Derek Morgan knew what it felt like to be guilty, just for being alive. With his job, it was to be expected. Expect it, but don't let it destroy you. That's what Gideon told him.

For the first time in a while, he wished Gideon were here. The older man always seemed to be able to get through to Reid. Always had wise words or useful advice for the youngest agent on the team. But Gideon was gone, and Reid was... Well, Reid was struggling.

Reid only flicked him a bored glance as Morgan came at him with the medicated cream for his back wounds.

"Turn around,"

"I'm fine,"

"Doctor's orders,"

Reid slammed his book shut and shucked off his shirt, revealing the WHORE spelt out in his flesh. He turned around and Morgan took a moment to remember how to breath. The whip lashes were dark and heavy, but Spencer didn't even seem to notice them unless Derek was applying the ointment to his wounds.

Spencer's flinch was whole body when Derek popped open the cap of the tube.

"It's okay, it's just me," Morgan reminded him.

"Hurry up,"

Morgan sat next to Reid on the couch and began applying the cream as gently as he could.

"You up for any visitors?" Morgan asked.

"Nope."

Morgan swallowed his disappointment, "Alright. They're worried about you,"

"I'm alive,"

Morgan, perhaps against his better judgement, reached up his clean hand and ran it through Spencer's hair. "You should brush this out,"

"I will,"

Making quick work, Morgan got up once he was finished and went to the spare bedroom, fishing a hair brush out of Reid's duffel bag and returning to him. Reid was in the same position as when Derek left him, staring out at nothing and clearly disassociating.

Morgan knew the symptoms of PTSD. So did Reid.

"Can I brush your hair?"

"I don't care what you do," Reid said, but then nodded quickly. He grabbed the shirt and put it back on, pulling it over himself and wrapping his arms around his torso protectively.

"You're allowed to say no, kid," Morgan reminded him.

"I know."

With that, Morgan got to work at detangling the bird's nest that sat atop Reid's head.

"If you're going to ask, just ask," Reid snapped.

"Ask what?"

"Why I didn't choose any of you instead,"

Morgan sighed and halted his motions for a few moments before speaking, "I already know the answer to that, kid. But I still don't like it,"

Reid wrung his hands out nervously, "Had to keep you all safe,"

"You did," Morgan whispered, "Now shut up and let me brush your hair,"

When Reid had nightmares, they were full body. He thrashed, he cried out. Morgan knew not to wake him; he would panic and try to run out of the room before collapsing on the ground and remembering that breathing was an essential part of living.

But it got damn hard when Spencer called out for him in his sleep, begging Derek to help. To make it stop.

"Spencer," Derek called his name loudly, "Spencer?"

Reid fell very still and opened his eyes. He avoided looking at Morgan, and instead trailed his glance to the lamp on the nightstand, "Can you turn the light off?"

"Thought you were afraid of the dark," Derek said, but did it anyways.

"I am,"

Derek blinked a few times against the dark and tried to understand but could not.

"Do you want me to stay or go?"

A word that sounded an awful lot like stay came from Reid's mouth, but it was too quiet for Morgan to quite catch, so he asked again.

"Stay, please. I don't want to be alone right now,"

That, in itself, was a tiny victory. Reid had a habit of pushing the team, of pushing Derek, away. In the dark, he heard Spencer scooting over to make room for him on the queen-sized bed, so Derek crawled inside, careful not to touch Spencer.

"Thanks," Spencer said softly.

"No problem, pretty boy,"

He could tell by Spencer's tense posture and irregular breathing that he didn't fall asleep again. Judging by the bags under his eyes the next morning, which were always there but heavier on that occasion, maybe he hadn't slept at all with Derek next to him. They got out of bed at the same time, and Derek made some coffee as Spencer went to take a shower.

Garcia, like she usually did, came into his house without knocking.

"Hey, I know you hate it when I don't knock but I figured that you don't have a girl over. And I know that you told us to stay away but-"

"Slow down, mama," Derek said, "You want some coffee?"

She shook her head and her dangly earrings bounced, "I'm already too nervous,"

She hadn't seen Reid since he left the hospital, and that was five days ago. Reid had been adamant about not wanting visitors, and the team knew well enough to respect his wishes. But they were all growing impatient, Garcia most of all.

You could spin it any way you wanted. JJ and Spencer were close, close enough to make Spencer the godfather of Henry, but Spencer and Garcia had a deep bond, almost like siblings.

"What's in the boxes?" Morgan nodded at the containers in her hands. One was a Tupperware box; the other was a bubblegum pink cardboard box. If he knew Garcia at all, they were most likely baked goods.

She set them down on the kitchen table and opened the pink box to reveal donuts, most of which were chocolate frosted with sprinkles. Reid's favorite.

The other were homemade cupcakes that Garcia probably baked when she was too anxious to sleep. They all had different means of dealing with insomnia. Spencer read, Hotch went over case files, Garcia baked.

"How's he doing?" Garcia asked.

"He's showering right now, but... Honestly, I'm not sure. How are you doing?"

"Every time I close my eyes, I see him getting beat," Garcia admitted.

"I know what you mean,"

Garcia gave a tiny laugh, "Reid told him to go to hell,"

"Kid never knows when to keep his mouth shut," Morgan said. Garcia's eyes widened as she looked at something behind Morgan. He turned his head to see Spencer in the doorway, hair dripping onto his sweater, eyeing the donuts.

"Hey, Reid," Garcia said softly.

"Please tell me those are for me,"

Garcia smiled and pushed the pink box towards Spencer, "Of course. Chocolate frosted with sprinkles,"

"My favorite," Reid said, brushing his hand along Morgan's arm as he passed him. It was the first time Morgan saw Reid eat, and not because he was forced to, since he got back from the hospital. Reid chewed and swallowed before asking, "When can I come back to work?"

"Another month. At least," Morgan said, "Don't push yourself, kid,"

Reid shrugged and took another bite, "I'm fine," He said as he chewed. Upon seeing the looks of disbelief from Morgan and Garcia, he added, "Really, guys. I'm fine,"

Neither of them believed him, and maybe Reid didn't believe it himself, but they didn't push the subject. Garcia left a little while later, patting Reid on the shoulder and hugging Morgan before retreating to her car outside.

Morgan returned his attention to Reid, and Reid shifted under the heavy gaze, "You have counseling today at four,"

"I'm not crazy,"

"Which is why it's a counselor and not a psychiatrist,"

Spencer huffed and complained until he was blue in the face, but it didn't matter. Because at three thirty Derek was ushering him out to the car and driving him to counseling.

"You want me to go in with you?" Derek asked once they arrived.

"Not really,"

"Alright, I'll be right out here,"

Spencer emerged from the stuffy office room an hour later with a tense posture and an angry face. Derek asked him about it, but Spencer flapped his hand dismissively in response.

"Should we find a new counselor?" Derek asked.

"I don't think it'll get any better," Spencer admitted, almost too quiet for Derek to hear.

Derek, unfortunately, knew that Spencer wasn't just talking about the counseling sessions.

Reid didn't sleep all that well anymore. Not that he ever had, but these nightmares were worse than the ones he experienced before Steven. As such with all PTSD-fueled nightmares, there were only bits and pieces of the torture in them, laced with other traumatic memories from his life. They rarely made any sense, but left Spencer feeling terrified and confused all the same.

He got up from the bed in Morgan's guest room and wrapped the duvet around himself, stumbling around the dark room until he found the door knob. He ventured out and down the hall to the door of Morgan's bedroom, putting his ear to it to see if Morgan was awake. He yelped in surprise when the door opened to reveal Morgan, in a pair of sweatpants and nothing else with worry in every plane of his face.

"Sorry, I..." Reid trailed off.

"It's okay, kid. What's wrong?"

"I..." Reid tried again but didn't get any further than the first time. Morgan swayed on his feet and then took a step to the side, opening the door a bit further, a silent invitation for Reid to come in, "Thank you,"

"You wanna sleep in here tonight?"

It was terrible and ironic, the only way he would ever end up in Derek Morgan's bed was after something like that. Morgan didn't touch him, which he was more than grateful for (not like Derek Morgan, womanizer and 100% straight would ever go for somebody like Reid).

"I'll be your dream catcher," Morgan said softly as Reid closed his eyes.

"Gonna chase away all my bad dreams?" Reid asked, cracking a tiny grin as his heart fluttered. It was good to see that one thing didn't change in the aftermath.

"Always," Morgan said. Then, Morgan's hand was on Reid's and he tapped Reid's knuckle three times.

"Is that a religious thing?" Reid asked softly, "The tapping, I mean. Three times. It has symbolism in a lot of organized religions,"

"Tapping?" Morgan asked.

"You tap or squeeze my hand three times. I was wondering if you did it because of religion,"

"Oh, that? I didn't even realize I was doin' it," Morgan said, doing it again, "Nah, I don't really know why I do it. My mama used to do it when I was little. Guess it kinda stuck,"

"As much as I appreciate it, I really don't need you to mother me, Derek,"

"It's not mothering," Morgan said with a chuckle, "Now get some sleep,"

Reid didn't need to be told twice.

Aaron Hotchner was in the kitchen when Reid got done in the shower the next morning. Morgan poured him a cup of coffee without needing to be asked, and dumped three spoons full of sugar in with it.

"Don't know how you take a shower right when you wake up," Morgan mused.

"Fifty-one percent of people take showers in the morning, I'm in the majority," Reid shot back.

"Barely," Morgan muttered, handing the mug to Reid.

Reid took it and sat at the kitchen table, "When can I come back to work?"

Reid knew that out of all people, Hotch would understand wanting to get back into his routine. He also knew that Hotch had taken thirty-four days off after his encounter with Foyet, before Haley died. So, he wasn't sure where Hotch would fall in this argument.

"When you're ready. How do you feel?"

"Better," Reid said, which wasn't a lie. He did feel better. Physically, at least.

"How was counseling?"

"It was fine,"

They barely even brushed on what happened in that basement at counseling. They talked about Reid's life, his mother. Derek. Mostly Derek.

Hotch nodded like he already knew the answer, which was because he probably did.

"Give it a few weeks. Then I'll think about sending you back to work," Hotch said, standing up from his chair, "I promised I'd take Jack to the aquarium today,"

"Have fun," Morgan said.

When Reid spouted off some facts about the local aquarium and the aquatic creatures it held, neither Morgan nor Hotch cut him off. In fact, Morgan was smiling from ear to ear. Even Hotch had a soft grin on his face, a rare sight for the unit chief of the BAU.

Once he left, Morgan sat down besides Reid, "You wanna do something today?"

They went to the aquarium.

Morgan and Reid met the other members of the BAU, along with his godson, Henry. Although Henry was much too young to understand most of the creatures (He was barely out of his toddler stage, after all), Reid took great pleasure in explaining all the different animals to him and Jack as the rest of the team looked on happily.

It was too loud and too abrasive, being out in public. But he felt safer knowing that his team was with him. Even so, he looked over his shoulder every few moments, trying to decipher if anyone was watching them.

Steven was dead, nobody was watching them.

He repeated the words in his head like gospel. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't. He caught up with Emily and Morgan and grabbed onto Morgan's wrist to steady himself.

"Ready to go?" Morgan asked, looping his arm through Spencer's and leading him off the path so that they weren't in the way of the other people at the aquarium.

"Yeah,"

Morgan apologized for both of them for ducking out early, but the team assured them that they didn't mind, and that Reid should get some rest. Reid gritted his teeth at the concern but told them he would.

They arrived back at Morgan's house and Morgan tended to the wounds on Reid's back before sending him to the guest room to take a nap. He came in a little while later and silently crawled into bed besides Reid, grabbing his hand and squeezing it three times. Reid repeated the action and quickly fell asleep.

He had nightmares, of course. They assaulted him every time he slept. But Derek was there every single time he woke up to calm him down. As much as he said he hated being taken care of, he was dreading having to go back to his own home, being away from Derek for an extended period of time.

It was a dangerous thing. You couldn't make a home out of something with two legs that could so easily walk away, but here Reid was, doing just that.