Dallas, Texas

"Who does that man think he is? Accusing me of not really having changed at all; making it seem like I'm only interested in our marriage right now because it hasn't been long enough since we've been back together for us to really fall into the lull of normalcy; insinuating that the moment we accomplish the things we're currently working on, I'll get bored and inevitably stray. Why is it that no one ever seems to believe that I can and have changed? Why am I always JR Ewing, bastard, cad, villain? Am I really that one-dimensional and unchangeable?" leaving their appointment in a huff, JR sighed in frustration and anger at the assumptions the nosy doctor had made. Would anything he did would ever be enough? It sure didn't seem like it sometimes.

Did he still think other women were attractive? Sure, he wasn't blind; but the difference between his natural appreciation of the opposite sex now and his previous attitude was simple, he knew the boundaries and consequences if he went beyond the boundaries, so he could look, but touching or anything even remotely close to flirting was considered out-of-bounds. Singular nights with nameless women, paid encounters with familiar women and an ongoing fling with a certain old acquaintance simply weren't worth it, not emotionally, not socially and certainly not physically. After having an honest conversation with Sue Ellen, it appeared that the things he sought from other women simply because he felt bad asking her for things he foolishly classed as 'beneath' her, weren't such a big deal after all and she was more than happy to participate in a varied, exciting relationship as well as a normal, ordinary one. Of course, her participation in their marriage, especially after finding out about his dirty, dishonest past, came with conditions, the biggest being that in return for accepting his answer and choosing to forgive him and move on from his previous indiscretions, he had to have honestly changed and the new JR Ewing had to mean what he said. She wouldn't put up with any more lies, deceit or dishonourable behaviour; if he couldn't keep his promise to be faithful and committed to her and only her, she was done with their marriage, relationship and trying to work things out, and before he could even think about begging her for another chance, she and John Ross would be gone. JR knew she was serious and she had his mother on her side if he ever did mess up again, however, he really wasn't that concerned about that possibility, because in his mind, things had changed and he was a different man now, a changed man, a more mature man who was ready for marriage, fatherhood and 'regular' life. He wished everyone else understood how he felt though, because having his motivations and actions constantly questioned and scrutinised was beginning to get old, frustrating and maddening. He had made mistakes in the past, but he had seen what a future without his wife, the only woman he had ever loved, looked like and he didn't like it, not one bit.

He didn't have complete answers for the questions Doctor Williams had brought up, but the topics they had discussed also hadn't been issues lately, not in the way the doctor had insinuated. It was true that he wasn't nearly as involved in the social side of the oil business as he had been in the past, so his exposure to legions of beautiful, available, willing women was a lot less, however, as he had tried to explain, his need for the things other women provided him with were also less apparent. He and Sue Ellen had always had an unbalanced relationship, he'd always been the more experienced, more powerful one and she'd always been the virginal or at least conservative, proper, submissive one, so naturally, they'd run into problems; it was inevitable with each of them operating on such different levels of experience, expectation and acceptance. Things were completely different now though, they had talked, acted, experimented and changed, together and after years of not completely understanding each other, their relationship was truly improving and he really believed it was near perfect. They finally understood and agreed with each other and after so much wasted time, they'd finally found a level they were both comfortable on, one that left them both happy and satisfied, that is, until outsiders started questioning things and making problems where, in his opinion, none existed.

Listening to her husband ranting and raving as they left their appointment, Sue Ellen was torn. On one hand, she was very sympathetic to his position and feelings, because it was true, no one really understood JR Ewing or seemed to believe he could seriously change, so it had to be frustrating for him to constantly be expected to be the bad guy and get no credit, only doubt, when he did improve himself. On the other hand though, she understood why people would question his changes, motivations and future thoughts and behaviours; it was hard to undo years of 'natural' behaviours and rewire yourself to act differently to how you would have in the past, so to believe that he was a completely different man now was optimistic. She understood why Doctor Williams was concerned and why he had brought up the topic in their appointment; they had made so much progress in a short space of time, a lot of it on their own, without professional guidance, so perhaps they had missed the deeper lessons involved. She also understood why JR was angry and upset though; she believed he loved her, she felt it, and she loved him, so she also felt defensive when it came to other people assuming things about their marriage. It was a complicated situation and she could see both sides of it, but naturally, as JR's wife and as Sue Ellen Ewing, an independent woman who also happened to be in love with a complicated man, she was more inclined to side with her husband. She didn't discount that Doctor Williams had some good ideas and a lot of academic experience and professional knowledge though; it probably was time to talk everything out, in detail. They did need to work on deepening their trust; understanding the root causes of why things had turned out so badly in the past; work on keeping things fresh and exciting but also respectful in the future; and lastly, work out how to prevent any possibility of past situations repeating themselves. Doctor Williams was right, whether they liked it or not, there would be times in their lives where there wasn't something new and exciting happening, or where physical attraction wasn't on their minds; they needed to work out how to live comfortably and happily together in any situation, good or bad, because they wanted their marriage to last forever.

To be continued…