Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII
Thanks to Sunflowerspot for your review! (Even though it was two chapters ago...Sorry...)
Sorry it took me a while to update! I've had crazy exams. But here we are, finally. Enjoy!
050. Flower
White Tulips
13/6/12
When will you be home?
Everyday I wait here, in this drab looking bar, for your return. You've gone to see her again, haven't you? You always do. Will you chose a memory over us? Will you leave us for our deceased friend? That's what she is Cloud - she is gone. And she's not coming back. I don't want to sound callous or uncaring, but it's true. It's best we all remembered that she isn't returning sometimes. Even the peppy ninja becomes quiet at the sound of her name.
Come home Cloud, you promised me on that day ten years ago that you'd protect me if you needed me. I need you Cloud. We all do.
You spend all of your time in the church now there's flowers there again, because you say they remind her of you. But what about the rest of us? What about Marlene and Denzel who you said you'd take care of who're now without a dad because you left them! It's not fair Cloud; it's not fair on them, on me, on anyone. I have to stay here alone, taking care of two children and running a busy bar.
What makes it exponentially worse is that I love you too much to try and let go. If I were stronger, I would've left you when you first chose her over us. But I couldn't. I hold out hope for the day you'll come back to us and you're finally able to leave her in the past. It's where she belongs. Even Barrett has told me that it's time to give up, and you know how against giving up Barrett is! It's been a year already since the Geostigma outbreak, and you were back to the weak old church within a week. I thought that you'd finally be able to leave her in the past after that, you finally smiled. I guess that things will never change. I'm sorry Aerith. I'm sorry that Cloud has to get between my memory of you and me.
20/6/12
You're home. I don't know why, or what the sudden urgency that was painted on your face was, but your home, you were carrying white and yellow tulips with you, and presented them to me, like you used to with lilies, my favourite, when we were younger. I'm not quite sure what you wanted, you knew that I knew they were from her church. But then again, I can't have expected anything else; you're home and that's all I care about. Marlene was over the moon about it - she was so happy when you said how pretty she become over the past year - and Denzel could barely sit still. He's missed having you around, he hasn't liked being in a house with just girls much.
Despite how happy I am that you're back, I can't help but have this lingering worry in the back of my mind. Are you going to stay? Please don't leave me Cloud, not again.
27/6/12
You left. You said you couldn't stay.
You left me again, Cloud, and my anger wants you to never come back again. So does every rational voice in my head, apart from the loudest which says 'I love you'. I can't believe you left me again. You left us again.
30/6/12
You're still not back. Why am I not surprised? You'll still be at her church, won't you? Every time you do this, it makes me resent Aerith that little bit more, and I hate that because it tarnishes the memory of her. I'm sorry Aerith, I'm sorry that he has to be so... Stupid!
28/7/12
So you finally decided to come back? I locked you out for a good hour after you came knocking on the door - you'd left your keys last time - and even though I felt awful for Marlene and Denzel, I just couldn't let you in. I had to lock you out, because I can't take your going backwards and forwards all the time. It's not fair, not to anyone.
Marlene and Denzel were less happy to see you this time. I hope they're not catching on to how awful you make me feel. If I loved you just a little bit less, then I'd be living in happiness - probably with someone else - by now. I'm twenty six and only getting older, even Yuffie's married by now! To Vincent, granted, but what does that say about us if a man who locked himself in a coffin for years can get married to Yuffie of all people, before you can at least stay in one place?
It's not fair Cloud. I let you in anyway, because I had to - for Marlene and Denzel - but I kept my distance none the less.
I found white and yellow tulips in a vase on my desk this morning. Her white and yellow tuplis. How long will you stay for this time?
4/8/12
You're still here. You've been here a week. You said sorry almost a thousand times over, and you've promised that you're here to stay this time. I'll give it another week. At least Marlene and Denzel are happier now.
18/8/12
You stayed. You really stayed. I was unsure for the first week, but then you really did stay all of that week, and this one too. It's baby steps, but it's progress, and I'm happier than I've ever been. You haven't brought me anymore tulips, but lilies once a week from the shop two streets away. And you actually smile now too. What happened the last time you went to her church? I would ask but... No, you wouldn't like that, would you? I'm curious, but for your sake, I'll keep quiet.
30/4/13
I don't have to worry about you leaving anymore, not much. And you don't feel like you have to promise me everyday that you won't leave. I'm happy now, and so are Marlene and Denzel. They're older now, 12 and 8, and happier too. I'm so glad. Marlene keeps teasing me about us getting married when she thinks you can't hear. But you can hear almost anything, what with those experiments... Let's forget them. Anyway, I caught you smiling one time. I hope I'm not getting excited for nothing, but then again I couldn't ask for much more than this. We're happy, and a family again. You chose us over a memory after all this time when I was sure you wouldn't. And you still bring me flowers, like you used to when we were younger.
White Tulips = one-sided love. I just think that's so fitting.
Well there we go; I'm kinda a fan of this diary lay out! Maybe I'll play with it more in the future. Please review if you'd like and follow for more. Thanks!