Dallas, Texas

Arriving home to Southfork on Friday evening, JR was genuinely surprised when he spotted Sue Ellen and John Ross standing outside on the patio waiting for him. After their discussion yesterday and their lack of clarity in their meeting with Doctor Williams today, he hadn't been expecting to come home to such a normal, happy and loving situation, but now that he was, he wasn't complaining at all. Despite what the doctor, his wife, his family and everyone else that knew of him seemed to expect and believe, he actually did love Sue Ellen and his role as her husband and John Ross' father and seeing such a scene waiting for him when he returned home from work was wonderfully gratifying.

It bothered him that no one believed he could change and that everyone expected him to be the same insensitive, narrow-minded asshole he had been in his early marriage, because he wasn't and the lack of confidence everyone had in him really didn't help the moments where he did have thoughts reminiscent of the old him. Things were different now, he was different now, and he really wanted other people to understand that, but it seemed that no matter how insistent he was or how well he behaved, everyone always expected him to revert to his previous personality and demeanour and appeared to distrust that the recent changes in his life were actually real or permanent. It didn't matter that he was still the excellent, sometimes ruthless, businessman he'd always been and he still held the power and control of wealth he'd always held; people still seemed to find something suspicious about his behaviour now, because at the heart of it, it seemed that JR Ewing being monogamous was cause for suspicion and wariness. Of course, no one really said anything to his face and with Bobby in the business, he didn't need to attend as many social events as he had in the past, so his opportunities for judgement and belief were naturally less, but he could tell that where he'd previously held a lot of clout, his influence was slightly diminished now. That being said, although it was a little harder to negotiate and make deals using his methods, because as he no longer partook in enjoying the things that his hired women offered, people were more wary and suspicious of his motives, he was still a smooth enough talker that he hadn't lost the ability to make and secure deals. Overall though, the majority of his dealings in business now were of the lunch and office meeting kind rather than the parties, hookers and blackmail kind, so his exposure that side of life was limited, and while he never would've guessed it, he actually liked it that way, for the most part at least.

His father was obviously happy enough with his performance too, because even if it had been a reluctant agreement, he'd still promised and legally pledged Ewing Oil to him and seemed to be pleased with the situation as it was; he was pleased to have each of his sons on a good path in life. Even still though, JR wasn't naïve, he knew that people talked and judged and he knew that people's opinions of him had changed over the past year, and not necessarily all in a good way. It was a complicated situation, because he enjoyed the benefits way his reputation preceded him in some aspects, but not in others, at least not anymore. He was working on changing and rebranding himself though, he just wished others would take to his new personality and positive life changes as they were happening, not sit back and stare at his efforts to be a better husband with disbelief and doubt. He wanted his reputation as a strong, serious, brilliant businessman to remain, but if he had it his way, he'd rather the world forgot about his philandering and other personal misdeeds. For now, things were ok, but he had goals and hopes he wished to achieve, things that would be much easier to convince people of if he had his wife by his side, not by force or obligation, but because she truly loved and wanted to be with him. After the past few days of rocky relations between he and Sue Ellen, his confidence had begun to diminish, but now, seeing how happy both Sue Ellen and John Ross were that he was home, he suddenly felt a little better and his hope for a good, happy future began to return.

"Da!" hearing John Ross verbally acknowledge his presence and seeing him squirming in Sue Ellen's arms, JR's mood brightened. He'd always wanted a son because he was expected to have a son, but now that he had one, he realised there was so much more to being a father than simply having someone to carry on the Ewing name. He'd never known he was capable of giving and receiving so much familial love and now that he had experienced it, he never wanted to lose it. The love he had for Sue Ellen was completely different to the love he had for John Ross, but they were both equally as important to him and he wasn't interested in returning to a life of shallow, momentary pleasure; he liked giving and receiving love, there was nothing more appealing or pleasurable. Looking at Sue Ellen, he received small, but genuine smile, causing him to feel wholly confused; she looked both happy and concerned and he didn't really understand why. What he did know for sure though was the doctor was right; they couldn't keep doing what they were doing; they had to talk, properly, because their miscommunication and assumptions of each other's feelings without actual evidence was causing more problems than it was solving. Even now that was the case, because after grappling all day with trying to understand what exactly it was that she wanted from him, what it was that would allow her to stop seeing him as the man he had been in the past, he really didn't have the answers. He didn't know what she was thinking and her lack of verbalisation of her thoughts was frustrating, as was her sudden change in attitude toward him. He was confused, she was confused and as the hours, days, weeks and months passed that they held their feelings inside them, acting as if everything was ok on the outside, but inside, allowing their resentment to grow, the end result would not be good. No, the doctor was right, they needed to talk properly: honestly and openly, and they would, tonight, whether she wanted to or not.

Earlier in the day, he had done exactly what the doctor had told him to do, he had written down all of his current feelings, past feelings and reasons for his actions and then most importantly, what he wanted and what he saw for their future together. He'd been reluctant to do it, because the idea of being so emotionally expressive, especially on paper, didn't really appeal to him, especially when it related to old, tired topics, however, after doing it, he understood why the doctor had recommended it and why people found it freeing. Writing everything down had given him a place to put all of his thoughts and a space to arrange them in a way that wasn't a confusing mess. He had answers and he wanted to share them with Sue Ellen; he wanted to help her understand him and he wanted to understand her, so he really hoped she'd taken their task as seriously as he had, because he was ready, ready to get everything out in the open and ready to move on from their turbulent past. "There's my boy", opening his arms as he reached his wife and son, he temporarily shelved his thoughts and focused on the present event, because right now, that was the most important thing happening.

To be continued…