Dallas, Texas

Watching JR as he gently closed the door to John Ross' nursery, Sue Ellen's stomach flipped. It was time, time for their talk, and for the first time in a long time, she was very nervous to be alone with her husband. She had made her list, she had written out and attempted to organize her thoughts, feelings, questions, expectations, and she had to admit that both Paula and Doctor Williams had been right, it was freeing and helpful to get it all out of her head and down on paper. She suspected that the identifying and recording of her thoughts was the easy part of the task though and the hard part was yet to come; she still needed to actually communicate her thoughts to JR, hopefully without making things worse. Surprisingly, JR had seemed more receptive to the idea of talking than she had expected him to, especially after their past two discussions had turned into disagreements and emphasised their frustrations at the situation they were in. On one hand, she was annoyed with Doctor Williams for bringing everything back into her mind, because she had been extremely happy with the way their lives had been going these past few weeks and months, and she could have happily kept going on that path, she liked that path. On the other hand though, she understood what everyone was saying when they spoke about needing to get things out in the open, because it was true, she and JR did need to get to the bottom of their problems so that they could move beyond them once and for all.

Arriving home after work earlier in the evening, JR had made the decision that he and Sue Ellen would talk about their problems later on, whether she wanted to or not, so now, after following their usual routine and putting John Ross down for the night, it was time. Surprisingly, he hadn't actually had to ask her to make sure she was free to talk that evening, because before he could bring it up, she'd done it herself, she'd told him that she'd done a lot of thinking and writing and she was now more prepared to talk than she had been before. He wasn't really sure what to expect from their conversation, because if their previous ones were anything to go by, her thoughts were a jumbled mess, not unlike his own before he'd done a lot of thinking, but if she was requesting time alone for the two of them to talk, something must be clearer to her.

In the back of his mind, he was a little worried that perhaps her thinking had allowed her to come to a conclusion that he probably deserved, or at least the old him did; perhaps she had thought about it and decided that enough was enough and with their circle of problems, permanent separation was the best option for them. He didn't know what he would do if she wanted a divorce, because that's the last think he wanted and he hoped that it was the last thing the man he was now deserved. He couldn't deny that the old him probably did deserve it though, she had stayed far too long with him and although he loved her for doing so, he also felt sorry for her having to make that decision and live in the situation she'd chosen. He was now a different man to the one who she had shockingly discovered existed underneath his loving, faithful façade. He was a different man to the one she had run off to Austin to get away from, and he was a different man to the one who had tried to force her back into his life by cutting off her access to financial support. He knew it, she knew it, everyone knew it; he had been a terrible excuse for a husband and she had been both a wonderful and stupid woman to stay around while he made a mockery of their wedding vows. What they both knew too though was that there had been two huge reasons why she had stayed, why she had forgiven him, why she had given him more chances than he deserved and why she was with him now; simply put, she loved him and love was blind. There had been other motivations for her staying, social, financial and familial security being just a few, but mostly, she had given JR chance after chance because she loved him and she truly wanted the best for their marriage. It had taken JR a long time to finally get his act together, and he couldn't and would probably never be perfect, but now, finally, after just over two and a half years of marriage, he was certain that everything could and would work out successfully.

Opening the door to their bedroom, JR waited for Sue Ellen to enter in front of him, and as she did so, he appreciated her appearance. Silently, he hoped that their lifelong commitment to each other wouldn't be ending anytime soon, because he knew what he wanted, he wanted her, all of her, and no one else. If she didn't want him though, then he wasn't going to force her to stay, he wouldn't force her into a life she didn't want. She hadn't actually really given him any indication that she was on the brink of leaving him, but after the past few conversations they'd had and her vague talk of thinking and deciding what she wanted, he knew he had to prepare himself for anything. He had to be ready to react as the man he wanted to be and believed he had developed into, not revert to his old, controlling and domineering demeanour. Watching her as she walked over to her nightstand, opened a drawer and removed a small notepad, he was surprised when she spoke as she turned and walked toward him. "Do you think perhaps we could talk somewhere less intimate? I did a lot of thinking and writing and I really mean it, I want to talk, we need to talk, but if we can, I think perhaps somewhere other than our bedroom is a better idea". She didn't really explain why she wanted to get out of the bedroom, but JR wasn't stupid, when she said she wanted to talk, she meant just that, talk; a rushed conversation, brushed over feelings and then inevitable make-up sex was not what she had planned and she was taking precautions to ensure they did talk properly before anything else. Nodding, JR mumbled a few words of agreement, walked over to his attaché case, retrieved his own notes and then motioned toward the door, "after you". Watching her as she moved in front of him, his thoughts were confirmed; he loved her and he wanted her, and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure she understood that and agreed with him.

To be continued…