Notes: Sooooo it's been quite a while. I forgot to add the third part to AO3 (whoops), I got married (yay), I got promoted (yay) and my mom died (…). Lots of stuff happened. I've had this in my drafts for about a year and a half now, it's about time I posted it.
Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this fic, I appreciate it even if I have forgotten to respond.
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Something must've broken in Cloud's head when Tifa unbroke whatever was broken in Cloud's head because instead of leading them to civilization like any fucking normal person, Cloud points the Highwind to a spot in the middle of fucking nowhere. Cid spends half the trip yelling at the trainee for almost flying them into a goddamn mountain and the other half complaining to the robot about their glorious fucking leader having no goddamn sense. Reeve sends him a smiley face and his robot spends the rest of the trip holding the ninja's puke bucket.
The air turns blue when they land and Cid finds that not only have they landed in the middle of nowhere, but there's a house there. A house with a person in it. A person who most certainly does not want any company because they live in the middle of fucking nowhere.
They go in the house anyway. The chocobo sage is very glad for the company and serves some very nice tea. Proper tea. Just sweet enough, with ice and a proper glass instead of a mug.
Cid gets more out of him about tea than Cloud gets out of him about Chocobos. Nobody is happy, nobody wins.
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The really funny thing about your boss getting run over in your front yard is that no one gives enough of a fuck to report you as AWOL. No one even batted an eye when Cid walked into Junon like he belonged there because technically he does. Cloud gets slowed down a little by security and some other crap that Cid didn't really give a fuck about, but he's not one to worry about small details.
He grabbed a bottle of tea from a nearby vending machine (no one sane drinks the water in Junon, despite Hojo's rave reviews), bitching the entire time for having to settle for this cheap-ass premade shit. After a moment's thought, he grabbed another three bottles, stuffing them into his bag as he ambled towards the entrance of the underwater base.
The brand he's chosen is the least offensive of the three, but it's still tantamount to cussing in front of your mother. An attempt was made and they fucking failed.
He finished the first bottle in the elevator and then promptly chucks it at the head of the nearest soldier as soon as the elevator doors chime open.
Cloud's running a little late, but that's ok. Cid does what Cid does best after swearing and piloting, he makes a fucking nuisance of himself.
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As it turned out, Reno was in agreement with him: this was some of the stupidest shit Shinra has come up with in a while. He bribed Cid into quiet disagreement with tea done Turk style: Wutaiian blend brewed Rocket Town style. It's slightly too sweet, but Cid will take it over just about anything else he's encountered on this journey.
They end up sitting on the dock, drinking tea and watching incompetence in action while they wait for Cloud to show up. If a word or two of gossip was said about their colleagues, well, that's just their own fucking business now isn't it?
It's the most pleasant experience Cid has had in a long while.
Of course Reeve and his stupid fucking robot have to fucking ruin it.
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To no one's surprise, they end up accidentally kidnapping an entire squad of soldiers along with their shiny new submarine. Which is no reason to be rude ass heathens, in Cid's own words.
He doesn't particularly care if they are comfortable, but he does make sure to offer them a cup of tea like a gracious host. If the mouthy one ended up choking on it, well that's not his fucking problem now is it? Maybe he should've been drinking his goddamn tea instead of running his goddamn mouth.
Cloud told him not to poison the prisoners. Cid told him where he could stick his poison. It's fucking basic hospitality goddammit.
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Sometime between Junon and Rocket Town Reeve sends Cid a picture of a glass teapot with a flower unfurling inside it. Barret has to physically sit on Cid before he succeeds in turning this whole fucking submarine around to beat the shit out of Reeve. The fucking robot just cackles.
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It is fitting that the first proper cup of tea he has had since he started on this weird journey is consumed in space. The stars stretch out into infinity around them and the planet makes Cid feel both impossibly big and improbably small. For one instant he is at peace with himself and the universe around him.
And then Reeve's stupid goddamn robot starts playing his trumpet and all Cid can think of is shoving that stupid teapot up Reeve's goddamn ass.
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Half of this fic has been written since late '17, the rest of it has been sitting on my desk in a notebook for the last six months. Whoops.
For some reason my outline was on my phone, but the actual document I was working in was not, which kept me from updating even longer. There's been a lot of ups and downs, but I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
(And yes, this was written because someone said they were salty this was never finished. Thank you for commenting. I appreciate everyone who has read and commented, even if I have slacked on responding lately.)