Texas

"Darlin', what are you doing?" confused as she turned away from him and then used their still joined hands as a means to pull him toward the door, JR's stomach dropped when she looked over her shoulder as she opened their bedroom door and answered his question, "we're going to have a little talk with your daddy". Upset with and mad at JR about his constant lies, general deceit and infidelity, but also empathetic to his motivations for many of his thoughts and actions because of her prior knowledge of his feelings about Ewing Oil, his father and his place in the world, she found herself more angry with Jock than JR in the moments following JR's confession. She wasn't excusing what JR had done, because the fact that they were two and a half years into marriage, had been in a relationship for over five years and they were even discussing rewards and consequences for fidelity and infidelity, was enough in itself to upset her, however, right now, adultery was really the secondary issue on her mind. From being JR Ewing's girlfriend and wife and from attending sessions with Doctor Williams, she understood more of why JR was the way he was, and the majority of those reasons had to do with Jock, Miss Ellie and the way the Ewing family operated in general, and she couldn't blame JR for being a hurt and broken man. She herself had been a hurt, broken woman at the hands of her mother for much too long, however, acknowledging that hurt and acknowledging that she would never change who her mother was, couldn't keep blaming her mother for things and couldn't base her identity and happiness on pleasing her mother, she had found some calmness. With the knowledge that she couldn't control other people but she could control how her relationship with other people affected her, she had had strong words with her mother about their past and boundaries for the future and they had somewhat settled their issues. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for JR and Jock, though if she had anything to do with it, that would all change very soon.

Feeling sick at the thought of confronting his father in general, but especially since they weren't exactly on good terms right now and the late hour of the night was hardly the ideal time for rational discussion, JR stopped walking and pulled Sue Ellen back toward him, stopping in the hallway, just a few feet from their bedroom. "Sue Ellen, please, just stop for a moment. I know you're angry and upset and I know you think it'll provide some kind of clarity or resolution, but I don't think that right now is the most appropriate time to have this discussion". Looking her in the eye as he spoke, he continued to hold her hand tightly, an action that was partly because he needed to maintain control, but mostly because he liked touching her and hadn't had the chance to do so in any real, meaningful way in weeks. "When is the right time?" with every passing moment, she found herself feeling more helpless and sad than angry, and although she was willing herself not to allow the weaker emotions to take over, it was difficult. She felt as if the constant issues and bad timing in their lives and the lack of power she had to make any real change were beating her down. "The morning, the weekend, I don't know darlin', but not right now, not like this". Unsure of what to say to her, not wanting to admit that he was afraid of the future, afraid of his father's wrath and not wanting to admit that he really didn't know what he was going to say when they did speak, JR froze and gave her a basic explanation, one that did nothing to ease her mind. Feeling herself falling deeper and deeper into an emotional hole, Sue Ellen's shoulders sank at JR's words; she couldn't go into the situation alone, there was absolutely no way Jock would listen to her and there was no way JR would be released from any of his issues if it was just her fighting and speaking. "JR…" not wanting to cry, but feeling the tears welling up, she knew that any hope of a strong, to the point, life-changing conversation was gone, at least for tonight. She wanted to be the leader, she wanted to be the one that made things happen, even if they were painful at first, but she was too emotionally invested in the situation. She couldn't tell Jock what to do, she couldn't tell JR what to do, she couldn't change what had happened in the past and she couldn't change the future alone; she felt stuck, downtrodden and emotionally exhausted. She had been going through the ups and downs of life for much too long and it was all catching up to her; living in fear of her highs dropping to lows at any moment was no way to live life and she was sick of it, all of it. Why couldn't they just be a normal married couple, away from all of the family drama, lies and infidelity? Feeling her tears breaking their banks, she was surprised when JR pulled her into his arms, though she couldn't say she it was an action that completely upset her; she was already upset and she wanted comfort and to make everything better. Feeling completely comfortable with him in that moment, even though she was still technically upset with him, she knew that she was about to enter a bad situation, but once again, she felt powerless to stop it. She wanted to be strong and direct, but it was so much harder than she imagined.

Awaking early the next morning in the most familiar and calming spot she could think of, in JR's arms in their bedroom, Sue Ellen's conscious thoughts slowly moved from contented happiness to dread and worry; she couldn't keep doing this, they couldn't keep doing this, it wasn't good for her or for their marriage; something needed to change. Lying still for a few moments as she considered the current state of her life, she knew that there were really only two options and JR was going to have to make a choice if he wanted to keep her. She trusted that Doctor Williams was doing enough for them in their marriage counselling sessions that they would be able to work through their trust issues once everything was out in the open, however, to start afresh, they needed to tackle the issues they faced head-on. Jock had JR in a tight legal position and if she left Southfork and took John Ross with her, she knew he wouldn't hesitate to enact the morality clause consequences on JR and then go after her, so she really was thinking twice about physically leaving. In thinking about everything though, she knew that if they ever wanted to be free of Jock's control and JR's constant need for approval, then there really was only one solution. "JR", gently shaking him, she spoke a little louder when he stirred, "wake up; it's morning and it's time to sort all of this out once and for all".

To be continued…