Dallas, Texas

"…because, in the past, his actions have really hurt me…" looking at Doctor Williams as she spoke, Sue Ellen's sentence was cut off by his hand gently motioning toward JR; "don't tell me, tell JR". Turning her body slightly, she then redirected her attention toward her husband and paused for a moment as she collected her thoughts. She had done a lot of thinking over the past week, but nothing had cleared her mind more than their visit to their new home. It was silly to put so much energy into mentally reliving and analysing the past, because no matter how hard she tried, it had happened and nothing could change that. What she and JR could change though was their future; if she would just give him a chance, their life circumstances had all the makings of a happy future. She needed to get everything out in the open, but once she did and once she was satisfied that JR's apologies and changes were honest and real, she then needed to forgive him and move on. It was absolutely useless to hold so much against him all while pretending to have forgiven him; doing that would only lead to overreactions and eventual deep resentment. No, she needed to say her piece, accept his word if that's how she truly felt and then move on; it was the only way they had any chance of making their marriage work.

"Our past has had a lasting impact on me, so it's hard for me to just accept things without first analysing them and questioning them. Sometimes I feel like we've done this too many times before and had it go bad, so this time can't be any different. I want it to be different and I believe it will be different, but it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to get to that place of acceptance in my mind now. The first time you admitted to being with another woman, when we were first dating, I was upset, but you genuinely seemed to be distraught that you had done something like that, so when you apologised and promised it would never happen again, I believed you and forgave you. That wasn't the end of it though and months later, I found out that you and Julie had a much more intimate relationship than what you'd led me to believe. At that point, I probably should have been firmer in my position; I left you for a time, but you managed to sweet-talk your way back into my life. I knew we hadn't really figured anything out, but I was so in love with you that I didn't care and I didn't want to listen to anyone who gently reminded me that perhaps accepting your word at face value wasn't the brightest idea".

"Skip forward a few more months and things were back to being wonderful again, but for some reason, despite it really being time, you couldn't or wouldn't commit to making our relationship more permanent and serious. I don't know if I ever told you, but I had so many worries and fears during those months after graduation, after losing the Miss America pageant and after my job with the magazine ended; I was nothing and no one and I couldn't understand why you didn't want to give me something permanent. I don't know if I really want to know, because I think I know the answer, but at times I couldn't help but wonder if our entire marriage was some strange series of events that possibly should've never happened. I don't mean that now, because I love you so much and even with everything that's happened to us, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else or living my life with anyone else, but I do wonder if perhaps although I was so sure marriage was the next step for us at the time, perhaps it wasn't. I think we could have avoided a lot of heartache if I had been stronger and voiced my opinion louder, and I do regret that I didn't, but I can't change my past, just like you can't change yours, so there's no point in getting upset with myself for not being stronger. All I can do is learn from that experience".

"You've said in the past that your infidelity wasn't something that was regular and although it's some comfort, I do still think it's stupid for you to have even thought any unfaithfulness was an acceptable amount, because in a committed relationship, it's not. However, as we have discussed and decided before, it's in the past and we can't change the past. I believe you have changed now and I believe we have moved on from the main reasons why your infidelity occurred in the first place, so if you are honestly telling me it will never happen again, then I forgive you and I promise that I truly mean that. I know I have a part in the situation currently and it's not fair for me to repeatedly bring up old issues, especially not as a form of punishment. I admit that in the past, I held some resentment toward you even after we'd told each other that we were in a better place, but now that I am here, in my mind, I know that in the past, I wasn't completely in that frame of mind, but I am now and I'm ready to move on. I hope you can forgive me for being so up and down in the past; I know now that I wasn't as right as I'd originally thought".

Speaking directly to JR, as if Doctor Williams wasn't there, Sue Ellen covered her main thoughts regarding infidelity and her worries in their early relationship. She felt the need to return to that time in their relationship because despite having discussed extensively the infidelity that had taken place within their marriage, they had never really gone back further than that. Staying quiet for a moment as she watched JR processing what she was saying, she was pleased and unsurprised when he gave her a small smile, a nod and then responded to her long admission with a quiet, "you know I can and I do. I told you, I love you and I'm not interested in life without you". Smiling to herself as she heard his response, she thought back to a thought she'd had many times in the past; not many people understood or would believe that JR had a tender, emotional side, but he did and she was so glad that she was one of the few people that got to experience that part of him.

Watching and listening as Sue Ellen laid out some of her past feelings, Doctor Williams nodded to himself, but remained quiet; he wasn't going to ruin the atmosphere by interfering, at least not until it was necessary. There were still a few things Sue Ellen needed to get out in the open, but they were on the right track and he was very pleased with the way things were going.

Clearing his throat, JR broke the brief silence they had fallen into. "I'm sorry, I truly am. I know I hurt you and I know it's a challenge for you to move past the insecurities that have been introduced into your mind because of your relationship with me. Because of that, I know now why you previously asked me to put Bobby back into Ewing Oil. I have reasons separate from our marriage as to why I really don't want to and don't believe I will ever want to do that, so please understand that. That being said though, I know where you're coming from and I want you to feel happy and secure, so I'm open to exploring various options when it comes to the work Bobby does. I honestly don't believe that I would fall back into the way I was before, even if I was put in the same situations, however, I also see why you are wary about me taking that chance. It won't be happening for years anyway, because as long as daddy is president, Bobby will be employed by Ewing Oil, however, as I'm not as young as I once was and I have a full and satisfying home life now, I don't think I even want his job anymore. I don't miss that life, so if I have to find a way to still achieve the things Bobby does, without having Bobby or I doing them, then I will, because my life with you and John Ross means more to me than the brief, meaningless, phony interactions that are so common in that job. I'm sure I'm probably not making a lot of sense right now, but in short, what I'm trying to say is thank you for giving me another opportunity to prove myself. I won't let you down. I promise". It had taken him a long time to realise it, but there came a time in a man's life where certain things just weren't appealing anymore. It was fine for Bobby to be young and a little immature in his wants and actions, but that lifestyle wasn't supposed to be permanent and after a while, that lifestyle didn't hold the same appeal as it had in the past. It was difficult to explain, but he liked the life he and Sue Ellen had managed to make for themselves and he was ready for them to both settle down and start living as if that life was their natural and normal existence, not some fleeting situation that would soon disappear.

To be continued…