Dallas, Texas
Listening to her friend revert to the confused, upset mess she had been for so long before the recent changes in her life, Paula couldn't help but feel a little sorry for JR. There were times where she'd absolutely hated him for what he'd done to Sue Ellen, but right now, she almost saw his perspective more clearly than Sue Ellen's. Sue Ellen absolutely had the right to demand answers and change from her husband, but she had to at least try to communicate that that's what she wanted, because if history had proven anything, it was that JR Ewing was a brilliant businessman, but he wasn't exactly emotionally intuitive. Sue Ellen had called her in a state of upset earlier in the day and she had immediately arranged to come and visit her, to support her, because although they both lead separate lives, she really did care about her, however, after meeting up with her and hearing the dilemma Sue Ellen was currently in, she suddenly had mixed feelings.
"Please don't be offended or upset by this, because that's not how I intend for it to sound, but have you actually considered what you want him to say? Because from everything I understand about your marriage, which, admittedly, isn't as much as I should know for someone who sees you as one of my best friends, it sounds like JR is trying and has been doing well, so I can see his perspective on the issue and why he would be frustrated now. As I said, please don't think I'm trying to upset you, because I'm not, but as your friend, I do think I should tell you that perhaps you're being a little bit too expectant right now. JR did horrible things and I don't think any of it is excusable, even with the reasons he gave, but you said it yourself, you two talked about it and decided together to move on and start over, and if I'm correct in understanding the situation, that's what you did. The situation with that awful gold-digger and her illegitimate child was something that never should have even had the opportunity to possibly be true, and the details about that situation were truly disgusting, but if you're looking at the event on a timeline, it happened in the past, before all of your renewed promises and second chances. If you're asking me for my honest opinion, I have to tell you that I think you need to decide how you feel before asking JR how he feels and demanding further changes from him, changes that you're not even sure will help."
"Ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Have you really forgiven him? Has he given you any reason recently to change your opinion on him as a husband and as a man? I really don't mean for it to sound harsh, because I'm on your side, I completely understand and agree with why you would be angry and hurt by his actions, but on the other side of that, I do think there has to be an end goal in sight, otherwise what's the point? You either love him, have forgiven him and are ready to move on with your life with him, or you haven't forgiven him and you're still holding all of his past mistakes against him; it might not necessarily be that way on the outside, but deep down inside you, you resent him in some way. Your feelings are valid either way, but you need to decide what you do feel and where you want to go to from here. JR seems like he's changed and he's really trying; you said it yourself, he's been faithful and your marriage has been wonderful these past few months, aside from the unfortunate reminder of the old him of course. I mention that only because I think perhaps you're overthinking the situation and really confusing yourself more than you need to. If JR is the husband you want him to be now, then don't punish him for that, and if you've forgiven him for his past mistakes, then really forgive him and move on, don't use it as a weapon against him."
"Of course, I could be completely off in my assessment of your thoughts, because I'm not you and I don't know exactly what's going on in your mind, but you asked for my perspective and opinion, so I'm giving it to you. I do have to say though, as I just said, I don't know exactly what you're thinking, and I'll openly admit that sometimes it takes a bit of guessing and piecing together information to come up with a response, so I don't think it's crazy for JR to be frustrated by this situation, you'd both probably benefit from clearer communication."
"I don't think the doctor's idea is such a bad one; write down your feelings and insecurities, write down what it is that's bothering you. Why do you feel hurt by events that you've supposedly moved on from? What exactly do you want JR to tell you? What can he say that will fix the situation and allow you to both move on with your lives? Is that even what you want? Do you actually want to forgive him and start afresh? Do you want a more detailed answer as to why you weren't enough for him? Was his answer relating to your miscommunication about ladylike behaviour and activities that were 'beneath' a lady not enough for you? Are there other things you want to know? Does he still battle with the temptation of other women? What stops him from being unfaithful? Why is he different now than he was before? Is he just acting the way he is because he knows he'll never be able to get away with it again and it will cost him his family if he does stray, or is he acting this way because he truly understands how wrong he was and has changed his entire perspective on life and marriage? Is he happy with the way things are now? Are you happy? Apart from this recent conversation with your therapist, has there been anything in your life that's reminded you of the bad times? When you think about how you were back then compared to how you are now, how do you see yourself as different or the same? What do you want for the future?"
"I think your feelings are perfectly valid and there's no shame in being confused, but I also think you really need to start sorting through your feelings and being honest with what you want and expect from JR. As I said before, I don't condone or expect you to like any of his past actions, but I do think you need to consider your feelings about whether they are the past him or the present him. I think giving him a little credit to acknowledge how much he has changed would probably be nice, for both of you. Right now, I don't think the lack of meaningful communication is doing either of you any good, but I don't think your marriage is a lost cause. You two have been through so much and you both understand each other a hell of a lot better now than you did in the past, but you're not perfect and it's not easy, but it is possible and I think some of the methods your therapist suggested are probably good ideas. You're my friend and I know I've said it before, so it may seem hollow, but I really do care about you and want the best for you, so I'm not going to lie to you and tell you things that I don't think will help the situation. Please, take everything I say as a sign that I care for you, not because I'm trying to hurt you, because that's the truth. I want you to be happy and I was thrilled that you had finally found happiness with JR these past few months, so I really want to help you regain that position in life and I think you can, as long as you're proactive, reflective and communicative". Hoping that Sue Ellen was listening and understood her intention in being honest and blunt wasn't to hurt her but to encourage her and give her a realistic perspective on the situation, Paula then waited for an answer, and as she watched Sue Ellen contemplate the situation and then smile weakly, she knew things were on the right track.
To be continued…