I do not own any of the powers granted to the OC, nor any of the elder scroll's series...
"Speech"
'Thoughts'
"Powerful Beings Speaking in a loud or menacing tone... or tournament announcers using magic to amplify their voices."
"Text via books or letters."
(Mid Chapter Authors Notes) (Please Note that this is underlined, and if I actually have to make an A/N I will go through the chapter and underline it. The underline feature doesn't copy over from Onedrive, so I'll have to fix it after moving it to Fanfic.)
"You have died."
"Cool."
"We apologize immensely, this must have brought great pain onto- wait... did you just say 'cool'?"
"Yeah..." I shrug. "Wasn't doing much to begin with... sort of boring if I am going to be honest... like, I got born into the one universe that didn't have any sort of magic or mystical martial arts... sort of ridiculous if you ask me."
"…"
"You'll never going to be able to see your family again, nor your friends."
"You do realize I have been in the white void for like... a week, right? I've come to terms with that."
"A week?! oh... I seem to have found you late... I apologize once more."
"Sort of Unprofessional for a deity... you going to ask me to reincarnate into some other world or something?"
"…"
"that was going to be the gist of my next few dozen sentences, yes."
"Cool. I accept. Are you going to give me anything to help me on my inevitable journey?"
"I was... I will grant you one thing... it can be anything-"
"Yo, Like, can I have my DnD friends here? Like send them a hologram pop up and ask them if they want to Isekai with me? I want whichever ones show up the ability to choose one thing as well."
"…"
"What?"
"Can you do that?" I slowly ask.
"I... can... but are you sure you want to waste your one-time wish on this?"
"I am."
"Alright..." The disembodied voice sighs.
"…" we sit in silence for a couple of minutes... I'm not even sure if the voice is still there... it being disembodied and all...
*FLASH*
"AAAAAYYYE!" A new voice calls out.
"AAAAAAYYYYE!" I grin back. "How's it goin, Sif?"
"Y'know... life and all that... I was preparing that game I Dmed, but decided 'fuck it! I'm tired of being a wage slave... so now I'm here... so, like you died, right?"
"Yeah, Yeah." I hum with a shrug. "You look different than I imagined."
"I could say the same to you, fucker." The brown-haired teen shrugs. "You think Jay is going to show up?"
"I don't know, probably... at very least to get away from his overbearing parents." I shrug. "For my scheme to work we'll need at least three people."
"Yeah, Yeah." My cohort nods. "So... why'd you use up your ol one-time wish on bringing friend along? Couldn't you have wished for literally anything? Becoming a Saiyan? Mystic powers? Twentieth level wizard?"
"There is a method to my madness." I hum with a knowing smirk. "As a Dm you should know that you should never give your players wishes... remember that time in that criminal game where we wished the loot from that museum into several bags of holding because the Dm was foolish enough to give us untold power?"
"Yeah, Yeah, So your plan is going to function sort of like that... where you expect whoever shows up to use their wish on something that benefits the whole party?" The brown-haired teen asks.
"Exactly." I nod.
"EEEECH!" A new voice pipes up.
"Oh cool, Jay is here." Sif states.
"Alright you fuckers, who's ready to get some poon in the otherworld?"
"Mistakes have been made." I sigh.
"Now, the next question is what do we coordinate towards?" Sif asks as he scratches a small amount of stubble on his chin.
"Yo, we coordinating our wishes?" Jay asks.
"Yes." I nod. "What if we wish for the thing that we know how to break easily?"
Sif nods, beginning to open his mouth.
"Make sure it's three point five... you might live fifth edition now, Sif, but Five-E cant be broken as well as Third Edition."
"Fair." He shrugs. "Is level twenty reasonable?"
"Sure." "Yeah." Comes my and Jay's reply.
"Oh, Cool."
"I wish that we could become twentieth level D&D characters that we will make right now-"
"You may make D&D characters, and understand the abilities granted to you as if you had cultivated them yourself, however, you may not become level twenty in the same wi-"
"I wish we were level twenty." Jay shrugs.
"…"
*Sigh*
"Fine..."
I look to the other two. "I'm going Melee Sorcerer."
"Warhulk, Barbarian, Frenzied berserker." Jay speaks up.
"Bitch. You better take that one feat that lets you keep your sanity and determine friend and foe while raging." I snarl. "I don't want to get ripped in half in my new life because you fail one save!"
"Ditto." Sif nods. "I'll be bard."
"Dragonfire-"
"Of fucking course, Dragonfire Inspiration!"
Several 'The Gamer' esque screens appear before us.
"Neat!"
I glance to the voice. "Soooo, have any of my other friends accepted?"
"Regretfully they have either chose to say no, or have gone past the time I had allotted them."
"Who would not agree with Isekai?" I mutter to myself with a frown, only to shrug and go back to making my character... a build I took to heart.
The creaking of wood and the clopping of horses walking down a stone path reaches my ears as I blearily open my eyes.
"Oh? You're finally awake? You three were trying to cross the border, right? You walked right into that imperal ambush... same as us! And that thief over there!"
I glance to my left to see a mountain of a man, easily over seven feet tall, a wall of rippling muscle with a head of shaggy black hair and a permanent scowl on his face as he glares down at his bindings.
'there's Jay...'
I glance around him to see a tanned man with tanned brownish skin, with pointed ears and silvery-white hair, he glances around the large barbarian and gives me a nod.
"Damn you Stormcloaks." The 'thief' growls. "Skyrim was fine until you came along. The Empire was nice and lazy."
"If they hadn't been looking for you, I could have stolen that horse and have been half way to Hammerfell by now."
My new appearance is that of a small child, white hair, blood red eyes, pale, wearing a simple tan and rough shirt with a rope acting like a belt for my pants.
"You three... we shouldn't be here-"
"I don't know about that." The dark-skinned elf proclaims. "You said you stole a horse, correct... that's quite a hefty crime... what you should have said is that 'you' don't belong here."
All in all, I'm four feet, eight inches, of vampire lord badassery.
In my hands is a small bag, hidden in such a way that onlookers won't be able to see it with my hands bound like this.
"We're all brothers in binds now." Ralof proclaims.
"Shut up back there!" The soldier guiding the cart calls out over his shoulder.
"So... what's the three of you doing here?"
"Well." I hum briefly pausing at how childlike my voice sounds. "We heard quite a bit of skyrim, and as a group of wayward adventurers we decided to check it out, look for loot, kill strong beasts, y'know that sort of thing."
"You don't much look the part." The thief snorts.
"I could kill everyone here with a single word. I am simply restraining myself out of politeness." I scoff.
"A word?" Ralof hisses. "You know Thu'um?!"
I smirk. "Sadly, not, but I'd like to... I'd say that's one of the main reasons we have come to skyrim... isn't that right?"
I glance over to my two compatriots.
"Correct." A voice grounds out, it sounds of rocks smashing together, yet has the richness of mahogany.
"Yeah, what biggums said." The elf shrugs.
"You fancy yourselves adventurers?" Ralof asks. "Skyrim is indeed a land of adventure... sadly I don't think you will be doing much adventuring."
"You'd be surprised." My elf friend shrugs. "I have a feeling everything will work out... and if it doesn't... well, I could always sick the midget on them."
"Oi."
"I do not think that would be wise... it would be best to just... leave it be..." Ralof sighs.
"What's the deal with him?" The thief asks.
"WATCH YOUR TONGUE!" Ralof snarls. "You are speaking with Ulfric Stormcloak! The true high king!"
"B-But if he is- o-oh gods! Where are they taking us?!"
"I don't know where we are going... but Sovengarde awaits." The Nord in front of us whispers.
Ralof looks back to us "I am Ralof, I hail from a small town called Riverwood... what of you?"
"I am Nicodemus." I hum.
"Azazel." My... Drow? Friend states.
"Orcus." The tall and brooding wall of muscle states.
We fall into silence, the only noise being the clopping of hooves and the sound of wood rolling across the road... the cart jostling every now and then as it hits a pebble.
'this is quite dull.' I mentally sigh after about five minutes of this.
"Oi! Cart driver! When will we get there? I'm starting to get a little booored."
"Shut up back there!" He calls over his shoulder again.
"People won't like what happens when I get bored." I stage whisper to Jay, or, well 'Orcus'.
He lets out a single huff of amusement.
I let out a sigh and look up to the sky, the clouds steadily coming closer, and the ones that are already there swirling overhead... as if bubbles on the surface of your water in the bathtub... when you had just pulled the plug.
'mn... it's not even close yet, is it?'
as we crest over a hill, a town with large walls appears.
"A prediction for the next... say... thirty minutes?"
"Dragon?" Azazel asks.
"Dragon?" Orcus asks.
"Dragon!" I grin with a small cheerful headtilt.
"Dragon?!" Ralof whispers.
"Yup!" I smile mischievously. "Who knows if it'll come true or not, but we can always hope~"
"You three are surprisingly calm for where we are headed..." Ralof states.
"I do not fear death. For I am not going to die today." The large barbarian beside me states.
"That isn't for you to decide!" The thief states.
"I will make my own choices. If foolish soldiers try to slay me... I will watch as their blades bounce off my skin, and their skulls crack below my feet."
"General Tulius, Sir, the headsmen is waiting." A voice calls out from up on the wall as we approach.
The horse thief mutters prayer to the gods, as we pass through the gate, I let out a small child-like 'ooh' as we are paraded throughout Helgan.
Ralof lets out a small growl. "General Tulius... and the Thalmor... damned high elves."
"Racist much?" Azazel asks.
Ralof lets out a laugh. "Perhaps, but after all they have done, murdering the true brothers and sisters of Skyrim, the Nords!"
"They don't seem nice..." I pout. "And a little pompous."
"That is putting it lightly." He states with a frown.
The carriages eventually pull to a stop.
"Alright, everyone out!" A voice roars.
"W-Wait! No! We're not rebels! You can't do this!" Horse thief shouts.
"Face your death with some courage, thief." Ralof sighs.
"Y-You've got to tell them! We weren't with you!"
"Step towards the block when we call your name." A woman states off to the side. "One at a time!"
I slide out of the cart with a smile on my face, my two friends following behind as Ralof jumps down beside me. "Empire loves their damn lists."
"ooh. I like lists~"
"Ulfric Stormcloak... Jarl of Windhelm." Hadvar slowly calls out.
"it has been an honor... Jarl Ulfric." Ralof sighs.
"Ralof of Riverwood."
He briefly turns to us as he walks away. "I hope that you three will not die today for our crimes..."
"Lokir of Rorikstead"
"I'm NOT a Rebel! You CAN'T DO THIS!" The thief makes a break for it.
"HALT!"
He doesn't.
"Archers!"
I smirk as he abruptly trips, the arrows launched towards him just barely missing.
He scrambles back to his feet as an arrow arcs just past his head, a second sinking into the spot it foot was seconds before.
"Damn... that guy's pretty lucky..." I note.
"I-I'm going to make it!" He exclaims as he rushes towards the open door.
A person steps around the corner and cleaves his head off with one simple move.
'ah. Thalmor...'
"Does anyone else want to try running?" The woman in front of us growls.
She freezes as she notices me.
"Who... are you three?" Hadvar asks, looking a little off-put as he glances to the mountainous barbarian.
"My name is Nicodemus!" I smile.
"Orcus." The giant grunts.
"My name is Azazel~" our dark elf states with a wink towards the female captain.
"We come from far away to seek out many of Skyrim's treasures!"
"I seek battle." Orcus states.
"I simply want to spread my music throughout the world... but the gold helps~" Azazel smiles.
Hadvar looks to the woman wearing an iron helmet. "Captain... what do we do? They aren't on the list..."
she looks conflicted for a moment. "The child goes free... but the other two goes to the block."
"By your orders-"
"Huh. So you aren't completely heartless... are you, bitch?" I smile brightly as lightning crackles overhead. "This isn't a request. You are to let us go, for you have no right to slay us, or I will kill every single Imperal in this town."
The clouds overhead swirl dangerously, slowly drifting downwards as the wind picks up.
Azazel smiles, a small glint of light reflecting off his teeth. "I'd do what he says... he's probably the strongest out of the three of us~ but we aren't pushovers ourselves... we could have escaped whenever we wanted, but we just wanted to be polite."
"You dare-" the captain growls.
I pull my hands apart effortlessly, followed shortly by Orcus, and Azazel, who twists his hands out of the binds instead of breaking them.
"ARCHERS!" The woman roars as the town seemingly leaps to life.
"Azzy, drop us a fire beat."
He hops back up onto the cart.
I sit down on the cart with a smile.
"FIRE!"
I hold up a hand, causing the six or so arrows to stop abruptly.
They turn so they are pointed in the directions they came from.
Azazel finishes casting his spell, causing a misty and ethereal electric guitar to appear in his hands.
He calls out, his voice booming across the town. "YOU CALL YOURSELVES NORDS?! YOU LAY DOWN AND DIE WHEN THE EMPIRE REQUESTS IT?! STAND UP! TAKE ARMS! FIGHT! FIGHT UNTIL YOU DIE A WARRIOR'S DEATH!"
He begins absolutely shredding the guitar.
The sounds of several rope bindings popping reach my ears as hands are lit ablaze... but no screams of pain come...
The tips of the arrows floating in the air ignite.
I flick my finger forwards, launching them at high speeds, a trail of fire following after them as they pierce cleanly through leather armor, stone, metal, practically everything in the general area they land, creating molten craters about five feet wide, poking holes cleanly through watchtowers... sadly i dont think archers will be foolish enough to shoot at us again~
To think... each of those arrows dealt more damage than a fucking empowered Level Ten fireball... dragon fire inspiration is busted... I think Sif might actually be stronger than me due to his ability to turn even normal peasants into things that can kill dragons.
Orcus looks down on the captain and Hadvar as his hands ignite.
Across the square I can see that Ulfric is quick on the uptake, he lunges for Tullius and tries to punch him in the face.
"I never liked the empire... I mean, the storm cloaks might be racist, but they aren't brutally murdering innocent people for what they believe in or worship... You sort of have to balance it... Racism... or blatant murder, corruption, torture, and whatever dark bullshit the Thalmor do... there's really only one choice~" I hum as I allow my legs to kick over the edge of the cart, completely ignoring the part when I savagely murdered six or seven people.
A Thalmor wizard teleports beside Tullius and blocks the punch with a ward, or he tries to, but the ward shatters and Ulfric's punch goes straight into the elf's chest and with a blast of heat, bellows out a gust of superheated air out his back along with whatever ash remains of his ribs, spine, lungs, heart- oh wait, the Thalmor don't have those, do they~
On an interesting note... apparently teleportation spells exist here... not that surprising I suppose~
"I hear the horns are calling, the battle's drawing nigh! Let them bring their thunder and their puny battle cries!"
A set of ethereal drums appear behind my drow friend and begin playing along with him.
'I'm pretty sure it's plagiarism... buuuut it sounds nice and will develop a new genre here... so I'll allow it.'
"Forging an alliance with my courage and my steel, I am not afraid to die, I will never kneel!"
It the distance, but going unnoticed by everyone battling, a loud roar shakes the mountains.
'he comes!'
I look into the bag I got. 'lets see here... what do I got...'
'ring that makes me immune to all positive effects like healing magic... check. And it's never coming off~' I slide the ring over my finger.
"I don't give a FIRE if I win or if I lose, surviving is a coward's wish and death is what I choose!"
I tug out an absolutely beautiful silvery chain shirt sewn into a comfortable looking shirt.
'mithril chain shirt with added shirt... plus five and with the enchantment and material has ZERO arcane spell failure chance... along with zero armor check penalty.
"My stamina depleted, but I am standing still! When the final blow will fall I'm reeeady to be kiiiilled!
I slip it on over my shirt, then simply slide my arms into my sleeves and tear off the ragged shirt from the inside, allowing it to slip off completely and fall around my ankles.
'this is SOOOO comfy!'
I look over to see the Stormcloaks fighting hand and hand against the empire, some have fallen, but Ralof and Ulfric are still alive, so who cares~
Tullius is bleeding from the mouth, his armor dented inwards as he lays against a nearby wall, Ulfric is closing in, but is having to fight against several Thalmor mages... they have started using more powerful wards- which are still cracking under the force of his blows- and are slowly backing away.
One of the Thalmor lunges for the general and teleports the both of them away.
I glance to one of the mush piles that used to be an archer and with a grasping motion, tug his quivver- which had been mostly unharmed as I had blown up his head- towards me.
I set it beside me, then with a small casting of prestidigitation I remove the blood from it.
I pull out two arrows and hold them in between my thumb, middle, and index finger, then let go as they float blankly in the air, the tips igniting with a bright fire.
With my mental command, the arrows are launched at high speeds right towards the two Thalmor Ulfric was fighting, the first arrow slips past one of the elf's ward, sinking into his throat and blowing up his head and shoulders.
Bodywash.
The second arrow just simply sinks into the other guy's foot and erases it along with his leg.
I tug out another arrow and point it towards an archer up on the walls, but before I can shoot, the figure of the woman captain smashes into it, sending both flying over the other side of the wall with a loud crack and a small spurt of blood.
I look back over to Orcus... who still hasn't raged yet.
"I killed Hadvar swiftly... he was a good man... but he chose his side." He states.
'ah, it appears we are all playing our characters... the brooding big guy who can suplex a house if he tried, the flirty elf bard, and me... The chaotic neutral.'
Simple as that.
A large figure passes overhead... but doesn't stop... I seem to be the only one who notices as it seemingly speeds up.
'Even Alduin is like 'fuck that'.'
Eventually, after a hard faught battle- well, I mean, they one shot basically everything in their way, so I wouldn't say 'hard-faught'… maybe 'against numerous foes... the Stormcloaks are victorious! Yeah! That sounds good! And also the music dies down.
There are several seven-foot-tall holes in the walls around here now that I really look around.
Ulfric walks over to us and bows his head. "I thank you three... you have helped us land a crushing blow upon the empire... what was sure to be the end of the rebellion is now a new beginning! You three are always welcome in Windhelm!"
I nod. "Windhelm, huh? We might stop by there... but we have a couple stops beforehand."
"And what of that music? It empowered us, introduced vigor into our very core! Ignited our hands and weapons with righteous flames!" Ralof asks.
"Oh? That?" I hum as I scratch my chin.
"I am what you call a 'true bard'." Azazel interjects. "Nothing like those you find at this realm's bard's college, I use my music to cast spells, and empower my allies."
"Incredible." Ralof whispers.
"Quite." I state while looking at my nails
"You three... if you ever stop by Windhelm, would you consider joining us in our revolution against the empire?" Ulfric asks.
"Perhaps." I shrug. "You have made a better impression then they have."
"Indeed." Azazel nods along.
I look to my two friends. "Well, where to now?"
"I want to send a giant flying..." The large muscle of our group states in his gravelly voice.
I glance to the cart we arrived in... the horse has broken free from the cart and has escaped.
"Hrm..."
I walk over to it and pick it up over my head... with one hand...
"BY THE NINE-" Ralof shouts.
I walk past the stunned stormcloaks and set the back down onto the ground, this time just in front of a gate.
I put my fingers into my mouth and whistle.
With a flash, a large wolf with bone spikes going down it's back appears, I gesture to the cart and it turns around, prowling to the front of it where I attach the leather harness to him.
I effortlessly hop up into the driver's seat. "Alright, I'd say its about time to head out..."
I glance over my shoulder. "Anyone want to come with us? We can drop you off at the first town we see."
"It would be best if we went back the way we came... the way you are going leads us closer to the Imperals. We have struck a mighty blow against them today, but my men are tired. We are going back to Windhelm to recruit more soldiers." Ulfric states.
"Fair nuff." I shrug as I look to my friends. "Hop in."
The two glance at each other and shrug, then climb into the cart.
"So..." I begin with a frown as the wolf pads his way down the road. "Skyrim..."
"Yeah... Skyrim." My big friend sighs, now in a shiny new chain shirt.
"Kind of sucks that Mr. R.O.B. didn't let us select where we are going." The drow sighs.
"UGH" the big guy groans as he rubs a hand through his hair. "I was hoping for Dxd."
"Of course, you would." I scoff. "But not gonna lie. I'd take it over Skyrim..."
"Ditto." Azazel mutters. "Though, I mean, my name would be a little awkward there I suppose..."
I look up at the sky and let out a single huff of amusement. "Oh my god I just realized how utterly broken I am."
"Hm?" My two compatriots hum.
"I did something when I was making my character~" I grin back to them. "Buuuut it's a secret~"
"Did you pun pun?"
"No." I scoff. "Though, maybe we should have..."
"I made a charge build with knockback." The barbarian states with a small raised hand.
"Oh damn... now I don't feel as bad." I snort.
"Am I really the only person who made a normal character?!" Azazel asks.
"You're a bard and I can summon eighteen wolves basically at will... you aren't fucking normal. None of us are."
"Yeah, Yeah," Azazel hums. "So, where do we go first?"
"You know those dragon claws made of different materials?" I ask.
"Yeah?" He hums.
"I want to collect all of them... and all the dragon priest masks..."
"Your hoarding instincts acting up?" Orcus asks.
"Yeah, yeah... but I always thought that they were just so COOL... but yes, I want to collect stuff... you might even call me the god of greed~"
"God of greed?" Azazel scoffs. "Isn't that a little presumptuous considering the Daedric princes and stuff?"
"Seven Hundred hit points."
"Pardon?" Azazel asks.
"I have. Seven Hundred hit points."
The two in the back of the cart freeze for a moment.
"How the hell did you manage that?! Aren't you undead?!" The large barbarian asks.
The corners of my mouth turn upwards. "I did something. Simple as that."
"…"
"I ate my cohort."
"…"
"What?"
"The eighth level Psion power... fusion... I ate my cohort. Combining our hps and our best attributes... plus all our abilities."
"I thought you were an arcane caster!"
"I am." I smirk. "I just have an item that permanently does the affect."
My two friends are left just rubbing their heads as I smile brightly. "Honestly, I probably could have broken it more and made him a dry lich, making it so my insane charisma is added to my health, buuut I didn't want to be a skeleton, so I simply made a second vampire lord as my cohort... one that looks the exact same as me and had my memories and thoughts."
"…"
""What?""
"Yeah, pretty bullshit, I know." I smirk. "But technically, I am a level thirty-eight~"
I look down at my hands with a devious smirk. "All the power of a full caster druid... and the ability to enhance my strength to ridiculous levels... also i can add my twenty charisma modifier to my Ac..."
I look up with a small pout. "Honestly, going into my animal form would weaken me considerably... buuuuut it's cool, so I think I'll do it anyways~"
A man steps out on the road from a small path to the side. "ALRIGHT give me all your valuables!"
I blink down at him, the wolf blinks at him, the two in the back blink at him.
He is staring down a wolf the size of a horse... with a seven foot tall guy in the back of the cart its dragging... and tried to rob us.
I smile brightly as I hold out a hand towards him.
I clench my fist, causing him to freeze in place. "W-What the hell?! Why can't I move."
I move my hand upwards, causing the dude to float, then I set him simply in the back of the cart.
"I like this guy's courage! Can we keep him?!" I grin.
The drow shrugs and shakes his head with a sigh. "Yeah, yeah... whatever, Nic"
"Yaaaaay!" I grin.
"Just make sure you feed him." He adds on.
"I'll take him for walks, and show him how to kill things!" I smile.
"u-uh what's going on?!"
"Shush!" I snap over my shoulder. "Your new name is Jimbo!"
"A-Actually, my name is-" he flinches as an arrow floats dangerously close to his throat. "Y-Yes... I am Jimbo! T-That is my name!"
"Great!" I grin. "We are going to make you a hero, Jimbo!"
"So! Where to first?" I ask my friends.
"Serena?" Orcus asks.
"Serena?" Azazel questions while looking up at the barbarian.
"Serena it is!" I smile. "HYA! Wolfie!"
The cart speeds up immensely... I suppose that's what happens when you put a beast with upwards of twenty-nine strength on a job for something with sixteen... it has literally triple the strength modifier so this cart weighs like nothing for it... also I gave it a persistent haste and expeditious retreat... so it is now more than twice as fast than its original two hundred feet every six seconds while running.
'so, what? It now is capable of running at fifty miles an hour? Maybe a little less due to the cart? Ah well, we'll probably get there before night!'
The man we kidnapped- I mean, put under citizen's arrest- has been mostly silent, keeping to himself and flinching every time we speak.
We stand in front of a cave starting blankly into the depths below.
I glance to my friends. "Are we really ready to start this shit?"
Orcus nods and Azazel shrugs.
"What about you, Jimbo?"
"I-u-uh y-yes?"
"Huh... alright then." I shrug. "I hope you are ready for your first real fight~"
It hasn't even been a full day since we left Helgan... about five hours, actually...
"Alright. Let's go in." I shrug as I step forwards.
Jimbo is panting heavily, his hands on his knees as we get to an ancient looking building amongst an underwater lake.
"Oi! Jimbo!" I call out, causing him to flinch.
I point towards a large button in the middle of the arches. "Push that button. Then you can rest."
He lets out a quiet scoff under his breath, one so quiet that normal people wouldn't be able to hear it, and walks over to the button
He puts his hand on it. *Schlick*
"AAAAAAGH!" He spasms and twitches as a spike springs up and protrudes his hand, the tip splits into four, then begins spinning as he leans his head back and lets out a howl of agony.
I along with Orcus and Azazel watch in silent horror as his bones protrude his skin, a stream of blood traveling along a crease in the floor as it reaches a stone brazier.
"…"
"Solve the puzzle, my minions!" I hum as six miniature women about two feet tall made of swirling dust look to each other, then begin shoving the stones into positions.
I pout slightly. "That was kind of morbid, eh? Kind of wanted ol Jimbo to live a little longer... watch him be the dragonborn of legend and we are all fucked~"
*FLASH*
The ground glows brightly as I casually leap up onto one of the surrounding arches and sit down, watching as the ground sinks down, the ground below the button, however, standing tall.
Jimbo's corpse hangs from his hand.
Orcus hums disinterestedly and steps forwards.
He places his hand on the front of the pillar.
The section on the other side of the coffin slides down, a woman with short dark hair and glinting amber eyes falls out.
"Where... where am I?" The woman mutters as she rubs her head, she has a big scroll on her back.
She looks up and notices the giant of a man... in a suit...
Yes, he has a suit... and a greatsword as big as he is... a buster sword, really. "Who... sent you here?"
"I was not sent by anyone. Me and my allies simply decided to look through this abandoned ruin for treasure... who... are you?" The giant growls. "Why was a vampire sealed away with an elder scroll?"
I allow my feet to kick off the edge of the edge of the arch as my head tilts back and forth.
'here we go! Good to go! Nepu-tune-u'
She clutches the scroll protectively. "That is... unimportant..."
"Awww, come on Orcus, stop being so intimidating." Azazel hums as he steps out from behind the giant of a man.
"A... dunmer? No... you are different..." The woman states.
Azazel smirks. "Wow, I'm surprised you noticed... buuut that's unimportant. You've probably been asleep for hundreds- if not thousands- of years, yeah?"
"I... am unaware." The woman states, still in a slightly more defensive position. "Who... is skyrim's high king?"
"There's actually a civil war going on to determine that." I announce from my seat, causing the woman to flinch and for her eyes to immediately lock onto me.
Apparently, she couldn't sense me.
"A... Vampire?" She whispers.
I shrug as I hop down and walk over.
"You are different as well." She hisses under her breath.
"Well, duh." I scoff. "I have a different strain of vampirism than you."
"There are other-"
"Of course, there are!" I huff. "Mine's just a lot rarer."
"So, yes. To get back to your earlier question. Skyrim Civil war."
"That... doesn't answer as many questions as I had hoped..."
"Anywwaaaays, to sum it up, high elves beat the empire, forcing them under their thumbs, then they outlawed worship of Talos, then just started wandering throughout skyrim, murdering all who oppose them~ they're kind of dicks..." I hum.
"The... Empire? What empire?" Serena questions.
"Hoo boy... that means you've been in that rock for well over one thousand years then... yeesh." Azazel shrugs.
Serena nervously scratches her chin. "I must have been gone longer than I thought... or, well, longer than we had planned..."
She looks over to us. "If you would be so kind... would you accompany me to my home? I feel as if something much larger than us it at hand."
I open my mouth.
"And you said you three were... treasure hunters?"
I close my mouth and gesture for her to continue.
"There are bound to be things in my home that had been missing for... centuries... perhaps you will be rewarded for bringing me back."
"Hell yeah!" I grin.
"Sure why not?" The Drow shrugs.
"I do not care strongly one way or the other..." The suited man states.
"So, let's get out of here, yeah?" I hum as I skip my way towards the exit, Orcus, Azazel, and reluctantly Serena following along behind me... I stop abruptly before a bridge.
I fling my arm out to the side. "Hold, my friends! Doth mine eyes deceive me?! Is that... the gargoyle of truth?! One said to slay even gods?! Ohoho not one step further or we shall die!"
Serena looks confused for a moment. "It's just a gargoyle... even if it is alive, they aren't that stron-"
"You are correct!" Azazel gasps. "So what do we do?!"
I snap my fingers and point at Orcus and Azazel. "We have the holy hand grenade."
"The holy hand grenade of Akatosh! Of course!" Azazel gasps as I slowly lift a pinecone into view.
"Take it, brother!" I state as I hand it to Orcus as I pull out a book totally unrelated to anything at hand.
"How do I... use this?" Orcus frowns.
"It's... a pinecone..." Serena sighs as she puts her head in her hands, probably realizing just who exactly she asked to accompany her.
"Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Akatosh, saying, 'Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans, and skeevers, and hoarkers, and werewolves, and breakfast cereals-"
Azazel swats the back of my head. "Skip ahead you little shit."
I growl and flick through the blank pages. "Ugh fine, fine... ruin my fun why don't you..."
"Ahem... Now did the Lord say, "'first thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three.'."
Serena looks absolutely dead inside already.
"'Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out'." I continue. "Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight... shall snuff it'."
"Amen." Azazel snorts as Orcus looks down at the pinecone. "So I just... pull the pin out and... throw it?"
"Upon uttering the three holy numbers, yes." I nod.
"It's a PINECONE!"
Orcus plucks the stem from the top of the pinecone and gets into a stance like he is about to throw a baseball. "One... two... FIVE-"
"Three, Orcus." Azazel states.
"THREE!"
He hurls the pinecone.
"IT'S JUST A PINECONE WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO DO WITH A-"
The pinecone smacks into the head of the gargoyle. *BOOOOOOOOOM*
The cave rattles as a massive explosion tears through the surroundings, shrapnel is hurled everywhere, the guardrails in the next twenty feet are completely demolished, and a large part of the walkway is unusable due to the massive protruding hooked spikes.
'ah yes... i love Explosive Pinecone... a top tier spell that one...'
She freezes in place for a good twenty seconds. "B- wh- buah?!"
I turn back to the woman. "That was initiation. Just a small flex to show off how powerful we are so you don't try to fuck with us."
She dumbly nods as the other gargoyle frees itself from its stony prison and rockets towards me.
I turn around just in time for it to slash its clawed hands through my head... or, it would have had they actually even broken my skin and not shattered on contact.
"How cute!" I grin.
Orcus holds out a hand and crushes the beast's skull like a grape.
"Ah..." I sigh. "We have fun here."
"Now." I hum as I turn back to the stunned vampire. "Where exactly is your home?"
We step out of a tree in the middle of a garden.
"Oh cool, we made it." I smile.
"This is... my mother's garden..." Serena notes with a frown, probably at how bad it has fallen into disrepair.
I teleport the four of us to the front of the castle with a dimension door.
with a hum and a pep in my step I skip over to the door.
"Hello~"
"Turn around. only death awaits you he-"
"Yeah, Yeah." I sigh as I wave him off. "Silence, weakling."
I lift the closed portcullis with one hand.
I walk past him as Serena comes into view.
"S-Serena?!" The vampire asks.
I open the door and walk in.
"SUP FUCKERS~" I grin into the vampire coven from my place atop the balcony.
Immediately several people below are charging spells.
I hold out a hand. 'area dispel.'
"No, no, no... none of that~ Hi! My name is Nicodemus! I heard that there was a vampire coven in the area, and I just had to see it for myself!"
Serna and my two besties step into the room from behind me. "Also, I have brought the daughter of one of your own back!"
"Serena?!" The room quietly hisses amongst themselves.
My smile grows larger as I look around the room.
"Serena?" A man mutters as he steps forwards. "is... it really you?"
"it is, father." The woman nods.
"I trust you have my scroll?" He asks.
'ah, what a dick.'
"After all these years, that's the first thing you ask me? Not a 'where have you been' or a 'are you unharmed' but for the scroll? Tch... yes, I have the scroll."
"Of course, I'm delighted to see you, my daughter, must I really say the words aloud?" The man asks. "Ahhh, if only that traitorous mother of yours were here, I'd let her see this heartfelt reunion before placing her head on a spike."
"Noooow, tell me, who are these strangers you have brought before us... a vampire, a half dark elf, and a... fancily dressed giant nord."
He stares at Orcus' clothes for a moment before giving a slow nod. "That is a classy suit indeed."
"These are the three who freed me." Serena states.
"Well now, why don't we introduce ourselves." I grin. "My name is Nicodemus."
"Azazel."
"Orcus."
"And we are just simple treasure hunters wandering throughout the realms" I hum.
"slaying mighty beasts" Orcus Continues.
"looting ancient tombs" Azazel Adds with a small wink towards some of the female vampires in the room.
"and collecting powerful magical artifacts~" I finish with a pleased smile.
"I am Harkon." The man nods. "I am the lord of this court... I take it you understand just what we are."
I shrug with a shit eating grin. "Cannibals that are allergic to the sun?"
"Funny." He states. "No, we are vampires... some of the oldest and most powerful in all of skyrim... for centuries we have lived here, far from the cares of the world-"
"Ababa" I hold up a hand. "We don't need your backstory, only a reward for bringing your daughter back."
He grits his teeth and hisses out. "I was just about to suggest that very thing."
"Yes, you three certainly deserve a reward... there is but one gift that I can give that is equal in value to the elder scroll and my daughter... boy, have you ever wished to hold more power than you could imagine."
"Oh, this is bound to be good." I snort with an eye roll. "Go oooon?"
"I offer you, my blood... take it and you will walk as a lion among sheep... men will tremble at your approach and you will never fear death again."
"You mean... as I already do?" I ask with a small grin.
"No, I am not talking about that filthy disease, I am talking about TRUE vampirism, the power you currently hold is nothing compared to what I hold."
I hold up a hand. "Gonna stop you right there, one: you are weaker than me, two: I do not require that grotesque form you call a 'vampire lord'- which is honestly offensive- as I am already a vampire lord this very second..."
I hold out my hands. "This is what TRUE vampire lords look like, not some Daedric Prince's wacky std."
*BWUMMM*
I move a couple centimetres to the side as time resumes.
"But I will take these." I hum with a wink as I am now holding a sack of loot over my shoulder.
The man widens his eyes briefly. "You dare?!"
"You filthy mongrel! How dare you!" An overzealous vampire follower shouts.
"Wow... that's rude." I pout before pointing at him with a hand. "Bang."
'empower'
Three rays of orange scorching heat that have been fired at once, smash into him, one to the head, one to the chest, and one to the stomach... he instantly turns to dust.
"That was a warning shot. Don't offend me, or I'll kill you all like I did that random guy." I grin with a small twirl. "*Snrk*- just kidding, I know that was your second in command~"
"Annnywaaays I'll see you all later."
*Fwoosh*
A vortex in the air appears behind me, Orcus and Azazel wordlessly stepping through it as I hop backwards through it as well.
"Alright, I did my vampire thing, what do you two want? I'll take a backseat this time."
Orcus takes his time to speak up. "You know that giant that you see when you first get to Whiterun?"
"Yeah?" I ask.
"I want to fight it."
"…"
"hrn, fair, fair..." I shrug.
With a flash we are suddenly towards the outskirts of Whiterun's Farms. "I need to go take care of some background stuff really quickly... I'll be back in... say... ten to thirty minutes?"
"Where are you going?" Orcus asks.
"Oh, y'know, grabbing the golden claw and filling this."
I pull out a spikey cup made of stone.
Orcus sharply inhales with a grin as he sees something in the distance, then rushes forwards, leaving us behind.
"What else did you loot from there?" Azazel asks with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, y'know, Harkon's sword, jewels, gold, soul gems, a couple magic weapons... just regular stuff... gonna be real, I'm going to research the fuck out of all this... I didn't expect mental stats to really change much, but just... understanding things... is awesome!" I answer.
"Have fun." Azazel shrugs before following after Orcus who shoulder-checks the giant with a savage grin.
"Yeah, Yeah." I shrug.
*FLASH*
"You foolish child! I'll never share the treasure with you! Hahah!" I watch as the man rushes away.
'hrn, let's have some fun.'
He bumps into me as I quickly speed in front of him and is instantly knocked on his ass.
"W-What the hell?!"
"Heeeey buddy~" I smirk down at him as I step closer, the man scooting backwards as he does so. "You really didn't think you could escape from me, right?"
My red eyes glint in the darkness. "What do you take me for? An idiot?"
"W-What are you?!"
I grin, fully showing off my sharp and pointed teeth. "A vampire."
"O-Oh gods! Nonono please! Don't kill me!"
I scratch my chin as I look over the man. "Hmmmmmm..."
I toss a slightly blood-stained golden claw up into the air with a grin, ignoring the man with a spike of ice the size of a lance stuck through his chest.
I have his journal in my other hand, and am calmly flicking through it with my telekinesis. "Ah, lore~"
I sigh and shake my head, tossing the book into my bag of holding with a flick.
"Tch, boring." I roll my eyes and with a cast of prestidigitation I remove the blood from the claw.
"Time to skip through this place, I guess~"
*BWUMMM*
The undead crawling from the wall freezes as time stops.
"Persist." I hum with a raised hand.
I tilt my head to the left and to the right, getting a satisfying crack from each. "Let's get this over with."
I strut my way through the rest of bleak falls barrow, ignoring the undead, and simply phasing through any gate in my way... including that of the puzzle door.
I step up to the word wall, the draconic language practically glowing as I look it over.
"hrm... HET NOK FaaL VahLOK DeiNMaaR DO DOVahGOLZ ahRK aaN FUS DO UNSLaaD RahGOL ahRK VULOM..."
"Here lies the guardian, Keeper of dragonstone and a force of unending Rage and darkness... huh... who knew that d&d's draconic language would let me read this~"
That's not the only thing that's different between tabletop and our apparent new life.
I step over to the tomb and effortlessly rip off the top.
I reach inside and pat the helmeted head of the dragur, then crush his head as I clench my fist.
You can't attack when time is stopped in D&d... nor can you steal objects off opponents...
I'm. Literally. Dio.
I grab the dragon stone, pulling it into my bag of holding, then I grab the ice enchanted ancient great axe with one hand and give it a single swing.
"Light... like I'm holding nothing at all... buuut I guess everything is light when you have, what? forty strength?" I shrug propping the axe on my shoulder.
I tilt my head. 'y'know... I like being a half druid and all, but maybe I should have been an iaijitsu master... they get an ability that's basically sneakattack when you draw a sword... you just need to roll a high check and you get nine six-sided die... then a later ability to add your charisma modifier to every die... and because my charisma has like a plus twenty modifier, I'd be doing upwards of two hundred and fifty-ish damage with a single hit... that'd be enough to one shot an ADULT red dragon... and that's a Cr fifteen creature.'
'hrm... divine spell casting is pretty good though... I'll take it...'
I meander my way through the rest of the crypt, eventually reaching sunlight on the other side.
With a snap of my fingers, I'm suddenly beside a frozen red bubbling pool... frozen in the sense that it has stopped, not that it has been encased in ice.
I reach into my bag of holding and pull out the spiky stone chalice, then scoop up the red liquid into it and watch as it glows slightly.
I take a sip.
"Huh... not bad."
It's actually quite flavorful... and I'm no longer hungry- which I was putting off because drinking someone sounds like an annoying experience- so it seems like this solves my vampiric thirst.
I take another sip and frown.
I can feel a bubbly power deep down, its... intriguing.
I reach out to a nearby vampire watching over the pool and clench my fist.
His bones crumple below my telepathic power
'I... wasn't able to do that before... this chalice increases the power of my supernatural abilities? AWESOME!'
I drop the chalice into my bag of holding.
"…"
The chalice floats in the air, so I have the physically scoop it up with my bag of holding.
"Well... I've still got basically infinite time before I need to be back, so what now?"
I tilt my head and allow a grin to split my face.
*FLASH*
I flick through a book acquired through completely legal means. "all right... I think I have this down..."
I hold out a hand towards a frozen old woman.
"Soultrap."
A bright unmoving aura of purple surrounds her.
She's in the middle of berating a group of orphans.
I twirl a knife in my fingers and hold up a blackish purple gem in my other hand.
"MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDAAAAA!"
I fling the butter knife towards the woman as hard as I can, the knife traveling briefly before stopping a couple inches from the woman's throat.
"You, old woman... Grelod the 'kind'... are already dead."
I do a small twirl and sit down on a nearby chest.
"You know, normally druids aren't able to use metal weaponry and such... but that's a fucking stupid thing considering metal is a part of nature... also, I don't think nature could remove my powers even if it wanted."
I snap my fingers. "Dispel."
"-OU-*SCHLICK*" the woman's head snaps backwards as the knife's blunted blade punches cleanly through her windpipe and out the back of her neck, sinking as deep as the wooden handle in the front.
The purple whisps quickly flow towards the gem I am holding; it gains an eerie glow.
The children seem to take a moment to process this.
"Ah... and all as it should be." I sigh, gazing into the crystal with a smile.
"GRELOD THE KIND IS DEAD!" A child cheers.
"Aventus did it!" Another grins.
One of the children turn to me "Thank-"
I disappear from sight.
"Sweet Mother, Sweet Mother, send your child unto me, for the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear." I stand behind the crouching boy as he repeatedly stabs a skeleton with a knife.
"Sweet Mother, Sweet-"
*Ahem*
The boy flinches and whirls around.
"Who-"
"Grelod is dead."
"W-What?"
"I killed Grelod like you were going to ask."
"H-How- w-wait, YOU'RE the dark brotherhood assassin!?"
"Sure." I shrug. "I totally didn't murder that woman because I wanted to and found out someone apparently was paying for it to be done."
"…"
"What?"
"Contract complete." I smile brightly. "That heartless cow is dead, the children of Riften are saved, gimmie money."
"I-I don't have much, b-but you can have this is you want."
He quickly steps around me, he is actually a little shorter than me, maybe three or four inches.
He reaches into a nearby cupboard and gives me a silver plate.
I look over it.
"This will do." I hum with a shrug as I put it into my bag.
I do a small wave and smile. "Enjoy your life, murderer by association."
I turn and walk out of the building, closing the door behind me.
"And back to Whiterun I go." I smile.
I turn my head slightly as I see a hint of black on a nearby rooftop, but a head quickly retracts back behind a chimney.
I narrow my eyes slightly, then shrug. "hrm... actually no... I'll go explore a bit."
*FLASH*
I come back to see Orcus stop a giant's fist with one hand, then promptly sweep its leg and bash its face into his knee.
It looks like there were three giants this time, the other two are crumpled to the floor, dead, while he seems to be toying with the last one.
"So... how long has this been going on?"
"Hn?" Azazel hums as he glances to the side. "Oh, you're back... you got the claw?"
"Huh? Oh yeah... I did grab that."
He looks back to Orcus elbow dropping the poor giant.
"This has been going on for about five minutes now... he killed the first two fairly quickly and now he is just tormenting that poor bastard."
"Mn. That's a sort of in bad taste... though I guess I shouldn't be the one to speak after impaling that Arvel guy with an ice lance."
The companions that were hired to fight these three off look a little worse for wear, but I guess that's what happens when you fight three times the odds you were normally supposed to face.
I take out the chalice and take another sip, blinking as it fills up again.
"Hn. gotta love that infinite drink..." I hum before putting it back in the bag of holding.
"How the hell did you even clear two dungeons in like ten minutes?"
"Two?" I ask with a small smile.
"Nic, what did you do?"
"ooooh nothin much..."
I turn back to look at him. "By the way, spells function differently. I can hurt people while in time stop."
He widens and his eyes and looks to me "What?!"
"Also, Cat's Grace, Bull's Strength, and others apply a multiplication effect, not just a plus four... I assume Haste is the same."
"Fuck..." He whispers.
"Plus, I figured out a couple cool things... one: I can read word walls, and two: I'm the dragonborn."
He raises an eyebrow and turns to look at me. "What?! W-where did you even kill a dragon?!"
My smile grows. "And shouts are a lot better than they should normally be..."
"P-Pardon?"
"Oh yeah, even the first word of unrelenting force sent a group of three dragur sprawling across the ground... pretty freaking awesome~"
"Welp." I shrug. "I'm off to go mentally scar some people."
I wink. "if I'm not back within a week, I've forgotten about you or died."
"Planeshift."
"WH-"
*CHHHHZZZZZ*
With a violent crackling flash, I disappear off the face of Skyrim.
I roll my eyes. 'ooooh he's gonna be pissed... but apparently, I just reappear in that world the moment I left... so there's not much they can do about it... and god forbid I let him anywhere near my future waifus.'
I appear in an alleyway with a slow blink.
Dumpsters, metal trashcans, brick buildings with fire escapes?
I'M BACK IN THE MODERN DAYS!
My hands shake with excitement as I look around with a massive grin.
I skip out of the alleyway and look to the left and right.
CARS! Hell to the fuck, yes! I spent two or three weeks in that medieval hellscape- hard to tell when the sun doesn't move- but that's neither here nor there~
I grin up at the sky, it's a little dark... the sun must have just gone down.
I pull a book out of my bag and begin flicking through it.
A hand grabs my shoulder and tugs me back into the alleyway.
I look up from my book to see a sweaty older man holding a pistol to my face.
I glance behind him to see a group of three other men.
I raise an eyebrow. "What do you think you're doing?"
The gun is pressed to my throat. "Don't... talk."
"Fus"
The man is suddenly blasted backwards as I drop the inch or two back to the floor.
I brush a hand down my shirt. "Get your filthy hands off me."
The book closes with a thump as I put it back into my bag.
I cast a glance over the group who suddenly don't look so confident about beating up something that looks fourteen to fifteen.
The man quickly sits up and lifts the pistol with a shaky hand *BANG*
My head snaps back.
"…"
I slowly lower my head forwards again, the flattened bullet falling off my forehead as look over the group with a smirk. "My, my, you've just volunteered yourselves to be my test subjects~"
With a flick the gun is knocked out of the man's hand by an invisible force.
"Hi Los Aan Mey." I snort as I watch some of the other men try and sprint away.
"No, no... none of that." I frown as the ends of the alley are suddenly covered by a wall of ice that reaches the roofs of the nearby buildings.
The men stop just before smacking face-first into the wall and slowly turn to me, their backs pressing up against it as they try to back away.
I roll my eyes as I pull out another book. "Tch, child rapists am I right, think their all tough and in control... until they aren't... you all honestly deserve a worse death than this."
I flick through the pages. "oooh let's try this one..."
The leader of the four gets up and grabs a pipe, he swings it down at me, and with the sound of creaking metal it bends.
"Bitch... I shrugged off a bullet to my forehead... what the hell did you think a pipe would do?" I ask with a half-lidded glare.
"Fus-Ro"
*Crack*
He smashes into the far wall this time and slumps down against it, clutching his shoulder.
"Hrm... it seems chaotic neutral alignment has changed me... hell, is it even Chaotic Neutral anymore? This seems pretty Evil..." I scoff to myself.
A man who was about to smash a trashcan lid into the wall is suddenly dragged beside his boss by an invisible force. "Now, you four are going to have to bear with me on these... as they are my own creation and I don't fully know how well they'll work... buuuut I hope they do!"
He is forcibly maneuvered to hold the lid in front of him.
I smirk. "Vey."
The lid splits down the middle as his hand is sheared off just below the wrist, a deep gouge forming on the rest of his body behind that.
"AAAAGH-"
"Quiet."
He screams in pure silence, rolling on the ground and clutching his arm.
"hrm... it seems Slice worked... now what... do I do the entire shout? Hrm... that'd probably destroy the entire wall... hell, even two words of that shout would probably leave deep markings in it... tch... maybe I need a less destructive shout." I frown, noticeably not silenced.
"In that case..."
"-HY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" The man shouts.
"Because you are filthy child rapists, why else?" I ask with a raised eyebrow before moving onto my next shout. "Like, why are you guys even going after little boys? That's dumb. I can slightly understand why you would go after an underage girl, you have small dicks, and every time you ask out a female they violently vomit and laugh at the same time so you have to force yourself onto people who can't resist like little pathetic wastes of life... but boys? Are you all gay or something? What's the point to sexually harassing a boy? Do you get off on permanently scarring someone or something?"
"Hn... maybe that's a little sexist? I'm not saying boys being molested are less important, but really?" I ask with a quirked eyebrow. "Anyways, let's try this one! It should be less damaging, so maybe you won't die!"
"Koraav-Sah-Faaz"
I have never heard a man scream that loud before, I am quickly forced to silence him again as he rolls on the ground, clawing at his eyes, face, and mouth.
"Jesus!" I gasp. "That's super fucked up!"
I look down at the book and write 'Overwhelming Success' next to 'Perception-Phantom-Pain'.
I look back up to see that he died from shock.
I frown slightly.
"Ah well. You win some, you lose some... lives included."
I look to the other three who look absolutely horrified in their silence.
"Aaaactually."
I look to the man who had instigated all of this to begin with.
Sound returns to the three men.
"Koraav-Sah-Faaz"
"AA-"
Silence returns to the two men as they watch the original gun-toting man flail about in silence.
"hm... this might just become a favorite shout of mine... I'll do future testing to see the intensity of the first two words."
I look to the last two.
"Wol."
A barbed arrow of wood pierces the center of his chest and pins him to the ice wall.
"oh, that worked!" I note as I write a small 'Success' next to 'Oaken-Pursuit-Arrow'.
"Welp, time to finish up and hide the bodies I guess." I frown.
"Keyn-Heim-Zun"
A longsword appears in my hand.
I sharply inhale and drop it.
"Well... it worked... but I guess that's just what I get for trying to base something on Excalibur."
I let out a long sigh. "To think, something made to obliterate things like me did nothing more than slightly burn my hand... it's as if I just grabbed a hot plate out of a microwave."
"Tch." I scoff. "Ugh, now I'm annoyed so I'm just going to do this."
"Desintigrate, Desintigrate, Desintigrate, Desintigrate."
"Horray! They're gone!"
I walk up the wall behind me and onto the rooftops. "Nooow to figure out where exactly I am."
I watch a vtol-esque ship float into the distance.
"Huh..."
*Shatter*
I blink and look down to the street below to see a girl kick a man out of a window.
*CHNG-CHZZ*
Then fold out a transforming death scythe and stabbing the tip into the ground.
"…"
"Remnant?"
She blurs about as black suited men file out of the shop, swinging a weapon much too large for her.
"…"
A grin splits my face. "I can work with this."
"Keyn"
A simple spear appears in my grasp.
"Well, Well, Well, Red, it seems like you've defeated my... ugh... Disappointing investment... so it seems that we are at an Impasse." Roman hums as he struts out of the store.
'how do I creep both of them out?'
'OOH!'
I snap my fingers and an eerie music box-esque tune plays in the quietness of the night.
"So, I think that-" Roman pauses
A child's voice is quietly added to it. "Ever on and on I continue circling~"
They both freeze in place at the haunting melody. "With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony~"
"Till slowly I forget, and my heart starts vanishing." Ruby starts quickly looking around for the source of the music as she shifts in place, bringing crescent rose up to her chest.
"And suddenly I see that I can't break free~" Roman sees the girl's sudden lapse in attention and decides to make a break for it.
*BOOM*
A thrown spear smashes into where he just was, causing him to increase his speed.
I snort and quickly hop to the roof of the building he is running for, pulling a simple butter knife out of my bag of holding.
After a moment of waiting, he finally clears the edge of the building.
*SWISH*
He barely ducks past a slash to the throat as I grin.
His eyes widen as he does a small combat roll forwards to just get past me.
I lunge for him, butter knife arcing forwards, only to barely get deflected by his cane with a *CLANG*
He barely leaps backwards as the knife stabs right for his eye.
*BANG*
Ruby clears the edge of the building and lands somewhere behind me.
"H-HEY!" She realizes that he is fighting someone as I kick one of his legs out from under him and land a backhand that sends him skipping towards the far side of the building, crashing briefly with the small wall that surrounds the edge of the building.
He gets up with a wince and stands on the wall.
"Well... ow..." He states as he rubs his cheek. "A bit rude, aren't you, brat?"
A bullhead flies up into the air from behind him and allows him to take one step back, into it as it shines lights at me.
He reaches into his back pocket, but a butter knife imbeds into the metal beside his head.
I tilt my head and smirk, just asking him to try it.
"We've got a fucking powerful kid outside." He states as he quickly shuffles to the front of the bullhead.
I slowly twirl another butter knife in my fingers as another woman slowly steps out.
The sounds of her glass heels reach me over the sound of roaring engine.
"Glass heels, hm? Classy."
She raises a hand, fire flickering around it briefly before I hurl the butterknife at her.
*Schlick*
It stabs into her shoulder, bypassing her aura entirely.
'hrn... so soul trap does work like that... thanks, five hundred thousand word skyrim x rwby fanfic.'
The fire falters as she lets out a gasp, bringing up her hand to her shoulder.
"Why don't you come down here?" I taunt.
The ground below me glows as her two amber colored eyes glint in the darkness.
"Hm?"
It flickers out as look back up at the woman.
Shards of ice start raining down upon the bullhead causing me to blink and look behind me to see Glynda megabitch herself.
The ground under her starts glowing, forcing her to fling Ruby away and flip to the edge of the roof.
I feel a small pull from her telekinesis, trying to get me away from the blast, but I easily resist it as I am also exploded.
The bullhead takes this moment to fly off into the distance.
"…"
It's silent for a while.
I step out of the smoke, revealing that I am completely unharmed.
Glynda gasps. "Thank the gods... I-I thought you had died."
"Mn." I nod. "That'd be a shame."
"…"
"…"
"…"
Ruby seems to breath out a sigh of relief that I'm not dead, then turns her attention to Glynda. "Y-You're a huntress, right? C-Can I have your autograph?!"
"You're both coming with me."
"About that..." I smile. "No."
My form is taken apart as I transform into a swarm of bats that fly into all directions.
The two girls freeze in place as the bats slowly fly circles around them, a good ten feet out as the childish voice returns. "I'm Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity... With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony."
"To tell me who I am, who I was, Uncertainty enveloping my mind till I can't break free~"
With that all the bats scatter at once, letting out little squeaks and filling the air with the sound of beating wings.
'ah, i'm such a dramatic fuck.'
Pov: ?
'Shit! SHIT!'
A woman with vibrant orange eyes and black hair clutches her shoulder, a towel, stained red, has been wrapped around it.
Her aura is helping in slowing the bleeding, but the blade of a fucking butter knife was just hurled completely through her shoulder... completely through her aura without even slowing down.
That boy is dangerous.
"What the hell was that?!" Roman hisses.
The woman lets out a hiss of pain. "I don't know... but he is still alive... he... toyed with me... he toyed with you a considerable margin more, however."
"Says the woman who nearly had her arm chopped off by a butter knife." Roman shrugs with a huff.
"Hold your tongue, Roman, or I will turn it to ash myself... I thought you had your little... partner in the background to help you."
"She was supposed to be." Roman frowns.
He pulls out his scroll and quickly sends a message to the mute menace.
There are a couple seconds of silence before the communication device lets out a *Ping*.
"I am going to have a couple words with her when I get back to the warehouse." He growls.
"Where was she?" The amber eyed woman asks with a grimace.
"A date... apparently." Roman sighs. "She said she left not even five minutes beforehand because 'she thought I could handle it' then met some kid who- and I quote- 'likes to torment people nearly as much as I do'. Then she said they hit it off and went out for ice cream."
The amber eyed woman frowns slightly.
"She's now sending me a picture of him... for some reas-" He freezes in place, skin rapidly paling.
He shakily turns the scroll around to show the false maiden.
A pink and brown eyed girl is taking a selfie with a pale white haired boy with red eyes, he has a confident smile on his face and is winking...
The same boy that just shoved a butter knife so deep into her that she's lucky she didn't lose all feeling in her left arm.
"H-He knows..." Roman hisses.
Anyways, this was something that I got bored and wrote, did you like it? What did you all think about this strange three-person insert? After all, adventures are always better when you have a group of friends to be dumbasses with~
See ya!