Dallas, Texas

Raising an eyebrow as Sue Ellen spoke, Patricia's thoughts moved rapidly. "…and JR allows this? He doesn't object to you telling a stranger about your life and your feelings? Surely he inevitably factors into your stories somewhere, just as I apparently do so very often, and surely he doesn't just enjoy that knowledge, I know I don't". Taking advantage of a brief pause in Sue Ellen's explanation, she spoke and quickly made her initial thoughts known. She could somewhat understand Sue Ellen's desire to have someone to talk to openly, however, what she didn't understand was why JR hadn't shut the situation down yet. JR Ewing didn't strike her as the type of man who enjoyed other people knowing his business, especially not other men, and especially not a man who was paid to sit and judge the situation. From the little she had heard about Sue Ellen's efforts in therapy so far, it sounded as if she was ready to talk, and if their own personal history was anything to go by, when Sue Ellen got talking, she could really talk, and her talk often consisted of a lot of blaming others for the way her life was. Was JR really not bothered by his wife telling a stranger about their marriage? Even if it was a good marriage, which she suspected at times it hadn't been, she didn't understand JR's thinking if he did just allow his wife to tell the details of their life together to someone who was there to analyse and give 'answers'.

For her personally, she hated the idea of this Doctor Williams judging her parenting abilities and past choices, especially since the way Sue Ellen retold stories was extremely biased. Her daughter loved to say she was doing the best for John Ross and she loved to make it seem as if she acknowledged that her mother had done the same for her, but Patricia knew that deep down, Sue Ellen feelings weren't that simple and weren't that accepting. No, Sue Ellen blamed her for almost everything that had gone wrong in her life and never gave her credit where it was due. There were things she was responsible for and things for which Sue Ellen had no one but herself to blame, however, in life, there were also things that were no one's fault, they just were, but sometimes Sue Ellen didn't seem to understand that.

Patricia couldn't say she was disappointed or upset by her daughter's personal development, because she did seem happy, healthy and content with her life, however, it would be a lie to say she agreed or liked the way Sue Ellen appeared to have achieved her new life. Sue Ellen had the right to feel as if their relationship hadn't been ideal and could have been better, but did she really have the right to go around telling people that their relationship was directly linked to why she had so many issues as an adult? At some point, Sue Ellen was her own person, whether Patricia wanted her to be or not, and at that point, she couldn't blame her childhood for everything; she had to take responsibility for her own behaviour, thoughts, actions and overall life. As she loved to remind her mother, she was an adult; what Patricia felt like reminding her though was that if she was an adult, not Patricia's child, then she couldn't blame her mother for everything that went wrong, not anymore anyway.

Almost rolling her eyes as her mother reverted to her very traditional, conservative way of thinking, Sue Ellen managed to supress her urge and then responded in a polite but also somewhat passive aggressive tone. "Well, it's not like that, and even if it was, this whole experience has taught me that I'm above taking orders on such a personal level. I am an adult and I am perfectly capable and within my rights as a free person to make decisions about who I see and why I see them. JR doesn't control me or have the authority to allow or disallow me to do things; we both know and understand that, so it's really not a problem. When we were dating, things were different and I didn't know any better, so I allowed him to have a great deal of say in my life, but now, I make my own decisions and although most of the time I do the mature thing and include him in those decisions, there are times where I don't follow his lead. To answer your question though, yes, JR 'allows' me to see Doctor Williams, in fact, he's quite encouraging now that he sees how different things are and can be. Contrary to what you seem to think, my attending therapy isn't just so I can have someone to complain to and garner sympathy from and even if it was, Doctor Williams just isn't like that, he's more interested in self-improvement than he is in self-pity. I am trying to move on from the scars of my past, and so far, I think I'm doing well, and so does JR."

"As for telling our personal business to a stranger, Doctor Williams is only a stranger in the sense that before this, I didn't know him. I feel very comfortable around him now that I've known him for a while though, and since he's a doctor and bound by a code of ethics, as well as full knowledge that JR wouldn't hesitate to ruin him if anything I told him in confidence was leaked, I trust him completely. I know it's hard for you to understand, because the way things have always been with us, it seems unnatural to tell other people about private issues, however, I really would like you to trust and support me right now, because my actions and my telling you about my actions are only done with good intentions. I want my life to improve and I'm actively trying to make sure that happens. I have JR on my side, supporting and encouraging me in my personal progress, and actively participating in improving our marriage. I would like for me and you to have the same opportunity. Please listen to me and take what I'm saying seriously; I only want the best for myself and for my relationships with other people. I promise, Doctor Williams isn't judgemental about things; he's very helpful and often sees things from an entirely different perspective to my own. That's why he's so helpful; he's allowing me to see the world in a different way, and it's been difficult and challenging, but also fascinating and rewarding".

Deciding partway through her response that she didn't want to come off sounding too hostile, she calmed herself and allowed her vulnerability to show again. She had barely told her mother any details and already she hated the idea of anyone else knowing about their personal history, however, for whatever reason, Sue Ellen sensed that all was not lost and if she was able to get JR to see things from a different perspective, perhaps she could improve her relationship with her mother too. Before she did anything though, she wanted to make sure her mother understood the basics of what and why she felt the way she did, about therapy and about the actual reasons why she needed therapy. She was well aware that her mother would never want to actually participate in therapy with her, and she wasn't sure she wanted her to anyway, however, there was no harm in sharing some of Doctor Williams' wisdom. She was getting ahead of herself though; she had to get her mother to a point of calmness and understanding before she could explain anything more.

To be continued…