Dallas, Texas

"Thank you Francisca", gratefully accepting the large mug of hot chocolate and relaxing into the cosy throw blanket that Sue Ellen kept on the couch, Lucy Ewing looked out the window at the pouring rain as she considered the question her aunt had asked her earlier. How was she doing? Honestly, she wasn't too sure. A month ago, her answer would have been different, it would have been a lot more negative, but now, although she still struggled with her deeper emotions regarding what seemed to her to be abandonment, she was happier and she did feel loved and wanted. That didn't mean she felt completely positive and optimistic though; deep down inside her somewhere was a feeling of loss, a feeling of loss that simply spending more time with Sue Ellen, her aunt, John Ross, her cousin, or Miss Ellie, her grandmother, couldn't fix. She didn't really know her parents and she loved her grandparents and extended family, but the feeling of not truly belonging anywhere weighed on her mind more than was good for her.

Doctor Lacey, her therapist, was wonderful though; she was really able to put things in perspective and had absolved her of some of her inner questions about whether it was her fault that her parents had left, and whether it was silly or selfish to feel down sometimes when she did have so many other positive things in her life. As it was, her grandmother truly tried hard to play both the role of grandmother and mother to her; her grandfather gave her 'everything a Ewing granddaughter deserved'; and when he was home and not working, Bobby did try hard to include her in things she was capable of and enjoyed. She imagined that in a couple of years, when her grandfather retired, Bobby began to work fulltime at the ranch, and John Ross was a little older, everything would be different in a good way. Her changing outlook on life was assisted too by the effort she knew Sue Ellen made to remain part of her life, even now that she and JR had moved into their own home. Afternoons like this weren't a rare occurrence, her aunt made time for her in her busy schedule and she truly appreciated it. Sometimes they spent time together with John Ross, and other times they had a girls afternoon; she loved both equally, because she adored her little cousin and his pure, innocent expressions and happy personality, but it was also nice to have Sue Ellen to herself every once in a while.

"Better. I think you understand more than grandma does, because you also see a therapist, but really, I do feel better. No one can change the past and as much as we try to direct our lives to go one way rather than another, we're not able to control everything; I find that comforting. It's not my fault that my parents weren't ready to be parents and I can't make them come back before they're ready, and they may never be ready, but that's ok, it's not something I have to worry about. What I can control is the way I act and the way I react; with the right people, I can show love and receive love in return and that's what I should focus on. Grandma, granddaddy, you, uncle Bobby, John Ross, and even uncle JR, you're the people that are the important, present members of my family, and I do have a place in all of your lives. Doctor Lacey says I'm an adolescent and the next few years in my life are going to be complicated and confusing in a lot of different spheres of life, whatever that means, so I am going to need you and the rest of the family… To be honest, I don't know what she's saying sometimes, but she is a nice lady and she does really help me, so I guess I believe her, and I guess, what I think I should tell you more than I do is that I do appreciate the things you do for me. I know there have been times where I've acted like a complete brat; like when I blamed JR for causing grandma and granddaddy to argue; when I sulked because grandma gave John Ross more attention than me; when I made a fuss about including Kristin; or when I turned my nose up at your clothing and activity suggestions. I don't have to be perfect, in fact, Doctor Lacey and grandma both say perfect is the last thing anyone wants me to be, because perfect is boring and unoriginal and I'm neither of those things, but I do have to look at my behaviour going forward and put effort into my relationships. I think I can do that, and I really want to do that, so I guess what I'm saying is, I'm doing better, because I understand things a little more now. Thank you for caring enough to suggest I talk to Doctor Lacey…"

Having been a teenage girl herself, having dealt with Kristin and her mother, having heard the stories of her college friends teenage selves, and having read a few of the pamphlets in Doctor Lacey's office, Sue Ellen couldn't help but smile amusedly as Lucy mentioned that the next few years of her life would be complicated and confusing. With the way the Ewings spoiled Lucy when they were paying attention to her, there was no doubt in her mind that if any teenage girl was going to be a challenge, it would be Lucy. Aside from her amusement at the mention of Lucy's bratty side, Sue Ellen felt a mixture of sadness, admiration and pride; her young niece had experienced more negative emotions in her life than someone her age should have, but she was growing up and by the sound of it, she was beginning to develop into a lovely young lady. There would surely be challenges and power struggles over the next few years, because as nice as teenagers could be, they didn't always get along with their elders, however, she had a feeling that as long as they both worked to maintain some kind of relationship, everything would be ok when they did eventually come out the other side. Lucy benefitted from having strong, loving family members and good friends, and as much as she would have also benefitted from having one or both of her parents in her life, it wasn't a necessity.

"You're welcome, and I'm glad. You deserve to be happy and if I can play a part in making you happy, then I will. Doctor Lacey is right though, I've been a teenage girl, there are going to be times where you don't like me and you think I'm being completely unfair, but please, do remember that everything I do for you is because I care. Please, never think I just spend time with you because I feel obliged to, and please, never just jump to a conclusion about why I'm saying something; if you really think I'm wrong, talk to me. I want us to have a good relationship with each other and I think we can have a good relationship. I enjoy our time together and I'm pleased to hear you do too", smiling warmly at Lucy as she spoke, Sue Ellen felt good; she was optimistic that everything was going to be just fine, and she was glad.

To be continued…