Dallas, Texas

Nodding, jotting down a few notes and making a few sounds to let her know he was listening, Doctor Williams couldn't help but feel very empathetic toward Sue Ellen and highly annoyed at her mother for consistently acting in a way that caused her daughter deep, prolonged pain. He knew he couldn't really make a proper judgement about Patricia Shepard without meeting her and hearing her perspective, and he knew that just as he always told Sue Ellen her thoughts and feelings were valid, so were her mother's, however, although he tried hard to see things in a fair, informed and unbiased manner, he was also human. From the way Sue Ellen described their interactions, it wasn't too surprising that she was the way she was and it was difficult not to sympathise with her position. Whether she had perceived situations as worse than they actually were or not, it was obvious that her mother's words, actions and general being had had a great impact on her and both consciously and subconsciously affected many of her thoughts and actions. As much as he felt for Sue Ellen and just wanted to temporarily rebuild her spirit with encouraging, but hollow words, he knew he had a responsibility to dig deeper and really help her to move past her issues with her mother, even if it meant making her mentally relive painful past experiences. He was her therapist, not her friend; he had more responsibility to her than to just alleviate her pain in the short-term.

"…I'm angry with her and I'm angry with myself. I opened up to her, I told her how I felt and why I felt that way, but I also made sure to not come across as accusatory before it was necessary. Did she understand anything I was saying though? No, she didn't. It was painful enough knowing that despite trying to clearly and maturely explain my feelings, I wasn't getting through to her, but for her to them go ahead and just dismiss my concerns as hysteria, that made me angry. I know my mother, verbalising the word hysterical was just a small part of what was actually going through her mind; I'm sure she had to try hard not to call me immature, bratty, ungrateful, greedy, spiteful, or a number of other things. I'm sure having JR there protected me a little, she knows where the money she's so obsessed with comes from, but I hate that it has to be like that. I hate that it takes the threat of having no association with money to scare her, so she holds her tongue in some ways not because she cares about me, but because she's afraid for her own situation. JR and I have made it very clear to her that we are no longer interested in financially supporting her, but I've also made it clear that a personal relationship is something that can develop if we both put effort into it, but she doesn't seem interested in just having a simple, loving relationship at all. To go with that, I hate that all I seem to be to her is a means to an end. Even in a situation where I had a great deal of love and sympathy for her and I genuinely did want to do something to help, she couldn't just accept what was being offered, she had to attempt to exploit the situation to her advantage. It hurts to know that your own mother only wants to associate with you for her own gain, and it makes me feel not only hurt, but also angry that I allow my feelings to be so heavily influenced by the way she treats me. I know who I am and I am happy with the way my life is now, but I also know I sometimes doubt myself when I really shouldn't, and I hate that. Frankly, I'm just as frustrated with my own insecurity as I am with her attitude and behaviour…"

As she attempted to explain her feelings to him, Sue Ellen's frustration with herself and the situation she was in was obvious. She clearly wanted something different than what she had and she knew she had to make an effort to change the things she didn't like, but it was discouraging to see her efforts not appreciated or respected by her mother. As well as that, she was clearly driving herself crazy by mentally going in circles with the guilt, anger and frustration she felt. It was only natural for her to be annoyed that her personal progress was so easily forgotten, but just telling her that was only helpful to a certain degree; what she needed from him was further assistance in practicing and eventually learning how to handle her thoughts and feelings before they got to the point she was at now. She needed and wanted to know how to say what she wanted to say, how to listen to what other people had to say and how to take on board their opinions, without letting those opinions completely ruin her day. It was ok for her to feel upset that her mother used her for her own means and didn't appear to ever really change, but it wasn't necessary to agonise over a reality she had always known existed and had no real control over. If her mother wouldn't change and didn't care about her feelings, and she had attempted to but failed at changing that reality, then for the sake of her present sanity, it was best to accept that reality and move on. Accepting a current reality didn't mean it was set in stone and nothing would ever change; Patricia quite possibly could see the error of her ways and attempt to make things right with her daughter, however, until that or something similar happened, it wasn't helpful or necessary for Sue Ellen to be so focused on the details of the situation.

Putting aside his notepad, he met her expectant, confused gaze, silently held eye contact for a few moments and then began to speak. "Firstly, before we delve into your concerns, I want to say congratulations and I want you to congratulate yourself too. Take a moment to look at your achievements; although the situation with your mother didn't turn out as you would have liked, it was still a huge accomplishment for you to tell her your honest feelings, to stand your ground when she tried to manipulate you, and to walk away before things got exceptionally nasty". Giving her something small to think about, he then paused and waited for her to do just that. There would be plenty of time in their one-on-one appointment for her to focus on the negative aspects of the situation she was in, but before they got to that, he wanted her to take a moment to refocus her perspective; she wasn't as weak and pathetic as she was feeling and it was time for her to remember that.

To be continued…