Chapter 14
A Temporary Solution
Back at the apartment, Orihime entered quietly. She could see Ulquiorra standing there, hands in his pockets, staring silently at nothing. Licking her lips, she stepped forward.
"Ulquiorra?" she asked quietly. "Are you alright?"
His eyes closed, but he didn't move otherwise.
"Soul Society has made their move," he answered. "They have determined that I am a threat and must be eliminated."
Orihime gasped. "But we can talk to them," she protested. "Kurosaki-kun can tell them that he was the one──"
"Kurosaki Ichigo can no longer communicate with them," interrupted Ulquiorra. "He can neither see nor hear them. He is, at this time, useless."
Orihime bit her lip. "He said that you gave him some of your reiatsu before," she said, "so that he could see you. Couldn't you do it again? He'd be able to see them then, wouldn't he?"
Ulquiorra turned his head to look at her directly. "Do you imagine that Soul Society would listen to his pleas for my safety, if he was speaking through my own reiatsu?" he demanded. "They would view me as even more of a threat than they already do."
Orihime lowered her eyes. He was right. She remembered what Suí-Fēng-taichō and Rangiku-san had said earlier: that Ulquiorra was "using" her again. Surely, if he did lend some of his reiatsu to Kurosaki-kun for the purpose of having him speak to Soul Society on behalf of himself, the Shinigami would just think that Ulquiorra was controlling Kurosaki-kun too. He was right.
"Ishida-kun..." began Orihime hesitantly.
"...is a Quincy," finished Ulquiorra. "Despite the fact that he fought on your side during the War, I do not believe that Soul Society would be willing to trust him either, particularly if he was defending a Hollow."
"Well ... what about Urahara-san?" asked Orihime. "Couldn't he do something?"
"Urahara Kisuke was branded a traitor for his part in creating the Vizards ─ the Shinigami counterpart of the Arrancar. Even if he was willing to speak on my behalf, I do not believe that Soul Society would hear it, coming from him."
"Ulquiorra," she tried again, stepping forward with a firm expression. "I would speak for you. I'd tell them that──"
"You were my prisoner," interrupted Ulquiorra, turning his head away again. "I took you from your friends and held you captive. If you spoke for me now, then they would simply believe that I had altered your mind while you were in Hueco Mundo."
Orihime chewed her lip again, knowing that he was right, but not wanting to give up yet. She didn't mention what her Shinigami friends had already implied: that she was already acting under his influence. He didn't need to hear that. Still, she knew that he was right: Soul Society didn't trust him. They wouldn't trust him. And they wouldn't trust anyone who tried to defend him.
"Ulquiorra?" she asked at last. "Have you ... have you thought about ... what we can do?"
Orihime thought that she heard him sigh softly as his eyes drifted closed.
"I have tried," he answered. "But I have no solution at this time. For now, I have merely a way of delaying them. I can only hope that, in time, a solution can be found."
"Delaying them? How?"
"I will go to Urahara Kisuke tomorrow and ask whether he can create a gigai that fully masks the wearer's reiatsu. Right now, although I can prevent most from sensing me who are not nearby, I cannot keep myself completely hidden. With a means of remaining spiritually invisible, I should have time and freedom to decide what can be done long-term. It is the only viable option for now."
Orihime sighed and smiled. That was a lot better than what she had feared he might say. Not that she really thought that he would "run away" from Soul Society, but she had been certainly afraid that he would decide to go back to Hueco Mundo for a while. She was quite happy that that wasn't on his mind. She decided to be very careful not to suggest it herself.
"That won't be so bad," she replied cheerily. "Then everything will stay the same as it has been, right?"
"It will not." Ulquiorra turned to look at her again, his eyes hardening considerably. "Such a device will likely limit my own powers. I will be more vulnerable. I will, therefore, need to be more careful than I have been. Likewise I will not be able to discard it as I would the previous one; I will be forced to wear it constantly. Also, it will not do if it looks like me; it must have a very different appearance which I must likewise endure." He lowered his eyes, and Orihime could read that he wasn't happy. "I will not like it. And I do not know how long I will be forced to wear it."
Orihime's face fell again. Of course it would be hard for him. She hadn't thought of that. All she had thought was that he would still be here with her. That was all that mattered, wasn't it? Maybe to her, but clearly not to him. Yes, it was the most important thing to him, apparently, seeing that he was willing to make this sacrifice, but it wasn't what he wanted. She realized that he probably had thought about going back to Hueco Mundo and had decided not to do it, seeing that it would mean that they would be separated. She knew how much it had meant to him to have a gigai that looked like himself, and she also knew how much he disliked wearing even that for the few hours each day that he was required to do so. Now, to have to wear something that didn't look like himself and that would make him weaker and to have to wear it always and never take it off... Orihime realized that this was going to be very real sacrifice on his part. Still, he was plainly willing to do it in order to stay with her.
She smiled at him. "Thank you, Ulquiorra-kun," she murmured. "I'm sorry that it won't be comfortable, but thank you."
"I do not know why you are thanking me," he answered, not looking at her now. "I am only causing you trouble by being here. Your thanks are misplaced."
"Thank you anyway," grinned Orihime, earning her a slightly confused look from her Hollow roommate. "Thank you for staying with me."
Ulquiorra just looked at her for a time before lowering his eyes again.
"I had said that I would take you flying again tomorrow night," he said. "But now, I will not be able to do so. It is likely that I will not be able to do so for quite some time."
"It doesn't matter," smiled Orihime, shaking her head. She reached forward to take his hand in hers. "As long as we're together, we can touch the stars from right here on the ground."
Again Ulquiorra looked at her in mild confusion, but he said nothing.
School the next day was torture for Orihime. Ulquiorra wasn't there, of course, and her friends who knew him wanted to know why. When, at lunch, Orihime managed to meet with Kurosaki-kun, Ishida-kun, and Sado-kun without their other friends, Orihime explained to them that Ulquiorra wasn't here today because his gigai had been destroyed when he fought with Suí-Fēng-taichō last night, but that he himself was still alive because he did win the fight, but that he hadn't killed Suí-Fēng-taichō because he really didn't want to fight with Soul Society, because he wanted to stay here in the Land of the Living now and not go back to Hueco Mundo, because he ... because she ... because the two of them ...
That was as far as she got. Her stuttering and blushing had started to inform Ishida-kun of the truth, though the poor Quincy didn't look like he wanted to believe it. Fortunately for Orihime, her former hero jumped in to again save the day ─ metaphorically speaking ─ explaining everything that he and Ulquiorra had discussed (leaving out the fact that Ulquiorra had seemed to think that he and Orihime must be married now). When Ishida and Chad saw how sure Ichigo was that Ulquiorra would do no harm here and had only the best intentions, they too were placated. Although he didn't say as much, Ishida found himself reluctantly pleased. He had, by now, accepted that Orihime was safe with the Arrancar and that the latter had no ill-intentions here. The thought of someone so powerful whom he trusted (however ironically) staying with Orihime was comforting. Chad said little, but his smile and his few words made it clear that he was happy for Orihime. Ichigo was quick to inform Orihime that even if he had lost his Shinigami powers, if Ulquiorra ever hurt her, he would find some way to beat the Espada within an inch of his life. Orihime just giggled, assuring him that he wouldn't ever need to do that.
Explaining what was to happen now was a little more painful. Orihime sadly told them: Soul Society wanted him dead. It wasn't surprising to any of them, of course, but it was upsetting, now that Ulquiorra had a good reason to stay. Ishida sympathized with the Arrancar's predicament, but he didn't have a good answer, other than supporting Ulquiorra's temporary solution. Kurosaki was, of course, immediately and very vocally upset with Soul Society's handling of the situation and threatened to go knock some heads together, but his friends calmed him, convincing him that he wouldn't be able to "save the day" this time. Chad quietly offered his own assistance as possibly the only one that Soul Society might hear objectively, but all knew that it would have been a very difficult task for the shy teen. Orihime just smiled, thanked him, and said that she knew that Ulquiorra would come up with a plan.
In the end, even though they couldn't help her this time, just knowing that they all wanted to help was a great relief to Orihime. She knew that they'd be there for her and Ulquiorra, whatever happened.
Throughout the afternoon, Orihime kept thinking of Ulquiorra, wondering how she could help him to feel better about the whole thing. She quickly decided that just like how he had come up with a temporary solution for now, so it would be easiest if she came up with something temporary to make him happier. After all, he was already upset about having to wear a gigai that didn't look like himself; how could she make it better?
Supper! Of course, he didn't usually like her cooking, but she knew just the thing! She'd surprise him with a meal like what she had had in Hueco Mundo. She remembered him saying that her cooking was very different from theirs and that that could be why he didn't like her cooking, so didn't that mean that he did like the cooking in Hueco Mundo? Well, he hadn't said that exactly, but it would make sense that that's what he had meant, right? Yes. Orihime was determined. She'd stop by the market on her way home from school and get whatever she could to make a meal as close to the horribly bland and boring foods she'd eaten in Hueco Mundo. If that didn't make him happy, she didn't know what would. After all, good food was always a way to make a man happy, right?
When Orihime finally arrived home that afternoon, she rushed into the apartment, hoping to be able to start and possibly finish dinner before Ulquiorra got back from the Urahara Shoten. Quickly she kicked off her shoes and darted into the living room, only to stop short with a little shriek of surprise.
In the middle of the room, a young man stood, looking to be about her age. He had been standing with his back to the door, but he turned, hearing her enter. He was a bit taller than she was with tanned skin, a somewhat muscular build, dark brown hair, and fair blue eyes. Orihime's first response was one of panic at seeing a stranger standing in the middle of her living room, but something about him made her hesitate. As he stood there, not moving or speaking, she realized what it was: she couldn't sense him. There was no spiritual presence about him at all, neither human nor Hollow nor Shinigami. It was like he wasn't really there, even though she could see him.
"Um ... Ulquiorra?" she asked hesitantly.
The rather stiff posture didn't change. The hardened expression didn't flinch. The hands didn't move from their hiding place in the young man's pockets. The only change was the slightest tensing of the jaw, almost unnoticeable by Orihime's still-shocked mind. She blinked, stepped a little closer, and just stared him.
"Is ... is that you?" she asked.
From the expression (or lack thereof), the stance, and indeed everything but the actual body, Orihime felt fairly sure that it was him. After all, the purpose of the new gigai was to suppress his whole presence, right? And whoever this was had no spiritual presence at all! Yes, it had to be him.
Again, she looked him over, actually taking in his full appearance now. He was certainly what most girls would call attractive. He was slightly taller than Ulquiorra was normally. His thick brown hair had a natural wind-blown look with a few lighter highlights, giving him a somewhat roguish appearance. His deep, watery blue eyes were soft, no matter how stiff the expression around them might be. His facial features were a bit rugged but certainly pleasant to the eye. His well-formed physique was muscular in all the right places with his chest being slightly visible beneath his open-necked shirt. The thought suddenly came to Orihime that if he were to walk into an Espada meeting like this, even Grimmjow would be jealous of his looks.
"I ... um..." Orihime stuttered, trying to suppress a smile.
Finally, when he still didn't move, still didn't speak, Orihime burst into peals of laughter. At that, he did frown. It wasn't much: just a drawing together of the well-shaped brown eyebrows and a slight tightening of the sensuous lips, but it was enough to cause Orihime's hilarity to grow, if that was possible. She sank to the floor, holding her stomach, as she continued to laugh. She tried to stop, or at least tried to calm down, but she simply couldn't do it. The sight was just too funny!
At last, emitting a light sigh, the young man turned away and strode toward the little kitchen.
"Wait!" Orihime gasped, still laughing. "I'm sorry! I ... I can't help it!"
"I can see that," returned a deep voice as he didn't even pause before disappearing into the next room.
Orihime continued to try to control herself. It certainly wasn't easy. She simply couldn't stop the convulsions of merriment that overcame her. It was just too hysterical. He looked like a human teenager who had just come from the gym or the tanning salon or both. She could easily imagine him as a cowboy, fresh off the range, or an athlete who had just come from a competition.
Orihime knew that she'd upset him; she knew that he wasn't happy. After all, he had been standing there, apparently waiting for her reaction, and she had laughed at him. She wanted to go and apologize, but she still just couldn't stop laughing. At least Soul Society would never suspect that he was an Arrancar in disguise.
It was a few more minutes before, gasping for breath, Orihime finally regained control of herself. Ulquiorra still hadn't reemerged. Rising to her feet at last, Orihime took another deep breath and walked resolutely into the little kitchen.
Ulquiorra stood in one corner of the room, his back to the wall and his eyes on the floor. He didn't look up as she entered.
"I'm sorry, Ulquiorra," said Orihime meekly. "I ... I didn't mean to laugh at you like that."
He didn't respond.
"You do look very handsome," she grinned. "It's a good look for you."
Ulquiorra lifted his face to glare at her.
Still smiling but being careful not to laugh, Orihime continued, "I like how Urahara-san made your hair. And your new eyes are still nice too. They look like the sky in the morning, when──"
"Do you prefer this look?" asked Ulquiorra roughly.
Orihime blinked in surprise. "No!" she exclaimed. "No, that's not what I meant at all! I just ... I ... wanted you to ... feel better."
"By telling me that I look better as a human?"
"That's not what I said!" exclaimed Orihime, waving her hands frantically. "I... I..."
Ulquiorra turned his glare to the wall, and he said nothing more. Orihime just bit her lip, thoroughly uncomfortable now. Remembering her plan from earlier, she turned to the stove, trying to smile again.
"I guess I should start dinner," she said, hoping to lighten the mood. "Are you hungry?"
"Do you think that because I now look like a human I have the needs of one?" snapped Ulquiorra. "I don't eat, woman."
At that, Orihime felt tears forming in her eyes. She didn't move, but she felt completely crushed by his words and tone. The fact that he was intentionally avoiding using her name showed that he was angry with her. She hadn't meant to upset him, and she had said that she was sorry for laughing at him. Why did he have to be like this? All of her plans for tonight came crashing down around her. Of course she couldn't make him happy with food; what had she been thinking? He didn't even need to eat.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, blinking back her tears. "I didn't..." She swallowed and wiped her eyes, sniffing once. "I'll just make supper for me."
How could I be so stupid? she thought. I wanted to make him feel better, and I only made him feel worse. Stupid, stupid Orihime!
Orihime tried to put away the few groceries she had bought for the plain meal that she had planned for tonight. After all, she wouldn't need them now. She sniffed, trying hard to focus on what she was doing, but her sight continued to grow blurry with the tears that she tried so very hard to hide. Wiping them away, she finally managed to get everything put away. Then, as she again stifled a sob, Orihime felt a soft touch on her arm. Turning, she found herself face to face with the new form in which Ulquiorra now dwelt. He drew her to himself without a word, wrapping his arms around her and pressing her head to his chest. Orihime gripped his shirt and let her tears burst forth like a flood.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm very sorry, Ulquiorra. I didn't mean to laugh at you. And ... and ... and I don't think that you look better like this. You look much, much better as you really are with your beautiful green eyes and your black hair, and ... and I just want you to be happy!"
Ulquiorra said nothing. He merely stood silently, holding her gently against himself. Orihime cried for a little longer before finally managing to reduce her tears to an occasional sniffle. She then felt his grip loosen, as if inviting her to step back, but she didn't do so. She snuggled further into his chest, smiling just a little now.
"Are you not angry with me?" she asked.
"I am not," came his gentle reply.
"I'm glad." She wrapped her own arms around his now thick waist, still smiling. She waited and then, when he didn't say anything else, she continued, "Do you think that this new body is really that bad?"
"I detest it," he answered tonelessly. "It is loathsome."
Orihime again smiled brightly, carefully hiding her face in his chest first so that he couldn't see. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "But at least it won't be for too long."
Ulquiorra stiffened. Orihime's smile faded as she felt that. Carefully she drew back, looking up at him.
"What's wrong, Ulquiorra?" she asked.
He gazed down at her expressionlessly. "I have yet to reach a solution to the problem with Soul Society," he answered. "I am no closer than I was before. Indeed, I begin to fear that there is no solution to be found. If I cannot find one, then I may be trapped in this hideous human form indefinitely." His hands were still on her, but she felt his fingers twitch as if he wanted to clench his fists. "The thought that I may have to remain like this for years is ... is..."
"You'll think of something," smiled Orihime encouragingly. "I know you will! You're smarter than anyone I know, except for maybe Urahara-san."
Ulquiorra sighed quietly. "The Shinigami will not trust me," he said. "I had thought that perhaps if I was here for a considerable time, doing no damage, then they would see that I am no threat. But the only way to stay here without them attacking me is to remain as I am now: invisible to them. However, staying here like this means that no matter how long I remain, they will not know that I was here for that time. If I take my own form again, it will be again as if I have just arrived, and they will again attack me, not knowing that I have been here as long as I would then have been. If I stay, then they will not know; and if they know, then I cannot stay. It is, therefore, not possible to demonstrate that I mean no harm here without their allowing me to do so. In other words, I cannot earn their trust without them giving it to me first. Hence, I begin to think that there is no solution to be found."
Orihime blinked at him, not fully following all that he had said but understanding that he didn't seem to think that there was any answer to the problem in front of them right now. Still, even if she didn't have an answer herself, she was nevertheless certain that they'd come up with one somehow.
"It'll be alright, Ulquiorra," she assured him, trying to smile again. "Don't worry. It'll work out somehow. I know it will!"
She half-way expected him to sigh and to call her a foolish woman, but he didn't. He just stared at her. Finally, he lifted a hand to touch her face tentatively. It wasn't a caress; it was more of a curious investigation as his fingertips moved lightly over her cheek and temple and his thumb brushed the skin below her eye.
"You have the same look," he said quietly, "as you did when Kurosaki Ichigo came to take you from Hueco Mundo."
Orihime blinked in surprise.
"I thought you were a fool," he continued. "You believed in things which made no sense. Your trust was unfounded and illogical, and yet you were right in the end."
Orihime again found herself blinking back tears as his fingers remained, gently touching her face. Still staring at her unblinkingly, Ulquiorra spoke again.
"I find myself willing to believe you," he said slowly, "although it seems foolish to do so. If you say that it will be alright, Inoue Orihime, then I feel that it will be so, although I cannot see how at this time."
Smiling once more, Orihime again wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face to his chest.
"I know that it will," she breathed. "I just know it."
I awoke and opened my eyes. I knew not who I was nor why I was here, but neither did I care. As I rose, I saw the pure white armor which encased my body reflecting the light of the sickly moon which hung far, far above the black pit in which I had been lying. My eyes then moved to my surroundings, and I saw others. Black against the blackness; their forms were not easily distinguished, but my eyes could see them. Their eyes almost glowed. They were eating something. Blood dripped from their gaping maws. I watched as the eyes turned to me, taking in the appearance of one different from themselves. One of them opened his mouth wide and then closed it again. If he had made any sound, I did not hear it. I rose to my feet, the glowing whiteness that was my body attracting the attention of all that had not yet noticed me.
I was different.
Why they decided to attack was irrelevant. Was it because I was different? Was it because they viewed me as a threat? Was it because the meal that they were sharing was insufficient for their number? I did not know. I did not care. With gleaming claws and gnashing teeth they swarmed over me, and I killed them all. I could not even feel their blows against my armor. I could not smell the sweat that poured from their struggling forms. I could not hear their screams as they lay dying all around me. I could not taste the blood that spurted from them beneath my claws. I could not hear; could not feel; could not taste; could not smell. I could see. In silence and emptiness, I could do nothing but see.
I saw as they fell to the ground, now as lifeless and motionless as the corpse that they had been eating. I left them to be eaten likewise by whatever other might come. I left.
Having no purpose and no destination, I walked. Across the endless white sands I walked. Onward and onward and onward; never rushing; never pausing ... never caring.
There was nothing in me. All that was around me filled my vision, but there was no meaning in anything that I saw. There had been no meaning in those whom I had killed. There was no meaning in the vast, white desert around me, in the Hollows that fled from me, in the pale moon that illuminated my way, in the black sky that held the moon, or in my own hard, white form.
I walked.
And walked.
And walked.
And then I saw it. My eyes beheld with wonder the object before me: this mighty, encompassing formation that seemed to transcend the finite boundaries of my own existence and that of everything around me.
It was white, as I was. It existed, as I did, neither hearing nor feeling, neither tasting nor smelling. It simply was. Silent and immovable, yet sharp and deadly. I pushed forward into it, determined to surround myself with its perfect emptiness.
It was beautiful.
I fell forward into its wonderful embrace. One of its sharp points caught at my mask and broke a piece of it, but I paid no heed. I lay there, eyes closed, enveloped in nothing; in emptiness.
Happiness. ...I was happy.
There is nothing in me; there is nothing in you. That which my eye sees is meaningless; that which my eye cannot see ... does not exist.
There is nothing. And in nothing, there is happiness.
Ulquiorra opened his eyes. He lifted himself silently to sit on his futon, staring into the darkness. It was not the first time that he had dreamed of his birth as a Vasto Lorde. It was always a little overwhelming when he awoke from such a dream, realizing that he now had so many senses that he had not had then and that life was so much more complicated than it had been then. At this time, he was glad that it was still night. All around him was silent. He could feel the human clothes and sheets against the skin of his gigai; he could smell the now familiar scents of the woman's apartment; but all was still and silent. He closed his eyes, bringing himself gradually back to the present.
No. It was not silent. Ulquiorra turned his head, hearing a faint sound from the bedroom.
Rising to his feet, he moved to the doorway separating the two rooms and listened. The door was slightly ajar, and Ulquiorra could now hear the soft whimpering coming from within the room. Gently he pushed the door open.
Orihime lay on her bed, curled up in a little ball as her shoulders shook. Without a word, Ulquiorra walked to her and laid a hand gently on her shoulder. Immediately, she turned and looked up at him. She pulled herself up to sit on her bed, her legs still covered by the blankets, and stretched out her arms to draw him to herself. Her eyes were filled with tears and her lips trembled as she looked at him.
Still saying nothing, Ulquiorra sat on the bed next to her and gathered her into his arms, pressing her head to his shoulder as she cried. He then waited patiently. His hand moved gently through her hair, soothing her, and soon enough she calmed, swallowed, sniffed, and tried to speak.
"S-s-sorry, Ulquiorra," she gulped. "I hope I didn't wake you."
"You did not," he replied.
Orihime sniffed again. "I ... I had a bad dream."
"So I assumed."
He heard a small sound that could have been a sniffle or a chuckle. Why she would be amused, he didn't know, but neither would he question.
"I dreamt..." began Orihime. Her grip on him then tightened as she continued. "I dreamt about when Kurosaki-kun ... when he ... when he k-k-killed you."
Ulquiorra waited patiently, but she didn't say anything more for a time.
"I'm sorry!" she whimpered at last. "I'm so sorry!"
"Orihime," he answered, "we have discussed this. There is no reason for you to be sorry."
"But it was my fault!"
"It doesn't matter."
Orihime continued to whimper, her tears dampening the tanned shoulder and chest of his gigai.
"I'm still sorry," she whispered.
This time, he didn't answer. He continued to stroke her hair gently with one hand, holding her against himself with the other, waiting for her to calm herself. In time, she did. Again, she sniffed and was quiet. He waited a little longer, then, just as he was about to draw back from her, she spoke again.
"What sort of things do you dream about, Ulquiorra?" she asked.
Ulquiorra was quiet for a moment. He closed his eyes and took note of the soft feel of her body beneath his hands; he smelt the sweet scent of her hair; he listened to her gentle breathing and the faint stir of her heartbeat.
"Nothing," he replied at last. "I dream about nothing."
Orihime smiled. "That must be nice."
"No." His grip tightened almost imperceptibly. "Not anymore."
A/N: In case anyone didn't get it, he's not lying to her. He is essentially describing his dreams with one word: "nothing." Also, if you haven't read "Unmasked" (the official canon story of Ulquiorra's past), you should.