Austin, Texas

Listening as her daughter spoke, Patricia Shepard let out a loud gasp before falling into a stunned silence. She couldn't believe what she had just heard; she didn't know how her daughter did it, but somehow, she always found a way to blame her for everything, even things that clearly weren't her fault. What was worse than that though was that even when she claimed she didn't doubt her feelings of remorse and regret were genuine, she refused to actually apply that opinion and belief to her attitude. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, but Sue Ellen was stubborn and while she seemed to love the idea of being independent and responsible for her own life, the reality was, she wasn't and she didn't try very hard to be. It was easier for her to play the victim than it was for her to do something about the supposed hardship she faced in life.

"Oh for goodness sake Sue Ellen, grow up. No matter how much you want to blame me for your thoughts and actions, you can't; you know it, I know it, everyone knows it, so stop pretending otherwise and move on. You're not a teenager anymore, as you so often tell me; you're a married woman, you're supposedly an independent thinker and you're supposedly happier now than you've ever been before; most of the time though, you don't act like it. We've all had bad experiences in life; no one grows up in a completely positive environment; that's life, accept it, choose to leave it in the past and move on. The longer you dwell on your negative thoughts, the worse they become."

"I did everything for you and I received very little in return in comparison. The more you think about your childhood and try to find some sort of answers to why you are the way you are, the more you find it acceptable to believe a very twisted, unfair version of the truth. You said it yourself, you know I'm not to blame for your thoughts or feelings; I don't control your mind and while I may have guided you toward a certain lifestyle, I certainly never forced you into anything. Don't deny you didn't enjoy the attention and money pageants and modelling provided you with. You didn't spend days crying after losing Miss America because you were bothered by the way I had raised you, you were devastated for your own personal loss, plain and simple. It's the same with your marriage; you married JR because you wanted to, just like you dated that poor boy because you wanted to. I may have expressed my opinion on certain things and I may have done my best to guide you toward a life where you wouldn't struggle with the same things I had, but I certainly never controlled you so strictly that you were just a pawn. As for your pregnancy, when did you become so thin-skinned? If you were offended by people's natural curiosity, then I don't know what to say. I don't believe anyone was intending to be nasty when they asked about when you and JR would have a child, and I know you like to pin things on me, but I highly doubt the pressure you felt to produce a male child was because of my words or actions".

"Listen to what you're saying and think about it. You fear being judged, being reprimanded and disappointing people, and you fear our relationship; I didn't tell you to think those things and while I may not have coddled you like you do John Ross, I don't believe your thoughts are directly related to the way I raised you. I did the best I could and to be honest, until this conversation, I thought I had done a reasonable job. I know you say that doctor has helped you, but all I'm hearing now is how he's taught you to shift blame from yourself onto others. If you want to be an adult, then do so, you are of age and no one is stopping you. Remember though, with adult privileges come adult responsibilities, including accepting that you are in control of your own life, your own thoughts and your own actions. If you feel upset by someone else's comments or actions and those comments or actions were not said or done with the intention of upsetting you, then that is your problem, not theirs. I am not to blame for your lack of self-understanding or self-confidence and I am not to blame for your misinterpretation of other people's intentions. I think you know that though, you as much as said so. You know you are your own person; you have your own thoughts, likes and dislikes, you make your own choices, and you aren't afraid of saying what's on your mind. You admitted all of those things earlier, but they seem like a contradiction when you also try to make it seem like I am a puppet master, controlling everything you feel and do. It's time to grow up and accept that some things are your fault and your fault alone. Stop blaming me for your former unhappiness and stop focusing on your former unhappiness; if you're truly happy now, none of that should matter anymore".

"As for everything else, while I'm pleased to hear you'd never wish me harm and you do love me, I'm not even going to dignify your ridiculous accusations of emotional manipulation for my own gain. Whether I was looking for a gesture of goodwill and whether I receive one matter little to you in the grand scheme of life; surely you can afford to host me for a few days, and surely, if you really love me like you say you do, you will want to host me. I am in pain, I am not lying; I also miss my family, that's the truth. If you don't believe me, then I don't know what else to say, because apparently all I do is talk my way into things you want no part of. I think you're being very unfair though; I don't call often because you're always so cold to me, even when I try to be kind. You say you try, but I don't think you try as hard as you think you do; I think you could try harder, just as you seem to think I could try harder. I think that if you truly want what you just told me you want, then you have to change too, not just me…" raising an eyebrow as she spoke, Patricia looked at her daughter as she responded. If Sue Ellen was going to unfairly accuse her of things, then she had every right to respond to those accusations, so she was.

To be continued…