Dallas, Texas

Feeling a mixture of embarrassment and relief, Sue Ellen was silent for a moment before looking at JR and quietly thanking him and reiterating her love for him. Falling back into another silence, she then looked down at her notepad to assist her in working out what she wanted to say next, though as she attempted to read, her vision became blurry as tears welled in her eyes. She was thrilled that JR had just confirmed his feelings for her and his commitment to their marriage, but as well as that, he'd also confirmed that a large part of why he was content with their marriage now was because of their physical relationship. She was twenty five, not old at all, but certainly not the young, fresh-faced college girl and pageant queen she had been when he'd first met her, and even back then, he'd felt the need to seek other women. She believed him when he said his selfish, entitled attitude as well as his opinion on what was proper had been the factors that contributed the most to his unfaithful actions, however, she also had an inkling that perhaps it was just him acting on his natural urges; if he saw pretty women and wanted them, then he had them. For now, she was enough for him, because she was a beautiful, young, former pageant queen who freely participated and enjoyed participating in the things that excited him, but who was to say that he would be pleased with her forever?

JR was almost eight years older than she was and from what she could tell, apart from his former fling with Julie, he had no interest in women closer to his own age; he liked younger women and that was fine, for now, because she was relatively young herself, but what about the future? If in his thirties, his eye was for women in their twenties, what would happen when she reached her thirties? What would happen in the decades beyond that? She was beautiful and took good care of herself, but she would never again be as fresh-faced and supple-skinned as a twenty year old. Her mother had made sure she knew what even just a little bit of age did to a woman's chances of finding a good husband, finding work within the modelling industry and just in general, how she was viewed by other women, and the moral of those 'lessons' hadn't been pretty or positive. Why she listened to her mother was a mystery, because Patricia was an unhappy, unmarried, middle class woman who spouted judgemental nonsense most of the time, so what authority she actually had to give advice on the things she did was fairly non-existent, however the base ideas of what she had drummed into Sue Ellen's mind weren't entirely unbelievable. JR was happy with her now; he was committed and engaged in their marriage and believed that their future together would be wonderful and fulfilling, she understood and believed that now, but instead of bringing her instant relief, it simply moved her worries further into the future. Would he still be interested in her when she was fifty? Or sixty? Or beyond that? Was he committed to growing older together and staying together like his parents had? Was he prepared to allow time and natural aging to change the way they expressed their physical love for each other? It was probably a shallow, trivial thing to wonder about, but she did and she needed to know that he had thought about it and still felt the same way. Of course, JR wasn't aware that that's what she needed and wanted reassurance about, because instead of verbalising it, she simply wept, first starting out softly and attempting to hide it, but then as she was unable to, sobbing more heavily, eventually ending up in a familiar, comforting position.

As he watched his wife silently dissolve from strong, demanding woman into a sad, emotionally damaged young lady, JR felt terrible; he was one of the main reasons why emotional distress was such a common thing in her life and it was both upsetting and confronting for him to see how his actions had affected her. He didn't know exactly what it was that he'd said to make her react this way right now, but he knew it had to have been something related to his previous speech and that was enough for him to blame himself. He was a changed man and he was committed to remaining that way and doing right by her now, but that commitment obviously didn't just automatically rid their relationship of its previous issues. He had been frustrated that no one seemed to believe his change was real and everyone seemed to expect him to revert to his old self at any time, however, he understood it now; it was obvious that his actions had had a huge impact on Sue Ellen's perception, and the healing process wasn't going to be quick.

Naturally assuming the role of comforter as she began to cry, he didn't say anything, but did everything he knew how to to show her that he was there and she wasn't alone. Judging from the length of the list on her notepad and from the things he knew were on his that they hadn't gotten anywhere near discussing yet, he knew their overall discussion wasn't over, but their discussion for the moment certainly was. It was ok with him though, because although he felt awful that she was most likely crying because she'd remembered something he'd done to her in the past, he couldn't help but feel pleased that she was seeking comfort from him instead of lashing out at him by slapping him or something similar. They had so much to say to each other and clearly he needed to keep making an effort when it came to showing her how different he was, because she was probably uncertain again about whether he was serious, however, he had no problem doing that. He hadn't been lying or faking it the past few months and he hadn't been lying earlier in the evening when he'd verbalised his thoughts and motivations; he'd seen the error of his ways and he was changing, but naturally, after the way he'd acted in the past, it wasn't an easy thing to suddenly begin believing. Instead of getting angry or upset about that disbelief though, he would instead do exactly what he was insisting he was capable of and willing to do and what he had been doing; he would act like the husband she deserved, the husband she wanted. Hopefully, after a while, things would naturally grow and she would begin to understand just how serious he was.

To be continued…