Dallas, Texas

"Thank you for the flowers, they're beautiful", giving JR a soft kiss as he greeted her, Patricia and John Ross outside on the driveway, Sue Ellen then looked into his eyes and silently communicated that she really meant what she was saying. If they had been alone, she would have elaborated and told him just how nice it was to be reminded of the good things and people in her life, especially on days like the one she had had. As they weren't alone though, she stayed quiet and gave him a look as if to say she had a lot to tell him and would explain everything later. Mentally, she also knew that if they had been completely alone, she probably would've made a comment about rewarding him for being such a thoughtful husband, though since they weren't alone, that one was absolutely out of the question; they were more relaxed and open now, but they still had some sense of conservatism and respect for other people. Lucy's various comments over the past few months and the rest of the family's silence and lack of serious reprimand had told her everything she needed to know; the family were pleased she and JR were happy together, but they didn't want to be reminded of exactly how happy and in love they were.

Her mother was probably no different; with the way things had been in the Shepard household growing up, Sue Ellen sometimes still felt like a rebellious teenager when it came to showing her husband any affection at all in when her mother was present. Patricia and Sue Ellen had never really spoken about anything intimate except for the many talks pre-marriage that reinforced the idea that the deepest shows of intimacy was meant for marriage and girls that allowed anything more than kissing pre-marriage were putting themselves and their futures at risk and were actively aiming to diminish their social value. Things had changed a little when Sue Ellen had become an engaged woman, though they hadn't changed that much, because before her wedding, Patricia had sat her down and given a speech that focused on the mechanics of the carnal act and centred around the idea that it was her duty as a wife to do as her husband asked. At no point was it really expected that she would actually enjoy or have any say in how things were between she and JR, and for a long time, that's exactly how things were. She hadn't had any complaints about their sex-life initially, because going in unsure what to expect, what she got was pretty great, however, after a while, she began to sense and find out that JR wanted and needed more, and before their talk earlier in the year, she had only ever received brief indications of what that 'more' was. Their intimacy issues were behind them now and she hoped that once and for all, their infidelity issues were also a thing of the past now, but at times, the scars of her past experiences did make themselves known. Now was one of those times, because although she wasn't doing anything wrong, her actions and subsequent thought process had somehow led her to remembering a number of things from the past and in turn, becoming consciously aware of how her behaviour would appear to other people. Before she could really overanalyse the situation though, JR took control of the conversation and quickly redirected her attention back to the present.

"You're welcome darlin'", giving his wife a look that matched her level of mischievousness and understanding that more would come when they were alone, he then turned to his attention to his son and taking hold of him as Sue Ellen handed him over to him, he bounced him in his arms a few times. Delighted by his son's squeals, he didn't particularly care if he looked the furthest from his public image of hard businessman, especially since the only other person seeing him like that was his mother-in-law. Turning toward Patricia, he nodded politely and spoke in a tone that matched, "Patricia, nice to have you back again. I hope your visit has been enjoyable so far"; he had no real desire to know about her day or to engage in a long conversation with her, but he wasn't going to be rude or inconsiderate and ignore her, so he did the adult thing and put aside his general feelings about her. Whether he liked it or not, she was an invited guest at Southfork and unfortunately, although Sue Ellen tried hard, a lot of the time it just so happened that her happiness and good or bad mood depended on her mother's attitude, so if he could keep Patricia happy, he was doing his relationship with Sue Ellen a service too.

"Yes, it has, thank you", responding to JR's question in an equally polite tone, Patricia was well aware of how false they were both being, however, for similar reasons to JR's motivations, as well as her own want for a future with her grandson, she didn't argue with the way things were. Sue Ellen hadn't been particularly kind to her earlier in the day, but for all the unpleasant things she had said, she probably also had a small point. For now, she could accept Sue Ellen's request to agree to disagree, because in doing so, she didn't have to accept anything more than that their opinions differed; there was no need for her to acknowledge her wrongdoings or apologise for the past, so for the moment, she was ok with that. "Good, shall we head inside?" hearing JR speak again, her eyes followed the line of his hand and then subconsciously, she did exactly as JR and Sue Ellen were doing and walked inside the house.

A few minutes later, after talking briefly and then mentioning needing to get ready for dinner, JR and Sue Ellen headed upstairs together, leaving John Ross with Lucy and Muriel for a little while and giving Patricia a bit of time to herself too. Observing her daughter and son-in-law as they walked through the house and upstairs together, Patricia's confusion and jealousy over the whole situation grew a little more. It wasn't enough that Sue Ellen was confident, comfortable and happy with her life, now JR appeared to be too, and as odd as it struck her that JR Ewing was acting so family-oriented and relaxed, it also seemed extremely natural and authentic and for that, she was jealous. It was crazy, because in essence, Sue Ellen had everything and more that she had taught her to want and pursue, but to see that instead of just settling for the checkbox version of the 'ideal' life, she had worked harder and ended up living a life where love was present too. It made Patricia feel left out and unneeded. Why was it that her lessons had worked for Sue Ellen, but not for herself? Why was it that her daughter seemed so insistent on denying that anything she had done for her had actually assisted her in achieving the life she now had?

Sighing to herself as she walked down the hall to the guest bedroom, she knew her thoughts were at least a little bit unfair and silly, but something Sue Ellen had said earlier had stuck in her mind; her thoughts, feelings and opinions were also valid. She was allowed to feel the way she felt and Sue Ellen was allowed to feel how she felt, neither of them had to be right or wrong, though if she was being honest with herself, her own feelings right now probably weren't 'right' and probably did seem a bit crazy. For the first time in a long time, her daughter had been honest with her about how she felt and how she had felt in the past, and instead of processing her thoughts and taking them on-board, she had simply listened and agreed for the sake of peacekeeping, not because she really agreed or understood her perspective. As well as that, instead of taking on the main messages Sue Ellen had been trying to tell her, she had allowed her thoughts and feelings to wander toward something completely different. Jealousy over JR and Sue Ellen's situation and continued hostility toward the way they treated her, which if she considered it honestly, was a result of her own actions, probably wasn't the way to get herself back to where she wanted to be. Perhaps Sue Ellen had a point when she said they couldn't change the past, but they could change the future, if they worked on changing their behaviour and attitude toward each other.

To be continued…